So Eton, everything I expected and more

[JoanBias]

My DS is at a private school, so I have experience of private schooling, but my word Eton was like another world.

Not just the school, but the people there.

There was one prep school being shown around, all in tweed jackets, and to a boy the spitting image of Draco Malfoy (well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....).

One of the mothers doing the tour was not quite right in some respect, I'm not sure how but something wasn't wired up correctly or something. She was immacuately dressed, 6-inch heels (pretty daft considering the confirmation letter warns about having a long walk), but she was just bizarre. The admissions tutor said 'we have a waiting list of 80 boys and typically 35% of these will make it through', and she asked afterwards 'so 80% of the boys from the waiting list make it through?', and it was then explained again, but you could kind of hear the cogs going round and she clearly didn't get it. She had asked several other similar questions; e.g., it was explained that some Houses are catering and others go to a central cafeteria, so she then asked 'so they all eat in the cafeteria'? She pointed at the Fives Court and asked me 'what do they play here?' I said 'Fives' 'Is it squash?', she said. 'No, Eton Fives.' 'So is it squash?' It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

Another family had a son who looked the prototypical pre-Etonian, and sure enough Daddy spent the tour braying on about his House when he had been there.

The facilities were extremely impressive, although they didn't bother to show us any of the academic parts, and basically the impression was 'if your son is incredibly pushy and self-motivated, send him here and we will teach him to be entitled'. They said 'every year we reject about a third of the highest performers on the test', essentially because they aren't pushy enough. (The House Mistresses seemed quite nice though.)

Fantastic training for future managing directors and whatever, but not for us.....

Well worth it to sign up for a tour, very illuminating. They take about 100 a day from what I can see, so obligation at all....

OP you sound so superior and rather mean. One of DD's close friends is at Eton. He isn't sporty or musical- he is a bright, nice, unassuming and thoughtful lad. The boys are not all braying types. Do you actually know anyone who goes there?

All these lovely people who have NEVER remarked to friends about peculiar people they've met! I expect they even say nothing if someone cuts them up when driving. As as for calling one boy Chinese - how racist can you get!!
One thing for certain, they don't live round my way, and I don't think I'd want to know such a humourless crowd.

Do you wait to pounce on all my posts seeker?

At what point is your comment relevant to mine? They are not related in any way. And that you remember comments I wrote months ago!

Actually, I do get my feathers ruffled when people refer to the Chinese boy. How does she know he was Chinese? Eastern Asia is full of many countries, only one being China. I have called Chinese, ching-chong all my life AND I AM NOT CHINESE! My children, half French and half a different East Asian ethnicity are always being called - "Hey, Chinese Boy!" THEY ARE NOT CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This REALLY upsets me, my parents, my husband, and my children.

I am no saint and not always a nicey-nice person, but even to me the OP seemed pointlessly bitchy about everyone she'd met on the visit, and I couldn't understand what her point was really.

Was it supposed to be funny?

I am not a fan of boarding schools as you never know if your child will be the one damaged by them, but Eton is pretty good and not easy to get into. We wouldn't want that. My daughter's old school North London Collegiate which often does better than Eton in exams although I would suggest they are level pegging would be similar - most who apply don't get in. With boarding however surely they are right to tell you if they want a certain kind of boy as you need someone robust enough to cope with the rejection by those whom you love which boarding school involves.

On "Chinese" one lady who identified a robber to the police as being "fat" was castigated. Sometimes these terms are just a way people use to describe someone. I don't think that means people are racist mostly when they say it. I was at a boarding school concert recently and not been for 10 years and what was absolutely amazing and lovely to see was about 15 first and second violinists virtually 100% Chinese (in this case genuinely I think from China) (the violin and piano being the only instruments countenanced by some Tiger mothers) and how good they were and that change over the time period in ethnicity of the boarders but of course it being a little skewed because it was violins.

Yes, there are thick mothers around. Plenty of men marry women because of the size of their breasts and because she is blonde and 20 years younger than he is and then he's surprised the child is as thick as a plank and ends up at Millfield. You reap what you sow and I suppose where you choose to sow it. May be the sex and ego boosting makes it worthwhile.

I thought it was a funny thread before you started Xenia- you brighten up a wet morning!

What? How can my rendering it not funny brighten things up?

It is certainly wet here.
I obviously at this point I always refer people to the boarding school survivors' association.

I love the way that you bring blonde bimbos in!

Xenia, Chinese is not a way of describing someone whose ethnicity is Eastern Asian any more than calling you Polish or German because you are from Europe is. As the world turns more focused on East Asia, it becomes vitally important to realize that there are many different countries and they are very different. To call a Korean person Japanese or Chinese is extremely insulting to them due to what happened in recent and past history. If you don't know the specific country the person came from because you think we look all the same, simply describe us as Eastern Asian!

Mominatrix - obviously calling after someone "Hey Chinese Boy" is extremely rude, but mistaken ethnicity happens. I go to countries where Brits are quite rare and 90% of the time I am assumed to be American because I'm heard speaking English. At first it was mildly irritating but on the whole I just grin and bear it. I've no more wish to be American than you have to be Chinese. (on one occasion I was asked if I was German because I "looked like one"- I don't wear a dirndl skirt or have blonde plaits!)

Absolutely. The boys I was describing were from mainland China.

It is also an issue here - my borough is 18% hindu with a hindu primary school in the state system. You can't call them Indian (a) because they are English born here but also (b) because lots of them are from Pakistan and there is no love lost between those two sides.

I just finished a book about North Korea. That certainly went into the history of the issues the Koreans have had.

We have similar issues here - the English in favour of booting out the Scots and most of the Scots wanting to remain in the Union.

It's just that colloquially in English we use that word Chinese to use to describe them and what our esteemed Duke of Edinburgh called slitty eyes in one of his worser moments. I dont't hink if you said Eastern Asian that is yet known enough for people to use. They are very important issues. Some older people refer to coloured people for blacks not because they are rude but because that was the words used 50 years ago. Now blacks prefer black.

Also most of the children in my sons' classes are English so even if someone had parents from Eastern Asia their children are British as British as mine who have 4 English born grandparents.

( I have no problems being called white with brown spots by the way)

Of course, kerrygrey. But it is not an occasional thing here - anyone with almond eyes and black hair is called Chinese - it is sloppy and lazy at best. Here, it is not a case of mistaken identity - just an unwillingness to realise that there are more than one Oriental ethnicity, and that there are clear differences. I grew up in America and it certainly was more enlightened than here about the different nationalities and ethnicities in Asia due the larger numbers of them.

With boarding however surely they are right to tell you if they want a certain kind of boy as you need someone robust enough to cope with the rejection by those whom you love which boarding school involves.

Really? Xenia usually I find your posts interesting and informed, however the ignorance of this comment truly astounds me.

But I don't think it's any different from someone identifying someone else as white. I do think we know there are differences. We have a huge history here of our grandparents being dreadfully treated by the Japanese in WWII. No way do we confuse the Japanese and Chinese although I personally am not sure how you can tell on looks the difference but am happy to be enlightened. My children or some of them are very into South Korea because of computer games. I think we do know some differences. I suspect we are a lot better than most Americans are about knowing their international geography.

how to change words used... well we moved from coloured to black so that must have been an education campaign by the Government. We moved from mongol to down's in the 1970s too. Neither was used offensively -it was just what was the trend at the time. We moved from Eskimo to innuit although that isn ot universally changed. Apparently some native Americans still prefer red indian. I think it is just a matter of being told what people prefer us to use and then ensuring the nation moves to the terminology that group prefers.

This board is hysterical - like watching a group of pigs calling each other pink and fat....

Then I suspect you'll offend those whose ethnicity is Central Asian, or Southern Asian, etc ... Just because it wouldn't offend you to be described as ethnically Eastern Asian, Mominatrix, it doesn't mean there wouldn't be plenty of people from other parts of Asia who wouldn't take offence at being described as Eastern Asian... it's not as if there is a very clear dividing line between different racial characteristics anywhere in the world, or any parts of the world that haven't hated the countries around them in the near and distant past. It's not as if people from different continents haven't bred with each other... resulting in the chance for pretty much anyone to find however they are described as offensive in some way.

It has never offended me when people have asked whether I'm Australian, or Irish. It has never offended me that nobody would pick up any of my non-European heritage. I wouldn't be offended is someone thought I was Polish or German, or French - even though we have a long history of difficult relationships with the countries around us (and pretty much everywhere else in the world...). Why find that offensive? It's only offensive if it's meant to be offensive.

No, collager, but do notice if a poster who has repeatedly expressed a very controversial and incredibly hurtful point of view suddenly changes their tune.

And I remember what you posted because it was so very extreme. And likely to worry and upset lots of people. I'm glad you've changed your mind.

bisjo - has it never crossed your mind that you find Xenia interesting and informed when you agree with her, and ignorant when you don't?

(ps apologies for the earlier double negative!).

'teach him to be entitled'-

I got this far and attempted to claw my own eyes out.

what a place.

rabbit I don't always agree with Xenia when I think her posts are interesting and informed, quite often I don't. Just because someone is informed in what they say doesn't mean I agree with them, not at all. However her post about boarding school is very ill informed and gratitiously insulting.

Bisjo,

Interestingly, I find most of Xenia's posts ill-informed and gratuitously insulting.

This is perhaps a function of point of view and personal knowledge:

• As a state school teacher and state school parent, I find Xenia's comments about state schools ill-informed and gratuitously insulting.

• As a private school parent, you find Xenia's comments about state schools well-informed.

• As a boarding school parent, you find Xenia's comments about boarding schools ill-informed.

Therefore we both find Xenia ill-informed about subjects we know something about, but you find her well-informed in an area where you know less... interesting!

OK, fair enough, bisjo!

I find even Xenia's carefully reasoned posts randomly let slip some gratuitously offensive remark somewhere towards the middle or end - almost like some kind of tourettic OCD.