So Eton, everything I expected and more

[JoanBias]

My DS is at a private school, so I have experience of private schooling, but my word Eton was like another world.

Not just the school, but the people there.

There was one prep school being shown around, all in tweed jackets, and to a boy the spitting image of Draco Malfoy (well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....).

One of the mothers doing the tour was not quite right in some respect, I'm not sure how but something wasn't wired up correctly or something. She was immacuately dressed, 6-inch heels (pretty daft considering the confirmation letter warns about having a long walk), but she was just bizarre. The admissions tutor said 'we have a waiting list of 80 boys and typically 35% of these will make it through', and she asked afterwards 'so 80% of the boys from the waiting list make it through?', and it was then explained again, but you could kind of hear the cogs going round and she clearly didn't get it. She had asked several other similar questions; e.g., it was explained that some Houses are catering and others go to a central cafeteria, so she then asked 'so they all eat in the cafeteria'? She pointed at the Fives Court and asked me 'what do they play here?' I said 'Fives' 'Is it squash?', she said. 'No, Eton Fives.' 'So is it squash?' It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

Another family had a son who looked the prototypical pre-Etonian, and sure enough Daddy spent the tour braying on about his House when he had been there.

The facilities were extremely impressive, although they didn't bother to show us any of the academic parts, and basically the impression was 'if your son is incredibly pushy and self-motivated, send him here and we will teach him to be entitled'. They said 'every year we reject about a third of the highest performers on the test', essentially because they aren't pushy enough. (The House Mistresses seemed quite nice though.)

Fantastic training for future managing directors and whatever, but not for us.....

Well worth it to sign up for a tour, very illuminating. They take about 100 a day from what I can see, so obligation at all....

I am going through the whole process re: prep school for dd, and have been astounded at the sheer loveliness of the way we have been treated - we have done the open day, had a tour by the head, the pre selection test (to ensure she is up to standard( what with being at one of them state schools at the moment) - after she had done it, he called and spent a good half an hour going through everything she had said and done, and saying she is more than capable of passing the entrance exam), we have had several letters from him and are going to a taster day next week. And no, it's not just because he wants our money - he knows full well we need a bursary and is more than keen for us to still send her there/ the school itself is gorgeous, the children are 60% pre prep, and 40% state school and dd and i both loved it. Not too sure of the point of this - just I guess that not all private schools are so selective in who they get to show children around or biaised towards rich, pushy parents.

It seems to me that parents would want their kids at Eton so they can have a well-rounded education, lovely social manners etc. tbh, if my dc were already like that anyway I would see an overly expensive school like Eton as a waste of money

I don't think it's fine to mock Eton, I was privately educated myself so would have no cause to mock.

What left a bad taste in the mouth about the OP though, was her focus on ridiculing this woman who was just minding her own beeswax trying to find a school for her child.

I feel sorry for the poor mum who chose the wrong clothes for the occasion and probably therefore felt a bit flustered and unable to take in anything that was said to her! And if they do offer quite so many tours and therefore attract quite so many tourists there for a laugh, then I'm not surprised they try to make it sound unattractive to anyone but the most serious applicants! As for who would want what Eton offers - it most definitely would not be for me or my family as I tend to prefer people who can be honest about having some insecurities (ie admit to being human).

Ds is well rounded and has lovely manners but if Eton is the right school for him that is where he will go. At the moment I think there are other schools that will be a better fit but we have a couple of years before we need to decide whether to register him there or not.

Joan hasn't your prep given you an idea of the sort of senior school that would suit your ds?

"OP, that?s not Eton talking. Rather, that?s one housemaster talking. And Eton have 25 housemasters. Each has his own quirks and fancies. In a way, it?s not Eton selecting you, it?s the housemaster selecting you. "

No this was the admissions tutor explaining the admissions process.

We were told that the house selection process comes only after the boy has been admitted.

That is different to Winchester as it seems there you have to choose a house before admission. I find the whole prospect of choosing a house to be more daunting than choosing the school. I've been rather put off the schools that put all the year 9s together.

bisjo I think Eton is a bit more modern in that respect, they said you choose 2 houses and they choose 2, and then you pick one out of the four, but you don't have to worry about this until your son has passed the exam.

OTOH Winchester will take you in I think Y8, if you pass the scholarship exam, presumably on the basis that there is then no decision to make about the House.

I think the OP has demonstrated great restraint and tact, in the face of the barrage of abuse that was hurled at her for posting an amusing observation! I thought, from what MN HQ keeps stating, that MN is all about being supportive... Guess not!

Does Winchester put all the scholarship boys together like they do at Eton? I didn't realise that. I guess it takes away the need to choose a house then!

Your paragraph about the other mother is foul and sneering. WHich makes me think that your other opinions are equally pointless.

Yep they all go in one house bisjo. From what I've read, the Winchester scholarship selection process can pick quite a few savants, which you might or might not prefer. I don't think there's any financial preferment any more (they are moving to bursaries), so I'm not quite clear what the point is - I think you are honestly better off, if you can, meeting all the Housemasters and choosing the one you like best, since that would give you far more choice, IYSWIM.

Well, you could say that anyone who can be so ruthlessly judgmental of others is clearly the right material for Eton themselves, according to their own description of it (pushy? self-motivated? with a sense of entitlement?...), even if their child isn't...

I'm not sure I'm qualified for Eton admission rabbitstew.

Pretzel - if you find her 'observation' on the other mother amusing rather than bitchy then I would question your sense of humour.

And mumsnet generally is about supporting other women and mothers, which is why people are sticking up for the poor mother who was the object of OP's bitchy excuse me, amusing, observation.

Joan, as I presume that you are researching Eton for your ASD child, I presume that you have made suitable enquiries about pastoral care and SEN provision?

SoupDragon Ouch! That's pretty harsh!

I didn't say you were qualified for Eton admission, though, JoanBias, did I?... Just that you come across as pushy, self-motivated and with a sense of entitlement yourself, in your OP.

I'm assuming that Eton was recommended by the OP's ds's prep and maybe she feels a bit disappointed that the school isn't one where she can see her ds going. I know if that happened to me I would be questioning how well my ds's school knew him. One of the things you expect from a decent prep is that they know your dcs well and can make informed and sensible recommendations for their senior schooling.

I thought the original post was amusing too. Are you all really so 'nice' that you never make scathing comments about anyone? Apart, of course, from MN posters whose opinions annoy you...

I never make scathing remarks about people I don't know who have done nothing to offend me.

The fact remains that this is quite a strange OP, even by MN standards. The title of thread gives us to believe that OP has recently visited Eton (which she has) and would like to share her experience. If you just look at her comments about the school then they are interesting, if not particularly illuminating.

However, almost two thirds of the OP are taken up with criticism of the other people on the tour, one unfortunate woman in particular. It is not suprising that this has brought about some fairly strong reactions.

We visited a few schools when we were looking for DS, and often encountered some parents who were a bit strange and who made us snigger a bit. While I might judge a school by the current set of parents, I certainly wouldn't judge it by the parents who had merely come to look around.

In fact the most irritating parents we came across had been to look at so many schools that if we had applied that criterium it would have ruled out every school in the south of England .

At one school open day I attended all the men turned up in uniform - double breasted navy blazer with gold buttons, chinos, black shoes and stripey tie. It was really funny as I didn't see a male visitor wearing anything different and it put me off the school in a totally irritational way.

bisjo yes, that might even put me off . There are quite often identifiable groups though, the blazers group, the business suits group, the tweeds and grey flannels group, the very casual jeans and open necked shirts group, the Armani group and so on...

It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

This cuts three ways ---
upper middle class
presentable wife (and one who went to finishing school so perhaps not employed)
terminally dim

Further on there is the comment that the OP considers herself lower middle class and doesn't have a chip on her shoulder (lol).

Plus a comment about the appearance and clothing of the admissions tutor.

The person in the woolly jumper who threw her for a lop by asking if she had any questions about Eton at a guided tour of Eton geared specifically for parents looking for schools for their sons was wearing a woolly jumper but was v pretty...

The OP herself makes a point of never dressing up for this sort of event.

Wellington doesn't even get a look in because of her perception of one individual.

In other words, there is a focus on externals here that may have resulted in a certain amount of clouding of judgement.

There are remarks about the selection process for various different schools, the expressed desire to find the best, but nothing about what may be best for her particular child.

I actually find the whole spiel quite snobby. To casually indicate that you are considering an expensive public school for your child and to dismiss certain schools on very flimsy grounds seems to me to be an exercise in 'look at me, I have a very bright son and I can be as whimsical as I like when it comes to choosing a school for him'.