So Eton, everything I expected and more

[JoanBias]

My DS is at a private school, so I have experience of private schooling, but my word Eton was like another world.

Not just the school, but the people there.

There was one prep school being shown around, all in tweed jackets, and to a boy the spitting image of Draco Malfoy (well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....).

One of the mothers doing the tour was not quite right in some respect, I'm not sure how but something wasn't wired up correctly or something. She was immacuately dressed, 6-inch heels (pretty daft considering the confirmation letter warns about having a long walk), but she was just bizarre. The admissions tutor said 'we have a waiting list of 80 boys and typically 35% of these will make it through', and she asked afterwards 'so 80% of the boys from the waiting list make it through?', and it was then explained again, but you could kind of hear the cogs going round and she clearly didn't get it. She had asked several other similar questions; e.g., it was explained that some Houses are catering and others go to a central cafeteria, so she then asked 'so they all eat in the cafeteria'? She pointed at the Fives Court and asked me 'what do they play here?' I said 'Fives' 'Is it squash?', she said. 'No, Eton Fives.' 'So is it squash?' It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

Another family had a son who looked the prototypical pre-Etonian, and sure enough Daddy spent the tour braying on about his House when he had been there.

The facilities were extremely impressive, although they didn't bother to show us any of the academic parts, and basically the impression was 'if your son is incredibly pushy and self-motivated, send him here and we will teach him to be entitled'. They said 'every year we reject about a third of the highest performers on the test', essentially because they aren't pushy enough. (The House Mistresses seemed quite nice though.)

Fantastic training for future managing directors and whatever, but not for us.....

Well worth it to sign up for a tour, very illuminating. They take about 100 a day from what I can see, so obligation at all....

Don't count on it. If one of a small group of state school storm troopers sees it, yes. Otherwise it's just taken as fact.

(I don't want to see where it is but it is near the equator. I did look at Scotland. There is one for sale at the moment there for about £300k. However it is pretty cold up there and I have always found more biting insects in the Highlands than where mine is. You cannot easily romp in a fur bikini under Scottish rain, not unless you have Neanderthal fur or may be they didn't have fur. I am 3% Neanderthal genes so I ought to know. I am not happy that my contact out there has not built what we planned this year but I'm not chasing him at the moment as daughter 2 is about to exchange on her flat and the other one is planning a wedding. The fur bikini will have to wait.

I have not found the treasure reportedly buried out there yet on it which I suspect isn't on it. I took mmy metal detector last time. www.bc-alter.net/dfriesen/cocosleads.html but then I looked around when last there with all 5 off spring and thought being here in the sun with the dragonflies and the ancient huge tropical trees - these children are my treasure. In fact lots of recent research says sunlight makes people happy and you cannot get vit D very well from pills so actually being outside, in the sun, swimming, moving and eating unprocessed foods which is exactly how man was for 2 million years is whta makes us happy and healthy which I suppose is not surprising.

If there is any possible way to drive this back to private schools..... lots of fresh air and hopefuly these days good food.. and amazingly two minutes ago I Had a teenage son my office extolling his school lunches which must be a first.

But you only have time to visit the island for 1 week a year.

Seeker, when you see a thread next time, like you describe, can you tell me please? I believe that they happen, its just I have never seen them, so would like to see one. Thanks!

dapplegrey and Ingrid not sure why you are replying to me if you can't be bothered . I'm sorry if I missed some of your posts amongst the 500 or so that this thread contains, that happens when you skim read I'm afraid.

I am not an expert on Eton which is why I asked about scholarships. Dapplegrey replied with "Not sure what percentage you mean but most parents have to be able to afford the fees, or get their hands on them from somewhere (in our case grandparents) but this applies to all fee paying schools. " which seems to imply that pupils have to pay something. I can only take your posts at face value as I really don't know these things, so if I make a mistake based on your posts whose fault is that? If you can't be bothered to answer my questions or enlighten me on this noble institution then just don't. I'm not forcing you and I'm sure there are other posters willing to give me the time of day

Xenia - there is an island in the Cote d'Azur that reportedly has some treasure hidden in one of the caves from a continental type Robin Hood who was captured and beheaded for his crimes of robbing the rich to give to the poor.

And I agree with seeker, I have seen threads where stereotypes of working classes are bandied about and mixed up with reality. There are always those who slag off people on benefits, asking posters who admit to being on benefits to justify every penny they spend (yes, that has happened and one poster foolishly did post her income and expenditure and had it poured over and criticised - can you think of anything more disgusting?).

But there is also inverse snobbery, those who gang up on posters who earn more than £50k and rip them to pieces. I've seen that happen too.

As I said earlier, no matter how little or how much you have, people are never happy. Money might give you more options but those who have lots of money never seem to be satisfied, they are always looking for more and those who don't have any money think that money will solve all their problems. I doubt it does. I read threads about posters whose children have been diagnosed with cancer, or who have lost babies to cot death and I can think of nothing more horrific. Right then, money means nothing to them because all the money in the world will never bring their children back to them.

Make the most of your children because we are so very lucky to have them. They are gifts, so whether you choose to send them to Eton or are forced to send them to the naff comprehensive down the road, make sure they know they are loved and cherished each and every day.

THERhubarb. I am sorry if I did not make myself clear. I said most parents have to pay fees - most does not mean all. Then in the next post I clarified Eton's rules on scholarships and bursaries.

But I'm happy, THERhubarb! You're being rather negative if you think EVERYONE is always looking for more. I think plenty of people actually think they are rather lucky and that even when things don't work out they way they had hoped, that there was something positive to learn from the experience after all and that they therefore wouldn't even change the bad and the sad things about their lives.

Yes you did dapplegrey, just after you said you couldn't be bothered because I had made a mistake based on your first post.

Still, it's clear now, many thanks for your time.

I've never said island ownership was for everyone. Branson, Bear Grills and I might choose an island.

A lady hedge fund manage bought this yacht www.luxist.com/tag/Elena+Ambrosiadou/

Islands and boats I suppose get you in the open air and alone and in what you might call is our natural state. Perhaps that is the attraction.

I suppose my point is that the best thing most mothers can do is earn enough to pay school fees and pick a career which enable that so your 8% of children when they grow up won't be on Aldi credit crunch threads on mumsnet or trying to see how they can go back to work as teaching assistants on the minimum wage but might perhaps have a bit more fun as they then had an education which helped enable they picked better paid work.

You are more likely to buy yourself a yacht, an island, forest, organic farm, school fees or found your own African charity which is even more a likely home for your money when you make a lot for most people if you go to Eton or girls schools in the top 20 than if you go to most UK schools.

rabbitstew, that's good to hear! Obv I can only speak from experience but most people do wish they either had more money, lived somewhere else, had a holiday home, bigger house, better car, etc.

Those who are truly happy with their lot appear to be a rarity so you are a rare breed rabbit

I would dearly love to say that I am happy too and I am, but of course like everyone else I would love to be able to have enough to pay the bills every month and to stay in a hotel on holiday instead of a campsite. But then I have to remind myself of how lucky we actually are and tbh Mumsnet is good for that because there are so many brave women on here for whom every day brings new heartache that money can't solve.

I think you are right though that there is something positive to be taken from every experience no matter how bad.

Yes you are Xenia. But someone has to do the jobs on minimum wage, or else who would empty your bins? Clean your sewers? Serve your food? Clean your home?

What I find unfair is that the jobs on minimum wage are actually the hardest, most physically demanding jobs going whilst the higher earners tend to have much easier working hours.

I work some of my time in a bed and breakfast as a cleaner. I work 4 to 5 hours solidly with no breaks. I carry heavy bags of linen up and down the stairs, heavy trays laden with dirty dishes from the dining room to the kitchen. I clean, I breathe in cleaning fumes, I hoover, I scrub toilets, I run from room to room in order to finish them on schedule. When I'm finished I'm covered in sweat. That job pays £7.50ph. It's the hardest job I've ever done and the worst paid.

That's capitalism for you I guess. But then at least I have a job and my kids know from our example that you need to work hard and earn your money.

The best thing a mother can do is earn enough to pay school fees? Really?

In Xenia-land it is, noddyholder.

I missed that Noddy!
Again, different priorities I guess.

And in Xenia- land, if you haven't got enough money, you just go and get a better paid job. Just like that.

Amillionyears- I can't be bothered to search, but in the very recent past, two examples are "I wouldn't throw my child to the wolves" and "I've seen what goes on in comprehensive schools- "

There have been many more, but for some reason those two stick in my memory.

THERhubarb , you see it doesn't matter how many heavy trays you carry, how drenched in sweat you are or how many times you break your back changing beds, what really matters is whether you can pay for private school fees......in Xenia land.

Perhaps we should have a "hands Up", like at school.
"Hands up" who is content.
I think contentment is important in life.

Thanks seeker, I will take a look.

content? Never, too many things I want to do, read, see, watch,

contentment, as in internal satisfaction.
To me, that doesnt mean you cant explore new things and I was going to say horizons!

I am perfectly content - this doesn't mean that I can't read, travel etc etc etc.
There are lots of things that I still want to do,but buying an island, a yacht etc don't feature. Neither does having to do some boring job that pays well to afford school fees. Luckily some people enjoy the jobs that pay really well - ones that I find interesting and challenging are never going to be good on the salary side.
It is just as well that we are all different. I don't know how Xenia's world operates with no one to keep the supermarkets stocked, the cars serviced, the rubbish removed, the elderly cared for etc etc etc.

You wonder at what point a generation wants to get off the treadmill of high earnings for school fees to be higher earners for school fees etc to say 'actually I am off to Cornwall to keep a few sheep and make pots'.

THERhubarb I don't agree at all about what you say about contentment and money. My father was born into millions (maybe 50 or so?) and then lost it all, bar a suitcase of clothes, due to the Second World War. He viewed himself as quite exceptionally lucky, just to have life - so very many contemporaries (including his own family) having lost theirs. Perhaps your view of discontent is born of a particularly British/ islander slant, which makes content come less easily, having never really been put up against a wall? Anyhow, quite self obsessed if you don't mind my saying, and small.

You need enough money to pay bills, be comfortable, follow interests and cope with emergencies- beyond that, it isn't necessary and won't buy you contentment or any of the things that really matter in life.

Money buys choice, in some cases (like the OP's) too much choice. But it doesn't buy health, happiness and contentment. I'm not sure an expensive education gets you those either.

If I spend a vast amount of money on ds's education and he ends up making pots in Cornwall I will be happy in the knowledge that he has had the freedom to choose what he wants to do with his life. That is a wonderful gift for a parent to give their child.