So Eton, everything I expected and more

[JoanBias]

My DS is at a private school, so I have experience of private schooling, but my word Eton was like another world.

Not just the school, but the people there.

There was one prep school being shown around, all in tweed jackets, and to a boy the spitting image of Draco Malfoy (well there was one Chinese boy, but otherwise....).

One of the mothers doing the tour was not quite right in some respect, I'm not sure how but something wasn't wired up correctly or something. She was immacuately dressed, 6-inch heels (pretty daft considering the confirmation letter warns about having a long walk), but she was just bizarre. The admissions tutor said 'we have a waiting list of 80 boys and typically 35% of these will make it through', and she asked afterwards 'so 80% of the boys from the waiting list make it through?', and it was then explained again, but you could kind of hear the cogs going round and she clearly didn't get it. She had asked several other similar questions; e.g., it was explained that some Houses are catering and others go to a central cafeteria, so she then asked 'so they all eat in the cafeteria'? She pointed at the Fives Court and asked me 'what do they play here?' I said 'Fives' 'Is it squash?', she said. 'No, Eton Fives.' 'So is it squash?' It seemed as if this woman had had the benefit of the 'Finishing School for the Terminally Dim', because she was otherwise every inch the presentable upper middle-class wife.

Another family had a son who looked the prototypical pre-Etonian, and sure enough Daddy spent the tour braying on about his House when he had been there.

The facilities were extremely impressive, although they didn't bother to show us any of the academic parts, and basically the impression was 'if your son is incredibly pushy and self-motivated, send him here and we will teach him to be entitled'. They said 'every year we reject about a third of the highest performers on the test', essentially because they aren't pushy enough. (The House Mistresses seemed quite nice though.)

Fantastic training for future managing directors and whatever, but not for us.....

Well worth it to sign up for a tour, very illuminating. They take about 100 a day from what I can see, so obligation at all....

Thank you happygardening it is quite near to us and several older family friends went there and we like the fact that they take children from very diverse backgrounds. DS would mix with a peer group as diverse as the world outside which I think is a positive. We just have to x our fingers and hope. I am not keen to put him under pressure but it is harder to get in at 13 than 11.

Someone in the MC firm I was at took the weekend off for her first baby and made strenuous attempts to return on the monday but was helped off the premises by a senior partner who told her that they had absolutely no expectation or wish for her to come back for several months, in fact she was in effect banned. He said it would be ridiculously bad for everyone involved (her, the baby, the firm). That was twenty five years ago though; women aren't as insecure these days. It was a very enlightened firm though (still is I believe).

dapplegrey and ingrid if you read my post properly you will see that these were questions about subsidies and the younger pupils. I asked so that someone would answer.

So Eton is completely free of hierarchy then? And it takes a good percentage of working class pupils? And old Etonians such as David Cameron and James Goldsmith are not arrogrant and ruthless?

That's exciting about the engagement Xenia; I hope you like him!

Yes, sorry forgot to say, Xenia, congrats to your daughter. I hope she has thoroughly drilled her intended and gleaned whether he is any good at wiping baby bums and cleaning dishes

THErhubarb - you will find a variety of personalities in all schools, state and private.
What would your reaction be if someone posted "three boys burgled a home and tied up its occupants. These boys went to X comprehensive. Therefore the pupils of X comprehensive tend to be feral, criminal and ruthless".

Sorry, THErhubarb, I meant to add re your question about good percentage of working class pupils. Not sure what percentage you mean but most parents have to be able to afford the fees, or get their hands on them from somewhere (in our case grandparents) but this applies to all fee paying schools.

How their scholarships and bursaries compare to what other public schools offer I do not know.

Every educational facility has its reputation dapplegrey. Some state schools are known to be rough (but some parents have no choice but to send their kids there anyway) and some are known to be snobby. Eton does have a snobby reputation and there is no pretending otherwise. That hasn't changed much over the decades whereas state school reputations do actually change quite a lot.

I wonder then, if parents do have to contribute towards school fees, how poorer children can actually get a chance to go? You might have a very bright boy who is forced to go to that state school down the road with the bad reputation because his mother is a single parent who works as a cleaner and can barely make ends meet. They can apply to Eton all they like but if they can't afford the fees they won't be getting in.

On taking 2 weeks off work to have a baby that is entirely up to the woman and the man who are the parents. Dati in the France and that Alaskan Palin were both castigated for doing the same. It is very very sexist and unfair to suggest women cannot return to work when they want to. I wasn't ill,.I wanted to work. It worked out fine. I expressed breast milk. Witht he twins I was taking calls from home the next day. I love that combination gorgeous new baby feeding whom you can hand over and then work and then feed and then work. It's a lovely. Not hard at all particularly if you make al ot of money and adore your work and particularly now I'm my own boss.

There is the argument that them ore generous maternity rights you give to women the more likely sexist choices will be made at home based on economics and women get ghettoised into changing nappies, never go back to work properly again and lose all chance to have a wonderful high paid 40 year old career. Obviously the 6 weeks people get on 90% pay is fair as it reflects differnes between men and women after bith but much longer and you just engender sexism in relationships, one becomes known as the domestic servant and low paid pin money thing.

it is like a poisoned chalice presented to you you think idleness, no getting up for work and being paid to be home but in fact it is golden with dirt underneath, a kind of bribe to ensure you lose all chance of future happiness in work and fairness in your relationship.

Not sure I can be bothered with this, but here goes.

THERhubarb, I have given you an actual example of a boy from a very poor background who won a fully funded place at Eton, so yes is does happen.

Actually, no I can't be bothered - DH has just poured me a glass of wine so I'm off...

I can't really be bothered either but....
THERhubarb -

Scholarships: "There are a large number of boys who are charged a very small fee; about 40 boys are educated free of charge".

Bursaries: "For boys without scholarships the normal maximum level of assistance is half the school fee, but growing funds are now enabling us to make a number of bursary awards beyond that level and indeed to subsidise the fee entirely in cases of need. No parents with a talented boy should feel that Eton is necessarily beyond their means. Both the registration fee and the entrance fee may be waived in case of parental need.

So the example you give could apply and could get in.

I agree completely that it should be up to the parents Xenia. You clearly wanted to work and had the capability and the necessary support. In the case I mentioned the newly qualified solicitor felt she had to return to work (she'd been employed less than the necessary two years at that point, so had no statutory rights). But she badly didn't want to. She was absolutely shattered on the monday having had the baby two nights before. Which was why it was pretty decent of the firm to act as it did. Absolutely the right call.

Good luck to your son mini. My son is in the third form, and is enjoying it. I too stayed at home with my children, only getting a part time job when my son was 7. He is confident away from home, and loves coming home too. It's the right school for him.

Re the hierarchical thing, my impression was that Eton is no longer hierarchical in the same way that it is no longer elitist.

I.e. by any normal standard it is.

The housemistress or dame, or whatever other silly jargon they have, said that 'oh no we don't have any fagging or anything like that any more. But of course if the boys were watching TV in my flat and a younger boy had the best seat and one of the older boys came in, then the younger boy would give it up without question, that wouldn't even be an issue.'

So, yeah.

btw I heard xenia's island is in Costa Rica or somewhere similarly mosquito-ridden, not Monaco.

But joan that happens in my house

I thought it was Panama.

JoanBias? JoanByers? one and the same??????

Thank you derekthehamster I'm glad your son is enjoying Christ Hospital, I have known the school all my life from having family in Horsham and having family friends who went there. DS is very keen to go there and when we looked around and talked to the teachers we were very impressed with the latin, the science and art depts. The classics department head seemed like a hoot! DS was a bid confused by the marching band though ! and he wasn't keen on chapel. He is staunchly anti-religion, has been since he was 5 years old.

I suspect that very few people own islands because they wouldn't buy one if they had the money-I wouldn't want one. (Actually I wouldn't mind one on Derwentwater but that is the only place).

I am not keen on DCs being called dim. They might not be academic -not everyone is- but they can still be exceptionally bright.

Tracey island is the only one I'd want. If you buy one in Costa Rica, you'll have to put up with that pompous ass of a model, Giselle who lives there PT.

What would your reaction be if someone posted "three boys burgled a home and tied up its occupants. These boys went to X comprehensive. Therefore the pupils of X comprehensive tend to be feral, criminal and ruthless".

That, or something similar, is said on mumsnet practically every day!

And if I had the money, I'd buy a lighthouse.

Seeker - yes, but people post back objecting to such stereotyping (I hope!)

I think generally it's better to rent than buy, when it comes to luxuries like islands and so on. If you have enough cash of course, you've got to put it somewhere.

Can't think of anything more ghastly than owning a holiday home in Benidorm, or whatever the middle class equivalent is, and having to spend half your life on the phone to Manuel trying to find out where the key is, or if it has been cleaned since the last renters moved out.

If it's just there waiting only for you, with a staff of twenty, in case you should calling, then fine, but for most people it's much cheaper to stay in a luxury hotel, for a mere £1k or so per night.

I suppose you're more likely to get your money back than if you spent it on private education though.