has anyone turned down a massive discount >=50% to private school?? why?

[tidybooks]

We have been offerred half price prep school for our sons, (discount is related to my FIL's profession).

Obviously we would still have to pay quite a lot but it is much more affordable with the discount and we could just able manage it.

Wouldn't have considered private before secondary otherwise.

Not sure what to do, feel that perhaps it is too good to turn down, but then it's still a lot of money.

This was for secondary, not prep.

Yes. We had a just over 50% scholarship for dd1.
We turned it down because she is our oldest, and, although we could afford it for her, we couldn't do it for dd2 even if she got the same scholarship. Dd2 could do with smaller classes etc. just as much if not more than dd1.
Add into that ds would start secondary before dd1 left, so we potentially would have 3 to pay for for a year, and it really became not financially viable.

It was a very hard decision, but there were certain things that made it easier.

One being her best friend was going there, who is very clingy to her, hates her having other friends. But at the same time was being very nasty to her. They also were very small, (2 form entry) which I felt was too small for dd1. Then they had a condition in the contract which I was very uncomfortable with (if you choose to leave before end of year 11, the scholarship is cancelled and you owe the full fees for the terms you've been there for)-felt that if things broke down between us and the school we'd be trapped at the school for we couldn't afford that.

It sounds like one of those sale bargains that look attractive at 50% off but you wouldn't actually buy if the 50% off price was actually the full price. It is the offer of the bargain that attracts.

Ignoring the financial incentive would you send your dcs to that school? If the answer is no then the bursary is meaningless. If the answer is yes then you need to consider what impact it will have on your life to fund the other 50%.

Ds has a scholarship worth 52.73% (!). I thought long and hard about whether it was the right school/right opportunity for him and whether I would have wanted him to go there even if he hadn't got the scholarship. The answer was yes and whilst it is early days (he started this academic year) I think it is the right decision.

Yes!...and No!

When DD was in reception she was offered a 50% scholarship to a fairly new private school and we turned it down. For us the problem was DD being in a class of 7 pupils was the issues that come about if she fell out with a friend? Don't know why we agreed to take her to the school in the first place now and had it been a different school we may have acted differently. Fortunately DD had gained a place a delightful infants school and her primary years were very happy ones. She later went to another private school in year 9 with a 30% bursary.

Can't consider the 'what ifs' as what's done is done.

You'll make the right choice, just trust your judgement and remember private doesn't mean better.

There are two considerations here:

1. Quality of current state options.
2. Quality of the prep concerned.

In comparison to my children's state primary, I would not choose any of the local prep schools even on a VAST scholarship.

However, if I lived in an area with disasterous state options, then that would change my ranking of them vs the private options IYSWIM.

How old are your children currently? Are they happy and doing well at the school they are currently at? If you get down to the nitty gritty, what exactly are you getting for your money [I have been shocked at the quality of the resources, facilities, teaching style etc in several of our local preps]?

Not yet but probably will. We would qualify for that discount at secondary, but it is very unlikely that we will take it up, largely because it would still be a stretch and because although other children from this town do go to the school, it's a longer journey than I would like for mine (and the associated local friendships etc)

Yes, but he won a scholarship with a smaller discount to an even better fee paying school so we took that one up. I went by the school not by the money and I picked a high paid career because I wanted to be able to provide properly for my children, unlike some women.

god Xenia, do you never get tired of trotting out that line???

Xenia not again? For a top lawyer you're pretty poor at facing up to straight questions.

How do you consider your working outside the home to put your several kids through Habs/ NLCS etc. better 'provision' than my staying at home (albeit not entirely through choice) yet still being able to put my several kids through equally if not more successful state school. Especially since I think from what you've said yours haven't been objectively more successful than mine (mercifully we both seem to have produced fairly content and happy broods). Tbh you haven't proved your point, not when my family is pitted against yours. We come out even. Or possibly I win. On your own measure of success that is. Thus proving the truth of horses for courses etc.

I would check out the financial health of and pupil numbers at the school, offering discounts can sometimes mean these things are problematic.

Ds3 went to a week's music course during the summer at a boys' prep and I was appalled by the poor quality of the buildings and the general shabbiness of the place. 50% discount is still 6K pa more than my children's really excellent state primary.

And the prep is full of estate agents' children.

@Xenia the really sensible career woman gets the high paid job while being able to live somewhere nice with a state school that's better than almost all the private schools in the country. It is not necessary to live in North London to have the well paid city job, you know (I was born there, I don't need to live there now). It is not necessary to pay to get among the best educations this country can offer. A woman with the best interests of her kids at heart should surely have considered this.......

LittleFrieda are you named after the poem? It's one of my absolute favourites!

I know that I would not want my children to go to Habs or NLCS... too full of people who think they are always right, regardless of any evidence to the contrary.... .

Just because a school is paid-for doesn't actually make it better in general, and certainly doesn't make it the best choice for a specific person.

I don't thin in general it is fair to suggest every child in a big academic successful school is the same as all the others. All schools from comps to privates, Manchester Grammar to Eton to state schools like my local comp have a mixture of pupils there.

Obviously if a school is academically selective then the children are less likely to think they are always right as they are brighter than in comprehensive schools in state or private sector.

Why didn't it work for you, then, Xenia? Or didn't you go to an academically selective school?

No need for personal comments rabbitstew

I have a friend who teaches at Habs. Enough said

It's funny my eldest children go private (happily) but Xenia comes along and makes me feel embarrassed about it every time

No need for Xenia to make disparaging remarks about anyone who didn't prioritise making money and paying for a private education - that's being offensive to LOTS of people.

But then I suppose it's OK to be rude to millions of people, rather than one.

I don't think we need to personalise it by schools particularly.
I have never said all private schools are better thahn all state schools.

Nor have I felt in competition with other parents in any sense at all although I think YT and I may have older children/child in a virtually identical job. Will be interesting to see if they follow their mother's example and one becomes a housewife with no income and the other when they have children continues to earn. I think these comparisons can be fun. My daughter';s best friend had to leave their school at 10 or 11 due to family problems and I always wonder what happened to her and whether in the state school she did as well as those who stayed at the school. Just as important is fitness, health and mental health of children and their ability to form good relationships - those thigns can be helped by private schools too.

Then why, oh why, Xenia, do you have to make comments like this: "I picked a high paid career because I wanted to be able to provide properly for my children, unlike some women." That is about as unjustifiably bitchy as you could possibly get and only encourages bitchy retorts. One begins to suspect you enjoy the fight!

I'm also not aware of products of the private sector being better at forming good relationships. I wonder, is there any research into this? I know just as many divorced couples who were privately educated as those who were state educated. Or doesn't that count as an example of poor relationship formation?

I too picked a highly paid career so that I could better provide for my children

Frankly I can't see why Xenia's comment was considered to be 'bitchy'.