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My unreserved apologies

306 replies

jabed · 08/10/2012 13:20

It seems I have upset MN posters.

I am sorry if you have been upset by me. I apologise.

I wont do it again.

Jabed

OP posts:
Shagmundfreud · 10/10/2012 18:29

"I do feel my life is brimming with fun even if fun for me is playing a Bach fugue, singing Purcell or doing bikram yoga or even if I'm allowed to mention it lying in the sun near the equator on my island."

Have asked mumsnet towers if we can have a pseuds corner board for comments like this. Grin

MordionAgenos · 10/10/2012 18:33

I think that maybe Xenia the reason why you are so unable to comprehend people being fine with being at home is because of your definition of fun. (Although fun isn't actually the word I'd use. It sounds terribly twee). People lacking in internal resources often find themselves bored - but, as Dorothy Parker might say - that's actually because they themselves are boring. I'm never ever bored, I wasn't bored when I was on maternity leave, I'm not bored even in the passport queue at JFK (3 hours last week. I was angry, but not bored). People who need a lot of external stimulation and who are unable to take entertainment from art, literature, or their own imaginations, may well find being at home difficult. But even then.....I don't do yoga, far too sedate for me, I run - but I haven't run since coming back from NY because of jet lag scuppering me yesterday and today. If I hadn't had to go to NY, or if I hadn't had to work when I was (belatedly) compos mentos, I would have run both days. Next week I will be in Italy and I'm fretting about whether I will be able to run there - if I didn't have to go, it wouldn't be a problem. Surely even with your range of interests you can see how being at home would perhaps better enable you to pursue them?

I certainly don't think being at home is better either politically (clearly, it's not) or qualitatively but at least qualitatively, there are arguments both ways in terms of capacity for fulfilment.

MordionAgenos · 10/10/2012 18:34

There's nothing pseudy about Bach or indeed Purcell. If more people did music the world would be a better place.

MordionAgenos · 10/10/2012 18:35

Having said that I personally prefer Dallas to Purcell. And possibly even Bach. But certainly not to Mahler or Rachmaninov or Gershwin or Mingus.

Everyone is allowed to like the things they like.

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2012 19:02

You didn't mention going on MN in your fun list Xenia. Sad

Way2Go · 10/10/2012 19:11

...and dont forget the fun xenia gets by saying demeaning things about other women on MN ...

...and she seems to just relish bragging about her wealth.

......oh such jolly fun!

MordionAgenos · 10/10/2012 19:14

Xenia is far less bitchy and snippy than her detractors. In fact, she is not bitchy or snippy at all. And I have STILL yet to see her accuse all SAHMs of being piss heads and being tumultuous shaggers qua SAHM. So.

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2012 19:19

I think you mean 'housewives' Mordion, it's that little bit more demeaning than just saying SAHM. Wink

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2012 19:20

Anyway where's jabed? He seems to have abandoned his own thread. Confused

madwomanintheattic · 10/10/2012 19:20

I'm just worried about Henry shooting up. Every day. And he isn't even in prep school yet.

My sahm days are over, it's a bitch to find a job though. Will someone puh-lease link that darned 'how to earn a K a day' thread? Ta. Grin

rabbitstew · 10/10/2012 19:22

No, Xenia never gets personal, she is incredibly general in her condemnation of huge swathes of people! I think she puts up with us all very well and with dignity on an individual basis Grin. Perhaps she isn't childish enough to join in!

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2012 19:26

I don't know what she gets out of it TBH. With her list of interests I wouldn't have thought slumming it on an online forum called Mumsnet would be something she wanted to do.

rabbitstew · 10/10/2012 19:28

If you will leave your bored house husband equipment lying around, Henry is bound to find it...

rabbitstew · 10/10/2012 19:34

OOh Blush. When I originally read about Henry shooting up I did think it was an odd thing to admit to your young child doing. It's only now I realise the shooting up in question was probably entirely innocent growth as a result of all the lovely home cooked food he's eating.

NotForTurning · 10/10/2012 19:39

Rabbitstew, my playground 'snapshot' was just a device to elicit further thought on how 'normal' it might be for women to hear other women talking this way but not for us to hear men talking that way. In RL, I DO hear women having these conversations outside DCs school all the time, however and I haven't witnessed anything similar from the men.

So I was just getting a point across.

Mad...I love your interpretation of Henry 'shooting up'...maybe this could make great comedy someday!

The thing is, I find people very complacent about traditional gender roles, in my RL and wonder if an 'extreme' and provocative voice is 'necessary' in a way, to ignite deeper thought and further change.

I don't want DD to grow up in a world where she and whatever partner she may have in the future, can't be absolutely equal in their choices. Neither should assume the other will be the main child carer and only one of them the main breadwinner.

My cameo scene isn't what I'd want either. I'd want neither the man nor the woman to be having this kind of conversation at all. I just think it's a bit of an eye-opener when you twist traditional roles and voices around and enact it with the other gender.

Extremist views, strongly expressed or comedy/ drama/ media - all get people thinking and talking and reflecting. Strong emotional reactions, even negative ones, tend to incite more change, than other ways do.

madwomanintheattic · 10/10/2012 20:05

Comedy in this vein is difficult though. Sometimes you end up inadvertently reinforcing stereotypes instead of challenging them.

I sometimes think (and I speak as someone whose own 'Henry' has worn out many a pair of dance shoes) that we put a lot of effort into ensuring our offspring have gender free choices, and far less into ensuring our own choices are not gender-constrained. In this I think Xenia does have a point (I also speak as someone whose career has been obliterated by wifedom and motherhood. Completely obliterated. And I started out trying to persuade the Marines to change their gender policy. Grin)

I've been pondering role models a fair bit.

madwomanintheattic · 10/10/2012 20:08

Oo. Has anyone seen 'the five year engagement'? Not sure if it's out that side of the pond, or on DVD? I haven't seen it, but it looks topical.

jabed · 10/10/2012 20:17

Anyway where's jabed? He seems to have abandoned his own thread

Its not my thread anymore. I didnt start the topic that is discussed here.
I am not aware of any obligation to join in.

As for where I am ( or was or will be), well I do work. I have been at work. On a work night I will get home around 7.00pm. I go out around 7.00 am ,so not a lot of time. Hope you can accept that explaination :)

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2012 20:19

Oh well, at least you are ok jabed, I was getting worried.

MordionAgenos · 10/10/2012 20:21

@sparkling and yet not as demeaning as saying you are a pisshead tumultuous shagger, who is self centred and obnoxious and who puts money above family.

madwomanintheattic · 10/10/2012 20:21

I still don't know what you were apologizing for, tbh. I wasn't there. I only clicked because I like a bit of drama with my tea. I was mildly curious about the apparent sn connection, but tbh not so much that I bothered to do a search. I'm sure if it was that heinous it will crop up again.

Houseworkprocrastinator · 10/10/2012 20:23

"Fun means different things to different people"

I think you have cracked it there xenia. For you it is books about north Korea and singing Purcell and sun bathing on your island. This is fine.

For others it may be reading "that's not my bear" and singing the wheels on the bus and going to the park with their children.

Some people like different music (have to admit I thought purcell was a washing powder). Some people like trashy novels or murder mysteries. Just because not everything a person does oozes 'intellectual' does not make them moronic.

As for housework, no I do not enjoy it that much (although I do like the end result) but it is a small part of my life. It was there before I had children and it will be there after they have left home. So nothing really to do with being a mum.

Sparklingbrook · 10/10/2012 20:24

But jabed said 'see you all later' before going to work yesterday. When he didn't show I got worried.

Silibilimili · 10/10/2012 21:09

I am guessing xenia is reading a book called 'nothing to envy'. I read it about 2 years ago. It is so moving. Puts life into perspective.
However, I do think Xenia needs to take a chill pill if only so that she can enjoy her island! Uou can't be intense and intellectual all the time xenia. It's okay to want to read 50 shades. Go on... I dare you.
rabbit, your earlier post where you mention me. Spot on I suppose. Do you know me?!
Yes, in the industry I am in, I have worked very hard to get where I am. Would I give if up to SAH with my babies? No. Short term it is fun. Long term boring. Do I have string viesws like xenia? No.
I don't judge. However, I do find myself agreeing more with xenia than the others. Not her exaggerated silly boasts but the decent inspirational kick arse views...

rabbitstew · 10/10/2012 21:14

Mumsnet would be a less interesting place without xenia and jabed. I like xenia and jabed being on mumsnet. Smile