Gifted and talented.

[jabed]

Its three O clock in the morning. I have a stinking headache which is why I am up and I would like to get contentious. Do you mind?

With no holds barred, my DS is by any definition gifted and talented. I am a fairly able kind of guy myself and DW is extremely gifted, so no prizes for guessing where he gets it.

The thing is, I have been pondering what I am going to do with him. We currently HE. This is because he is young- He is a late August born and would, were he at school he going into year 2 now. Many a couple of weeks younger would just be going into year 1.
He is gifted as I said, which is another reason for not putting him in school. he has a generally high IQ and academic giftedness and if SW is right he has musical talent.

I don?t want him accelerated. I don?t want him messed with. I want him to be what neither DW nor I were - a child with a childhood. My experience of the local school, which would have been our first choice (and was in fact where we sent him) for his primary years do not deserve him. The teachers cannot deal with gifted children. He does not deserve his peers in that school - disruptive and largely ill socialised with a large percentage at the other end of the spectrum to DS. But there is no other local school.

There is my own school which has a prep but they want to put him a year up.

So, what do you do in that situation? I am at a loss. I have looked at options and got bogged down. We have to make a decision before year 3 as I seriously believe he needs to be in formal education at some point there.

Just a general throw out to see what others would do with such a DS. I reserve the right to get toss potty if people get rude about my DS or my feelings about being middle class etc.
This is my DS not an abstract. Thanks

Perhaps that's more important than living in a pretty village with few opportunities

Xenia, living in a pretty village has been an aspiration DW and self have turned into an achievment. It suits us. I agree there are down sides but DS is young and I think the environment is better for him at his age. Lots of people aspire to village life for their families.

Get a job in one of those types of schools in the top 10 which are full of children like the son here and then may be even there would be a good fee discount too

I work in one of those schools already :) I could put my DS there and I would get more than a discount. I just think he is too young for that at the moment.

They have Beavers in Canada. I think they started there. I visited relatives and my cousin was very involved in Scouts. We went to a Scout group social event and I saw Beavers for the first time - shortly after they started in UK.

Xenia doesn't understand anyone having aspirations to live in a village.

I'm sure that the Scouts are one organisation that would welcome you belonging to 2 different groups in 2 different countries.

Jabed has a history of struggling to find employment, Xenia, so that may not work out

Indeed I do. Having lived through two tough recessions. However I have always had a job and at my age, thats been fairly good going. I may not have achieved much (written the odd book and a few articles. Done a bit of research, even been on TV and radio a few times :) but then its been mostly what I have wanted. Media is not for me. I am a quiet guy, who perhaps lacked great ambition but I have made a good living. Not every one is cut out to be a merchant banker. It would be hard to find a job in a school better than the one I am in. I have been fortunate.

Similarly, your DS may not know that he is lobnely as he has nothing to compare

I agree. But he certainly knew what unhappy was when he was at school. Thats why we took him out.

'Do you like it more here where you have children calling for you to play with you and you play baseball etc with them, or at home where that doesn't happen but you have your swing and you go horseriging with your mum?2 would give a more indicative answer?

That was more or less what I asked. He said he preferred to be home because he had more time for his music at home.

Hi Jabed, in your shoes I would trust my instincts, and do what I felt was right.

The good thing is, no decision is for life. You can always change your mind.

Children change a lot at Primary School age. I think around age 8-9 most children really need a good group of friends/peers. I think my DC learn a lot of social skills at school.

As to living in a village, we moved from massive city to village and we LOVE it, our quality of life as immeasurably improved. Kids play outside, unsupervised (or semi-supervised) , easy to socialise with other families, kids' mates live nearby, so easy to come and play, it is all lovely and not too restrictive as there's a bus into the big town for when they're teens. The air smells nice. Life is less hectic.

Jabed- no it turns out that I am not older than you- but not far off. I feel as if the couple of years is a generation, though! Why won't you respond to the Scouting movement suggestion made by so many people?

I would rather not comment Sorry.

Children are fine with just parents until about 8 years - that is when friends become increasingly important.

The Scouts seem the obvious answer to me - giving my 3 core elements of childhood, benign neglect, friends and mud. They are also truly international and he could go to a meeting in UK one week and turn up at one in Canada the next and they would see it as an advantage.

I never meant to imply that all HE children were sheep, I was trying to elaborate on how I value the school experience because of the opportunities school-ed presents, what that means to me. Compared to what OP said, mine is a rather different (contrasting) framework, & set of top priorities, in how to get the best out of DC. I didn't know how to explain it without details.

Just because you haven't read the book doesn't mean it isn't exactly your way of thinking. Your family is totally cut out for HE, Jabed. Especially with the lifestyle-Canada thing.

The old-fashioned way to solve your dilemma is to provide your DS with siblings. Fostering, adoption?

I wouldn't want to live in a village, either. Damn, it annoys me when Xenia & I agree on anything.

The thing is, jabed, that at home he does not have boys calling and asking him to play - and you feel he would benefit from that. F

Thats because there are no children his age. A neighbour has two girls. One is older. She comes around. She comes because my DS accompanies her recorder playing on the piano. It gives her a chance to practice for school.

If it isn't going to happen naturally you need to put effort into doing social things - ones where you leave him to get on with it. The HE community must have lots on offer, even if you have to travel.

My kids go to school & rarely get anyone calling to play. The usual modern social mechanism, for a child as young as 5-6, is playdates & how would Jabed's DW connect to the other parents to arrange that?

DC do lots & lots of clubs & make extremely few friends thru those.

The travelling lifestyle itself also cuts into opportunities to make friends, it's the lack of regular consistent contact.

I hate to bang on about it, but why don't you like the idea of Scouts? It sounds perfect your son- a good way of gently broadening his horizons

Still no comment. Can we leave that one there? Thank you.

I see the problem as lack of consistent contact. Scouts gives the continuity since it is one thing that is similar in both places - however we will have to respect that you don't want to consider it. Perhaps the music is the thing to base activities on.

What about woodcraft folk in UK and... er, is there a Canadian equivalent?

But only expect socialising at the club itself, ime, it won't spill over into social life away from the club.

Since he's clever, long term you'd like to look at things like Lego club & science camps. Are Canadians into summer camps the way Americans are? Residential camps are a good way to get the intense social interaction he's missing, and once he has his own mobile phone his social life (via texting) could explode on the back of those camps.

If you approve of the people he'd be mixing with, of course.

Nothing like residential camps to make friends- but I think you need to be 8yrs - too young beforehand.

"I hate to bang on about it, but why don't you like the idea of Scouts? It sounds perfect your son- a good way of gently broadening his horizons

Still no comment. Can we leave that one there? Thank you."

Ah. feral children? Akela dropping her aitches? Red wine with fish at the fund raising supper?

I don't think you actually wand suggestions at all. I think you want people to say "oh, no, everything's fine, just carry on the way you're going"

Ah. feral children? Akela dropping her aitches? Red wine with fish at the fund raising supper?

No, and I am not going to comment.

Nothing like residential camps to make friends- but I think you need to be 8yrs - too young beforehand

Absolutely, and even at 8 a child is vulnerable.

Perhaps the music is the thing to base activities on

Thats going through my mind too.

I grew up in a village. In some ways it was idyllic and I had a happy childhood, but I also felt isolated and if I hadn't had several siblings, I would have been very lonely. I was the youngest person in the village. It only had a bus service once a week, it didn't have any shops. Whether you were religious or not, if you wanted a social life you went to church and let the parish council have their meetings in your house, because the church was the only official meeting point in the village. Then you got to enjoy some of the eccentricities of village life, of which I now have very fond memories, looking back from an adult perspective.... I have not chosen the same option for my children - there just weren't enough young people living there, so my learning experience was of the delightful eccentricities of grown ups (and some of the sadnesses) and I didn't get enough contact in the village with other children.

I don't think it is actually that judgmental to think that someone who has a panic attack in the street because a "rough looking person" asked them the way to the High Street has led an impoverished life. Daily life should not be that alarming to you. And the same person did not have a fulfilled marriage with her 68-year old antique dealer. Not once she realised he wanted a sexual relationship, which she thought was disgusting in a man of his age and showed he didn't understand HER needs and sensitivities after all (which were not actually that refined - I think she hoped he would die fairly soon and leave her his money, which she could use to continue isolating herself from the wrong sort of people). She also didn't really want to hang around to be his nursemaid as he got older. She wanted a daddy to protect her without considering what he might want back in return. Unsurprisingly, the marriage was not a happy one and didn't last.

Absolutely, and even at 8 a child is vulnerable.

You are always vulnerable. DS had an interview in London yesterday-as a young man alone he is certainly vulnerable. You don't stop them doing it. You risk assess and then they do it themselves.
An 8 yr old can manage a properly organised children's camp-if they themselves want to do it. DS won a bursary to an outward bound course when he was 14-he didn't know anyone and had a wonderful time. It did wonders for his self confidence.
You can't control your DCs entire environment-and if you do I don't think it healthy. It has been OK up to now but you have to start letting go and letting him learn how to make friends, solve disputes, try new things etc.