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Why are quieter children so undervalued?

82 replies

googlenut · 13/07/2012 23:05

I've got three children, some extrovert and some introvert. And each year some teacher will bring up the more introverted ones quietness as if it was a fault. It really irritates me, anyone else?

OP posts:
Morebiscuitsplease · 31/07/2012 21:35

Very interested as have two quiet children. Eldest is getting more confident with the help of an excellent teacher. As many others have said, she too is well behaved, thoughtful and thinks about things. There are some very confident children in her class and I think the class dynamic has a lot to play. She will sing in public and has read in public out of school. So....
With my youngest Pre school used the word BUT she is so very quiet. She is quiet in large groups They were surprised she did so well in her assessments.um quiet does not mean stupid. She takes everything in.
Neither children are quiet at home but our household is calm and quiet.
I agree that teachers see it as an obstacle but with the right approach can help. Shall look at the suggested book.

outtolunchagain · 01/08/2012 08:23

Interesting I have a quiet but confident ds1 now 18 and quite insightful.

He is academically quite able but does not see the need ,as he puts it,to sit at the front of the class grinning at the teacher and proffering his options to everyone else.Some teachers(the less able ones I my opinion) have found this difficult and have gone on about needing to be more vocal with his opinions etc,one actually said that he spent his time not concentrating in the lessons and wouldn't do very well ... just because he tended to listen and then form his own opinions.He got an A .Grin

His attitude has always been (even at primary school) that he knows he knows ,why does he have to show the teacher.The whole thing about " he needs to speak more in class to show me he understands" is completely lost on him .He is also not good at meaningless chit chat and sometimes this can make it hard in his peer group ,but he has a small close knit group of friends and that's fine

Bonsoir · 01/08/2012 08:31

I think that somewhere along the line many people have got confused about desirable character traits in the (in my opinion, appalling) celebrity culture that has grown up in the past 20 years. Children showing off and being loud, and "performance parenting", are just two examples of behaviours that would have been totally frowned upon in my own childhood, a generation ago, and are now almost encouraged.

alimumoftwins · 03/08/2012 10:54

I have just deregistered my 15 year old twins from school and am going to home educate from September. They were so badly bullied at school by kids over all years - they were such easy targets being identical twins, had not one friend and couldn't socialise. They never spoke in school and had continuous panic attacks through the day. The school couldn't/wouldn't help them. The bullying culiminated in school phobia and I feel it has affected them mentally. They become so intraverted I feel they are damaged by the system. Every time we went to the school they highlighted their shyness - as being the problem. How can it be changed when it is part of who you are! The more bullied they were the more introverted they became. I see so many traits in them from when I was a child. We get them out every day and are trying to boost their confidence. Thankfully their stress levels have gone but they are very lonely children with very low self esteem which makes me deeply unhappy. I am taking one day at a time with them at the moment. The only people they are themselves with are myself and their dad. I even wonder if they are on the autistic spectrum and it has been completely missed. My god they've suffered over the last 4 years and I only wish I'd been brave enough to take them out of school earlier.

tiggytape · 03/08/2012 12:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoosh · 05/08/2012 19:21

My dd is v quiet, like I can be at times, and sometimes i can see it causes her anguish. I have tried to help her express herself with drama and talking at home but I know it can be hard. At school, when teachers tell me she is quiet I ask them whether she answers when they ask her a direct question and they always say yes, so I ask them to help her build her confidence in a group by asking her a direct question.

Ann3 · 07/08/2012 12:03

I have many introverted children in my classes across the keystages: bright motivated, able and conscientious in reading and writing - just not in speaking and listening. The English curriculum is split into these three aspects and teachers HAVE to report back on them in individual paired and group tasks. The way around this is to have a group of six or so and to circulate using the TA. teachers have to report back honestly, as this is an aspect where it is possible to get A* at GCSE in this aspect, and contributes 1/3 weighting to the overall KS3 level. So while it feels it's a comment on personality of a child ( I am an intovert) it's not intended that way it is more of an assessment of listening and speaking skills which are statutory.And if this aspect impacted on poetntial I'm sure most parents would wish to know in order to encourage and build confidence.

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