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Education

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Original poster

Do you think it is wrong to take money to send your kids to PRIVATE SCHOOL?

66 replies

drosophila · 04/02/2006 20:32

Says it all really. I know someone who is doing this. Granny is helping out financially because they have hit a severe financial crisis from which there is no escape.

Meanwhile the other grandchildren get nothing.

How far would you go to keep your child at private school?

OP posts:

chipkid · 04/02/2006 20:35

If the child is settled there-probably quite a way to ensure that they did not have to be uprooted and moved.
What is it with these private education threads tonight?

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 04/02/2006 20:35

are you sure you know the full story? my mum has helped all 3 of us out at different times but she knocks it off our share of the inheritance. which is emminently fair imo.

starlover · 04/02/2006 20:36

it would depend on the situation, but....

if the child/ren are already in private school, and they know that at some point they will be able to resume paying for it themselves i think that's fine.

surely better than taking the kids out of a school they know and are settled in and putting them back in state school?

hercules · 04/02/2006 20:36

If my child was settled there then I would be selfish I'm afraid.

How far would I go? Iwould be prepared to make a few sacrifices but nothing too life changing.

starlover · 04/02/2006 20:37

i actually think it can be very difficult for a child to go from private to state school as well. ime.

and how do you know the other grandchildren will get nothing?

lucy5 · 04/02/2006 20:39

I think it might be that people try to keep their kids where they are happy and settled. lots of people move but keep grannys postal address to keep or get their kids into a private school.

My dd is educated privately because we live in Spain and the Spanish system wasnt for her. we are able to pay for this but if god forbid something should happen that we couldnt I would take a handout rather than put her into the Spanish system where she would be miserable. Obviously my case is different from being in the UK but if people think they are doing the best for their child be it state or private, im sure people would do what they could too keep them there.

bran · 04/02/2006 20:39

I think that's reasonable if the children were already settled at the school before the financial crisis happened. I also don't necessarily think that all the grandchildren have to be treated the same financially, perhaps the other grandchildren will be given some money in the future, for university for instance.

In Ireland it's not that unusual for the grandparents to pay the shool fees, it's a way of passing on wealth without having to pay inheritance tax. But then private education is much cheaper there and much, much more common.

Original poster

drosophila · 04/02/2006 20:41

Because my two are two of the grandchildren. I know the story pretty well. The granny is using her life savings so that two of her grandchildren can go to private schol. Frankly I don't see the financial situation changing.

OP posts:

starlover · 04/02/2006 20:44

well... it's her money.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 04/02/2006 20:46

ahh hence the "Take". If it is being offered I don't see a problem. what was your mum/mil going to do with the money anyway? If you are worried about siblings/other grandchildren perceiving this as unfair then have a word with granny and express that to her - ask her to make sure it all seems fair in the end and ask her to reassure others involved that this is the case.

ScummyMummy · 04/02/2006 20:48

I wouldn't send mine in the first place but if i did then would probably accept the money because I'd be a different person, one who believed that private school was important for my children.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 04/02/2006 20:53

or, thinking about it, she could just "reassure" them that it's her money to do whatever she likes with!

Socci · 04/02/2006 21:01

Message withdrawn

pepperrabbit · 04/02/2006 21:08

Doesn't bother me in the slightest that my parents might help my sisters kids stay at their school, nor that they bought my younger brother a car. It's their money, it's not a secret and we're all making our own way in life.
I want my parents to be happy and to do what they want with their money and have no interest or expectation whatsoever in inheriting anything.
Also, when younger my sister and I moved schools more time than most people have hot dinners depending on my parents financial situation, I wouldn't wish it on anyone to move sectors halfway through a term, to be called too common by the private girls and too posh by the state kids.
Made me tougher but not necessarily happier.

hercules · 04/02/2006 21:08

Dh's parents will and are distributing their money very unevenly between all 3 children- dh getting a lot less. However there are reasons and we respect their choice.

hercules · 04/02/2006 21:09

also of course it's their money and we too are making our own way in life.

jampots · 04/02/2006 21:20

in response to the thread title, no I dont think its wrong to accept money to send children to private school.

My friend asked her dad for 10k to pay off her credit card - that is much worse IMO

bloss · 05/02/2006 04:53

Message withdrawn

Original poster

drosophila · 05/02/2006 07:51

Yes it is their money but when you know that the granny really can't aford it and is going without herself (and I do mean going without) so that two of her grandchildren go to private school would you still think it was OK.

I have no expectation of getting money from parents or inlaws and have never had a penny from either nor do I expect it but when I see something that is so wrong it makes me cross. Also when granny makes comments to us along the lines that 'well you know how bad the state schools are I can't bear to see those kids having to go to a state school'. Where the F* does she think her other grandchildren are going and does she think it may be the slightest bit insulting to talk like that to us.

OP posts:

mszebra · 05/02/2006 08:15

Inheritance is rarely fair.

Blandmum · 05/02/2006 08:31

At least granny is interested enough to help.

DHs father died earlier on in the year, and left over a million. Nothing went to his sons or his grand children. Not s asingle penny or tiny keepsake.

He always was a prize arsehole and death didn't change him.

Socci · 05/02/2006 09:45

Message withdrawn

Blandmum · 05/02/2006 09:48

he left all his estate to his second wife. They had no children of their own

The stingy bastard never even gave dhs mother a little extra to take the kids on holiday, in spite of being rather well off. He paid the legal minimum (and at that time it was so little the kids were on free school meals) and that was it. Seldom sent a christmas gift, never sent a birthday car, let alone a gift.

He always was a tosser

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 09:50

Why is it wrong? If someone wants to give me money, I'm in no position to say no.

My dad's given me money. I won't lie. He's given some to my sister as well. He doesn't keep a scorecard to knock it off our inheritance, he couldn't care less. He has it to spare.

If he wants to provide his granddaughters w/something, I won't deny it to them.

Beetroot · 05/02/2006 09:51

sounds a bit like my dad, MB.

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