Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Education

Join the discussion on our Education forum.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Do you think it is wrong to take money to send your kids to PRIVATE SCHOOL?

66 replies

drosophila · 04/02/2006 20:32

Says it all really. I know someone who is doing this. Granny is helping out financially because they have hit a severe financial crisis from which there is no escape.

Meanwhile the other grandchildren get nothing.

How far would you go to keep your child at private school?

OP posts:

sansouci · 05/02/2006 09:52

We've gone far. My mother & stepfather pay for private education for dd & will also pay for ds as of next year. they help us out financially. I feel badly about it but dd & ds are their only grandchildren & they are very happy to do anything to help them. we're extremely fortunate but there are strings attached. of course. as the old saying goes, there's no such thing as a free lunch!

Enid · 05/02/2006 09:52

exactly that happened to my dad a few years ago mb - his second wife promised to give money to my dad and his brother but in fact then buggered off to Ireland without leaving a contact address or telephone number. Nice! Especially as some of his money was earned by my dads mum who would have been devastated to hear that her boys didnt get any. grrrrrrrrr>>

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 10:04

Where do people get off on this inheritance business - 'It's not fair!' 'I got nothing!'?

It's SOMEONE ELSE'S MONEY, FFS! If they want to blow the lot on cards and whores that's entirely their business. How'd you like it if someone made judgements on how you spent the money you have? Hell, people take the strop over how others feed their babies, I can't imagine the slanging that would go on if you applied the same to how you spend money.

I have no idea how much my dad's given my sister, nor do I give a fat rat's ass. B/c it's his money. I didn't earn a penny. If he wants to give it to me I'll take it and not ask questions. It's his business what he does w/his life. I don't love him b/c of hte money he has, so far be it from me to say, 'Oh, he's an arsehole b/c he didn't leave me anything and he left my sister more.' or 'I'm really hurt'. Huh? I had a good dad. That's worth more than all the money in the world.

Want money to go buy a bigger house, send your kid to private school, blow on cards and whores? Go earn it! 'Nuff said.

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:08

Would love to be able to earn the money ourselves, expat. Not possible, unfortunately. Huge dilemma. I'm glad someone introduced this topic.

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:13

now i've killed the thread.

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 10:16

I'm not exactly rolling in it myself. But if someone offered, I take it and not question the source. Certainly wouldn't 'keep score' with a sibling or other family as to how much they got in relation to me. B/c it's not my money and therefore not my business.

Basing one's feelings for someone, especially a family member, on money is just sad, IMO.

As for wanting to earn more, it's always possible, it's just that it's usually not a very fun, fast or easy process. I'm there myself. It's a hard slog that sux. Such is life. If you really want it you'll do what it takes.

Socci · 05/02/2006 10:19

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 10:24

Don't mean to come across as nasty, I really don't, but I don't get that, Soci. I don't see where being a parent means you have to want to leave them money, anymore than being a parent means you want to buy your kids a house. How it is that a parent's responsibility. B/c tbh, I don't think I'm going to have any money to leave my kids. I'd be really crushed if I brought them up to feel that means I was less of a parent. That's SO tragic!

I mean, why does parenting have to be about money like that?

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:28

Well expat, i see your point. I guess being wealthy doesn't matter as much to me as spending time with dc & having freedom. when I worked in an office, I felt as though I was doing a life-sentence. I have a BFA, majoring in photojournalism when it was the be-all & end-all to own a Leica & process your own film & make the perfect b&w print in the darkroom. I loved it, even though I knew I was never going to be a billionaire doing it. I teach English privately to bankers now & take care of home & family. As for dh, he's 56 & a chartered accountant, doing internal audit (which he loathes). He still dreams of making a serious pile of money but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. I tell him that health, loving family, etc mean more than all the money in the world but I know he regrets our relative lack of money. Living in one of the most expensive countries in the world doesn't help but this is where fate brought us, not really choice.

mszebra · 05/02/2006 10:28

My dad pointed out that parents give money to their children/descendents according to perceived need, not according to fairness. So the granny in this case perceives greater need for the children she's paying to put in private school to be there. It's the need that counts.

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:30

I see we're talking more about inheritance here but I feel like a vulture imagining the day that I inherit. If there's actually anything left at the rate things are going!

Socci · 05/02/2006 10:31

Message withdrawn

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:34

Inheriting isn't "taking", btw

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:36

The reason why I want my kids to go to private school is because I'm hoping it will give them a better opportunity to make their own way & not have to rely on us or someone else to bail them out.

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 10:38

Not just inheritance, but the whole, 'He/she gave my sister/brother/etc. money and 'knocked it off their inheritance''. Like it's some kind of Excel spreadsheet.

LIFE isn't fair, much less how one dole's out money. It goes so much better when you just get over that and move on.

Original poster

drosophila · 05/02/2006 10:38

Percieved needs is just another way of say you favour one child over the other. We have had a financial crisis recently. DP was made redundant and we were living on one salary. I think our need was greater. Food on the table in my book is more important than Private School.

I think DP and I see life differently to our siblings. We are on our own and expect no help financial or otherwise from our parents or inlaws. It is never offered either. I do get annoyed when I see people taking advantage of their parents. I'm not saying that every time a parent gives money they are being taken advantage of but in this case I have described the piss is bing taken as far as I am concerned.

My brother is trying to get my mum to sign over her home to him before she dies so he can avoid inheritance tax. SHe doen't want to and she doesn't trust him. I worry about this situation and will keep an eye on it and feel it is my duty to do so.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 10:39

Private school has NO bearing on the opportunities one makes in life. That's drive, self-confidence, the willingness to slog it out, be flexible, resourceful, humility, learning from yours and others' mistakes, etc. Those are ALL qualities that parents can give to their kids. And they don't cost a penny!

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:42

Food on the table & roof over one's head is definitely more important than private education. absolutely no contest there. but are pride & self-respect more important?

Socci · 05/02/2006 10:47

Message withdrawn

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:47

I was just thinking that, expat. I help dd with her homework & look forward to spending time with her & ds after school. I didn't have that as both my parents worked & I am sure that as a result, I didn't develop the necessary study habits. I am determined to supervise homework until they have established their own self-discipline.

sansouci · 05/02/2006 10:48

But I disagree with it "not costing a penny". being available for your kids means that you can't work a full day.

blueshoes · 05/02/2006 10:55

I agree with mszebra about need and not fairness. If it was need, I don't see how the other children/grandchildren can complain. And I do think it is a need to keep the grandchildren in a stable school environment with their friends (even if there are alternative and viable state options available) esp when their home environment might be going t_ts up because of the sudden change in financial situation.

I suppose the other children/grandchildren might perceive it as unfair if the parents were opposed to private schooling on principle ... but hey, surely principles should be put to one side when a child's happiness is at stake. JMO

I agree that children should not expect their parents to give them a financial leg up (over and above bringing them up). But as a parent, I DO want to leave my dd a material legacy simply because every bit counts, even if that legacy might be in terms of a private education because the state option was not in my dd's interests.

expatinscotland · 05/02/2006 10:56

Huh? My dad worked a full day and was there for us.

I work a full day. I work two jobs, in fact. How does that mean a person isn't there for their kids? If they're at school, they're gone 6 hours a day as it is.

As for homework, the point is they're supposed to try to do it themselves.

I don't see where working full time has much bearing. My sister works full time as a teacher all day, her husband as an engineer. They're 'there' for their kids and still manage to oversee their homework. Their kids have excellent study habits.

Pride and self-respect are priceless. Not just academically, but in life. When you respect yourself, you know you can rely on yourself to get where you need or want to be, regardless of the challenges you face.

drosophila · 05/02/2006 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

blueshoes · 05/02/2006 11:06

dropsopilia, your point is interesting. In the case of perceived need, squeaky wheel gets the grease. I do think that if the situation hypothetically applied to youie your parents bled themselves financially to keep your nephews/nieces in school whilst you and dh struggled to put food on the table, then clearly there is something very wrong there. The money is not going to the place of greatest need.

I admire your pride in not asking for handouts in such a situation. But if it was a case of your parents not simply ignoring your need but not knowing your need, then I guess I would have to be knocking on their doors - just ot make sure my children don't lose out. That is, if I felt strongly that the money should come to my family. Otherwise, can I really complain? If siblings are clamouring for inheritance when there is no real need, then that is greed, pure and simple. Keep an eye on your bro ...

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread