Do you think it is wrong to take money to send your kids to PRIVATE SCHOOL?

[drosophila]

Says it all really. I know someone who is doing this. Granny is helping out financially because they have hit a severe financial crisis from which there is no escape.

Meanwhile the other grandchildren get nothing.

How far would you go to keep your child at private school?

My grandmother paid for my brothers to go to boarding school, the money ran out/my mum didn't want me to go to boarding school/grandma didn't believe in 'girls' education etc meant I didn't go until I hit 6th form.

Consequently I have seen all aspects of state and public schools as I also ended up at a private crammer college.

I wouldn't agree to it unless ALL grandchildren get eh same.

My parents pay for my neice ATM, BUT the money spent/given will be adjusted when my parents die. IYKWIM. My parents helped me in this way and I 'owe' about £8K from my inheritence already.

BUT if my parents were to keel over tomorrow there would be enough coming to me and to my brothers to send all our children to private school so TBH it is not an issue.

So do you KNOW the full situation of your friend? To an outside it could look like my neice is getting money, while the other children not. BUT we all know that they will'pay it back' in the end. At some point we will have to make the choice for our children. Private school or money in teh bank for thier future.

Oops wrote my post after reading just the OP.

Drop I do understand why you feel hurt.

It is all weel and good to say inheritence is not 'your' money and that someone can do what they like. BUT it is hard when it seems so unfair. TBH.

I know others find the sreadsheet inheritemce type thing odd, BUT it means I can consider private school if I want, I can be happy for my brother without thinking, well he's got one dd so he can afford it, I've got 2 so I can't.

Also in our family it is quite open, my poor mother when she gets a new piece of jewellery we all decide who's getting it Totally mercenery, but really funny to us

Maybe granny has agreed to fund until the end of the school year (July). In a lot of cases you would have to give a terms notice in any event so if this is a new circumstance then it would appear they'd be paying until July anyway.

On the other hand you could send your children to private school and ask if she'd foot the bill due to your work situation?

Message withdrawn

We had a similar situation a few years ago where it looked as if we would have to pull our eldest out of private education and the grandparents were asked for help and they refused.
Personally I will never forgive them as they know I will spend the inheritance on the girls education anyway and hubby is an only child so there's nobody else to consider.
As it was i sold a BTL property and we were fine in the end.
I really believe you should start to send a child to private school unless you have at least a years fees in savings for each child.

All children are different and some do better in different settings .. so I would say it depends.

We have 2 beautiful daughters and the eldest has been in private school since she was aged 7 (she is now 14). The youngest has and will be remaining in the state sector. For all sorts of reasons this is the best choice for both of them. This is obviously a different question but it all comes down to what is best for the child concerned.

Slyvm - that's interesting we have struggled with this dilema for years because we have one child that i feel needs private education more than the other, everyone i have ever suggested we might do this to has been horrfied.

I think realising any way you can funds from your own resources is preferable to asking grandparents, and it really is up to the grandparents if they take from their assets to help out or not.

I would say Angela, that I have had this attitude a lot especially when they were both primary school age and theoretically would have been at the same school. It is really not an issue now DD1 (private school) is 14 and comes home on the coach.

When she was at prep school (where she got a scholarship) there were several people who had 1 at each but I know that this is not always the case. We have researched in great detail and there is simply not a private school which would be suitable for DD2

Some grandparents/older people are actually advised, when is certain financial situations, to help out with things like school fees as it can help their tax planning. I know Dh has made such suggestions when working with some of his clients.

Unfortunately Dh's parents are both teachers who believe 110% in state education, which i believed in too 50 years ago.
They have no concept of life for children in city schools these days and wouldn't last 5 minutes teaching them.
I agree it's up to them what they do with their money and as we are now over that particular crisis I shall spend most of it on a new kitchen and lots of jimmy choo's. That'll make the tight fists old buggers turn in their graves for sure

expat

as it happend dh and i do work hard and we can send our kids to private school.

my issues with dh's later father stem more from the issue That in his whle sorry life he never realy gave them anything of worth. He never spent any time with them, invested any emotion in them.

He lest them when dh was 13, there were 4 of them and he never once dipped his hand in his pocket to help their mother get them schoes, or take them on holiday....and this from the man who used to stay in a suite in the Hilton or te Ritz when he visited the UK.

He would ring them possibley 2-3 times a year. In the year my dh was diagnosed with caner her rang 3 time over the year, his only concern being that dh's cancer would leave him at greater risk of getting it too.

The man was a workaholic and only ever saw value in money. And when he died, he didn't bother to remember his children in his will. THus he was saying that they were worthless.

As a matter of fact we don't need his money, and never have. Others of dhs brothers were more emptionaly affected by his total neglect and could have used some help. But their father, in death as in life, regected them

expat, you sound as if you've got everything in order. good for you! my parents were both teachers so in essence, they should have been able to be there for me after school. However, if you know anything about teaching, most of the work takes place outside the classroom. Preparation & marking. Anyway. My dh's 1st marriage fell apart for many reasons but one of the main stresses was the difficulty of long working hours & too much time wasted in commuting (she worked irregular hours at Heathrow while he commuted from Surrey to the City). Their girls were left with an au pair who let them watch tv instead of doing homework & then lied about it. In a perfect world, we'd be able to leave the office early enough to be home before dinner. Unfortunately, for many of us, it's not possible.

Drosophila, isn't this a conversation you ought to be having with your parents? Easy to say, I know, and hard to do but perhaps they just don't realise how you are feeling. Or that you have/have had financial worries.

My uncle pays for his two grandchildren to go to private school (a) because he wanted to (b) they are his only grandchildren (c) he can afford to

MartianB do you think it is possible that this horrid man and his 2nd wife made mutual wills ie she has promised to leave money to his family (your DH etc) on her death?