Any middle class parents who can afford independent but went state?

[VolvoMo]

Hello. I'm wondering if there are any properly middle class parents (professionals etc) out there that can comfortably afford private education, but thought or found it unnecessary. Perhaps there are good state schools in their area ? Of course, there are many struggling middle class parents (ourselves, alas) that agonize over whether the financial sacrifice is worth it, and of course those who go private are convinced that it is. The glossy brochures and websites do paint an achingly idyllic picture of independent school life, but is it style over substance ? Has anyone out there gone private and been a bit disappointed with the additional benefits ?

The majority of my local friends are middle class and have opted for state. I don't consider myself in that category, I don't think we are middle class and we certainly couldn't afford private education.

Most of my friends have opted for state over private because they feel that the state options are good enough. The local private schools have better academic results and more extra curricula activities on offer but it comes with a hefty price tag and friends have told me that they are notbprepared to fork out £3k per month (2 children) when they don't have to.

Yup. Three kids in three different state schools (primary and secondary now). None of the schools are uber-desirable m/c 'honeypot' schools, one has a distinctly average ofsted (though is improving).

Child no. 1 is now in 6th form wiht 11A* at GCSE under her belt, and is being encouraged to apply for Oxford. Child no. 2, less self-motivated and less naturally academic, but still doing well and being set challenging targets by the school (though I do have to apply the thumbscrews at home as well). Child 3 is bonkers but also doing well at primary (though undoubtedly with less neat handwriting than she would have in a posh private school).

All have done well at very mixed inner-London schools, and are more emotionally robust than they might have been in a more protected environments. Child no. 2 (boy) does a lot of extra-curricular through school (sport, mainly) but does clubs outside school as well. Child 1 had very little on offer through school, but is doing sport to quite a high level outside. Child 3 has various stuff on offer at primary school, which can be a bit hit and miss, but also does music and athletics outside school. I think it's a positive advantage that they have to use their initiative a bit more to find activities they enjoy, rather than it all being on tap at school, and also that they have a different peer group through sport or music than just being with the same people from school all the time.

None of my dc are at the kinds of schools that people move house/sell a kidney/go on the game for, btw. People have been known to pull a cats bum mouth when the names of my younger two dc's schools are mentioned in conversation. That's their problem, not ours.

We are in a very comfortable financial position where school fees for 3 children really aren't a problem and up until now have gone state. We looked at a number of schools and decided that our local state school offered everything we wanted for primary. It is an excellent school where DS1 is absolutely thriving and is very happy. Our initial intention had been to move him private at 7 but he was happy so we didn't, we then thought that we would move him at 9 to prepare for private secondary but as he is happy we didn't and the intention is now to leave him for secondary and we are not even going to go down the exam preparation route despite having him assessed and being advised that he would be a suitable Westminster /St Pauls candidate. If he wishes to go to a private 6th form or even boarding school he will have our full support.

DD is currently state but, all being well, will be moving to a prep school in September as she is miserable at the current school, same school as DS1 and is not achieving her potential in any way.

The plan is that DS2 will go to the state school all the way through unless it becomes clear that he would be better served elsewhere.

We took the view that we would consider all the options, both state and private and choose the one we felt best for the children. I believe that the state school my children are at is excellent and it delivers all the things that I look for in a school and with regards to DS1 have never felt that being state has shortchanged him. However, a one size fits all approach does not work hence moving DD elsewhere.

Being able to comfortably afford private gives choice to make those decisions but we have never been and never will be of the view that private school is always better because there are some great state schools and IMO it would be foolish to dismiss them outright just because you are not paying for them.

I guess this is us. We choose state as we can walk, there is a strong community feel and we think the children will have a balanced education. My dd could get into our nearest academic private schools but it would mean a commute and friends from miles away.

We also thought long and hard, and chose state. Current economic climate, I am glad we did, as at present time, it would've been a struggle.

As this forum is anonymous, I can honestly say that, around here, the only people who I know who chose private are minor celebs, would be minor celebs, oil brokers, and property developers. The average "middle class" parents (doctors, lawyers, accountants etc) all send their children to the local state schools. Strange, but true...

Actually, thinking about it, my friend who is a genuine minor celeb, has just switched from private to state as she wanted a bit more grounding for her son.

You don't have to be middle class to afford private school - working class people can be well off you know.

Hmm no way would fees for 3 be anything other than a severe financial stretch for us but we would have done should it have proved best for the kids.

I think your take on this really depends on what your local schools are like, particularly at secondary. If you have a selective system it changes things hugely.

All 3 of mine are academically able and highly selective grammars are/have served them very well. Possibly the private schools are less academic because, clearly, even if yo have a very academic child and can pay, you'd probably still send them the grammar route, so that cohort is "top sliced" from all schools.

It was really a hard choice for the youngest as she got a part fees scholarship but we turned it down, as they wanted us to educate her their to 18 and TBH it might not have been ideal at 6th form level.

Could afford private and certainly many other of DH's medical collegues do,but we have excellent Ofsted 'outstanding' high school (Catholic,but that is another thread ) so we have gone with that for eldest 3 DC'S and DC4 will follow in due course.
We are both state educated ourselves.

Can afford private education without much sacrifice.

Chose not to. DCs 1 & 2 at state primary. Was satisfactory but now good ofsted. Is fine for them.

We decided to go state not because it was necessarily the better option in some respects, but because we didn't feel it was worse - or bad enough to warrant buying into independent education.

The things that might have drawn us to independent schools i.e. avoiding larger classes, the ethos, the uniforms, the comfort and the affluence of the other parents, were not to us important factors.

That said, we are reasonably fortunate in that local school are generally at worst adequate IYSWIM. Though we didn't get into either first or second choice schools.

I was state educated, both parents privately educated (my mother with scholarship, my father at 'elite' public school) but politically left. DH also went to public school - his parents were state educated and self-made and are very much of the opinion that you get what you pay for and that private school by virtue of being paid for is inherently better than state.

Some great responses here, thank you. Especially to Maybetimeforachange for the reminder that there is no automatic need to dismiss a good state school that fits a particular child.

Perceptionrealiy: yes of course, there are many working class parents who can more than afford a private education, and many do go that route. My question was simply aimed at the middle class parents that are, in a sense, beyond class fixation and therefore, less swayed by the class inducements of a private education.

Er "middle-class parents are beyond class fixation" ... i don't think I'll be alone in disagreeing with you there, IMO middle-class people are MORE class obsessed than anyone else.

So there are no social climbers amongst the middle class? Absolute balderdash!

I've had a rubbish day but this thread has cheered me up no end - a spoof surely?

We could afford to go private but luckily ds passed the 11 plus so gets an excellent grammar school education for nothing . If he'd failed I would have sent him private as the high schools are not that good and he needs pushing.

wiggly, member (no pun intended) obviously the middle classes are the most class obsessed strata, but the nuance of my sentence was that there are some within the middle class that are not so "obsessed". Not myself, clearly, but some of the people posting are grounded enough to be beyond class anxiety. Having said that, while middle class people are generally focussed on their mobility, the working class are fixated on broadcasting their "roots" and lack of pretensions, usually in inverse proportion to their achievements (ie. the ones who have done well shout loudest about their humble background).

volvo as an objective arriviste I can assure you that the MC are still utterly obssessed with class.

But many of the traditional middle class professions simply no longer pay enough to cover school fees and a large mortgage.

I also think that some people in the MC are pretty complacent. Arrogant perhaps. They are so assured of their entitlement to their rightful position in the world.
We of humbler origins know how feckin' hard life can be and take absolutely no chances for our DC.

Volvo do you know many working class people?
I think status anxiety (and I think education choices are often influenced by status anxiety) is near universal among all classes but equally, those able to ignore it pop up among all levels of society.

To answer your question, I do know many professional people (some, like my father, privately educated) who could have afforded private schooling but didn't choose it, however most of them are older and were influenced by the left wing mores of the sixties and seventies. It is not so common among my generation to send your children state when you went private.

My Dad says the massive increase in GP's pay (since his day)has increased the number of doctor's children at private school!

I suppose us. We have the money in the bank to pay for all of secondary school in a private school. However it would leave us with no savings and selfishly I'd rather have the money for me and dh/our future.

We've had a good village primary and a place at the local grammar for secondary.

Our eldest go to the nearest state primary and we plan to keep them there unless it becomes apparent that the school isn't right for them. We will keep our children in the state system if they get into grammar schools. If one turns out to be weaker, academically, then we will look at prep/senior schools, but I'm not shelling out for under 7s, as I'd rather they messed around with lego and paint on Mr Gove's credit card rather than mine.

We might have been able to have afforded private if we had lived in a less pleasant area. We could probably have afford it with our first child, although the way fees have increased we are pleased no to have committed ourselves to that burden.
We choose state. Actually with DD1 I did view private schools from 4, but decided the state option was as good. With DS I viewed private secondaries, but decided if he could get into the good state if far outweighed the private if you factor in the commute.
The state schools here though are very good, and my children have gone through some of the best, and have had fabulous opportunities, and more money for extras/help and maybe even some help with Uni at the end of the day.

It depends what you mean by afford. We could go private and not have to make the MN cliche sacrifices of no holidays and a beaten-up car (we've got one of those already). We would have a much bigger mortgage and borrow money from g parents. However, we don't have enough money to be able to spare 45k a year for what I see as no real benefit, or at the very least an unproven benefit to my children. I've no doubt that my dcs might be a little more academically pushed in a private and there is probably some benefit in a smaller class, but I don't know how rich I'd have to be to pay that much money for so little gain, when that money could be so much better used helping them through university or as deposits on property.
Besides from all that, we actually preferred our local (inner city, high fsm, eal etc) primary and probably would have chosen it over the grim privates we saw, even if we'd have had to pay for it. Not to mention, my old lefty attachment to state schooling.
ps PollyMorfic near namesake, great to hear how well yours have done in secondary too.

Polly, you have saved me from posting again as you have said exactly what i think, the cost-benefit analysis just does not work out for us.

I am sure our chlidren would prefer to have aged parents with enough pension/savings to look after themselves than impoverished ones moving in with them for twenty years!

I am a child of parents like this. We were well off as a family, but my parents believed in state education, so would never have considered independent schooling.

It did us no harm. My brother and sister both got As and A*s at GCSE and A'level and both left Cambridge with 1st class degrees (I am the dunce - As and Bs and a 2:1)

I think, if anything, it gave us a real appreciation of what we had and an ability to mix with anyone. The school we went to had a very mixed catchment area, so it was truly a comprehensive school.

I am glad my parents did that and will be doing the same for my DC.