Any middle class parents who can afford independent but went state?

[VolvoMo]

Hello. I'm wondering if there are any properly middle class parents (professionals etc) out there that can comfortably afford private education, but thought or found it unnecessary. Perhaps there are good state schools in their area ? Of course, there are many struggling middle class parents (ourselves, alas) that agonize over whether the financial sacrifice is worth it, and of course those who go private are convinced that it is. The glossy brochures and websites do paint an achingly idyllic picture of independent school life, but is it style over substance ? Has anyone out there gone private and been a bit disappointed with the additional benefits ?

I'm not sure about quite how "comfortable" it would have been, but yes private ed would have been an option, and instead our children go to the local state schools. We aren't really interested in the glossiness of it all, I have lots of friends and family and colleagues who went to private schools, and I know lots of parents who are sending their children to private schools, but I guess I agree with PollyParanoia, I think any benefit would be marginal, and the costs far outweigh a teensy bit of extra pushing or a bit of lacrosse or Latin (which you could always do anyway if you wanted).

Also we're raving lefties so it would be quite hard to abandon all that, our identity and values etc.

We opted for state as the local primary was so good. I didn't like the longer hours and masses of homework that the local preps had, the DDs would have had no time for their interests and to just chill out occasionally. We did enter them for a few independent secondaries but they both passed their 11 plus so they went to the girls grammar. We sent DD1 to an independent for 6th form and will do so again in September for DD2 but I don't think their years in state education have disadvantaged them in any way.

judging by the multi million pound driveways that the school bus picks up from outside, a fair few round here
let alone the cars at pickup time from after school clubs
and the numbers of mums I meet at the gym of a morning

ONLY in the centre of big cities, particularly London is the state system such a hassle
Mumsnet is DEEPLY unrepresentative of the population at large
94% of whom send their kids to state schools

We can't afford private but we could have if we had stopped at 2dcs. I would choose state as I don't think private did me any favours. I struggled at University because I wasn't used to having to actually do the work myself. My school didn't live up to the glossy brochure. I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times I used the 'state of the art computer suite', they thought they were great at sports but if you didn't show talent straight away you were condemned to 5 years of XC running while the better dcs were coached for the school teams. Art and music were similar with huge amounts of time spent on the dcs they could showcase whilst we fooled about with triangles or poster paint. My dcs state school has a far better ethnic and social mix and I think my children will do better there (which is lucky as we have had too many to consider private now).

My parents could have (and wanted to) send me to private school for secondary school.
Everyone in my primary school was going to local state school, so I went to the state school too :)
Great decision - I got 10 A*s and 3 As and enjoyed my time there.
I'm at the private school for sixth form now because I fancied a change, and feel I've done as well as everyone else here.

We are a relatively well off family although with 4 children we have had to think about this one carefully.

We are considering sending one of the children private, because her situation in her class has not been brilliant for her and I think a different environment would suit her, although of course there are no guarantees. We think it might be worth it for her, to spend that additional cash every month.

However for the others the jury is still out. My son in the same school is very happy and thriving certainly from an academic and social point of view, so we are not hell bent on moving him. It could all change of course.

So I think it is very dependent on the individual child and what the school offers at the time. I would even go as far as to say that it depends on the individual class-cohort, as my daughter is very unlucky with a low achieving and disruptive cohort, whilst my son on the contrary is in a group of very high achieving boys and this is in the same school!

I went to a private school which I've seen touted on these boards as supposedly being a good one. I hated it, was bored by lessons/teaching methods, found many of the teachers had a bullying attitude and all in all was thoroughly miserable there. I moved to a fantastic state school in (what would be now) year 10 (but was was then called 4th year senior school). The teachers at the state school gave me much more support throughout my GCSE's and A'levels and the school offered loads of extra curricular activities for free! I would never send my children to a private school after my experience.

This could describe us. We're comfortable now but might well not be in future as DH's work pays well when he has it and nothing when he doesn't. My profession is poorly paid.

Our local primary is OK (defo not the 'honeypot' cited by PollyMorfic - and btw Polly I very much enjoyed your post, thank you for that!) and above all DS1 is happy and achieving well. DS2 has various special needs and suspected learning difficulties that are revealing themselves as he gets older. I often toy with the idea of moving him to a private school where he could have smaller class sizes etc but keeping him state gives us the advice and expertise of the LA team we've had contact with since he was born; I don't want to run the risk of encountering a lone, un 'networked' SENCO in a private school with little knowledge of and less support for helping children learn who have his issues.

If we are going to pay for their education, I think paying for secondary could have more impact on their lives than primary and we'll fork out then if needs be and we can afford it. And, of course, further and higher ed and whatever lies beyond.

We are left leaning but this has not informed our choices. Mind you, DH's family (v Tory) are horrified by our choices and never fail to miss an opportunity to tell us so.

Why do you want to know? Are you writing some kind of article?

I agree, onceinawhile about the cohort thing. Having taught in an East London comprehensive for many years the one thing I saw, particularly in KS3, was that it was all about the class they were in for many children.

We tried state but went private. And we have found, depressingly predictably, that a smaller class size with a cohort where the expectations are different, have increased the DCs' academic achievements.

Don't get me wrong - I am very happy with the DCs school. I just wish the choice was available to more parents and their children.

It never fails to make me giggle when I think about the local prep having a class size of 24, when our local primary has 2 classes of 20 in reception. It has made a few local parents very cross indeed. Obviously it won't stay that way forever but still, it has been a very satisfying outcome. My DD is thriving in reception, but I'm glad we didn't choose private. We could afford it then, we can't now.

Out here in the sticks there is probably less of a need to "keep up with the Joneses" (as it were) in terms of going to private school - and we have some excellent state schools to choose from and do get a genuine choice in terms of secondary schools. My DCs go to an outstanding comprehensive where they get really good academic and sporting opportunities. I couldn't be happier.

My own view is that eduation is a very broad word. Based on individuals I have met over the years I don't think private schooling provides a "broad" education.

My dd goes to a private girls prep school and is very happy there but I won't be sending my ds. We live in the catchment of a very good infant school so are very lucky. I have the following concerns about ds and her school:

• she is not street savvy
• they have a silly amount of holidays, justified by the argument that they are already working at a higher level than state (why not have fewer holidays and spend the time consolidating the learning)
• I find many of the parents send their dds private as they are lazy and believe as they are paying someone to teach their child they do not have to support the learning at home. As a result I think those girls are less able than they could be.
• Dd has s+l difficulties and the nhs speech therapists offer very little once you're in private so we have to pay for that support too.

With my ds I intend to put away the equivalent money to help him buy a house etc. The rest I will use to make his education more fun - family field trips according to curriculum topics and so on.

I find this a very curious thread in total but the post from elasticwaistfan I found astonishing.

If your DD is at a private school but you have concerns, why not move her to the local state? She may be even more happier there - who knows? While it's not guaranteed to make her more street savvy (I think that does come from within the family), she'll have fewer holidays, maybe you'll come across fewer lazy parents and eventually you can give her some money too towards a home.

With reference to the whole thread, in my experience parents who choose state over private already have good state schools to choose from. Is there anyone out there living in the catchment of a perceived-to-be-poor state school sending their child to that state school if they can afford private? I genuinely believe that parents who have this choice make the best choice in their opinion for their child be that state or private.

I agree wholeheartedly with onceinawhile, it all depends on the cohort and again, that applies as much to private as it does to state.

We could have afforded it but I wanted my child to go to a local school and have local friends. He's bright and I felt he would do Ok anywhere. So far so good

DS is as at state primary (Ofsted 'Satisfactory'). I am a doctor and we could afford prep school fees, but I prefer state at pre-prep/ prep level. I was privately educated throughout. DS loves his school, but will be sitting entrance papers for private prep shortly, as I am not certain he would get in if we left it later (he is 8). Already at state school they are working approx 1 year behind the local private preps as standard.

For me state primary meant local friends, diverse social mix, no long journeys to & from school, no Saturday school and better school/ life balance. But this has to be balanced with enormous classes (his class has 34 children in it), relatively poor discipline, the constraints of the national curriculum, rubbish sports provision etc. We supplement his learning with quite a lot of work at home, and I have become as involved with the school as possible (I'm a governor, for example).

DD (4) will start state primary in September, and I will aim to move her to indie at around 8/9 also. But she seems to be quite a lot brighter than DS, so may move a little later.

My colleagues are divided on this; approx 50% send their children private, but more move to private at secondary level. Contrary to popular belief we do not all earn mega-bucks and we do all work very long hours; we are therefore at the income level where we could do it, but not without batting an eyelid, so it is attainable with sacrifices, IYSWIM.

"I find many of the parents send their dds private as they are lazy and believe as they are paying someone to teach their child they do not have to support the learning at home. As a result I think those girls are less able than they could be."
Thats me! Ok my DS's full boarded from 7 you are not less involved but when your fees are nearly £7000 a term I don't feel its my job to support their learning. I am not a trained teacher I have an unrelated profession and just as I don't expect teachers to take on my job I don't see why I should take on theirs.
In the last year before my DS sat his entrance exam I helped but primarily because the school misjudged the level required but again in general I found a tutor who knew what they were doing.
Am I lazy I dont think so 1. I've found my children work better for outsiders and 2. I know nothing about Latin, exam techniques, the level required for the exam etc. (in my own subject I was teaching to too high a level) and the maths was beyond me.
My DS was never less able than he could have been.

We could afford it, but having visited all the local primaries (state and independent) the one we liked best in terms of atmosphere and ethos was a state primary.

And at primary level, we felt that ethos and atmosphere counted for an awful lot - along with good social mix and local friends. No regrets. I'm involved (PTA first, then governor) and that helps my middle-class anxiety, but in any case the school is going from strength to strength, and the dds are hugely happy there.

I do worry about secondary education from time to time (dd1 now in Y3) but putting dd1 through the misery of changing from a school she loves and is thriving in, on the off-chance that it may improve her life in some way in the long run, isn't on the cards. It might be different if there were a lovely indie nearby that 'fit' for dd, it might be different if we were more anxious about dd's financial future, it might be different if we didn't love the primary school.

But it isn't.

Have you thought about looking for a local Free School?

I don't think anyone can 'comfortably' afford private education for more than one child unless you are super rich. We sent our children privately because we thought the private school was much better than the state option - like most people who go privately! Whether we are right or not doesn't really matter does it? Can you ever measure it?

our 3rd is in the local primary school, and I have a constant battle with my husband that she should be in private with her older siblings, and he is probably right.

at the moment i prefer for her to have the shorter day, (as mentioned by a previous poster) a short journey to school, the option of a playmate over last minute etc, a far more relaxed day I feel. she will eventually join them, but for the moment her primary is ticking all our boxes, and it means we (shallow moment) still get 2 maybe 3 very good holidays a year, where as once she joins them, at least one will go! roll on year 3!

It wasn't really driven by finance, but we sent DS to a private school until year 4 when we lived in our last home. I bought the house before I was married and children had even been considered. I looked round our local primaries and wasn't greatly impressed so we opted for an independent school, with the intention of looking for a house in a different area.

The school was great for that period of time, but not as good as the state primary he attended when we finally moved... and nowhere near as good as the high school he's now at.

I sent my two, we get a discount and have help from the grandparents yet it still takes a toll on our finances and sometimes I do have doubts. On one side, the sports are amazing and varied, extra-curricular is great, school dinners are very tasty and subjects are taught by specialist teachers in small classes but on other hand the social background of the children & staff is very limited and doesn't reflect the local area, a longer commute, the teachers are of only one type and find it difficult to deal with children who are not high flyers, ie, day dreamers, kids who are indifferent to class work, many other families are very wealthy and the parents and their children want you to know it and finally there is an atmosphere of competitiveness which can be very annoying! Am seriously thinking of moving them for secondary.