Any middle class parents who can afford independent but went state?

[VolvoMo]

Hello. I'm wondering if there are any properly middle class parents (professionals etc) out there that can comfortably afford private education, but thought or found it unnecessary. Perhaps there are good state schools in their area ? Of course, there are many struggling middle class parents (ourselves, alas) that agonize over whether the financial sacrifice is worth it, and of course those who go private are convinced that it is. The glossy brochures and websites do paint an achingly idyllic picture of independent school life, but is it style over substance ? Has anyone out there gone private and been a bit disappointed with the additional benefits ?

We started in the state system and would have been happy had ds stayed there in many ways, but that particular school turned out not to suit him for specific reasons which were nothing really to do whether it was state or private. We considered both state and private at secondary and would have had no misgivings had he got into our first choice of state (hardly surprisingly as it is an outstanding school in every sense of the word!).

We were both schooled very conventionally - boarding from a young age.

With regards to the competitive/highly pressurised atmosphere, I worry about that for secondary based on my own experience.

I went to a superselective grammar (in a different country) where there were a lot of high flyers and also parents who were very influential/had a lot of wealth, but also some children like me.

I found that socially it was very difficult to mix with the wealthier children, especially as we got older as they all lived quite close by, they had similar interests and were able to afford things we didn't. Of course we all got along but outside of school it was harder.

But most importantly, despite being very bright after a few years I found the highly pressurised environment really stifling and to the dismay of my parents and the shock of everyone, I started to bunk off school and walk the streets as I couldn't face school anymore. After a year of that (I used to go to the library instead!) on and off I was given the choice of moving to a different part of the school where they were experimenting with a new curriculum and things were a lot more "liberal". I went there and I was happy again, the teachers were inspirational and totally unpressurised and I went on to finish my schooling and did very well.

I wasn't a rebel or anything, I just couldn't cope with pressure, I am the same as an adult, I find highly pressurised situations very difficult.

So I am very mindful of this for my children, I think it does not suit everyone.

My eldest as State Grammar school and gets everything on offer in expensive private schools in area and benefits from being with bright and highly motivated class mates. Had she not got in................. was in two minds, best on offer private school is very small and was worried she would not get the life experiences/ resiliance that she will need for later life. Each kid is differend DS is not so bright - very practical and sporty, DD2 also less bright and artistic, we will look for the best for each - private/state is just a consideration not a deciding factor.

There are so great cliches/misconceptions floating aorund here about private schools. Most are not 'posh' but middle-class in outlook.
Many offer good ethnic and cultural mix. Children are not sheltered from real life especially in London where ' real-life ' is all around you.
In my sons class there are Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Indian and Middle-eastern origin.

What the families do have in common is an interest in their children's education to the extent that many are prepared to make considerable sacrifices to avoid the awful schools that we were offered by the state.

Wobbly is right re the intake, certainly in the London schools. DS's class mates include or have included people from the subcontinent, Far East, Middle East, Eastern and Western Europe and of a variety of religious backgrounds too. In addition, the social spectrum is is pretty broad with a very significant children on bursaries, single parents, refugees etc. Some are immensely wealthy, some the reverse.

If not private, then private tutoring will be the way forward. The university penalty for a private education no longer makes it seem worth the money. Either that or take them out for sixth form but by then they want to be where their friends are.

Yes we could, no we don't. We were super selective about the house we bought.

An outstanding state primary is good enough for our children. The lifestyle we will have spending that cash will make up for it.

I do think that saving the cash to fund uni is much more sensible they will need 100k plus by then

VolvoMo, from your OP....are you looking to justify a decision one way or t'other, I wonder? Would be understandable if so, as all decisions about our LOs education are hard, it seems to me.

FWIW (and I don't think it will be worth very much, because I think it depends on the individual child, schools available, family ethos, etc etc) we can afford private education but - having looked at two independent schools and two state primaries locally - chose a state primary. No regrets, dds now in Y4 and Y1.

We didn't choose in order to save money for Uni, or for lifestyle, or anything else. We chose based on what the schools had to to offer, which - for us - included looking at ethos, social mix, pastoral care as well as quality of teaching and learning. The one we liked the best happened to be a state primary.

I don't yet know what we'll do at Secondary level, which is a whole other ball game in terms of local choice. But we will probably offer dd1 some private tutoring for NVR and VR, which are not taught at her primary, so that she has a chance of choosing which secondary she wants to go to.

Should add, would lay money on dd choosing the local state secondary - which, if it continues to improve as it has done recently, would be fine by me.

I always paid from age 3 upwards and all 9 cousins are in private schools from that age and we all were educated only in fee paying schools. it has worked out very well. We are lucky.

I think it was more than worth the money. 5 children over 13 years at say £10k a year x 1.66 (upper rate tax) means it cost about £1m of before tax income. Much nicer than a yacht or bigger house or shoes and morally the right choice as we relieve the state of the cost of educating our children which is a huge gift to the poor of this nation.

Could afford private schools comfortably for two DC but those co-ed near us - Dulwich/SE London - seem poor value. I'm agnostic about private schools politically and over the years I have looked around a few for DC1 (now 14 at selective state) and DC2 (now at local state primary). Only co-ed for preference.

Sure, there were extra facilities and smaller classes. But not £15k a year's worth of extras at prep. And I couldn't see that the quality of the work they were displaying or the standards being applied were particularly more advanced, frankly. Taken together, it all looked like a poor investment. But I'm aware that London state schools perform particularly well.

Class does not have much to do with it - plenty of working-class people choose private schools, certainly in this part of London.

...the poor of this nation. Give me strength.

I'm referring to xenia's comment by the way.

DD went to a superselective grammar. It is a state school but I do regret it now. Heart and soul. The reasons I regret it are as follows:

1. The school teaches to the test rather than teaching to the subject. So, the abomination that is excerpt based learning for Eng Lit persists. It is not just Eng Lit.
2. The teachers are weary. It is one of the highest rated state schools in the country. Yet DD had 7 different supply teachers in one year for French. The French teaching is nothing short of abominable and a disgrace. I have to tutor her in French myself.
3. The sports. What sports? They are truly terrible. DD is captain of both hockey and netball teams. They just don't do them properly. Is piffling.
4. The music. Really don't get me on the subject of the music. I would be here all day. Suffice it to say we have pulled DD out of the school music system and send her privately.
5. The all-round stuff. There is no all-round stuff. It is just not there.

DD will emerge with 12 A*/A at GCSE, I have no doubt. But she has learned very little.

DS stayed in the independent system. Thank fuck.

I'm sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear. But you do get what you pay for.

Hi Volvo, I could write a very long post indeed on this subject but actually this piece by John O'Farrell in The Guardian says it all for me.

lol at "genuine minor celeb"

Jeeze, how old is this thread??

Ah, JOF plays the ethnically mixed card. DS's school (independent) is far more ethnically diverse than DD's (state). What a load of cunting tosh.

Arf!

This thread is 2 years old!

Our DD essentially had the choice of an academically good (though not HMC) independent, a somewhat mediocre (HMC) independent, the local comp (leafy, the sort people move into catchment for) and the girls grammar in the next town. (lucky girl!).

She ruled out 2 and 3 (wanted an academically excellent school more than anything else) - wasn't too keen on 4 following the Open Day round but after visiting during school time was absolutely convinced it was where she wanted to go. She's in yr 9 there now and absolutely thriving. It might not have quite as many extra-curricular activities as the indy but her main interest is one that wouldn't be done by the school anyway, and it does do subjects she wants - electronics and CS - which none of the independents do, and academically is as good or better than the best available indy.

Horses for courses - for DD the state school is a pretty much perfect fit, we'd have wasted our money going independent.