Feedback from Teachers please!!!

[mrsforgetful]

My greatest irritation at the moment to do with school is that 7 yr old DS2 (Possibly Asperger's syndrome- ds1 is ADHD/Asperger's)is having difficulties- yet i don't get enough feedback- i know he's 1 of 35 in a class- but how am i supposed to 'handle' his problems at school if all i get from him is "i had 2 warnings today" I have specifically asked that they send a note home- they do it if the child bumps their head- yet they 'don't want to make mountains out of molehills'about 'behaviour' issues (and i'm sure certainly not to a mum who's desparate for ammunition to fire at the PAED to get the DX i'm sure he will get- but i WANT IT NOW....not when he's 9).Because i do believe DS2 when he says he is trying hard to behave- I am thinking of a 'behaviour book' so that if all's well they can indicate this with a smiley face- and if there was any 'significant' incident that they draw a 'neutral' face- then if DS2 starts on about 'finding it hard to behave' i can see by looking at his book whether this is simply his perception or reality- i can then choose to talk to the teacher- she will often say the 'event' was trivial- but to DS2 who likes perfection -anything less than perfect is wrong- and i therefore spend alot of my time along the lines of explaining'it's not fair/or life's a b**ch!'

I really do feel that teachers have their work cut out with just teaching- but this is MY SON and i have to do as much as i can!

I'd really appreciate it if you can reassure me that i am NOT overloading the teacher....or maybe suggest a better idea ?

thanx!

MrsF- you can request an assessment for a statement yourself, but the LEA don't have to agree to assess.

I think you need to make sure he has an IEP. You don't need a statement in order for him to get some TA time- have a chat with the SENCO. Maybe forget the statement bit and concentrate on the help you want him to get. Ask about autism outreach as well- ours are wonderful.

has an IEP- but i was gobsmacked when i requested his schhol records that the only 'social' skills was getting him to play snap/chess/scrabble etc...he said this was too babyish- someone said i may have 'grounds' if their not providing him to 'reach his projected potential'

I have lots of dealings with parents with all sorts of difficulties
we have several pupils with As and ADHD - does your son have an official diagnosis? All our kids with a diagnosis are statemented and get several hours support per week
the first thing i would do is ask to talk through your ds's IEP - look at exactly what his targets are and if you thikn that they are inappropriate or unmanageable, then question it
also ask exactly what '25 minutes support per day' means - ask what exactly do they do with your ds>? Is it in lesson that he finds particular difficulty with? Query this if you are not happy. A separate work area should not be a problem - if it will help your ds then ask for it
Is your ds in a primary school? Does he get more than one teacher? I ask this because in the past, i have written guidance for my staff about certain pupils about particular diffculties a child has and strategies to help. not relevant though if he only has one teacher.
You mention about extra time and scribes...he is in year five and year six sats are not THAT far off. You need to make sure from now on that having a scribe is 'normal classroom practice' or he won't get this kind of support in his sats in year 6... easy to sort out thoguh and you dont have to get special permission or a statement to get this extra help
Finally, go in with the apporach that you know teachers are busy and they have lots of pupils to teach etc but obviously this is my son and you will understand that I want the best for him etc etc etc......be forceful and show that you know what you are entitled to...eg my friend who is a teacher etc etc
finally good luck and let me know how it goes
ps sorry abotu rubbish typing...

i suspect that since the headteacher is the senco that is a rather small primary school......?

mrsF legally the lea doesn't have to provide an education for a child to reach their full potential - they only have to provide an adequate and suitable education. Not quite the same thing! They changed- or were in the process of changing the law in scotland - so that children did have to recieve the "best" education and the LEA's almost passed out with horror as this is often not provided- makes a big difference.

just read back my second to last post and rofl
"I have lots of dealings with parents with all sorts of difficulties"

The pupils also have difficulties!!! slight freudian slip there! soory!

Thanks for the late night advice! Sorry i forgot the time!

he has DX of AS and ADHD- his IEP targets

1)write a sentance with 2 ideas/full stop/capital letter/question mark/exclamation mark...pretty basic skills i think,,,,unless ofcourse you have AS and don't 'think' with punctuation/exclamation marks etc,,,,ie MONOTONE etc

2)i can concentrate and work independantly for 10mins

3. manage to co-operate and complete an activity with another child

i can write legibly with a joined hand maintaining consistancy in size and spacing

POPSYCAL !!!! in my case the original statement applies!!!! what hope is there for my son when i'm as i am too!!! Maybe i'll get a DX too and then i'll end up getting the help!!!

mrsf - just want to come back to what youhave said
he has DX of AS and ADHD- his IEP targets

i know that i don't know your ds, but i think that he is probably entitled to more than 25 minutes a day - wuestion who supports him in this time and how the time is used effectively

1)write a sentance with 2 ideas/full stop/capital letter/question mark/exclamation mark...

sounds very basicfor year five - is he average ability in spite of his diffciulties or does he have learning problems too? I teach two As bys for english - they don't use ppunctuation as they don't see the point! Not because they can't - question this target unless he has literacy diffciulties
2)i can concentrate and work independantly for 10mins
sounds fair enough - does the teacher have a big egg timer - sounds daft but is a brill visual cue for concentration...

3. manage to co-operate and complete an activity with another child

this needs to be much more specific....and broken down into smaller stages

i can write legibly with a joined hand maintaining consistancy in size and spacing

the majority of my reasonably bright english set can't do this!!!! If handwriti8ng is a problem, the school should have a series of worksheets to help
we have an occupational therapy set of sheets which i can send you if all else fails!
As i don;t know your ds, i may be completely off the mark giving you al this advise, but in my humble opinion, his targets need to be much more specific with measurable outcomes

ps didnt mean to offend you with the accidental comment about parents! sorry!""""

and sorry about the rubbish typing

MrsF- that IEP isn't very good! it's far too broad! I'd ask davros for more advice but they need to set targets that are more attainable- how is he going to cooperate wih another child for example? Just to give an example- ds1 at the moment has to pass an apple pecs card to a child at break time to get his apple- it needs to be that detailed. The first one is fine- it is a small well defined thing to aim for. I don't like the second one - too vague- I hate all the timer ons- think they're useless for ADHD. The IPE needs to have many small achievable steps. DS1's is thinks like unzip his coat and hang on peg (and that took several terms to get to- starting with unzip with adult physical prompt, then unzip without prompt). Who wrote the IEP? If it was the head - oh dear! It needs to be more detailed. They need to decide for example just how he will interact with another child and write that into the IEP.

oh glad I said the same as popsycal

i am glad that i said the same as jimjams!!!

I will go to this meeting much mor confident now... I am soooo luck that ds1 is as able as he is...but the point about the punctuation bit of the target really explains my concerns well...either he HAS to punctuate etc (even though you so rightly said he 'doesn't see the point....he uses NO verbal punctuation/speech effects etc!) in which case he WILL need someone there to 'proof read' ALL his 'descriptive literacy' as he is unable without considerable help to expand any sentance ...he's never think of sitting a 'Sleepy black cat on a round fluffy mat!...when all he sees is 'The cat sits on the mat'...if you see what i mean. Or it is 'accepted' and 'allowances' are made? ...i actually have NO idea whether i am meant to FORCE these things on him ...or just accept that though he has a reading/computing age of 12+ that he cannot 'summarise' or 'read between the lines'- it is sooo hard when there is such a pronounced difference betwwen one ability than the other- but i also know he is by no means 'desparate' to be 12+ at it all...i'd settle for 'age appropriate' at most....

I hope that you have a successful meeting...
print out his thread as your notes!!!
also ask the teacher if she/he will send you a copy of the points you have discussed and the outcomes...i always do this but many don't...
if all else fails, i wll gladly have your ds in my class!!!

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custy - bikes are my son's favourite things as well- and he learned to ride at a normal time. His gross mototr skills are broadly age appropriate although he can't carry out sequences of movements (so he couldn;t clap, jump, touch the ground very easily- and he's only recently - at the age of 4 learned how to lie down on his back from standing). Having said that his fine motor skills ar at about an 18 month level if that- so big difference. Having said all that many people will show some features of dyspraxia and it isn;t worth pushing for a dx unless it was really interfering with daily life iyswim. Poor organisational skills and poor handwriting alone probably (imo-only) wouldn't be worth the hassle of going for a dx (because it will probably involve either paying or a battle). Much better to recognise his problems as they are - and then tackle them without the diagnosis iyswim. A dx is useful if you want access to lots of extra help, or for particular problems to be taken seriousy but otherwise not necessarily worth the hassle.

And if your ds school have put in support without a dx for his literacy broblems, then they could well be supportive in other lessons, without having a statement. I'd see what you can get without, IYSWIM.

How is he with routine? Could some of his organisational problems be helped by having a very ordered end to the day, with sorting book bag, notes etc? Or would that drive him, and you, nuts??

Could he be allowed to do his homework in the SEN department at luch time, at least for a few weeks until he gets back on track? That way he will be supervied and also get some support. We do these sorts of things for kids. I run catch up sessions at lunch time for kids who have problems with homework.

How're getting on Custy, have you spoken to any of the teachers yet?

any news

i havent spoken to any teachers yet and havent recieved a reply concerning the detention thing either - i sent it on friday - with son - so i guess i am relying on the fact he actually handed it in.

organisation is inded the key - if someone has the key - can you get me one cut please?

i havent enough hours in the day - and i get soooooooooo angry i cant tell you that i have to look in a 14 yr old bag and make sure he has a sodding pen - he is 14!!!!
we have no routine as a family - there are often times hubby and i are out at evening meetings - which means we dont get back til gone 10pm and quite frankly i just dont have the inclination at that time of night.

so i am trying to enforce a policy at home that if you have no school homework - you do an excersize in one of the excersize books i bought from WHsmith! - so to the kids it does indeed make sense to do the homework set - or they end up doing 2 sets of homework - so i mean they wont lie and tell me they havent got any cos its not worth their while. this only works when a parent tellt hem they have to do the homework. then the parent helps with the homework. i cant do it with three kids i cant its too overwhelming i feel like an abject failure all the time, the teachers blame me " why hasnt he got a pen?" why does he not do his homework?"
youngest son who has been the most happy child for 10 years has suddenly turned into a ball of bubling rage - so angry at nothing in particular he can express he cries with rage - he is exactly like oldest son with his learning abilities. again i talk to the teacher we talk about his confidence and moving him tables in class to make him have a better perception of himself - he was then told by an assistant teacher that he was doing bottom tables work on top table - now the other kids just tke the piss.
and a daughter who has hearing dificulties and all the worries around that whicha re constant.
and allthis on top of working my ass off in a job that makes me want to scream which is trez helpful.

then we get the teenage stuff with 14 year old smoking - not smoking, grounded, begging to go out, girlfriends and eating so much it costs me wads of money. along with the "idont like mypakced lunch" and " i cant poo, my belly hurts" and i have a chest infection

I GIVE UP
stop the world i want to get off....really i do

thanks for your coments jimjams they affirm what i am thinking.

guess tht was just a whinge sorry guys
thanks for your help

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