Feedback from Teachers please!!!

[mrsforgetful]

My greatest irritation at the moment to do with school is that 7 yr old DS2 (Possibly Asperger's syndrome- ds1 is ADHD/Asperger's)is having difficulties- yet i don't get enough feedback- i know he's 1 of 35 in a class- but how am i supposed to 'handle' his problems at school if all i get from him is "i had 2 warnings today" I have specifically asked that they send a note home- they do it if the child bumps their head- yet they 'don't want to make mountains out of molehills'about 'behaviour' issues (and i'm sure certainly not to a mum who's desparate for ammunition to fire at the PAED to get the DX i'm sure he will get- but i WANT IT NOW....not when he's 9).Because i do believe DS2 when he says he is trying hard to behave- I am thinking of a 'behaviour book' so that if all's well they can indicate this with a smiley face- and if there was any 'significant' incident that they draw a 'neutral' face- then if DS2 starts on about 'finding it hard to behave' i can see by looking at his book whether this is simply his perception or reality- i can then choose to talk to the teacher- she will often say the 'event' was trivial- but to DS2 who likes perfection -anything less than perfect is wrong- and i therefore spend alot of my time along the lines of explaining'it's not fair/or life's a b**ch!'

I really do feel that teachers have their work cut out with just teaching- but this is MY SON and i have to do as much as i can!

I'd really appreciate it if you can reassure me that i am NOT overloading the teacher....or maybe suggest a better idea ?

thanx!

I teach in a high school and have been a head of year too. I think that a behaviour book would be great for your ds (and little faces wouldn't take up very much time) and might also help remind him of expected behaviour(thus actually helping the teacher), perhaps with a particular target for each week. It certainly helps at high school level. Do be aware though that the school would probably be entitled to keep copies of this document and may forward it with his file to future schools.
Have you met with their SENCO? Try applying more pressure there.
IME, you need to get the statementing process over before he transfers to high school, cos then he can receive the organisational/routine-adjusting help he needs on the transfer. So many of our kids come up without statements and it takes up to a year to get it sorted, by which time kids (esp those on the autistic spectrum) can be hopelessly lost.
Good luck!

Well at our school they have a home-school leasion book where all incidents at school are recorded and how they are dealt with and also any incidents at home are also recorded so there is continuity for your child. Maybe your son could also write in it so you know how he feeks he has behavoured.

I have seen this done in several schools !

they use a link book but i have got fed up with no replies to my comments i write in there!
I think if i keep a special book in my pocket and i ask DS2 to take it to his teacher at the end of the day- and she knows that i'm not going to launch into a mega discussion there and then-she has other things planned no doubt- then i at least can go home with a clue to his day!
Sassy- thanks for the statementing info- ds1 is in yr 5 and i have been in 2 minds what to do -thanks!All the paed said was speak to the school he'd go to and see what their provisions are for 'unstatemented Asperger's'

Mrs F the home-link book I have is seperate form the normal school record book thing that everyone has. It works well. The school record thing tends to be about painting/reading etc whilst the home-link book is things like him staying up half the night, or if he got upset.

mrs forgetful a bahaviour book worked well with my son last year. I wrote about it on the smacking thread. I think it helps if you get more than a smiley face etc. You need daily comments if poss, even short ones. Quite often my son was good in one class and not good in another, straight after. As the weeks progressed his teacher and I could pick out pattens of behaviour ie he was much more chatty and exciteable in class if he was anticipating an event, like a birthday party at the weekend. He also took longer to settle after a school holiday.

It was really good to have this line of communication and not to have to call meetings with the teacher. That would have wasted much more time for her and I.

Also my son was free to read what we had written about him, to check that it was fair. (It also meant I tried to put in lots of positive comments about him too).

He had a great relationship with his teacher - she is probably his favourite teacher so far. I think he really liked having the attention.

As a parent I'd say the book was a success.

am hijacking this thread cos the title fits - sorry! i have forgotten my passoword as it comes up automatically ( by way of explaination)

anyway!

my 14 year old has been excluded from a lesson for 2 months becuase he hasnt done his homeowrk - i recieved a call from the teacher in question last week - the first i heard.

yes son is completley at fault. he hasnt done the homework - he lost his book and didnt want to tell anyone - then it got to long that the homework he was supposed to write - which was what they did in the lesson - he couldnt remember! so he couldnt do the homework requested.

i made him do some homework - vaguely related as way of recompense

now everyone

2 months outside class writing the same paragraph about the importance of bringing in homeow0rk - 4 times - which takes my son all lesson as he has writing dificulties. and he does this or has done until now. he has done this for 2 months. he has sat detention for it. he is now being punished at home for it.

he is not deliberatly obtuse, he is respectful and nice - even school said so just last week. he is just scatty to the highest degree.

i think keeping him from going in the lesson keeping him outside - depriving him from learning, for this amount of time is incredibly stupid
opinions please?

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I would be intersted to understand the teacher's rational for doing this. I am a teacher, and if children miss homework on a regular basis I set up catch up sessions, first at lunch time, and then after school. When a child gets an after school catch up, a letter goes home first, and the parents are informed of the reason for this.

I only resort to sending a child out of my lesson if their behavior is dangerous or disruptive. They are removed outside for 5 minutes to 'cool off' . I then tell them that they can return, but on the understanding that their behaviour improves. They are told that if it doesn't they will be placed in another class, with a text book and work sheet, and will work in isolation.

Re the computer idea. I do have students with writing problems who use computers. Most of them have just as many problems typing the information as they do writing it. they also find it imposible to draw diagrames etc using the software. When children have problems like this I tend to give them w/s, notes to stick into their books, while the others are making written notes. I then get them to practive the key work vocabulary while they wait for the rest of the class to catch up. Could you sugest something like this to the teacher?

I'd try to have a word with the teacher and get to the bottom of this. It seems like a strange thing to do, a very odd punishment. I don't want to insult your ds in any way, but is anything else going on?

Re the scatty bit. Can he be put on report for homework? That way the staff will check his homework diary and you can get more feed back. Could you set him up with a homework 'buddy'? They could work together, which would help support both their learning.

I hope this gets sorted, Custardo, Kids are such a worry sometimes

as a teacher I'm going to have a go at both of these - hope my opinion is helpful...

mrsforgetful - before I had children of my own, I'm afraid I could sometimes be a bit "well, there are 35 kids here, I can't make individual considerations for all of them." Now I'm a parent, I realise you can, because they ARE all individuals (how dumb was I?). I think what would have prompted me into action would have been firstly you telling me that you needed evidence for a paed (not because I would only do things for a professional, but because there was a purpose with a possible end product to it). I would also have liked to have been given a simple format I could fill in. Something like a two column table where I could put a smiley face or a couple of words about poor behaviour. And I would have preferred a sheet (on coloured paper) rather than a book because I would have been willing to fill it in - but in the hassle of a working day, might have forgotten. I would not appreciate being given it at the end of the day, though, would not necessarily give an accurate impression of what happened.

Custardo. This teacher is mad. Sorry, but what is the school about? Surely the emphasis should be on helping the students to learn. What on earth can he gain from this? My guess is that the teacher is at the end of their tether and needs help desperately (I mean that seriously, not sarcastically). I would approach the teacher's manager (head of department or senior teacher) very sensitively. Yes, there is a professional code which makes us feel we have to protect and defend each other, but if you just say your concerns simply and neutrally, I can't see how a professional could fail to notice there is something seriously wrong with this sanction. And if they don't, how would your son respond to a new school? Or less drastically, get him moved into a different class where he won't have this teacher (if you think it is just the teacher). I really can't believe this. The poor teacher must be totally stressed out, but to take it out on a child in this pathetic way is utterly wrong.

Let me know how these go. I am having moral dilemmas about actions of some of the staff in my school at the moment, and I may pluck up the courage soon to ask some queries in return ...

custardo - I don't see the rationale behind this punishment either. I am a secondary school teacher BTW. If my pupils don't do homework I go through various steps:

First time - warning and get it done for next lesson
Second time - pupil concern form to form teacher; catch up session at break or lines as appropraite
Repeated times - detention after school for 30-60 minutes (to suit me!); concern form to head of year
Missed detention - departmental detention (or head of year's)
Any more and it goes beyond me

However I would never send a child out for that long - what does it achieve? I have sent children out for the current lesson for misbehaviour but not homework. Whymake them get further behind in class as well?

I recommend that you goand speak to the head. Ask to see their behaviour and discipline policy. This does not seem as though the "punishment fitting the crime" to me at all.

You've asked this before CnR, do we teach in the same school?? We have the same policy.

Our school has just gone through a bad OFSTED last February and this was the result - new behaviour policy and these new pupil concern forms. I guess it must be a standard way of dealing with things. Had another mini OFSTED this term and it was better but still in "serious weaknesses"; OFSTED come back on March again

Custardo, that is completely unacceptable! what is your son supposed to have leant from this experience other than that one of his teachers is vindictive and irrational and that the so called support service of the school failed him when he was miserable - I assume he is miserable, because I definately would be!!

Is the two month period coming to an end or is it worth you raising his disproportionate punishment with head of subject/year or the head teacher?

lap top........really?

i wrote asking for your opinions and thanks a lot it backs up a letter i wrote asking for a behavioural/discipline policy or whatever policy the school has which best fits this criteria.

son has ben put on report at my insistance - its just another checking proceedure as far as i am concerned - but son gets a litle woried he is in trouble - which for him is no bad thing really. last week i went to see his special needs head and she is just the best teacher i think i have ever met in my life. i frequently make these appointments - i dont wait for school to call me in - i know what son is like - i like to keep on top of things - so i keep the lines of communication open between me and school - i also do it - becuase i want the school to know i am watching i am listening and they will do their level best to help my son through.

he lesson in question is Drama so maybe its not practical to let son stay inside the lesson whilst he is writing his 4 paragraphs on homework morality. still no justification is it!

and you know the really sad thing is i asked son if he doesnt like the lesson or the teacher - he said he likes the teacher and the lesson. and coming from son this is a lot - he doesnt like most subjects at school ( obviously becuase lots of writing is involved and he has trouble) but Drama he likes - he loved going to the theatre with me. i just think its a damn wasteful shame

anyway

thanks for your comments - i shall wait and see if i get a reply and the policy from school - nf then i shall arrange to see the head teacher

Sounds very harsh to me! I would definitely see the Head Custy. You know, I don't want to make you paranoid, but this is not the first complaint you've had against the school, do you think they are treating your kids unfairly? Is it Catholic? You could always write to your good friend the Pope

Seriously though, this sounds very OTT and you certainly should have been told about it earlier. In fact sod the Head and report it to the Governors. Do you belong to the PTA? If not then sign yourself up and make sure the school does not do this to any other child again. Why should your kids suffer because of their bloody mentality?

Sorry you're having such a shit time, wish I could whizz down and share a bottle of wine with you!

This does sound extremely harsh. In my opinion, the punishment certainly doesn't fit the 'crime'. There could be several things here which some people have already picked up:

1. not wanting to sound rude about your son at all, but is there more going on behind the scenes? CnR mentions a 'stages' approach to dealing with missing homework...we operate a similar policy...Is it possible that your ds has gone through these different stages of punishment without you knowing? It is a long shot, but worth checking
2. The teacher may have other things going on (unprofessional, yes, but not impossible). I think someone else mentioned that he/she must be at the end of their tether but NOT WITH YOUR SON BUT WITH SOMEONE/SOMETHING ELSE. It brings to mind a few people who I hae worked with in the past who are either very stressed or inexperienced and trying to make their mark so to speak or who are very talented at their area of specialism but who are not teachers. Not sure if this helps at all but it is definitely worth bringing up at school. Is there a head of year who could investigate this matter further for you?

It sounds so Victorian, really- the kind of thing they'd have had to scratch out on a slate. I hope the school sees sense, I feel so sorry for your ds.

CUSTARDO- I apologise for being sarcastic to you on 'that other thread' - i've read your post on here and realise that i jumped to the wrong conclusion.

no probs mrs forgetful - we all have shitty days!i reckon i have the highest rate of PMT posts on mumsnet!

yes there has been a stages approach - on top of the non participatory stuff. so he hasnt done his homework - he is at fault - that known and agreed - he doesnt participate and does the morality of homework paragraph x4- go away come back with homework next week - he doesnt - he doesn the morality paragraph x4 again and gets detention. he mises detention - we get a call from head of year before last half term - which never mentioned this specifically but rather "your DS isnt shping up....lax attitute blah blah.... not coming to school equipped with books and pend,,,,,blah blah....shape up ...not good enough " kinda conversation

but didnt metion drama in particular. so we ask if head of yer can give us a run down in DS first week back - ie. put him on report - which he does. then i go into school to see special needs teacher - the nice one !- she gies me a run down i tell them stickhim on repport for a couple of weeks.

their main concern is he isnt mature enough! its not that he is a horible little twurp you wold love to throttle. he just cant see the importance that on top of the dificulties he has - and the normal way he will try to hide his dificulties in fromt of his friends probably behind this clown attitude - is whats letting him down

all this being said

the stages were followed - i was notified that son was in trouble generally before half term - got phone call from teacher lst week telling me he hasnt seen a drama lesson since end of september. - exclusion on top of the normal proceedure

Thank Popsycal - I wasn't clear what I wrote, and you are right, I did mean that the teacher may be at the end of their tether over something else, not your son. I was wrapped up in my own worries as a manager of teachers about how they take out their stress on their students.

Good luck Custy.

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It looks as if your ds has had a tough time of it. Was the homework required before he could do the classwork? That is, preparing something to act out etc? If that is the case then it could be part of the reason that the teacher has been excluding him, one exclusion for each bit of missed work (not that I would do it that way).

What can you sort out to help him to structure things to get his books together etc? Missing books can seem a trivial thing, but I have pupils who are forever forgetting books. They do the class work on paper, and then they usualy lose/forget the paper before they get to the class book. So they lose the information was have picked up from that lesson. The next lesson usualy builds on the previous work and so the problem spirals. Get to the test and some children can't revise, because that have almost nothing in their books. They them get poor test results etc etc.

Can he set up a routine the night before to sort out his bag for the next day? I know it is a drag, and yet another chore for you, but you could then check over his stuff (for the first few weeks)? Can he do his homework with a friend, more fun for them, and helpful in supporting their learning.

Hopefully this will help him to get over his current problems. I hope things get better soon.

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how are things now?
There are loads of laptops around...even if he can't get a 'special needs' one bought with money from the special needs budget or one the ones that someone suggested recently, some teachers will have school laptops...laptops for teachers scheme and the senco will def have one.....if i were his head of year, he could borrow mine...