If you could afford to send your kids to a private school, would you?

[juicychops]

or would you choose for them to go to a 'normal' state school?

just curious what your responses will be

His accent isn't at all strong though. Certainly not in the way that other people from said estate speak. I'm not snobby about accents at all but I was quite scared many years ago when we went to visit there. We had stayed the previous night with a colleague of his who lived in a place called Bearsden so I just assumed his (colleague's) Glasgow accent was what people from Glasgow sounded like. Especially because DH sounded similar. It was quite a shock!
DH explained that a Glasgow accent was perfectly acceptable at Oxford but sounding as if you were about to mug someone wasn't.

Lol @ lovingthecoast sounds familiar!

The best day private schools in racially mixed areas are full of the chidren of hard working immigrants. When she was 11 my daughter was one of only 2 girls in her class at Haberdashers who had 4 English born grandparents - no one else did they were from all over Iraq, Poland, Israel, India, Pakistan, hong Kong, Nigeria Korea etc etc If entrance is on academic merit then you do get a nice mix of different types of people and from backgrounds which is good.

However I've never understood those people who send children to state schoolls and say they know then a "real" world. In some w2ays they don't know a real world. They konw a world in some cases where peers can hardly speak and no one has ambition, a world where you might be expected to get pregnant at 15 or become a hairdresser (in some by no means all staet schools). if that is a "real world" the more a child is shown they can do better than that the better. Also all chldren have other activities and certanily no necessarily ponies and skiing. If you; in re a state school firs tyou will have children in your class who are not that wlel off, whole family contributes to pay the fees etc etc. Secondly you aren't locked into the school., you have friends out of school, you watch television, you go out, you see all kinds of people.

Indeed the privat schools arguably are better not worse at this. YOu will beiin the CCF etc and if not will be doing voluntary work so you'll be seeing OAPs and all sorts of people as part of your volunteering activities.

The ideal would be you emerge at 18 able to talk to anyone with confidence and interest.

(Just to correct the above certainly with the oldest children I wasn't a single parent. One was at or about to go to university when our long marriage broke up; and with the third for 7 years we opad 15% of fees as his father taught in the school and then I think had discount on the next school as he had a music scholarship but even I agree it was wise of me in my teens to consider the pay of various careers because it was that decision which meant the 5 went to good private schools and we moved too from the NE to SE and that also has a massive difference on people, their chances, exam results and all kinds of things - even the weather is better although it's pretty nice all over today)

Of course it does!

I'm starting to wonder whether I am suffering from some sort of brain disorder where I'm blanking out and posting as you!

Damsel - To be fair that was a generalisation of the people in my college at university and I think, as a generalisation, it holds true for them. Frankly I do think it tends to be the case anyway. If you have grown up in family where money was tight (I was on free school meals at school) then you appreciate how hard it is live like that. You also grow up comfortable talking to people from that background and then when you go to university (the situation I was talking about) you meet people from a wider circle and feel comfortable with them also. Most people from private school are probably aware that many children grow up in poverty but unsurprisingly they cannot really appreciate what this means in reality and this is what I mean by real life. Of course being poor is not the only difficult thing that a child might face growing up but it is the single most common thing and is not faced by middle / upper class children.

Don't get me wrong given my education and profession (the law) many people I know are public school educated and they represent the good, bad and ugly as you would expect. Some of the good ones are dear friends of mine and they have many wonderful qualities but they are often quite sheltered (even now) and simply haven't met that many people from a different background to them. No one would chose to expose their child to poverty but if you grow up in those conditions it is undoubtably an education in life.

When I think that private schools aren't reflective of 'the real world' I mean specifically the attitude I keep hearing on here that they're full of people who 'aren't rich, just make sacrifices to get their children the education they feel is right for them' and so on. Now I think where you have a school full of parents who are all able to find that money (even if it is by not buying a pony, or getting scurvy or whatever) and you think that's 'normal', you're pretty oblivious to the fact that for most people, all the 'sacrifices' in the world just aren't going to free up school fees. I do think there's a bit of wilfull blindness about this!

Xenia says that in state school you'll be made to be a pregnant hairdresser or something - but a poster yesterday was citing fear that her clever child wouldn't be allowed to become a hairdresser for sending the child to private school!

Truly they cannot do right for doing wrong.

PanicMode - yes I do! I hope your friend's right re the comp...

Ghoul, but surely this applies to children attending state schools in very affluent areas too?

In the last 10yrs we have lived first in Surrey then Cheshire and now Sussex. Each time we lived in a nice suburban area with school catchments that required house purchases upward of 400k. IMO, the kids who lived there but attended the state schools had just as much in the material sense as those who went to the independent schools. Surely, they were in the same bubble?

I just don't think you can draw the 'bubble' or 'real life' line down the state/private split.

If I could afford it with ease then yes. If I had to scrimp and save, and as a family we had to go without some of the perks we have now (holidays, ballet lessons etc) then no. I wouldn't want DD to think we had made any sacrifices for her to go there - and risk her feeling guilty later down the line.

When we move we may well be within walking distance of a wonderful private school that I fell in love with when we used their theatre to host a presentation. I have no idea of its academic status, I was just gobsmacked when I saw the facilities. I would love DD to be able to go there - but it is completely beyond us. I sometimes google it and daydream...

But Elaine, doesn't that just prove to you that fee paying parents are as diverse as state ones?

Maybe you missed my post where I said that I went through school permanently on FSM or that my DH grew up in Easterhouse which is one of the most notorious slums in the country? You really are generalising too much.

Ok, Ghoul. I think it annoys me particularly as half of my family are from what many would consider to be a very rough council estate - yet, thanks to the half of my family who are well off and middle class, I went to a private school from 5-18 and went to Oxford. I married a public school boy whom I met there, and our DCs go to prep schools - yet they are just as bonded to my "rough council estate" family and friends as they are to DH's middle class lot, and all the shades in between. School is only part of a child's experience.

"Now I think where you have a school full of parents who are all able to find that money (even if it is by not buying a pony, or getting scurvy or whatever) and you think that's 'normal', you're pretty oblivious to the fact that for most people, all the 'sacrifices' in the world just aren't going to free up school fees. I do think there's a bit of wilfull blindness about this!"

I do know lots are under hardships. I do not think I am blind to the fact that for some even with sacrifices the fees cannot be afforded. For my family (only one child) we can just about manage. Our sacrifice includes stopping at one child.However yes we have made the decision to send DS private but for us it was due to his intelligence and social quirks.

If one can afford private and are happy with your choice , that's fine. I just don't undertand parents who go without , just so that their children can go to an average private school.
I have nothing against the private syStem, but i cannot help but feel that many parents are lulled into a false sense of security when sending their dcs to a private school.
As parents, we are our childrens best teacher.
I make it my duty to teach my three dc's at home. I suppose that i am fortunate in that i have had an excellent education. My children are very able and
will probably do very well academically, because they have parents who are willing to support them with their schoolwork. It is not the job of the schools to teach work ethic and discipline, it is for the parents.
A child will do well in either the state or private ector if they have the right attitude and supportive parents. The fact that we are posting on an education thread, shows that we ALL care about our childrens education and as a result our children are more likely to thrive at school(state or private).

Excuse the typos

forehead, a child will sadly NOT always do well with the right attitude and supportive parents. my oldest didn't due to SEN.

So he just really needed some extra help and smaller class size.

For ey, my first choice was state though, and we only swapped to private when we noticed, after 3-4 years, that it didn't work for DC1 and he was slipping through the net fast...

I am very conscious of people who don't have much money. I work with them, I might even employ them. I think it's vital to know how little some people have and not to take for granted what you have. If you have 6 family members paying for that £10k a year place at Haberdashers school that is £1666 each say or some children have bursaries, I accept even then that they will be "better off" than others. Just like those running small shops which can take about 13k a year were regarded as rich property owners by young rioters it is all relative.

The average pay in the UK is £20k. The average IQ is 100. Many people are below average although the state will give you housing benefit if you're on the minimum full time wage of £13500 a year.

What is "average " Ds private school probably is average grades but great with arts and music. I feel he would struggle at state as he is immensely intelligent (from DH) but can be socially awkward-though now this is getting LOTS better.

Does it prove they're all different.....?

Well I see what you mean, but the thing is that both those reasons are anti-state school, aren't they, and both are, I would argue, pretty much unfounded!

Obviously you know what it is to go without more that just ponies - I'm on board with that. But the vast vast majority of posters on here will claim to their last breath that the private school they use is full of normal ordinary people with upwards of £12k which they can free up for school fees with a bit of saving. I think that's a weird environment in which to educate a child, and I wouldn't choose it - ever.

Is it a generalisation to say that all private school parents think private schools are ok as a thing?

cross post about "average private school"

I do not think that Ds school is average in terms of wealth of people there (it is very expensive even for other private schools). I think that if I felt we could we would love a second (or third) child but do not think we could justify not sending them to a private school (if we felt it was right for them).

Elaine, yes I hear what you are saying.

TBH, I haven't argued that private schools are inclusive - they're not, which is one reason some people tend to choose them!

I do argue that many relatively ordinary families make huge sacrifices to send their children to them ( as does Xenia argue, as it happens).

Many state schools are far from inclusive too, especially religious ones or those in very expensive catchments.

Ultimately, we all do what we feel is best for our children within our circumstances. And that will be different for all of us and all of our children.

I admire all parents who value education , if only all parents did.

xenia hasn't answered the point about the 'top 20 day schools' and what to do if you don't have one handy. My brother went to a private school aged 4 as he was very gifted. The teaching was very poor and my parents withdrew him after 18 months after which he went to the local village school with a very mixed social group and mixed age classes and he thrived. There were no other private schools within a 10 mile radius so what should my parents have done?
Seems he did alright as he then got a scholarship to Haileybury!

I'm the one with the very bright DD1 btw and my 'hairdresser' remark was really just my way of expressing that my dearest wish is for her to do whatever makes her happy and for her not to be coaxed down the academic path just because she's very, very bright.

I disagree that my views are unfounded. They are founded on;

a) My own school experience where all of us in the top set were 'groomed' towards taking academic Alevels and choosing academic subjects at uni.

b) My many years teaching both primary and secondary in a range of state schools including those at either end of the attainment spectrum.

But of course, I freely admit that it may not be the case at every state comp but we can only base our opinions on our own experiences. Which is why so many people on here equate private education with snobby, elitist parents and an Etonian style of education.

iggly - and you have made the choice that is absolutely right for you and your family .

We've got a few children and different schools will suit our different children. The local private is right for DD but not DS1. He'll go to the local good state school.

Horses for courses even amongst family members!

I think it is the gifted and young mix which can be difficult. Especially as very academic schools are stuck in their own way. I seriously doubt top 20 could cope with DS often small classes where they mix ages is best. This is only available private where I am.