If you could afford to send your kids to a private school, would you?

[juicychops]

or would you choose for them to go to a 'normal' state school?

just curious what your responses will be

Lollington :)

I am not keen on segregated education for boys and girls. Possibly it is of benefit to some but on the whole I think it is slightly odd to segregate the sexes.

Of my 3 DCs I think that only one would be interested in boarding if that were on offer. Personally, I am not in favour of boarding. Again to me it seems odd to send one's children away into the care of others at such a formative age.

So, given that I wouldnt choose boarding or segregated education, what exactly have I denied my children by not paying for private education?

I think there is a lot of research showing that segregated education helps girls to achieve more after a certain age. Certainly girls achieve more in maths and sciences in single sex education than when mixed.

Gnome could you have afforded private education but chose not to? Otherwise I am not sure what you hope to achieve by hearing a list of things you have 'denied' your children (if any)?

Only if it was right for my child - just because you pay for it doesn't make it good! And NEVER boarding school, the harm they do lasts you a lifetime, believe me :(

The problem is that I think it's generally thought that girls do better single sex but boys better co-ed, all things being equal. Which does create something of a logistical problem, and an ethical one, I would imagine, if you had a son and a daughter!

I took a career decision and that was to say at home with my children when they were little and now having returned to work my income is probably 30% lower that it would be if I hadn't taken that decision but even if I hadn't done this the school fees would still have been beyond my purse.

Storminateacup CSG the best performing state secondary in Camden with cut off distances of less than 0.5mile for admissions (other than band A which is about 0.6miles) and and nearly 7 applicants per place.

That is not a choice many parents have.

Lollington you mention the girls' 'veneer of brittle sophistication' (great description). I've seen exactly this with bells on in the daughters of friends in home counties top private schools. It seems such a shame. You can have a beautiful, intelligent 13 or 14 year old girl who is under pressure to be sexually aware (possibly even active) get with a 'cool' boy etc. They just seem all a bit too knowing somehow and what's worse is it feels there isn't a choice. A 'wholesome' girl who isn't into fashion, cool music and boys is all too often marginalised as a peculiar geek. Having said all this I am probably hopelessly old fashioned and out of touch.

Luckily my dds private school is on a hill in the middle of nowhere and they spend all day running around outside. They do seem to stay a bit younger for longer (thank god).

The problem with looking at the benefits/disadvantages of this or that school is that they are always specific to this or that child/family. The anecdotal evidence is relevant because we aim to educate our own few children not look at education as a piece.

The OP's question was would you send your children to private school if you could afford it.

Knowing my children as I do I think that only one of my three would actually enjoy the experience and therefore get the most out of it. I do doubt whether it would be value for money given that for £10,000 per term per child I could pay for an awful lot of extra-curricular activities, minority subjects etc.

The boarding non boarding debate has been done to death on MN which ever camp you are in no one will ever agree. It is a personal choice those of us who send our children to boarding school are not heartless monsters with dysfunctional children despite loads of anecdotal evidence provided by the anti boarding brigade and I hope respect the opinions of those who don't send their children to boarding schools for whatever reason.

Just joining in...

If I could afford it, I would in a heartbeat. I have lots of friends and family members who went to private schools and the opportunities they had were incredible, not just in academic study but also in extra-curricular activities. Ok, so there are quite a few ex-private school kids who think that the world owes them a living but that is more down to parenting than schooling IME. You see them in the local Waitrose carpark, coiffed to the 9th degree, bitching about their friends and boasting about their spoilt 'darling' children. That is sad but not the school's fault.

happy I don't doubt that either, any more than I doubt that there are lots of happy boys and teachers (dons) (wink] at Winchester and other places like it. I've met people who were, and children who are, miserable at boarding school, but also plenty who loved it. I think it's probably a mentality you either get or you don't, and I know I couldn't bear my children not being home at the end of each day. I don't understand the pro-boarding mindset and so have little to say about it.

lollington the denying bit was said tongue in cheek I'm not going to beat myself up but I am extremely interested.

As an expat we would have had private education paid for by my employer (either British School or boarding in UK) if we had chosen it. We chose to send our children to the local school at the bottom of the road. If we had chosen boarding school my employer would have continued to pay for it after we moved back to the UK.

As long as we can possibly afford it, we will - my DM taught in both sectors and my preference is no reflection on the quality of teachers in the state sector, but the lack of funding which leaves them working with large, very mixed ability classes - as my DM put it "it's not teaching, it's riot control" - DS(Y5) is taught by subject specialists, in small (

happygardening board or dont board, your children, your choice. I think it is a bit odd but would only express that view on MN (where we are allowed to express our opinions) and would keep it to myself unless specifically asked in RL.

At no point did I accuse anyone of being dysfunctional or a heartless monster.

And I still havent seen anyone say what exactly these 'extras' are that I chose not to give my children!

I wonder whether there's a greater chance the right independent school can give a child greater freedom to be themselves? To develop their character freely. Certainly this is something I've seen in some of the children of friends. If the boys a music geek, that's cool and ok, he won't be marginalised etc.

I know from personal experience it's not much fun being a square peg in a round hole at a comp and wonder whether that's generally as true the other way around? Possibly you can't generalise but I do wonder. Certain children I know at excellent independents who are perfectly lovely teenagers, would have been beaten up at my school within seconds. I found I never had the luxury of developing my own character or being truly myself at school.

"Oakmaiden Sat 24-Sep-11 20:54:34

My eldest doesn't go to a private school as sadly I have never found one which would take him (he has LD)."

Is it just me or does that help to illustrate why some of us have reservations about the elitist nature of private education? I know of someone in a similar situation whose eldest two went to private school but third wasn't welcome due to his special needs. In principle that leaves a bad taste in my mouth

GnomeDePlume this is a valid point that you make and one that I have made in the past. The money I could save by not sending DS1 to a boarding school would certainly provide many extra curricular activities for him (and me and my husband and half the neighbourhood) and minority lessons. But would it happen? Assuming that you don't choose home ed. you are restricted by the school day, homework, etc and also your own commitments. These minority lessons, extra curricular activities are built into my sons day he has three half day a week and two hours for extra curricular activities mid afternoon on the other three days. The dons are not trying to fit in rackets or fencing lessons between food shopping and taking the dog to the vet. All activities are no more than a ten minute walk away. I live in a rural community and would have to drive for a min of 40 mins in five different directions for my DS to to the same things at home.

GnomeDePlume I know you didn't accuse me if being a heartless monster but plenty have in the past and it gets rather tedious. I am happy to be accused of lots of things but even my detractors wouldn't accuse me of being a heartless monster; hopelessly untidy maybe but that another posting!!

In three weeks my son has attended one Harold Pinter play, not my favourite play write but hey ho, played rackets fives basket ball judo aikido fencing done karate rowed a boat had a gym induction swam. He has so many options open to him he cant fit them all in. There are also numerous clubs other cultural activities on offer and well as music and drama. My DS1 is at a fab comp he does not have this level of choice. I could never provide him with tis level of choice in a million years.

happygardening I think that this is where it comes to the fact that what suits one child wont suit another. My DCs do have a fair number and variety of other activities available to them. Some are available in school (individual music lessons for example). Some are outside of school (such as theatre schools, county music schools, cadets, sports clubs). I'm not aware of anything that they might like to do that we are denying them in extra-curricular activity terms.

We live in a small town so it is easy enough to move the DCs around. I can quite see that if we lived out of town then this wouldnt be as easy.

Perhaps it is a little like package holiday vs independant holiday. With a package holiday I might have lots of trips or activities available to me but if they arent what I want to do or if I can just book the ones I want why pay for the package?

I expect there are plenty of state schools who would rather not take children with special needs. They have to. It doesn't mean they are cherished and nurtured when they are there (as I know to my cost )

This will always be a bone of contention. My DD goes to an Independent school now having done 4 years in state Primary. The first 2 years were fine but we noticed a sharp decline in her happiness and her education at Year 2. We gave it another year but that was a mistake - she was being failed miserably by the teacher and head teacher. We were always against private schooling but we felt we had no choice. We found a school that yes, is independent but it has a whole range of abilities there. Their ethos is do your best, work hard and you can achieve anything. This is a great school but I can understand that people see us as 'snobby' for doing it. It has turned out that DD was recently diagnosed with dyslexia - hence her slowing down in state school as they did not have the tools and the time to discover it. The long and the short of it is every child deserves a decent education regardless of status, wealth etc.etc. I should not have to pay for it but it was our choice to move her - fortunately we could - and I'm glad we did. It's hard but we have made a commitment and it is down to us as parents to keep her grounded so that she does not turn out to be a snob that is associated with some Independents. Don't tar us all with the same brush - please! Good luck with whatever choice you make.

gnome I actually think it is impossible to explain unless you have experienced it for yourself so I wouldn't presume to try.

I have said before I have neither the time or inclination to ferry my children from club to club after school so I relish the fact that they get to play competitive sport, have public speaking lessons, drama, chess, latin, music theory, violin, recorder, ballet, orienteering, den building, swimming all in school (their day is long though until 5.30) and to a very high standard (this is four separate children not one poor overloaded child by the way!).