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Original poster

Do you send your kids to school on their birthdays?

523 replies

charliecat · 12/11/2005 10:24

My dds have the same birthday and this year I am planning on keeping them off so they can enjoy their birthday.
The alternative is sending them, them not having 5 mins to open their pressies let alone play with them and then with a heavy heart sending them off crying. Not for me.
If they got up at 5am and had chance to play I wouldnt mind but we barely have time for anything in the morning as it is so it would be chaotic...anyway...how much trouble am I going to get in for this? Do I lie and say they both had tummy bugs or what? What do you do?

OP posts:
spidermama · 13/11/2005 20:33

I must now take back to my sickbed but before I do here are my words of wisdom.

Take some time to live life. It's too short. Lighten up.

Good night.

Blandmum · 13/11/2005 20:34

Disapointed you didn't answer my last questions

Hope yu feel better tomorrow

Original poster
charliecat · 13/11/2005 20:50

philippat I have always had dd1 at home on her birthday. Day off at nursery and day off from school.

I have asked the dds what happens at school.
DD1 is now in juniors, therefore she has to tell the dinner ladys and they will ask her to stand up and the kids, with lunch in mouths will splutter out Happy Birthday to her. whooppeee do. Shes rather die.
DD2 whos in Infants gets to take the register down to the office as its her birthday and has Birthday assembly. 4 days after her birthday.
I have asked them what they would like to do, they would like to stay home. This is one day a year.
Can i point out I send them on all the other days except for genuine illness. They are doing perfectly well at school. I do not complain loudly when their needs are not met. They are well behaved and a pleasure to have according to the teachers. In fact I wish there were more like her was said of DD1 at our last parents meeting.
This truely is 1 day, with my gorgeous girls, that I am not going to send them to to treadmill of School, we will spend it at home warmly in our jimjams playing.
Sigh...One Day of the Year.

OP posts:
frannyandzooey · 13/11/2005 20:54

I feel that some of the things that have been said here to Spidermama are along the lines of "If you have any criticisms of school, then take your kids out and shut up." Except a whole lot more politely, of course

I have noticed in discussions like this (and in my own RL experience), that people who question any of the basic premises of the school system meet with a lot of defensiveness. Why is it not acceptable to question whether school is always the best place for our children to be? Why can't Spidermama send her kids there, even though she is not completely happy about it, and will challenge the parts that she sees as wrong? I think it would be sad if the only options in this country were: go to school and accept silently everything about our school system, OR home educate.

Gobbledigook · 13/11/2005 20:58

Because when you sign up to go to school, you sign up to the school rules! Of course you shouldn't go to an establishment and then flout the rules! How ridiculous!

Gobbledigook · 13/11/2005 21:00

Even if you go to school and you don't feel that is part of 'living life' (which I find rather bizarre!), you've got 13 weeks plus weekends to live it elsewhere.

Blandmum · 13/11/2005 21:01

spidermams comment, which prompted my comment was

'Wise up MB. Who on earth said they'd be opening presents all day. How ridiculous. Mine would be ice skating or at the zoo. Perhaps the Science museum or horse riding. A birthday treat which is going to be far more educational than just another day with the other 29 kids and 1 teacher. '

Since she clearnly feels that she can give her child a better education than the child's teacher I felt it was reasonable to suggest that she home educates.

She obviously feels she can do a better job, who am I to disagree with her?

Where i feel I can disagree with her is her sending her children to an insitution that she has so little confidence in. Her kids will pick up on her negative feelings and it will not help them, or the other children in the class

zippitippitoes · 13/11/2005 21:02

It depends whether talking on mn is like talking with friends (or just people ypu know) so your opinions from othe rthreads come in..I'm not saying if you want to take your child out of school for a birthday then home educate..I'm saying that the compound of your felings regarding school might mean that youy would love to home educate and it's right for you...but additionally you can't support a system wholeheartedly when you pick aat it

lockets · 13/11/2005 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

sobernow · 13/11/2005 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caligula · 13/11/2005 21:09

I disagree that if you feel negative about some aspects of school, your kids will pick up on your feelings and it will rub off on them.

I think if you are generally negative about it as an institution, then yes, that's probably true. But if you feel negative about one or 2 aspects of it (such as hymn singing or uniform or school dinners or homework at 4 and a half or whatever your particular bugbear is) as long as you don't express that negativity in front of a child, they won't know.

For example, I loathe the fact that I have to do homework with DS (6). But he believes that it's one of the greatest pleasures of my life. Oh how I guffaw at Biff and bloody Kipper! How disappointed I am if he hasn't got round to reading us the story yet and it's nearly bedtime - so much so that I insist he reads it to us because it looks such a good one this time. How I look forward to the next one! (Actually, I'm beginning to convince myself )

PeachyPlumPudding · 13/11/2005 21:17

Exactly. I REALLY hate the overt religiosity of our school (SP!!) but I can easily pretend to be excited about @Church AGAIN today? Wow sweetie, twice this week already- you are lucky!'. Or give them a huge grin when they stand there and announce 'Mum, God loves all of us doesn't he?'.

More important issues need to be taken up (as many know I have issues with their treatment of my lad's sn), but with the Teachers, not them.

Overall, their school is way superior to the others locally, I couldn't personally home educate, they enjoy school (SO imporatnt!) and they get a lot of high quality imput ds1 never got at his last sink estate school. So, on balnce (the key) I would stick with the school.

paolosgirl · 13/11/2005 22:07

Totally agree. It's what being an adult is about. You put up, you shut up and you don't let your kids see or hear you downing the school or the teacher. You deal with any problems face to face with the school, or you home educate, or you put them in a different school.

I think being a teacher in this day and age in incredibly tough. Not only with the bureacracy (sp? it's late..), but the lack of respect from some of the pupils and the parents. I'm full of admiration for teachers and for the work they do.

hunkermunker · 13/11/2005 22:18

Those of you who take the children out of school for their birthdays, what do you do on your birthdays? Is it a special day with lots of scrummy surprises? Were you taken out of school by your parents?

hunkermunker · 13/11/2005 22:18

And does nobody have birthday parties after school these days? We always used to!

paolosgirl · 13/11/2005 22:27

Agree, Hunker! School lasts - what - 6 hours? That still leaves a few hours after school for them to have scrummy treats et al, thereby avoiding a deprived childhood. Or - how about being really creative and having a small family birthday tea on their actual birthday, and having the party on the nearest weekend? That way, they will still grow up undamaged.

clary · 13/11/2005 22:34

frannyandzooey, I agree with gdg and Martianbish; I said what I said to spidermama after the comment MB quoted.
She seemed to be saying that being on a day out with her would be "far more educational" than being at school.
That being the case, why not do days out all the time and home ed. If you really believe that yr children learn less at school than they would doign horse riding or whatever, then don't send them to school. You don't have to after all.
(cannot believe I have posted on this thread - saw it yesterday and really tried to stay away.....)

suedonim · 13/11/2005 22:35

I've never thought to take my children out of school for their birthdays - ds2's is in the summer holidays and he always felt he missed out because of that.

Those of you with more than one child and who take your child out - do you give both/all your children the day off or just the birthday child? I know if my mum had done this when I was young she'd have been onto a losing wicket whatever she did. If both of us were kept off I'd have been miffed that my bro was sharing my special day but on his birthday, I'd have been mightily p*ssed off if I'd had to go to school on his birthday while he stayed at home!

swings · 13/11/2005 22:43

These comments against cc and spidermama are so absurdly extreme. I live in an extremely tough inner city London area where school attendance is really awful and we regularly get schools closed down because of problems. Do teachers REALLY think that clearly responsible parents like cc and spidermama are going to ruin the school system by keeping their kids at home for one day a year for their birthday???

Original poster
charliecat · 13/11/2005 22:47

Thank you swings I was going to mention my neighbours who used to keep their kids off because daddy was is hospital after overdosing or to go and get a crisis loan from social and it looks better when you have kids with you.
etc etc etc.

OP posts:
bloss · 13/11/2005 22:49

Message withdrawn

bloss · 13/11/2005 22:52

Message withdrawn

swings · 13/11/2005 23:02

bloss why would they need to 'skive off to have a good time' when in your other post you claim that kids enjoy school more than anything else and cc has 'negative' views about school?

My parents didn't keep me off school for anything, even got hauled in when starting with glandular fever. I remember absolutely nothing about my birthdays. If my parents had made an effort to do something special with me I'd remember them as really special days. But I doubt I'd have felt that all the rules of having to attend school had fallen away because I had a treat on that one day.

And anyway as I said earlier despite being sent to school every day by my parents I became an awful truant at the age of 13 - 15 causing my parents great stress.

swings · 13/11/2005 23:03

By the way, cc is a nursery school teacher so I'm actually quite sure she knows the benefits of education.

Stilltrue · 13/11/2005 23:15

Mine would never have a day off on their birthday unless ill; which has never happened. They have never complained, ever, of having a "crap" or "shit" birthday (or similar in their own words the oldest is 12). The day is young after 3pm!
A wider point: think of the "butterfly's wings"; a small thing with big repercussions. My nanny has a (nanny) friend aged about....errr 32!..Let's call her Sally. "Sally" really can't understand why the rest of the world isn't as excited about her birthday as she is. Apparently she kind of expects the day off on her birthday regardless of the parents' work commitments, and is genuinely upset and bitter when, mostly, they can't do this, or just don't see the need to indulge a grown woman in this way. Her parents clearly saw her as the centre of their world (quite right too aged 5 or so!) but didn't leave her much scope, as she grew up, for understanding that life's not like that really. "Arrested development" sounds unkind; but children need to be celebrated, appreciated and all that, yet also need to understand that the world of school and later work does not revolve around them and their essentially unimportant birthdays.

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