Short of actually inserting a rocket into DS(13) backside, how do I get him to apply himself?

[Maisiethemorningsidecat]

As a self confessed swotty geek lovely girl at school, I presumed that my offspring would also enjoy studying and would apply themselves as I did. Sadly not. DS is now in 2nd year of high school, and despite being bright (or so they tell me, I don't see much evidence) and in the top sets, he seems unwilling to do more than they absolute bare minimum, with some recent test results reflecting his preference for FB/the shite he watches on TV/texting his friends over homework.

He is expected to do an hour of revision and homework each night (more if required), and does, but I'm not sure if he actually takes it in iykwim, and certainly doesn't seem to care much. He wants to study computer science at university, but unless he really starts working - something he's not terribly fond of - he's going nowhere.

Anyway got any ideas - or shall I just go to the firework shop for that rocket?

Have a 13YO DS, not incredibly bright, but far from stupid, just terribly lazy. Not in the top sets and has no desire to be, how on earth do I motivate him? Is it all downhill from now on, do I need to be really worried (am always on his case) or will the desire to excel come later? He has just started a maths tutoring and am looking into an english tutor...wits end:(

Williever - have you read this thread over in teenagers ?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/teenagers/1166377-JESUS-FUCKING-CHRIST-anyone-else-got-a-reluctant-16yr-old-GCSE-student?pg=1

Lots of supportive and practical advice I think .

Thanks for that ginger..

I think if a teen is consistently doing 1-2 hours prep per weekday night and perhaps 3 hours each on sat and sun thats fine especially in yr 8. As long as its focussed and productive.
They need the rest of the time for exercise, play, reading stuff in general which includes fiction and non fiction, watching the news and messing about otherwise they wont be able to be curious anymore.

If a child leaves home at 7.30 am comes back at 5.30 after an intensive day and consistently manages 1-2 hours prep thats good enough for me.

It also leaves leeway for stepping up the ante during exam revision and for gcse.

Forgot to mention it also leaves time to practise the music/go to ballet or karate etc

I disagree with regular tutoring unless the school is rubbish

At gcse I think organisation is the key. Printing out the correct syllabus and exam specs and mark schemes, having the past papers, organising and filing notes is crucial from the start of year 10 and here the avg young teen needs practical help from a parent, moral support, a hole punch, more lever arch files than mum can possibly imagine ie at least 1 per subject and then separate little folders for coursework, and loads of coloured dividers and those circular hole reinforcers.

The academic content of the avg gcse is hardly mind stretching, but the organisational skills and mental stamina needed to marshall info on 10 subjects and perform optimally in 30-40 papers over a period of 2 months are significant and easily underestimated by both parent and teen. I think Mum and dad here need to be good about keeping the house clean, tidy, calm and lots of nice snacks and favourite food and extra pens. Doing this leaves little energy to nag and makes exam time rewarding. The teen is right. They are not slaves.

This approach has worked well in our family.

Agree funnyperson in principle, however, trying to get said male teen to be organised from the start of year 10 is an uphill struggle. I could get my tutor group organised, but my own lad? No way - melt down on both our parts; mine because he won't get with it and help himself, and I am not going to do it all for him, and him because it interrupts his down time.

From Yrs 1-3 ds was comatose.
From Yrs 3-6 ds was bribed with money and Friday night viewing of Buffy the Vampire Slayer with some success.
Y7 went to GS, was motivated, and, for once, alert!
Y8-Y11 found GS not all it's cracked up to be as very middle of the road child - couldn't get him to do anything - nagged for England.
(Y11 - discovered girls, alcohol, pubs, etc.)
Y12 and Y13 bloody disaster - screamed, shouted and tore my hair out for England.

This year, he's been a long long way oop north at art college doing a foundation degree, far, far away from me. This seems to have brought about a transformation, as he came home a week ago having nearly filled a sketchbook with WRITING (unheard of!) and sketches in 2-3 weeks. He has organised his own UCAS application, and without any coercion, managed to get an unconditional offer for next year.

I wonder if I would have saved myself a lot of angst if I'd just left him to it from Y8 onwards, without nagging and worrying.
OR
I wonder if he found it difficult to cope with the myriad of subjects he was required to learn about for GCSE and the vast amounts of coursework required at A level (he did product design and art (plus psychology)), and now finds concentrating on one subject more interesting and easier to deal with.

Dunno. I can't help you OP, except to say that there may be light at the end of the tunnel!