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Original poster

Short of actually inserting a rocket into DS(13) backside, how do I get him to apply himself?

58 replies

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 16:21

As a self confessed swotty geek lovely girl at school, I presumed that my offspring would also enjoy studying and would apply themselves as I did. Sadly not. DS is now in 2nd year of high school, and despite being bright (or so they tell me, I don't see much evidence) and in the top sets, he seems unwilling to do more than they absolute bare minimum, with some recent test results reflecting his preference for FB/the shite he watches on TV/texting his friends over homework.

He is expected to do an hour of revision and homework each night (more if required), and does, but I'm not sure if he actually takes it in iykwim, and certainly doesn't seem to care much. He wants to study computer science at university, but unless he really starts working - something he's not terribly fond of - he's going nowhere.

Anyway got any ideas - or shall I just go to the firework shop for that rocket?

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Original poster
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 16:22

What happened to my geek there I wonder?

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webwiz · 27/01/2011 16:40

Anyone who can work out how to motivate teens will indeed be able to make a fortune. Not helpful I know but I sympathise!

Perhaps for now just focus on persuading him to do his homework properly and to prepare for tests. I wouldn't worry about whether he cares about it or not just make doing the work non negotiable and maybe make tv and Facebook dependant on it. Year 8 is a notorious dip year and just because he isn't working hard now doesn't mean he never will.

IndigoBell · 27/01/2011 16:43

If he's really lazy - then he should do well as a computer programmer Grin

I'm not actually taking the mick. Because he's so bright he knows he doesn't need to work.

If he applies himself when given something hard and interesting to do (like write a computer program) - you have nothing to worry about.

I work in the industry - and a lot of the best programmers would have been described by their parents as lazy......

pippop1 · 27/01/2011 16:44

Show him attractive Uni prospectus e.g. Imperial in London. Give him something to aim for.

DS2 once said that school was slavery in that you have to work hard and you don't get paid at all. I suppose he has a point!

He asked me if I would work if I didn't get paid! He was 11. He's at Uni now though and enjoying it greatly.

nickschick · 27/01/2011 16:44

As an aside somebody bought my ds a nasa spaceset...he left it on the stairs - dh came down v early in the dark slipped and a plastic nasa rocket really did almost go up his ass Grin

Original poster
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 16:58

Thanks everyone Grin

Yes, when it's something to do with computers he suddenly perks up - got top marks in his year for IT. He's been at a maths masterclass (which was too much like hard work, I think) at Edinburgh Uni and has set his heart on going there, but honestly, I'd be surprised if he could motivate himself enough to get the bus there in the morning.

Is 2nd year/yr 8 a notorious dip year? Should I be a bit more relaxed about the whole thing? He has to revise between 7 and 8 at night, or before dinner if he's out that night - and his social life is dependent on his studying. He tends to just read things over or goes online (surprise) to maths websites etc - I was thinking of getting him to use mind maps, so I can check that he's actually doing something. Does that sound like a plan?

NicksChicks dh's rocket experience is in danger of being repeated for real here!

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IndigoBell · 27/01/2011 17:06

If he really likes Maths and Computers, he will make a great computer programmer.

I wouldn't worry about anything. He's obviously got the aptitude. That counts for an awful lot in computer programming.

Original poster
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 17:08

His last maths test results were not exactly great though - 58 and 59%. He's in the top set, so I would have expected much better, but 'apparently' it was "really hard mum, so stop nagging, I knew you would be like this"

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IndigoBell · 27/01/2011 17:14

Maybe - but he only needs good results in A levels - not now.

ssd · 27/01/2011 17:29

op, watching with worry interest, ds sounds like yours, maybe we could get a discount on a job lot of fireworks?

nickschick · 27/01/2011 17:31

Indigo I think youd be surprised ds1 is hoping to study law at manchester uni in sept part of his conditional offer was to have 5 A grades at GCSE in English and Maths and 3 other subjects.

So yes GCSEs are very important.

Catsmamma · 27/01/2011 17:38

A few well placed words about choices will sometimes help

Good results equals more choice and more opportunity...it does depend how willing they are to listen though.

My three children are all quite lazy and disinclined to exert themselves, ds1 had a little shock that his charming personality and good humour would not miraculously tide him over in exams and realised in the nick of time that a little application was the best choice.

Original poster
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 17:48

Nickchick - I'd also heard that more and more universities are looking the their standard grade results in addition to their highers/advanced highers, simply because the competition for places is becoming so fierce. He hasn't actually started the standard grade syllabus, but in order to get onto the credit level, which enables him to then go onto higher level he needs good grades at this stage.

We use the results = choices and opportunities line regularly, but I suspect he believes that Edinburgh University is keeping a seat warm for him, and all he really has to do is turn up. He has no idea at all of how much he needs to up his game. Hopefully he'll follow your son's example Catsmamma, but it's so worrying.

SSD - yep, job lot of fireworks sounds like a good idea!

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brimfull · 27/01/2011 17:52

I have a feeling ds yr 3 will be exactly like this..he does bare minimum now so god knows what he'll be like as a teen.

TheSecondComing · 27/01/2011 18:00

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cat64 · 27/01/2011 18:03

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SoupDragon · 27/01/2011 18:06

I have just offered DS1 (12) £1 for every "commendation" he gets (like merits) and also 50p for every A and 50p for every 1 for effort he gets on his half termly report. It seems to have given him a kick.

nickschick · 27/01/2011 19:35

The second coming we heard it straight from the admin officers mouth ....I think because its a good uni and the course is heavily applied for they have to try and get the 'cream' so are using GCSE results as indicators too.

Perhaps ive misunderstood what you wrote but I hope you dont think I lied about saying the GCSEs are v relevant?

Original poster
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 19:40

Well, not only has the little toerag not done well in maths, he came home with a less than great mark for his oral presentation on english. When asked why, he mumbled some nonsense about not knowing that he was supposed to work from notes rather than a script Hmm. If he got his face off FB and paid more attention to what has been asked of him, he might start to do better. He had a physics test today, very blase about it, and assures me that I will soon be apologising for my lack of faith. Mmm, we'll see..

DH phoned his year head today who is going to speak to his maths teacher and head of maths to see what went wrong, and what we can do to help him (see earlier reference to rocket), but I suspect that it's going to come down to him and his attitude. Am so, so worried Sad

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Original poster
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 19:42

in english

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TheSecondComing · 27/01/2011 19:46

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CrosswordAddict · 27/01/2011 21:23

"I will soon be apologising for my lack of faith" Angry How dare he?
Ban him from FB and watch those grades improve End of

Original poster
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 27/01/2011 22:14

You simply banned FB when your 13 year old son's grades were slipping? Tell me more...

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cat64 · 27/01/2011 23:23

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cat64 · 27/01/2011 23:24

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