Paying fees on VERY moderate income, how can it be done?

[Onthesedgeofoureats]

Dd has been accepted at the Prep I have wanted her to go to from being born, and I am over the moon, as I thought it was a pipe dream. I have no real idea why I entered her, as I knew it was a pipe dream until we start earning properly. It is a selective academic, and she totally fell in love with it. Even the school admitted it seemed like the perfect fit for her. She was a high scorer on the entrance exam, and the school seem as delighted as we are.

However, both dp and I are still studying for the next two years, so have a combined income of £1,500 a month, which is lovely, but not enough as the fees are £1100 a month. We have some equity in the house, but cannot realise it through re-mortgaging as we have hit our max allowed, and have the "cheapest" house available within 15 miles, so would have to move a long way away to downsize, which we can't do as dp needs to be near his lab. We're not going to get a bursary are we? I know I'm trying to have my cake and eat it, and that we are going to have to turn down the place, but I was just wondering how people on incomes like ours did jiggery pokery to try and manage the fees. Straws, clutching, etc.

Any input gratefully received.

Thanks onimolap, that is what I was thinking. We know she is capable of getting a place, and our income projections should be much better in a few years (providing the jobs are there). She can always go in at 11 or 13, when we have saved a bit and can release some of the equity.

Sorry about the outburst, it's been a rough month! I am suitably embarrassed.

I've thought if I use the time and energy for getting on the school's governing body, kicking some butt in areas it is needed then things could get done. I just get exasperated sometimes as I have already spent three years giving up my lunchbreaks to do playground duty three times a week, using my holiday allowance to go into classrooms to help etc and still the schools she has been in are far behind. I am doing all I can to make state education a good thing.

Sounds like there is still hope of a bursary. You will need to do come careful budgeting if you get one, taking into account how much your contribution to fees would increase with increases in income.

Let us know how you get on.

Have you pointed out to the school in your bursary application that you expect to be earning rather more in 2 years' time?

They just might (if they really liked your DD and if they are not too oversubscribed) be willing to defer some of the fees. Worth asking if all else fails. (Difficulty is though, what happens if in 2 years' time the jobs do not materialise...)

12.5 seems very high for prep. I assume you are looking at yr3 entry. Secondary school fees are usually only 12 to 14 unless you are looking at boarding.

Seems to me you'd be paying over the odds now for a minimal saving at secondary age.

Private school isn't the be all and end all of education. You say your dd has been in several schools. Tough at that age. I would concentrate efforts on finding a good state alternative even if it means looking a bit further. Bursaries at prep level are rare ime.

As for smaller class sizes I'm not sure that is always a good thing. I'm sure sometimes teachers go looking for problems that they wouldn't do or have time for in a bigger class.

You are clearly barking if you think you can pay £1100 pcm out of income of £1500.

Ok! 1. Well done!

1. The posters saying 'oh you should have planned aren't being fair.
2. Your decision process is fine. If you had led with 'can we afford it? first, the answer would be no, so all else is irrelevant, BUT the question 'can we afford it' should be asked after 'can she get in' because one way to afford it (bursaries) is wholly dependent on 'can she get in'

1. if you hadn't entered her and/or she hadn't passed then no further decisions would need to have been made, so entering her is the sensible qualifying first step.

1. IN this context people are useing the word 'planning' to mean 'evaluate the first likely exclusion point' rather than evaluate the first inclusion qualifier - which is a negative approach to decision-making (used often by status quo- worshippers!). That evaluation really means 'making decisions that need other actions to happen before you can realistically make them' so that method is flawed anyway!

1. Go hard for bursaries - a high scorer in an entrance exam where teachers are convinced that she wil succeed,and that she loves it, are much better prospects than you think.

1. Look around and ask the school if they could ask their network for help - private schools do this all the time, and it is part of the deal that later if you or your daughter succeed in any way you return the favour (not just money offering placements or careers advice is just as valuable).

1. again.. well done.. I hate the seething prejudice of private schools but there ain't no way to avoid that that currently gives you an advantage .. and you should take it up 100% if you can.

ds1 has two scholarships and a bursary so it can be done. Guess we had a good case. You may well have to explain why the school in question is particularly suitable over any other and how the school will benefit from having your dd as a pupil.

Good luck. Agree with the others though that there are plenty of good state schools out there and it struck me why are you doing this if you like the school she is already at.

If they don't come through with a bursary this time then ask what scholarships are available for what year groups and ask them to keep in touch and keep her on the waiitng list. In a few years times you may be in a better position to able to afford it with or without help and you can remind them of your dd. It may help fasttrack her application if a space become available between the usual intakes.

I must say this is a strange way of doing things. You planned to go into private education since she was born but presumably there are no savings. You want to finish your studies, you dont want to move, you clearly havent thought about how you can afford it so why apply. Your DH only read out some of the letter to you...

Surely that is the NO 1 thing to do before you start to get your daughters hope up.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I would like to always travel first class on planes but I havent a hope in hell on my income of affording it so sadly I just suck it up!

Something is really going to have to give on this. An income of £1500 and fees of £1100 surely this was never going to be possible.

Thank you all for the positive responses, the last three were fantastic.

The school is aware that we have good earning potential - dp's job is already lined up (but you never know what could happen, as we are learning annually!!), and mine is mid-way through the process, so we can give realistic earning estimates, and there are points of reference for the school to contact if they need to. I have also let it be known I am more than happy to contribute to the school in any way I can. Obviously not financially at the mo, but in time and energy-I am happy to wipe noses and scrub loo's.

My other plan is, if we are declined for a bursary, to go in and meet with the bursar and see if there are any possible avenues open/future planning we can do to try again at some point, as we won't be the first to ask I'm sure.

I am happy with dd's state, but feel this is a better school, so am seeing if it is available to our family. I understand that a lot of people see that as have your cake and eat it, or turning your nose up at the state sector, but I don't understand not exploring the option of a good indy school if it means your child gets a good education, and frees up a place in a good primary for another child who hasn't, for whatever reason, tried for the prep.

On the sedge Please get the forms for that bursay now, today, or tomorrow and fill them in ASAP. You seem to be assuming that you won't get a bursay without having the facts at your fingertips. So do the research, do the paperwork and GOOD LUCK!

I went to private school. My parents negotiated with headmaster, and got 20% off. The head never checked their financial position, and just believed my dad when he told them he'd love to send me to their school, but couldnt afford the fees. My parents have their own business, and an income of 100k per year, but nobody asked to see their accounts.

I'd negotiate - you never know. Start by asking for 50% off.

My parents view with private education, was that nobody could take it from you, and they have never regreted giving me the opportunity. My parents were in the fortunate position to be able to pay for fees, and have a good lifestyle.

Although I have been privately educated, DH and I are intending to send our chidren to state schools. We do not have the income that our parents do, and although we could, by living very frugally, just about afford to send our chidren to private schools we have chosen not to. I never felt that I fitted in with the other students, and much prefered uni.

We intend to encourage our chidren with extra-curricular activities, and if we do not consider the teaching to be up to scratch, to pay for some private tuition in evenings and summer school etc. We will also have the money available for hobby's for our children and family holidays. Finally, it will allow us to have more time to spend with our children, as we will not be working non-stop to pay for the fees.

Most private schools will ask for a a great deal of financial information these days and make you sign papers to say that this is the case. It will be reviewed yearly. You cannot guarantee that your income will greatly improve in the future can you ?

I think you have every chance of a bursary - and as I understand it you have already applied? If she is a high scorer in the entrance exam she may also be invited to sit for an academic scholarship? Or if she has other skills (music? art? drama? PE?) scholarships for one or more of those - possibly at a later stage. We have had a child in independent education on not much more than what you earn for the last seven years and she is now competing for scholarships for secondary. We have friends in similar situations - one with a daughter on a combined 60% scholarship. It will take a lot of scrimping and saving, but it can be done - but only if you consider this to be the most important thing you can spend your money on and are prepared to make lots of sacrifices.

"sweet little state school" but not good enough for you.

Several suggestions:

bursary (obviously)

Any special talent? My DS has a prep scholarship for one particular specialism. It pays nearly all his fees. If it weren't for that, we wouldn't be able to send either DC there.

Trawl the library/internet for any funds available to (eg) people who were born in the area, children of servicemen/women etc etc etc.

Try to get a job at said indie school - discounted fees are a 'perk'.

Don't be put off by other people's discouraging comments. Exhaust all avenues before abandoning it. It really, really is worth trying everything. Good luck.

We could scrape private school fees but it would mean having to downsize, no holidays, no cinema, no after school activities or music lessons (these are normally on top of private school fees). Think about your quality of life. Remember kids do not always apreciate the sacrifices that parents make if they are not allowed to go on the school trip etc. If you have to move into rental accomodation this could cost more than your mortgage! Then what will happen if you spend all your money from the house on private school, your daughter goes to university (extra money) and then you are having to fund your retirement by paying rent every month. What if she decides education is not for her and drops out. How would you feel? I only say this because there have been a few threads where parents have made huge sacrifices to pay private school fees and then been disappointed and angry with their kids. I am not saying put yourselves first and not the kids but do consider yourselves as well.

Problem is that if you can just negotiate the fees what is the point about publishing them. There would be complete uproar if people found that they will all paying different amounts. Busaries and scholarships are different but just offering to pay 50% of the fees - you arent buying a used car!

The selective schools with waiting lists will not be interested. The schools who are struggling with pupil numbers MIGHT listen but tbh unless your child has a talent it is a big burden for them to bear.

Holidays? Cinema? After-school activities? What are those?

Still, I think the money is better spent on fees, even if the children do drop out in the end.

FWIW, lots of after-school stuff is included in the fees, if that makes you feel any better.

I think its bizarre. You wouldn't walk into a car show room and say "I really want this one but I am only going to give you 50% of the money because I can't afford it" If you can't afford it you can't have it.

If you walk into a car dealershop and say 'tell me what you want for it' and hand over whatever is the first price you'd be stupid. What is this 8-year-old shopping class?

I think you're mad to even consider it. My husband went to a fee paying school on a partial bursary. He loathed it, and felt like he never fitted in as his family were unable to afford all the extras that the other richer students had. I'd never put my child through that.

And 'sweet little state school' is horribly patronising.

Still think its bizarre and you are just rude