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Original poster

anyone else's little one starting playgroup / pre-school this week or so?

68 replies

mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 14:12

Dd's first day at playgroup tomorrow and I'm SO nervous. I've chatted to her about it but she's not really taking it in. She's been with me at home up until now, I work 2 days and on those days she's with dp. She's quite quiet and definitely a mummy's girl at the moment. She'll be 3 mid-October.

Anyone want to join me in a first-day-at-school support group? Or to offer advice from past experiences of theirs?

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Aimsmum · 11/09/2005 14:13

Message withdrawn

ediemay · 11/09/2005 14:15

Hi mummylonglegs, I bet she'll love it though. My DS goes to nursery twice a week (he's 3 in Dec) and started playgroup (just for 1 morning a week) last week. He came home saying "new friends" and "Catherine". It's great to see them with other children, finding their feet and playing noisy games. It will be fine!

Original poster
mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 14:17

Thanks Am

ediemay, it must have helped your ds having had already some time at nursery? It's going to be a shock for my little miss ...

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Original poster
mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 14:18

... she's incredibly clingy at toddler type groups. Do you think she'll be different at playgroup?

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ediemay · 11/09/2005 14:19

Yes, I think it helped a bit but he hasn't been going for long and a new set of children is always hard at first for him - like your DD he hangs back a bit at first. Is it just morning or all day? perhaps you cantell her you'll have a special treat together later on. I hope she likes it

Steppy1 · 11/09/2005 14:20

..my dd will be starting for one session a week on tuesday....she's really looking forward to it as she's been coming for the past 18 months to drop her "big brother" off...he started at "big school" last week...won't know what to do with myself (then she looks at the ironing basket, spilling over the top and dust + cobwebs and knows EXACTLY what she'll be doing ) !!!

ediemay · 11/09/2005 14:21

I have found DS is more clingy when I'm there and toddler groups never really worked for us as he didn't want to play with the others much - I thought he was anti-social! It takes a while for them to learn how to play in a group. They usually do lovely things like playing outside, having a story together and having toast - I'm quite jealous!

misdee · 11/09/2005 14:22

dd2 started on weds, think i mentioned it on your other thread. she lvoes it. there is so much to do, once you have gone she wont miss you.

Original poster
mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 14:23

Yes, ediemay, dd would cling to me like glue if I'm around. I'm planning on staying tomorrow just to get a feel of the place and routine, then trying to leave her on Tuesday. It'll be 5 mornings a week, 2 1/2 hours a time so quite a sudden change for her.

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Original poster
mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 14:24

Hi misdee. Your dd2 and my dd are very similar ages aren't they? I think we potty trained at the same time How much is your dd2 going to playgroup?

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ediemay · 11/09/2005 14:26

That sounds like a good idea, then you will see the routine and you'll understand what she's telling you about. If she finds it too much, can you do fewer days and then build it up? Ours runs Tuesdays to Thursdays 9.30 to 12, then they add Fridays after Christmas. We will just do Wednesdays as he already does Tues and Thurs at nursery when I'm at work.

misdee · 11/09/2005 14:26

just 2 mornings a week. the place is very oversubscribed as one of a very few places in this area. wish it could be everyday really lol. no, i dont mean that i'd miss her too much. dd2 turned 3 the other week.

Original poster
mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 14:29

Ah, so a bit older, misdee. Dd's going to be 3 in October.

ediemay, I never thought about doing less days, I kind of assumed pre-school type stuff was 5 days. it's government funded though so I'm not sure I can alter the days around like that. I will ask though. To be honest 3 mornings would be enough for me. I feel like I'm never going to see her as it is!

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ediemay · 11/09/2005 14:31

I'm sure it won't be a problem if you just want to do 3 days, none of it is compulsory - I know how you feel, the time goes so quickly anyway and then it will be SCHOOL! Am thinking of moving to Finland, they don't start til 7!

misdee · 11/09/2005 14:33

dd2 was 3 on the 1st sept.

Lonelymum · 11/09/2005 14:39

Hi MLL, yes my youngest is starting playgroup tomorrow afternoon. It doesn't really seem right to me. He is only 2 and a half and seems far younger than my others when they started. Still, I was led to believe the playgroup would be full if I waited until he was 3 so, here goes!

I have only mentioned playgroup to him once or twice (didn't think he would understand about it) and today I told him amid the usual screams when washing his hair that he had to be clean for playgroup. I was astonished afterwards when he said he wanted to go to playgroup now and had another cry when I told him he had to wait until tomorrow!

I don't think he is ready to make friends yet, but I think he will love the toys and having new people to look at so I don't think there will be too many difficulties. But then, I have done this 3 times before. It must be a lot harder for you doing this for the first time.

Original poster
mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 21:13

Hi LM , so you'll be home alone for a bit now, eh? Yes, this must seem all a bit 'old hat' for you with 4 kids. For me it's a bit of a trauma. I've been even slightly sleepless with worry about leaving her. But I am seriously over-attached to dd.

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Lonelymum · 11/09/2005 21:16

I can imagine it is easy to feel your way with one child. But she will be fine (if not immediately then later on when she has settled). What a great time she is going to have making friends!

But I am worried about ds3 too!

Original poster
mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 21:25

It's a strange one really. My nervousness is totally over-protective in that I'm frightened of people being unsympathatic (or worse) to her and her being 'alone' (i.e. mummyless) and not knowing how to handle it. In my mind she seems so incredibly small to be in a big room full of 'strangers' and try to navigate her way around. I'm actually quite sure some of my worries are in my mind and to do with my own anxieties. Or so dp keeps telling me!

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littleshebear · 11/09/2005 22:05

Mummylonglegs, I have four children but also felt really unsure and wobbly about settling dd2(my youngest) at playgroup. I was worried,like you, that she would be mummyless and feel sad. Like you, she hasn't really been left with anyone but DH.

She seems to have settled in really well, but she is quite outgoing and loves making friends with other children at the park, etc. My other daughter was very quiet and clingy at toddler groups though, and she also settled in well, so you may be surprised. My two sons are very outgoing but I had major problems with them!

I think it's quite natural to feel unsure and even a bit sad about the whole thing - your baby is growing up and for the time she's at playgroup, you are no longer in control, which is hard, and worrying - you have to trust someone else with your child.

I think that at nearly 3, as my daughter is, they get such a lot out of playgroup and you are doing the right thing sending her despite your nerves. If she is really sad, it is not compulsory, you could leave it 6 months and try again - just follow your instincts.
Good luck for tomorrow!

Lonelymum · 11/09/2005 22:11

Try and rememebr too MLL that three is just the age when children start to socialise and play co-operatively with other children so really you are only giving her the opportunity to do what she would want to do anyway at this age.

I agree about something said earlier by the way. Just because you have vouchers for 5 sessions a week, you do not have to use them all. I think going 5 sessions a week at the beginning is a bit much. My other 3 children all went only 2/3 sessions a week to begin with although they all loved it and upped it to 5 sessions as soon as possible. Ds3, being only 2.6, is only going 2 sessions to begin with. Don't be afraid to say if you don't want your dd going every day. The playgroup should be able to accommodate your wishes.

Original poster
mummylonglegs · 12/09/2005 14:49

Well, we did the first morning. I did stay although in the background. Dd came to me to ask for wees and to weep a bit when unsure of another child, but I encouraged her to go to the 'teachers' instead. I'm going to try leaving her tomorrow.

I've still got such mixed feelings about it though. Not the place, the staff are lovely and very experienced and the kids there are very sweet. It's just the difference between the 4 and 3 year olds. The 4-year-olds really play nicely together while the 3-year-olds seem to wander round a bit like lost souls. It's not a structured playgroup so apart from snack time round the table and story time at the end they are left to their own devices pretty much. There were 3 other new girls all my dd's age and their mums all left them. (I was the only mum there! ) One of the girls was fine, one wet herself twice and did seem rather lost, the other one cried for an hour and they had to call her mum in.

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Lonelymum · 12/09/2005 18:55

I left my ds3 after half an hour and he was apparently fine but when I came in, his group were haing a shared time together in one corner and ds3 was with a memeber of staff playng with an enormous cuddly crocodile! I am sure he is too young to join in with things!

cupcakes · 12/09/2005 19:01

Glad it went ok mummylonglegs. Good luck for tomorrow.
I took dd for a visit this morning (just 20 mins) and she loved it and didn't want to leave (and my ds loves school and is disappointed when it's the weekend - I'm such bad company!). Will leave her for the full session on Wednesday. Fingers crossed.
There were a couple of new children there today who were crying for their mums which was difficult. I took dd away then because I didn't want her getting any ideas! Feel sorry for the playgroup leaders as there wasn't much they could do other than trying to distract child (which wasn't working).
I'm getting harder than I used to be though. I can't see the point of calling parent to come back because then the child will never adjust to life without them. Did wonder if the mother of these children were being reassured that they weren't crying for long...

tweetyfish · 12/09/2005 19:24

Another Newbie playgrouper here!
DS had his first visit at playgroup and tomorrow I leave him there!!!! Can't believe how grown up he is! He's 3.2, and it's also the first time that he has been looked after by someone other than me or the grandmas. I was really unprepared - I rang up thursday last week thinking I'd go on the waiting list but said he could start today - cue me on the phone to DP in tears saying "but it can't be next week!"