anyone else's little one starting playgroup / pre-school this week or so?

[mummylonglegs]

Dd's first day at playgroup tomorrow and I'm SO nervous. I've chatted to her about it but she's not really taking it in. She's been with me at home up until now, I work 2 days and on those days she's with dp. She's quite quiet and definitely a mummy's girl at the moment. She'll be 3 mid-October.

Anyone want to join me in a first-day-at-school support group? Or to offer advice from past experiences of theirs?

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My little girl is like that too, she's just gone into year 1 and still hasn't got a special friend. If you ask her who she plays with she will never name someone. You see the little girls sitting together but DD never seems to want to join in with them. She prefers older kids and she prefers family i.e her two girl cousins who are 7 and 8.

She's not a girly girl either so I think sometimes she relates better to the boys in her class.

Orinoco, you gave me some food for thought there. It never occurred to me that dd might be happy in her own way even if she is not part of the in crowd.

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Orinoco, once again your dd sounds like an older version of mine! Well, I hope so anyway in the sense that she might just enjoy her own company.

merrygoround I totally relate to what you're describing. I was NEVER part of the 'in-crowd' although I did always have a 'special' friend. I've also dreaded dd starting school. I was just talking to dp about it (by the way he's an active parent in that he looks after dd solo 2 days a week when I work, but that's IT as far as he's concerned, the rest is up to me), I mean about her character and we were saying about how it will be hard for her to just 'fit in' with other girls as she's so particular and exacting about what she does. She also prefers adult company. it's almost as though she sees other children as strange little animals who you observe and discuss later but don't really touch. If that makes sense?

What worries me is her being picked on at some point for not fitting in. For not being 'flexible' enough.

As for me, I hated school and did everything I could to get out of it. I did rubbish in exams at the end of secondary school but did really well taking A Levels at an independent college a few years after leaving school. Plus I went on to do a BA, MA and PhD so I was obviously academically capable, just didn't get on with compulsory education. I can see dd being much teh same way, although I'm trying gently to encourage her not to be.

merrygoround, did we meet at Coram's Fields last summer at a MN meet-up? I remember your name I think but I'm not sure if I'm remembering the person who went with it! Are you dark-haired with a penchant for red lipstick by any chance?

Hi mll. I think we did meet, but I am emphatically not dark haired with a penchant for red lipstick!!!! I THINK i remember who you are, but mostly through your description of your dd. I have shortish fair hair and a little girl who wears glasses and has fair wavy hair.

Orinoco's post has woken me up to realising that I have been transferring my own anxieties about fitting in onto my dd big time. She has been pushing me with her constant moaning, whining and crying because I am sure she senses that I might give in because of my own doubts and fears. At the simplest level she does prefer being at home to going to any form of organised play/learning - but in the same way as I prefer being at home to going to work, even though I love my job. (Yesterday I teasingly said to her that she was a school girl now, and she replied quickly that she was not a school girl she was a home girl - and then changed it again to saying she was a "park" girl - the park being her favourite treat of all).

I remember once asking her nursery pre school key worker if she was ok with other children (hidden question "is she a loner like me")and on being told she was fine I pushed it a step further to say I was worried she might be lonely (talking about myself again!). Her key worker stared at me as if i was mad, and said, oh no, she is really popular and friends with everyone! I was gobsmacked.

This morning, after giving her due warning, I left her very quickly after minimal settling her down, and felt fine. She will find her own way.

MLL how is your dd now? How do you feel? Is the playgroup good at helping your dd to settle? Do you think it offers your dd the sort of environment where she will find the kind of stimulation she prefers? I supppose you want to wait a while before passing judgement. How did you choose it?

Funny you say all that mgr ... I was a bit early today to pick up dd and saw her skipping and waving her hands in the air on the way to the storytime room ... hmmm ... Ok, she wasn't holding anybody's hand but she also wasn't dying of loneliness!

It made me realise that dd IS a different character to me. Thank goodness! I think it's easy to forget sometimes how our kids do and say things to fulfill what we expect of them, or rather what we expect in general because of our own characters. Sorry, rubbish analysis, I'm shattered today.

I DO remember you now, I think we chatted at a biscuit decorating table? I'm tall and thin with black hair. Dd's kind of chestnut haired with big blue eyes. She looks nothing like me.

Hi again MLL. Those glimpses of our children when they are not aware we are there are very revealing aren't they? I LOVE watching my dd when she doesn't know I am looking, although I do feel a bit like a spy! It sounds encouraging though, what you described. My own dd seemed fine today (her 7th day at new nursery), and in fact all afternoon was skipping around, singing (if you're happy and you know it - a good sign surely) and on top form. Perhaps she picked up my shift in attitude. And the thing that made my heart leap more than anything? Another little girl at the nursery actively waved and called goodbye to my dd. (Cue me digging dd in the ribs and telling her to say goodbye back - god forbid that she mucks up this nascent friendship by being stand offish!).

I shall watch this thread to see if you post any progress reports. And yes, I definitely remember you, and your dd. I wonder if anyone has the energy to organise another meet up/Christmas party at Coram Fields.

Hi mgr, that sounds great re. your dd's new buddy! I think my little one is a long way from making friends yet. She seems to enjoy watching kids and talking about them but hasn't made the leap to 'playing with' just yet. On the day I settled her in I noticed a little girl desperately trying to be 'friends' with her but she kind of wasn't noticing!

A Christmas meet-up at Coram's would be wonderful wouldn't it? I didn't make the Christmas one last year, just the summer one. But it'll take someone more socially adept than us to organise it mgr!

Hi MLL - you know what, I doubt that either of us is not socially adept - I remember you as very friendly and sociable, and I know I make an effort too! But the fear of rejection and failure is the thing that would hold me back from organising something - that and not having the energy...

Today the same little girl as yesterday waved enthusiastically at my dd as they left nursery - I nudged dd and suggested she say goodbye, but to my dismay dd said she didn't want to! Do our dd's maybe have very little self doubt and are in fact simply biding their time, sizing up the field and waiting before choosing who they will be friends with? If there is one thing that I suspect differentiates me from people I perceive as socially adept, it is that I feel I wait to be chosen as someone's friend, while the socially superior do the choosing. What do you think?

Interesting point, mgr ... hmmm, you could be right. Dd doesn't seem to feel a 'need' to be friendly, I mean she's not that bothered whether she makes a friend or not. She's very self-contained. I guess I've thought that was her 'shyness' but I'm massively reassessing my understanding of her character after this week. I don't think she's 'gregarious' in any sense of the word but I do think she's 'strong'. I'd far rather she was the latter than the former. I think she's quite happy being in a room of kids but feels no need to be 'friends' with them and doesn't take it particularly well when they try to befriend her.

Waffle waffle again. My brain doesn't translate my thoughts into words as well as I'd like it to at the moment!

Incidentally I remember you as an extremely likable person to chat to. And your dd!

I've enjoyed our chat MLL! Do you want to carry on away from this board? You are welcome to email me (I've not done it before via mumsnet but is that what is meant by CAT'ing someone?)- otherwise I'll keep watching the thread. It seems like a good thing to have those times where we step back from our children and look at them anew. How easily we come to conclusions about them, and maybe typecast them into roles. My mum described me as a loner when I was young, and I think I assumed the role when actually I am not a classic loner at all - I just need periods of time without company in order to recharge and to make sure I don't get overwhelmed by other people.

Dd has become very interested in death lately. She keeps asking when she/me/dp/her oma (nan) are going to die. This morning over breakfast she told me that when she has had enough of being dead she will come back. My fault for describing it like going to sleep for a long time.

Hope you have a good weekend. Do you know that it is "Open House London"? Check the website for buildings that you can visit for free. We are going to Stratford Theatre I think tomorrow for a wander around backstage - dd hates the idea of performing but is shaping up to be a director!

Hi mgr, yes, I will CAT you!

I didn't know it was Open House weekend, I should've kept my eyes open shouldn't I?

Both my children started their new school this week. All seems well so far only problem is DS wontcant ask for the toilet and keeps having accidents...

He told me today school was fun

So how are all your little ones getting on then?

Dd's near the end of her 2nd week now. She did seem a bit tired today actually. But so far, no tears! Hurray!

no updates then?

hullo?