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Original poster

anyone else's little one starting playgroup / pre-school this week or so?

68 replies

mummylonglegs · 11/09/2005 14:12

Dd's first day at playgroup tomorrow and I'm SO nervous. I've chatted to her about it but she's not really taking it in. She's been with me at home up until now, I work 2 days and on those days she's with dp. She's quite quiet and definitely a mummy's girl at the moment. She'll be 3 mid-October.

Anyone want to join me in a first-day-at-school support group? Or to offer advice from past experiences of theirs?

OP posts:

logic · 12/09/2005 19:35

Ds was supposed to start pre-school last Thursday but he was too ill. How typical is that? His first session will be tomorrow instead. I'm nervous because he is quite shy and mums aren't encouraged to stay. In the staff's experience, it makes things worse. I think he needs to go though - it will do him good and prepare him for big school. We have to pay this term though because he's only just 3.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 12/09/2005 22:11

That's just the same as with my dd, logic. I hope it goes well for you tomorrow. Let me know? You too tweetyfish? I've primed dd with the unwelcome info that mummy won't be staying tomorrow but she's nervous about it. She's wet the bed the last 2 nights which she hasn't done for about 6 months . These things do get to them don't they?

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auntymandy · 12/09/2005 22:14

How did it go?

auntymandy · 12/09/2005 22:16

ds stayed last Friday..second day tomorrow!
He went in ok and I left after half an hour. We visited before the hols a bit and talked about it loads, bought im a bag for his spares and he loved it!

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 12/09/2005 23:02

I bought dd a Noddy bag too! She liked that bit, packing up all her stuff this morning to take with us.

I'm so nervous about leaving her totally tomorrow. She seems so little ...

OP posts:

auntymandy · 13/09/2005 08:53

well off we go for dat 2!!!

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 13/09/2005 13:15

Phew ... I'm so glad that's over for today! Dd was fine actually, she kissed me goodbye after clutching at my trousers as though for dear life for 5 minutes. And apparently she did fine, didn't cry. She was over the moon to see me though!

How about you guys?

OP posts:

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 13/09/2005 13:16

I don't know about anyone else but I'm knackered with worry!

OP posts:

logic · 13/09/2005 13:25

I've just dropped ds off at pre-school for the first time. He let go of my hand and went to play with the toys. Then he looked up and said 'What are you doing here?' and went back to playing! I'm not sure whether to be proud that I've raised my son to be confident or to be horrified that he doesn't need me around!

tweetyfish · 13/09/2005 13:33

He's just finished his first session.... and had lots of fun. I was a bit sad as he could barely tear himself away from the train set to kiss me bye bye... but when I picked him up the lady told me that he had been a little bit sad but had been given lots of cuddles by his keyworker and was ok.
He's looking forward to going again tomorrow, so I guess he's ok with it. Had lots of fun and made sure we rang everyone to tell them about it when we get home. I hope now that I won't have tears thursday that he's NOT going to school lol!
Phew!
I'm glad your little girl is settling in now, mummylonglegs!

fqueenzebra · 13/09/2005 13:34

Gawd, this thread is depressing for me. All your children who happily trot off to playgroup...

DD will be 4 in 3 weeks. She whined and cried for an hour this morning about not wanting to go to playgroup. It's really stressing me out, because I want to place the baby with childminder while she goes to nursery and I can then (affordably) get on with other things, child-free. I can't plan my time not knowing what she is going to be doing.

After chucking most her toys in the loft and making all sorts of violent and cruel threats to her under my breath, in the end I took the baby to childminder early, so that I could stay with DD for a while at the start of session. I refused to play with her there and she eventually let one of the staff read books to her; when I left she was painting.

Am not enjoying being a mommy, today....

throckenholt · 13/09/2005 18:31

zeb - she played really well with my boys on Saturday - I think if you leave her she will find her own niche and be fine. (I have seen other kids do this at playgroup when I have been helping out).

If she really isn't settling the staff will call you and get you to come and pick her up.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 13/09/2005 18:46

Zeb, my dd's none to keen to leave home in the morning either to be honest. But that's not just a playgroup thing it's because she's always involved in something here, some game or other, and I alway s end up more or less 'dragging' her out. There's often tears. This morning there were. Fortunately once we're out and on the way she usually perks up. What happens if you ignore the tears and whines and just get her out regardless?

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Steppy1 · 13/09/2005 18:55

my DD had a very happy session today as she finally got to play with all of the toys that her big brother has been playing with for the past 18 months (he started "big school" last week...she loved the painting, dressing up...but was still pleased to see mummy when I went to colelct her...mind you she was a little madam when she was tired this afternoon ,,,,,

merrygoround · 13/09/2005 19:05

Glad someone has mentioned the before leaving the house tears, as that's where most of my stress comes from. The moment dd wakes up she starts her "I don't want to go to school" refrain, and I have to endure it for most of the entire time before we leave the house. Once we are on the way she seems to perk up, and leaving her (she started at school nursery last Wednesday) has not been too bad.

I get so wound up by the morning dramatics. (BTW this has been going on for about nine months - certainly feels that way - as she did exactly the same for her private nursery which she attended 3 days a week since she was less than a year old. It was easy peasy until she turned 3). I try ignoring it, taking it seriously, laughing it off, but nothing makes any difference.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 13/09/2005 21:08

How old is she now merrygoround? Do you think she genuinely doesn't want to go or she just feels grotty first thing in the morning and uses school as something to grumble about? By the way, I think I might have met you at a mn summer meet-up last year?

OP posts:

Orinoco · 13/09/2005 22:13

Message withdrawn

logic · 13/09/2005 22:15

That sounds really stressful merry but she's going to have to get used to it eventually when she goes to big school. My friend used to have a similar problem but when she started saying, 'ok, we are leaving in 5 minutes' and gave warning and then things improved.

I was stunned at how well ds took to pre-school today. He asked for me a couple of times but that's it. Mind you, he howled with overtiredness all the way home, kicking and screaming - the works. Got a few tuts and dark looks from pensioners but never mind. I'm sure their kids never did it.

crazydazy · 13/09/2005 22:18

It took my DS two weeks to settle into playgroup but now he loves it and can't wait to go back tomorrrow!!! DD was the same too!!!

Be prepared for the screams and really upset crying, the playgroup told me that he always settled down within 5 minutes!!! I think I got just as upset as he did.

You can usually tell when you pick them up by the kind of day they have had by how happy they are!!!

Good luck!!!

fqueenzebra · 14/09/2005 10:32

DS was ok at nursery for first 6 months, then I had to leave him crying for the next 2 years. For a year after that he was very emphatic if you asked him, how much he hated nursery, how much he wanted mummy, etc. He did not forget, he was not truly happy while there (did leave me happily to go into school afterwards, though).

So am just not prepared to ever leave them screaming again. But if DD doesn't go it mucks up other plans/things I want to do. It's not knowing each time if I will be able to leave her peacefully that is doing my head in -- and, oh yes, trying to ignore the constant whining for ages before we go each time, too. .

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 14/09/2005 10:38

That sounds hard, zeb, I hope someone can offer advice or support. I'm so new to it all I don't have the experience. Yet.

Dp's dropped dd this morning. She's looking VERY tired now. I think she needs a long nap this afternoon. Plus her eczema's broken out really badly which I guess could be a stress thing?

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merrygoround · 14/09/2005 11:27

Eczema most definitely does sound stress related. God it's awful isn't it, what we and they have to go through. This morning I totally blanked the "I don't want to go to school" stuff, and I think it is the only way. Unless she starts to give me specifics of course, like if anyone was not being nice or something like that. She (dd, 3.5) got to school fine, but I think I made a mistake by staying with her for too long. It simply makes the separation even harder. So when I did say goodbye (and I always warn her that it is coming up) she came running after me with her face all crumpled. A teacher took her and led her off, and she was fine. I think she "trusts" adults, and they make her feel safe. She has not yet got the measure of her classmates and is not playing with them. She tends to choose the solitary activities - drawing, computer, dolls house etc, whereas some of the girls have already formed a little group and are dressing up and running around together.

The more I think about it the more I have to accept that I myself absolutely hate saying goodbye to my dd. It makes me feel tearful even thinking about it now. I love not having her around and having the chance to get a few things done (or going to work), don't get me wrong, it's not that I want to be with her all the time, but the act of separation is I think as hard for me as it is for her. I suppose I need to work on my own feelings a bit. I am not a natural group person, so it must be some inner fear that dd will not find herself a happy place within the group that is bothering me. How on earth can I help her when I am still not very confident on that score myself? Sorry, rambling really, but it helps to put in words.

Original poster

mummylonglegs · 14/09/2005 13:33

Merrygoround, what you wrote here:

"I think she "trusts" adults, and they make her feel safe. She has not yet got the measure of her classmates and is not playing with them. She tends to choose the solitary activities - drawing, computer, dolls house etc, whereas some of the girls have already formed a little group and are dressing up and running around together."

And in fact your last paragraph, could be me writing about both dd and me!

OP posts:

merrygoround · 14/09/2005 13:58

MLL, do you have an actively involved dp/dh? What is his take on it all?

Before I had a child my biggest fear of the whole thing was how I would be around her starting school. I knew it would be something I'd find difficult. I think it has stirred up my own memories of starting school - I made myself so ill that I missed the beginning of secondary school, which made it twice as hard as I had to join a class which was already settled by the time I was better! I did settle eventually, but my first school photo shows me with a blotchy face and puffy eyes from all the crying I'd been doing.

Now I think of it, my mum is not very confident- although she gives a good impression otherwise. Perhaps some inner doubt has passed from her to me and now me to my dd? Must do something about it.

merrygoround · 14/09/2005 14:02

Sorry to ramble on, but I just re-read what I wrote about the little girls at dd's school running around having fun together and realised that 1. I felt bad that dd wasn't one of them, and 2. I knew that I wouldn't be one of them either if you change the scenario to an adult equivalent, and part of me wishes that I could be.

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