Private education - how did you get comfortable with the commitment?

[cestlavie]

Would appreciate anyone's thoughts on this.

In short, DW and I are in a position now where we're going to have to commit to putting DD1 (and by definition DD2) into private schooling at 7+. No need to give too much detail but suffice to say that state and private options are sufficiently limited in the area that if they don't go in at 4+ then it is very unlikely they'll have that option at any point in the future.

Sooo. For us, it's going to be a squeeze affording it. As it stands, we can just about to send them both provided we cut back on things like holidays and accept that early retirement certainly ain't going to be an option. That's all fine.

Both DW and I are professional service sector types so it's unlikely we're going to be in the same jobs for the next 18 years and redundancy (although unlikely) is always a possibility as we've all seen through the downturn.

Taking out a mortgage is fine. If you lose your job, and you've got some savings then you can ride it out for a while and in a worst case, most to a smaller place in a worse area. Effect on your kids probably not great, but not insurmountable. Being unable to keep them in private education though would be awful once they've started, especially knowing people who've been forced to make the private to state switch when they were younger.

So my question is, how did anyone else get comfortable committing to that level of expenditure for such a long period of time on something so important?

We had a years worth of fees saved up and reserved exactly for this dilemma. Our view was that a year should be enough time to make necessary adjustments and / or alternative plans without it being too disruptive.

We were paying the monthly equivalent of school fees on childcare when we were on much lower salaries so the expense has always been there.

We live in a distinctly average house (so even if one salary went we could pay fees and mortgage).

We both have secure jobs (particularly DH)

I went private from 2-16 (chose state sixth form college). My dad was privately educated etc. I, if not DH, do have a sense that it's manageable and don't get anxious about it.

I suppose, deep down, I accept that if something went wrong my family would happily pay (realistically only time this would come to pass is if DH did a runner- death, injury etc. insured for!)

Cool. Thanks for the replies both of you.

We've also got money saved up to afford a year's worth of fees if need be. Which we would need as if my salary went there is no way we could afford mortgage and fees!

I guess you're right that it would give enough time to make alternative arrangements (technically) but I kind of struggle with the non-technical arrangements. The people I know who went from private to state (unsurprisingly) had a very miserable time once they went to state.

After 12 years of private school fees for DC's, we are still nauseous when we think about it. You just have to take the leap. We are in an education black hole where we live and didn't have a viable option. We are, all these years on, very happy with our choice. Good luck!

Thanks horsemadmom - I take comfort from your latter part of your comments and shiver a little at the first!

We had this dilemma too (esp as we have 4 children) and we decided to give the state system a go and then see what happens later on - it is a lot less scary committing to 7 or even 8 years than 14!

However, this might not be an option you want to consider.

I'd say that the way we are trying to plan it if we are sending our children to private secondary, is 2 years' worth of fees saved, as we are also in the professional sector and know a lot of people who have been out of work for over a year...

Also, it might be that there are some months in the next 14 years where you have some unexpected needs that you can't possibly predict...(and I am not just thinking of that expensive skiing trip that your child wants to go on ;o)))

For us, getting comfortable with the commitment was more than just having a years fees saved up. We are dependent on 1 income (DH's) to pay the fees, and he was very worried that if he had enough of working in the industry he's in, that he wouldn;t be able to switch to anything else, as he'd be shackled to it to pay the fees (he works in the City but doesn't necessarily want to forever.)
In our area, switching to state from private would be pretty disastrous. But we realised that the only reason we live in the very expensive part of the country (S.E. England) that we do, is because DH needs to be able to get to work easily. So our back up plan, if he loses his job and can't find another in finance, or wants to switch to something less pressured, is that we'll move to a cheaper part of the country, thereby releasing equity on our house. We may then be able to afford to continue with private education, if not then I'll home educate.

Its very sensible to want a back up plan, I think.

Thanks all.

Yes, ideal would be state til 11+ but unfortunately intake at that age to the private school is tiny and incredibly competitive - and with two to get in, would hate to have a scenario where one sneaks in but the other fails.

Also agree with ability to release equity in the house - provides a level of comfort although practically speaking if you're in a scenario where jobs are being lost, you're probably also in a scenario where house prices are falling as well (but that's probably overworrying...!)

you could always move to a grammar school area - competitive yes, but someone has got to get in! (and have private school as the back up)

We were in a very similar situation and so we did our research and really investigated all the options both state and private. Surprisingly our state primary options were very poor/limited as we lived just into one borough, the state options for secondary were not bad but certainly not exciting. In the end we did opt for the private primary school and followed on to private secondary schools and have not regretted it so far, though it is painful and we have stayed in a small but adequate house. We have offered our children the best education we could get and then it is up to them to make use of the opportunity and their future. There won't be much inheritance.

Thanks LetsEscape. I think it's fair to say there won't be an awfully large inheritance left for the kids afterwards!

Cestlavie - we live in a similar area I think but bear in mind all those children who get in at 4 only to be rejected at 7, 11 or 13. It might be worth putting them into the best primary you can for a few years to see where their natural level is. So many of our contemporaries have done what you propose only to find the children really struggling in very competitive environments later on (or being told they won't cut it and to go somewhere less academic). If the children are going to survive in those environments and if they are truly the right environments they will get in later on very easily because these schools are looking for raw talent. If they aren't that academic you can move out anyway later on and take some of the pain out of the financial situation.

We have five children in private schools (was 6 until last term, but DS1 has gone off to university).

It is a massive committment and requires you to prioritise your lifestyle away from material things.

We have stuck our head in the sand about being able to afford it long-term. We haven't quite been able to make ends meet in the last few years, but have been able to put any shortfall on the mortgage (which I a fine with given that mortgage rates have been so low in the last couple of years and we have been effectively over-paying). With the departure of DS1, things are better now and the numbers balance.

The one thing that I despair about is everytime DH comes home in mid-life crisis mode complaining about his job. He just can't quit.

I had a similar dilemma and decided not to put DD into private at 4, because I simply could not guarantee I would continue to work in my current role. It was stressful enough feeling tied to my job which made me unhappy in order to afford our mortgage. We made the break and moved out of London to a cheaper house and although it was the right move for all of us, part of me felt I was forcing everyone to move because I was so unhappy at work.

I didn't ever want the guilt of making DD (and DS eventually) move to a public school from a private one. So my decision in your situation was to go for state primary. I still hope to have saved enough for private secondary school but I accept its not guaranteed.

If you get stuck, and it is in the short term (made redundant - looking for any work and expect to have income so only one term of fees struggling for etc), or even in the long term if terminal illness, most schools have funds for this purpose, i.e. they will bail you out, either you pay it back over the remainder of the time at school or no need to pay it back.

If one parent dies, most schools will help if not fund fees to ensure that's not another disruption in the child's life.

We take it one school year at a time and say that for every year she has in private it has to be a good thing to get her the education , we have one child there at the moment soon to be 2 but i dont work so hubby pays the fees. Should anything happen i am more than willing to go out to work full time to cover fees and cut back in other areas.

She is also very aware of the costs and knows that things could change in the future
(possibly) we are just trying to do what we think is best ,as are we all, but it doesnt come without worries and stress.

Melx

I'm not sure paying fees each term is something you ever completely get used to. The lack of choice and options to change your job/house/lifestyle are hard to deal with.

I know for us we were fully committed to a private education for DD1& 2 - we did our sums and knew that we could afford to send our 2 children to prep fairly easily and then I would have to return to work full time to help pay for senior school. However nothing quite prepares you for the feeling you have when writing that chq each term - no matter how committed you are to the school.

Just as a note of caution DH was made redundant during the financial crisis - it took him 12 months to find another job and because of the state of the economy we couldn't sell our house either. Best laid plans and all that...

On a positive note however we became one of those families who switched to state and so far so good. We are lucky because it is an 'outstanding' primary but the girls have been very happy. And it has opened a wonderful world of opportunities which wouldn't have been available to us if we had continued down the private route - wonderful family holidays/mom & dad not working flat out to cover fees etc...

It is a tough decision to make - good luck

I have three in private school, it is a massive commitment and we had 4 years fees in savings before we signed on the dotted line.
The truth is if it ever came down to the choice I would sell our house and move into rented before I would move schools.
We will both have to work until we are 70, we are prepared to do that but equally we will not be bank rolling University apart from living costs, we will not be buying the first car, house or paying for the wedding.

My theory is I am buying them the best education, therefore giving them the opportunities I never had to make the most of the rest of their lives, investing early if you like.
My aunt did the same with my cousins and they are now buying her houses and cars.

One thing that makes paying fees a lot easier is by working in a state school. That's what I did and it convicted me totally to private education.

Sorry to hijack this thread but just out of interest MmeBlueberry - why? Is the difference so vast? I am not a teacher and would love to be a 'fly on the wall' to see exactly what happens in my DD's state primary and the inde. school she left behind. Just interested...I absolutely do not want to start a state/private debate!

Sorry to hijack this thread but just out of interest MmeBlueberry - why? Is the difference so vast? I am not a teacher and would love to be a 'fly on the wall' to see exactly what happens in my DD's state primary and the inde. school she left behind. Just interested...I absolutely do not want to start a state/private debate!

Let's keep this thread 'clean' and save the sector debate to another thread.

If I ran out of money and could no longer comfortably afford DD's school I wouldn't hesitate to move her to a state school.

I certainly wouldn't remortgage or live hand to mouth.

I mean it's a good school and everything, but at the end of the day, it's only a school.

My input in her life is far more important, the values we hold as a family, the examples we set.

I would rather a happy, solvent family able to enjoy holidays and a comfortable house, extra curricular activities together, than a remortgaged to the eyeballs, penny scrimping existence.

No school is worth that, is it?

We put aside enough money to pay DC1's fees all the way through before we made the commitment to go independent.
We have DC2 now too, but it means we don't have to panic too much should either of us lose our job (almost a dead cert for me within the next 6mo tbh).

I realise this is a little extreme, but I like to be 100% about something before I take a leap.

I couldn't agree more Merrylegs. Well said