Private education - how did you get comfortable with the commitment?

[cestlavie]

Would appreciate anyone's thoughts on this.

In short, DW and I are in a position now where we're going to have to commit to putting DD1 (and by definition DD2) into private schooling at 7+. No need to give too much detail but suffice to say that state and private options are sufficiently limited in the area that if they don't go in at 4+ then it is very unlikely they'll have that option at any point in the future.

Sooo. For us, it's going to be a squeeze affording it. As it stands, we can just about to send them both provided we cut back on things like holidays and accept that early retirement certainly ain't going to be an option. That's all fine.

Both DW and I are professional service sector types so it's unlikely we're going to be in the same jobs for the next 18 years and redundancy (although unlikely) is always a possibility as we've all seen through the downturn.

Taking out a mortgage is fine. If you lose your job, and you've got some savings then you can ride it out for a while and in a worst case, most to a smaller place in a worse area. Effect on your kids probably not great, but not insurmountable. Being unable to keep them in private education though would be awful once they've started, especially knowing people who've been forced to make the private to state switch when they were younger.

So my question is, how did anyone else get comfortable committing to that level of expenditure for such a long period of time on something so important?

What career affords you the ability to put aside 100% of school fees, that's a tremendous amount of cash. May get dh to retrain

Well bully for you Merrylegs but having seen the effects of an unhappy school life on a child I think it's worth scrimping for. If people are stressed and unhappy at work it can cause complete breakdowns, children have killed themselves over bullying at school.

chippychop- DH runs his own business, and has done so for 13 years. We have (at times) worked 7 days a week, 12, 15 or more hours a day... pre-children obviously. At one point I had 3 jobs.
We also only bought a tiny house that can be retained on one salary should we need to. We do not have many material goods.

If you have minimal outgoings and 2 graduate salaries coming in, it does add up over a long period of time.

I should point out that DH has no pension provision though, and mine is only through my current job.

MmeBlueberry- snap! Working in a state secondary really convinced me to run for the independent sector too.

To answer OP- Our older three have been in the independent sector for nearly ten years now, bar a year in Canada where they were at a fabulous state school (but all the English speaking state schools seemed good there). They each switched to independent at 7 rather than join the (very highly rated by Ofsted) junior school up the road where they had no outdoor playtime after the end of the first term of year 3, and limited sports of any description.

Paying for it has been achieved through a combination of luck (no mortgage or rent) wonderful granny, and me working to fund the girls. W Granny pays for the oldest child and always has, and all my earnings plus a bond annuity which is all our savings go into funding the girls. So far, until the recession bit, we've always been pretty much OK.

This year however we've had a fair number of unexpected expenses (new baby we'd given up hoping for + au pair + usual unexpected things like car woes) and once I've emptied my last ISA for the Spring fees I'm utterly unable to pay the Summer fees. I have already contacted one of the school to see if we might be able to have some money off, and offered my services as a teacher to the school, so we'll see what that gives... We may be OK yet. There's still over 6 months to go, but I have had no work for months so there's going to be a big gap in my earnings for June-October and counting.

Oldest child is now Upper 6th, second is year 11. They will both leave their current school at the end of this academic year. Oldest child's trust fund set up by WG at birth is now substantial enough to pay for the entirety his university expenses. Second child wants (and has to) to go to a state 6th form college. Two sets of fees down.

By next year, we will be left with one child to pay for + au pair fees for the baby. Bliss. For the first time in x years we might be able to go away on a proper (maybe even long-haul?) holiday.

It's been hard and more like a rollercoaster than I'd like, but it has definitely been worth it.

We put our two through private school, one right to the end of sixth form, the other to GCSE level when she chose to go to state sixth form.

It was hard at times and we did have to cut back on luxuries but it has all been worth it. They are both doing much better now than I suspect they would have if they'd been to the local high school.

I cannot tell you how much it's wound me up over the years though when people tell you that you're lucky you can afford private education without thinking about the holidays, new car, etc that they had and we did not.

Ooh that is extreme! We have a year's fees saved up and would reluctantly downsize the house if we had to to raise the £60 grand or so we'd need for DD to stay at her indie till GCSEs. But to be frank it's modest already. Fees are always at the back of my mind (and have been paying them since she was 3) ... But wouldn't say am continually worrying ... I just hope we always have the money to cover them. I guess I view the fees as like a mortgage .... one of those necessary expenses - if we didn't pay them I'd probably move house to get DD into a state school I rated ... so that would be another cost anyway. Have to say - despite the cost (and having fees at the back of my mind over the years) I don't regret any of the thousands I've spent on them!;

"Well bully for you Merrylegs but having seen the effects of an unhappy school life on a child I think it's worth scrimping for."

Hmm. Not sure I follow your point. Are you saying that there will be no bullying in a private school? Or that a private school = a happy school?

OP asked how you get comfortable with the commitment of paying for a private school.

I answered, as I only can, from my own experience.

That is, if I wasn't comfortable paying for it, I wouldn't bust a gut to.

Because I would really have to ask myself, how much more is my child getting from this school. How much is it really worth it?

But that's because I also have kids in the state system and they are OK. You know? They go to school. With other regular kids. They are not beaten up. They are happy. They are achieving As and A*s in their GCSEs.

I have no idea what the school choices are like in the OPs area. I am lucky. I live in a regular British city (Norwich). There are good state schools here and not so good ones. There are nice kids at my DCs schools and not so nice ones. Good teachers and not so good ones - state and private.

I think if you can just afford it, if you have to consider re-mortgaging, or worry about spending your pension, or live year to year hoping you can scrape the fees together, you have to be absolutely 100% convinced that private education is the ONLY option, that it is going to give your child the ONLY education it can possibly have.

Only then can you be comfortable with the commitment.

You could consider home-educating through primary age and going private at 11 (perhaps in a different area?). That would save a good chunk of fees and allow you to save up for secondary. It also means that yopu can have more idea of whether your children will benefit from the private secondary.

If the main carer can work from home, you do not have to sacrifice a complete income (I have been the main carer/home educator and the breadwinner for most of my DC's lives).

I'm from a very poor background where money worries ruled our homelife, so when DH raised the issue of private school, the fees were one of the many hurdles I erected.

DH promptly put away a lump sum that would cover several years worth of fees ( he's a lawyer and gets paid in lump sums twice yearly ).

So far, we haven't had to dip into it...but I feel happier knowing I could if I wanted.

Having been such a reluctant private school parent, I am now utterly in love with DCs schools lol.

Thanks for all your thoughts and advice.

Actually, I?m not that fussed about private vs. state in terms of what they offer. I?ve always been very happy to go with the state option, not least because it allows you so many more choices as a family and doesn?t tie DW and I into working until the end of time. Right now, however, the independent option feels like the best route to go down if we can live with/ get comfortable with the commitment.

The long term commitment does worry me ? we?ll have enough money set aside for over a year?s fees plus potentially the ability to sell and move somewhere smaller if need be. Feels like that?s about in line with what other people are doing as well (although clearly some people have set aside even more!) The scrimping and saving I can live with, although the thought isn?t particularly joyous, but trading off holidays, cars and other niceties seems like a fair trade for a better education...

... and whatever else people say, it doesn't sound like many people here are unhappy about the education at their private schools (just the shocking cheque at the start of each term...!)

And thanks Merrylegs, I do agree. It's a very fair point for us that to get comfortable, we have to feel that it is the only viable option in the circumstances. Useful way to look at it.

I have to be honest, I wouldn't go down the private education route unless I knew I could very comfortably afford it long term. It's a huge investment, and there is no other investment of that size - buying a house, taking out a loan etc - that I would commit to if I didn't feel very confident that we would be able to deal with it long term. It's just too much of a commitment to say 'we'll find the money somehow'. Private education is extremely expensive - it isn't just fees, either, but all the extras.

That's my honest opinion, and having witnessed quite a few people I know having to take their children out of private school because of financial problems, it just isn't a risk I'd think worth taking.

I always find it funny how people worry about being able to afford private education for their kids.

Many wouldn't worry about buying a new £25k car (paid over 3 years)...so when they think about £9k per year per student tuition the first thought is...but think of the sacrifices!

You mean we can only have 1 holiday abroad?!
I have to have a new (or heaven's above 'used') car every 4 years??!
etc

Then the usual 'But we already pay for everyone else's education through our taxes! I feel bitter that I have to pay so much more for my child to get the best education!'

Well...tough. Private education gets you smaller class sizes, less classroom distractions, more pleasant and less chavvy DS/DD friends and better GCSE/A-Level exam results. It even gives them a gold star on their CV for when they apply for university and future jobs - "This person went though private education and is reliable."

So when one thinks about the sacrifices, £9k per child per year isn't really very much at all. The alternative is several kids with crap exam results and a rosie future of unemployment.

Julraj, did you actually read the OP?

Julraj, your post is defensive and unhelpful.

Firstly, £9K a year is very cheap for private education. Most private schools cost more than that. And privately educating more than one child is a huge financial sacrifice for all but the extremely wealthy.

I have no objection to private education, but I think it is foolish to enter into it without thinking long and hard about what the implications may be (which the OP is doing, so no criticism of you OP). It's a commitment that may involve a damn sight more sacrifice than going without two foreign holidays a year for many people .

Oh, and being state educated does not mean you leave with no exams and never get a job. Let's stop the hysteria!

£9k per year, we wish! More like £23k per year of pre-tax salary PER child PER year.

agree with your figures almost exactly norflondoner, and per child as you say :(

ours is £12K - for secondary in London and it's the same for all the girls day schools round here. Boys are more generally ...

"This person went though private education and is reliable." said Julraj.

Employers and universities think that? Really?

i was wrong before,apologies, just looked properly - dd at secondary in Sussex is 20k day pupil, ds at prep is 14k

Ah, yes. Julraj's post perfectly illustrates the inconvenient truth about private schools.

You pay all that money and you still can't guarantee your child won't end up in a class with the offspring of dunderheads.

The commitment scares me still - but only when I think about it :)

DD has been at an independent school for 9 years and DS for 7. We have another 6 + 8 years to go and then university afterwards!

Seriously, work out a back up plan, be it downsizing or whatever, try to save up a year's fees in advance as a cushion, take the plunge and then DON'T THINK ABOUT IT

The alternative is several kids with crap exam results and a rosie future of unemployment.

Ha ha ha ha ha sorry but this one has really cheered me up and made my day.

I am just going across the road to tell my neighbour's son - who has just got As and A* GCSEs from a comprehensive - that he shouldn't bother continuing on to do A-levels and becoming a consultant like his father lol

Julrag, your post is offensive. Believe it or not, there are many many parents in the UK, for whom it will NEVER be possible to pay for a private education for their child, even on the bargain £9k per child per annum you quote. There are also many people who never buy a £25k car over 3 years or go on two + holidays a year.

And there is a subset of parents too, who will scrimp and save and struggle to afford the fees and will lose sleep wondering if they can do it.

I'm not in either camp as I don't believe in private education and think it should be abolished. But as other posters have said, that's another thread).

I think parents would be foolish not to consider the financial implications of university for their children when they consider the cost of a private education, as it looks extremely likely that universities will be allowed to increase/set their own tuition fees and that could make uni very expensive in the future.

I think it is unlikely that many parents have not given that some thought.