Eating disorder

[Patear]

Hello, I’m looking for private eating-disorder treatment for my 14-year-old daughter, who has anorexia.
She is currently under CAMHS, but unfortunately she is not making much progress with her eating or weight and is currently not attending school. CAMHS are now discussing a referral for hospital treatment, but as a family we would like to explore whether private treatment could provide more intensive support and possibly help her avoid an inpatient admission if clinically appropriate.
Could you please let me know what treatment you offer for a 14-year-old, including outpatient or day treatment, supervised meals/snack support, family therapy, dietitian and psychiatric support?

I can’t help with treatment but I know the book Skills Based Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder has been highly recommended.

Which book is it ?

Skills Based Caring for a Loved One with an Eating Disorder. 🤷‍♀️

Hi @Patear sorry to read things are so tough for you and your dd. I’ve read your thread.

Due to a seizure medical condition, it was paramount dd wasn’t hospitalised. She wouldn’t have coped at all. Everyone with her condition has the same fear of medical settings and they bring on the seizures (her heart stops, so it’s very traumatic for her). She also has quite a lot of demand avoidance and she would have needed nose feeding, which she again wouldn’t coped with. CAMHS were pretty useless and dd signed herself off with no diagnosis (due to seizures, she was unable to give bloods) at 16.

Dh and I instead have been using a coach privately for just over 2 years, just after dd finished her GCSEs. We engage with the coach, not dd. Dd struggled with that and wouldn’t engage with CAMHS either.

In terms of what we do, the coach trained dh and me to get dd from eating about 500 calories a day and onto the 3 meals and 3 snacks within about 8 weeks of working with her.

You may have come to realise that eating disorders aren't really about eating. They are just a mechanism to express what is going on. We also pay for an ED app, where I log what dd eats, what she does, her behaviours, conversations, anything noteworthy from school, anything positive or negative from friendships, family etc. This then forms the basis of the work we’ve done with dd to nudge her along.

Dd’s ED is very complex. And she’s a complex young lady, which is why things have taken so long and she still won’t admit she has an issue with her eating. She has now been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, which is what has made things so hard. The coach recommended we get her tested btw.

It has been the most almighty battle and I’ve worked tirelessly to get her through the past 2 years with many setbacks. But dd has turned a corner and is for the first time taking responsibility for her eating. She has just moved into halls, albeit she still has a way to go.

I’ve put a link below to the resources thread, which has the information you’re asking about. The coach we use and other coaches are on the last post. The book you’re asking about is listed in my first post.

In terms of cost, you will pay about £150 an hour for someone with the experience you need. The coach we use worked for 20 years in patient and has had her own business for a decade or so.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/5566004-eating-disorders-resource-thread-for-parents-carers-and-adults?reply=154984752

Thank you so much I really appreciate
Do you think online will work ? Did she have to attend alone or with parents
how is it work online ?

@Patear my dd didn’t really attend things, which is why it worked for us online.

The coach we use now only works with over 18s. So just for dh and me as parents. And we are doing specialised ED work with her to turn dd around. The coach also specialises in neurodiversity.

if you want someone to work with your dd, you also have a list of dietitians and ED coaches. You’ll have to find out if they work with 14 year olds. They are recommendations. I don’t know them personally. If you’re going down this route, I would want someone, who’s worked with under 18s (our coach did in the past).

I went with her, because she was a Mumsnet recommendation btw.

Ok thank you 🙏🏼

My daughter BMI is 15
do you think they will provide therapy or it much for her
she is eating but no more then 1200 calories
and she don’t want her to weight go up
I am keep asking her what happened to you tell me she keep saying I won’t tell you
it’s just heart breaking
our relationship is like friend but she still not telling me
if she open more we ca help her more

If she will talk to someone, yes. But it needs to be someone, who is really specialised in eating disorders. Otherwise you do it how we have done it. She’s told you she’s not ready to tell you if anything happened to her. There may not have been a big incident. It might have been lots of small things then a trigger, like it was with my dd. Your dd needs you to respect that. Pushing her like you are now will encourage her to pull away. You don’t need to know everything right now for things to improve.

Thank you I am learning so much with you
do you think they will let my daughter to start school when her BMI is 15
I know she underweight but she eating breakfast , lunch, dinner and few snacks
and I am happy to pick her up from school lunch time every single day
she really want to start school
inside house she getting so bored

What have CAMHS said? Have they said she isn’t safe to go to school? Normally you talk weight for height for under 18s. But a BMI of 15 means she is very low. I think you do need some advice on that, because there may be a cut off point. I don’t know the answer to this.

Any therapist will want to ensure it is safe for her to attend. I imagine you understand CAMHS (and ED specialists) use the desire to go to school as a means to get kids to eat more. Then if the kid eats enough and if it is safe, then they can attend. And by safe, I mean weight, bloods, decent BP and pulse.

It’s a really tricky one, because you don’t want your dd to get demoralised and eat less. I get you’re prepared to pick her up. If you really want her to go and once it’s safe, I would be using that desire to get her to agree to eat more. For starters a bigger breakfast and agree to take and eat a mid morning snack.

What have school said?

Why don’t you come and discuss this all on the main thread with everyone else? There are some really knowledgeable posters on there, not just me. They have experience of keeping their children off school when I don’t. And it’s a really supportive community. I think that would be really helpful for you.

I’m not trying to stop you posting on this one. I just think you’ll get more help on that thread.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/5566005-support-thread-16-for-parents-and-carers-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder?page=4&reply=154999516