Eating disorder services rejection

[needtowalkmore]

I am feeling completely lost at the moment. I’m 56 with a history of anorexia and recently relapsed so asked gp for a referral to eating disorder services. The nurse I saw was lovely and she sent the referral off. They asked for an updated weight so I was blind weighed at the gps. I haven’t weighed myself in months so even that was very difficult even though the nurse was really sensitive.

Tonight I got an email from the eating disorder team rejecting my referral as I’ve had help in the past and my weight wasn’t a concern. They even put my weight on the email so now I’m really upset that the so called experts handled it badly

I don’t know where to get help now and I’m distressed about finding out my weight.

I am really sorry this happened to you, and I would definitely encourage you to raise it via PALS.

Over 20 years of having anorexia and I have found every ED service I’ve ever had contact with actively unhelpful and harmful.

I Instead now having private trauma based therapy (including EMDR) and it is the best thing I’ve ever done. Might this be an option for you?

Thanks for the kind reply @Doctordoolittle and I’m sorry you’ve struggled too.

I’ll think about logging a complaint once I’ve pulled myself together again.

I suppose private could be an option and I think I’ll look into what’s available near me

Really sorry to hear you're having such a fight to be listened to for help. It's really poor. I had similar battles and very poor handling of referrals for my daughter and an initial assessment that made it worse too.
Have you spoken to beat? They have online access to a chat 3-8pm and they are excellent and guiding you to the right place for support and how to challenge poor responses. But you have to be mentally in a well enough place to do that. They , along with the amazing support on here, helped me get the right support for my daughter. Do you have someone close to you who can help speak to the team?

You can refer to some private psychologist or health consultant who can guide you in a better way about this.

Don’t give up - you’ve done a very very brave thing by admitting you need help so please don’t let this stop you.

Definitely look for private help - BEAT have a list of counsellors in your area with ED experience.

Even if you have to take out a loan - this is your health there is literally nothing else worth spending money on until you are in recovery. This has to come first.

You must be so strong to have broken the hold that it has over you - just keep fighting for a little longer and you’ll be on the path to a happy healthy future.

Thank you so much for the kind replies and advice. I struggle to tell anyone about this in real life so really appreciate the messages.

i will try again for support but don’t feel ready to do that just yet.

Good luck ❤️

One thing I’d like to say based on my personal experience of something very similar way back at the start of my 20 year journey with this- please don’t allow their ‘rejection’ to make you feel you aren’t sick enough and don’t deserve help. The absolute failure of NHS eating disorders in SO many places is THEIR failure and not an assessment or judgement of you.

I very clearly remember being ‘rejected’ in the same way age 18 and it was like a red flag to a bull. Anorexia used it as a way to drive my weight down even further and it’s been something that has driven my life since.

I’m sorry they sent your weight in the letter, I never see my weight and explain why - it’s so triggering.
I hope some of the services above can offer support - I found NHS services pretty rubbish.

56 ‘recovered’ anorexic who will always have an appalling relationship with food x

Eating disorder services are shit, I went down to 5 stone 13lb, constantly crashing from low blood sugar and they just told me I would be fine heres some calorie drinks. 🥴 Best to go private if you can.

@Doctordoolittle That makes sense and I know just what you mean. I did exactly the same about 10 years ago which is why I didn’t want to know my weight. I’m determined not to let the same thing happen again

@ghostyslovesheets thanks. I keep thinking I’m too old for this but can’t seem to get a better relationship with food either

yesterday I was feeling so alone in this so I really appreciate all the messages

I don’t think it ever goes away - it just becomes less invasive- I know I have to eat to fuel my body and I know I wasn’t healthy at my former weight - I understand that I now have health issues as a result. Overall I’m in a better place but food is still a bloody demon, eating out a nightmare without preparation, anxiety about what to eat etc - I’m too old as well and it’s bloody exhausting and stupid and frustrating- I wish I knew the magic answer!

be kind to yourself x

Honestly I’m in awe of anyone who breaks the stranglehold and asks for help you rock!!

I even got as far as getting private help authorised via Bupa one day but then never did anything about it.

Keep fighting - look at the BEAT website to see who’s local to you x

Thanks @FusionChefGeoff I certainly don’t feel like I’m rocking anything at the moment. It took a lot to ask for help but I will reach out again soon. Really appreciate the support

@ghostyslovesheets frustrating and exhausting sums it up perfectly !

Can you go back to theGP and ask why you have been rejected for help.

@Viviennemary the letter from the eating disorder services said it was because my weight is stable and I had treatment two years ago with them. I know the gp tried really hard for a new referral so I’m not sure what happens now

Thanks for answering. Certainly try the Beat helpline. I agree with be kind to yourself.