@littlebabycheeses99
I agree re sectioning. Your ds sounds very anxious. And anxiety can make someone very controlling. My dd was exactly the same with me. The control was off the charts. At this point, I would presume that he isn’t going to be able or willing to engage with any kind of ED specialist. And will only do so if forced. He has the party this weekend I think. So maybe you will have an opportunity to take him to A&E?
As for his eating, dd also went ‘vegetarian’ as a way of restricting. If your ds won’t eat anything you make, will he eat anything from home? Eg pre packaged foods? Or stuff that isn’t cooked? My dd ate the same thing almost every single day. Is there anything he will eat? My dd likes spicy foods. I think that’s common with autism. He needs protein. What about humous? The Ocado sweet chilli one is yummy. It is the most calorific I found out there at 298 calories per 100g (some are less than 200 calories), followed by Moorish (the unflavoured one), which you may be able to get from Asda. I know Asda sell the smoky one, but that’s lower again and I would be cautious about introducing the lower calorie ones as he may not then want the higher calorie ones.
The days dd ate with us, she had salads with grated cheese for a long time. I then put a bowl of chips to share and bread on the table. And she slowly picked more and more until these were part of the meal for her. She was like your ds, not wanting anyone to make her food. However, after doing it herself a few times, she became lazy and allowed me to prepare it for her. With the salad, I could then slowly increase her intake of cheese by weighing it and increasing by imperceptible amounts. I trebled the amount of cheese over time. And she likes egg sandwiches, so we pushed for her to have an egg meal deal for lunch every day, weekends and holidays included.
I spent a lot of time ensuring foods dd would eat were at the front of the fridge, at eye line. Ditto cupboards. Anorexics get on well with small packaging. That’s why the little packs of belvita are popular. Think anything individual - baby bel (maybe open the netting as that’s an added complexity), packs of soreen, nature valley bars, little packs of raisins, penguins. Because they can often open those without guilt.
Because guilt is something that stops the eating. Always a good tip to open things and take one / a bit out. Knowing that someone else in the house is eating that food can give the anorexic permission to eat. And seeing someone eat, all the better. Try doing this regularly when your ds is around. And I mean grab a biscuit or whatever if you’re not having your meal when he walks past. If he is sitting in the living room, grab a big share bag of crisps or Doritos (look at calorie content and what he’s previously eaten) and plonk them on the table, sit down, a bit away from him and just keep taking one. Don’t talk, just play on your phone otherwise he will probably leave the room. It’s why FBT is advocated, but I appreciate you just can’t do that with your ds right now.
So if you have a pack of chocolate digestives, open the pack and eat a couple, or dump 2 at the bottom of the bin if needed. Dd also likes slices spicy cheese. And open packets of everything is always good. What about dips? M&S do a garlic and onion and a sour cream and chive. Both high calories. Tesco do sour cream and chive, it is a bit lower. And even if right now he will only eat say 5 foods and grapes or cucumber etc are one of those 5 foods, food is food. And something to build on. Does he have ketchup? Dd used to eat that one almost everything. Or maybe he likes mayonnaise.
We also have food on display in the kitchen. A big tub of roses chocolates always out on the side. Butter dish, a couple of sorts of crackers and marmite all next to the kettle. If your ds used to eat peanut butter, that’s a better choice. Idk how much he goes into the kitchen, so if he doesn’t go in much, you could put a bowl of chocolates by the front door and make sure you eat a few every day, leaving his preferred ones. With biscuits, you might want to get a glass jar and leave it on the side. And I would suggest doing this in stages btw, so it looks less obvious. And remember whatever you do, ensure you keep eating these foods whilst still ensuring there is stock, so don’t let the biscuits go stale in the packs for example. Your ds is smart and the ED is permanently vigilant for threats and he will suss out what you’re doing if you leave the a pack of chocolate digestives and a pack of hobnobs (or whatever he used to eat) open for weeks without going down. And if you do the glass jar, that means the glass jar contents going down and replenished and the cupboard stock going down.
And yes, I get this is all very complicated. But this is how we got dd eating. And the first step in the process for dd was taking the same meal to her bedroom every evening when the rule was nothing before 8 pm (2 of the only 5 foods she’d eat). Saying ‘this is your dinner, please eat it’, no eye contact, putting it on the side and leaving.
Otherwise, he might be able to eat at restaurants with his friends? Or can say you were thinking and wondering if he’d like a party or get together at yours. I get that he will be consuming alcohol. However, if you’re supplying food, you’ll be in charge. Margarita pizza, crisps (preferably Doritos rather than salt and vinegar crisps). And if he’s trying to fit in, there is a possibility that he will copy his friends who are eating.
There are lots of tricks to get our dc eating. And if you find there’s something he will eat, always having a supply of that so that he can have it when he wants. I get deliveries from Ocado and Tesco. Dd also only ate bread from coop for a long time. And her meal deals come from Tesco or coop.
And if he’s saying about not being able to wait to move out, a lot of the time, you ignore it. Some of the time, you challenge it saying ‘oh ok’ with a puzzled look. Then don’t say anything else. And when you can, ask him ‘how will that work when you can’t even feed yourself?’ You’re going to get told to fuck off etc. Just ignore that bit. He needs challenging. Just not all the time. And the challenging is always after he’s eaten. His brain will always work better just after food. And it doesn’t need to be much. Well, 20 minutes to give it time to process.
@Worriedmum2026
I am really surprised that you can get away with a sticker chart at your dd’s age, but she sounds very compliant and it is working, great. Your instincts are correct that she has got to want to do the activity more than she wants to restrict. And it’s good she didn’t notice you hiding more calories in the food. So I’d keep going with what is working.
@StressedANmum
You did really well there, persuading your dd not to go cold turkey on the meds. It’s so difficult as our dc get older and want to cooperate less.
How is she doing in general now? You talked about her centring on her recovery, rather than going back into education. But I don’t think you ever said any more about that.
@Whooopthereitis
I am really pleased to hear that all the obs came back ok. And that your dd is eating 3 meals. It is always a work in progress. And getting the snacks in will come. I would suggest using the tips I’ve said about above in your home to see if it helps. Our kids are all so different.
As for us, dd continues to be ok. She has clearly lost weight from being unwell. But still very happy. My latest hard won victory is getting her to accept it’s good to put her university schedule and reminders in her phone to help organise herself. So this is the start of her making a routine for herself, which will reduce her anxiety. She thrived on routines as a baby / small child, but the ADHD side finds it boring. She told me she’d never create a routine a few months ago when I started to drip this in. Yet suddenly it’s there. A lad on her course helped her. And I’m hoping she will in time accept to schedule eating in there too.
Her 2 friends came over yesterday and spent the afternoon here. I could talk very frankly to them about the ED without dd present as some topics, like calories, are not for her ears. One of the girls I turned around from binge / restrict, the other was so thin, but is now gaining and they’re basically supporting each other in different ways. I tried very hard to get the second girl’s parents to understand how severe not eating enough is. I don’t think she ever went much below 1000 calories. She told me yesterday that her parents thought I was telling them she’d get like my dd, ie mentally ill, when she never would have as she doesn’t have the genetics. I was trying to save her life. I am absolutely fuming about it right now and so so sad about what she went through. Dh and I used to be friends with her parents, but I can’t talk to them right now or if I ever will again. I didn’t see her when she was at her worse. However, she said she went down to 5 1/2 stone, so about 12 bmi. She could have died at any moment. When I gave them a hug, they simultaneously said ‘love you’, which was unexpected and lovely. I am just so proud of them right now.