Support thread 11 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[GrannyRoberts]

Hi all, here is our new thread. I will attempt to post a link on thread 10.

Antidepressants have really helped my dd. She was nearly 17 when they were prescribed by the camhs Psychiatrist. I think it's harder to have them prescribed for younger ones. The side effects have to be closely monitored as they can initially make depression worse but my dd was absolutely fine. They obviously don't do much for the ED but help enormously with the anxiety and depression that often go along with it.

Bad day today.....

Clinic app 2 ( weigh and weekly appointments)

As she's been taken 2-4 hrs to eat clinic have suggested 45mins max and take away then offer the next meal but she's had no food or drink since 11am

Clinic have said if no fluids for 24 hrs or under 500 calories a day for 5 days a@e as last two times we got sent home

I feel like I'm waiting for her to collapse.....

My girl was not my girl in this meeting
Legs constantly moving, fidgeting and clinic have now referred me to somewhere as they think she also had BDD

She's a shell of herself

She's 92.7 wfh and coming up green on meeds and when I take her to a@e obs are always good like they were at clinic
She's not losing weight and it's ' stablised ' so I do feel I'm just waiting for her to be ill (admitted ill)

She's refused dinner and all her snacks
She's ate breakie and lunch so on around 800k

I feel you @summertimesadness24 that’s exactly how it feels here. She’s eating about 800 cal a day ie. Just enough to plateau but because she’s not losing there’s nothing anyone can do! Sending hugs.

I honestly feel this is the most she can do...she's literally picking at the food

How are you coping? Do I send her to school? Carry on with usual activities? Half term coming up and she's supposed to going back to her nans etc and lovely things planned ?later nights etc

Hi, mind if I join? Looking for advice, found messages on my son’s phone that suggest he’s been restricting his eating.

I’ve made him get on the scales and he’s only 7st 8lb! I’ve put it into the NHS calculator and it comes out at underweight 1st percentile. I’m not sure what to do

@summertimesadness24 im sorry, I don’t have good advice, we are not coping very well and DD has been hovering around 81-82% wfh since September. She goes to school in the morning and we bring her home at lunchtime, hoping to get more routine around eating in the holidays (encouraging regular snacks) and she doesn’t do exercise but we will be doing gentle walks in the holidays for everyone’s sanity… she needs to be a normal child but with a watchful eye, I think.

summertimesadness24

Oh I really feel for you and your poor girl. My dd was a nervous wreck at her appointments. It's heartbreaking 😔
She shouldn't really be going anywhere if she's earing so little. It's harsh for her to miss out but she has to realise that she needs food for the energy to do things.
I think you may have to prepare yourself for her to be admitted. 92% obviously isn't bad but her weight will begin to drop rapidly unless she starts eating 2000+ cals daily.

Hi @WoodenTrain , sorry you find yourself here but there is a wealth of experience. First thing to do is take a deep breath and brace yourself, then make a GP appt asap. They will probably refer to an ED service (guideline is within 3weeks) for an in depth discussion and physical obs.

check out Eva Musby online or on YouTube for some practical advice and support, but you will get lots of good advice on this thread, there are no silly questions!

WoodenTrain

So sorry about your ds. Get a gp appointment ASAP. Also check if you can self refer to camhs eating disorder service in your area. Early intervention in an eating disorder really is key to recovery.

Hi @WoodenTrain sorry you find yourself here. How old is your son? Have you asked him if he's struggling with food? 1st percentile is very very low weight, is he cold to the touch? My son was. I'm pretty new here but I'd say gp tomorrow, all exercise stops. GP needs to do bp standing and sitting, blood tests and an urgent referral to the eating disorder services. Depending on his obs he may need to go to hospital, some of us have found you get better/quicker help that way over the gp

Can you give me some ideas of snacks please? The snacks we’ve given aren’t enough calories. Trying to negotiate told her a croissant with jam or scone or similar point blank refusing. Obviously she will do this but I’m just wondering if there are other snack choices she might be more interested in. Current snack list is : sorren or crumpet with jam, plain crisp or nuts and raisins pack , breakfast bar in evening and ryvitta x2 with peanut butter. (She has four snacks a day due to running) . Thank you

@Whippetlovely what about a chocolate rice crispy cake? We're having them for snacks and a normal baking case size is about 120-130 calories, we pack in loads of chocolate (I've been tempted to drop in a dollop of double cream but haven't yet!)

DD sometimes will have a milkshake/smoothie if she won’t eat solid food and you can dollop ice cream/double cream/peanut butter in to increase calories.

He’s 16 and already known to CAMHS. His previous psychiatrist left in Dec, so we’ve been waiting for a new lead clinician - got an appointment in March.

He came swimming with me last week which I was really pleased about but I was shocked how thin he was. Normally he’s hidden inside his Oodie. I feel terrible I didn’t realise this sooner. He’s always been thin though with a small appetite. I still don’t understand how he’s lost the weight. Last year he weighed over 8st.

He generally doesn’t exercise anyway or even leave the house. He’s only left the house once or twice a week since Christmas. He’s not going to school.

I’ve not spoken to him about it, trying to work out how to broach the subject.

I honestly don't know whether to send her to my mums or not ?
At this stage I want to as I'm just not coping or getting through?
How long around 800 k will it take ?

summertimesadness24

Even if she is just laying completely still in bed 24/7 she will lose weight quickly on 800 cals.

Use outings as leverage and tell her how much she has to eat each day if she wants to go out and have fun. Otherwise she stays in bed being very bored.

We do Trek bars, they are about 200 cals

@Whippetlovely we also have Trek bars or the Eat Natural ones served with glass of fruit juice or hot chocolate in day time. Mixed nuts for evening snack. Sometime have a Hot cross bun or a full fat yoghurt. You

@Whippetlovely we do 2 bags of yoghurt raisins (200-240kcal depending on brand) with 200ml OJ (100lcal) - small but calorie dense. Or a nature valley cereal bar (200kcal) with a glass of milk fortified with double cream (200kcal depending on amount of cream!). Sometimes mini cheddars - 1.5 bags gives 200 kcal,.again with milk or OJ. Other things suggested by the dietician, but which my DD won't eat are - oatcakes with butter and/or cheese, crumpets or pancakes with butter and/or nut butter.

@Curlyhairedassasin I've been thinking of you, we haven't heard from you in a while. Really hope you're all OK x

So since refusal of dinner and snack last night she's also refused breakfast 830

930 offered 2 slices of toast and a hand full of grapes - she eat one slice refused the next

She also has a breakfast juice which is half drunk

Told her her morning snack is the grapes and she's a nesquick milk drink
Half the gapes she's eat and not drinking the milk

Next food she is lunch which I've got left over chilli so making some pasta

If she doesn't eat that she won't be going to my mums

Water and drinking have been sips

Hope everyone is doing ok

Xx

I'm struggling with portion size - can anyone help? Our meal plan suggest 1/3 meat 1/3 carbs and 1/3 veg cooked with oil but no mention of how big - I think where DD eats next to nothing her portions look so small and was just wondering if there was a guide? She's basically refusing food atm but with the toast she eat half so it's like she's saying ok not eating it all
She says she feels less guilt by only eating half the plate
I know I can double it to make her think it's half but she's struggling with larger size portions

So just wondering what people done with work for the ones who do work?

I only work 3 days a week but say my daughter needs to have some time at home if she carries on this way she won't be able to attend school - I have a job where I cannot work from home - in fact we can but my work no longer allow it

So a bit concerned about that ?

Summer

I hope the thought of missing out on going to your mums does the trick with lunch. Dealing with ED is very like dealing with a toddler by being kind, firm and consistent.

Look out for bigger plates, pasta bowls etc which trick the eye into thinking there is less food. We have pasta bowls from ikea which are quite deep so even a large portion doesn't fill them.

I would very slowly increase her portions and keep up with enriching as much as you can.

Are you using any distractions at meal times? My dd eats better with the TV on in the kitchen. When she was really struggling at the beginning of her illness she sat in the lounge with a tray on her lap and the TV on.

Keep pushing @summertimesadness24 and dangle the carrot of grandma's. With work you need to speak to them and see what your options are, wfh may not be on the cards officially but you really are dealing with exceptional circumstances so they may say yes but I'm not sure how much you'd be able to concentrate or do. There might be the possibility of being completely signed off with a sick note while you try to establish 3+3 then slowly reintroduce wfh? I was very fortunate that I could work from home but in the early days I'd get nothing done but I caught up on an evening and weekend when DH was here, it felt like a spa day closing the door to the office and ignoring the hell in my the kitchen for a few hours!