Support thread 11 for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[GrannyRoberts]

Hi all, here is our new thread. I will attempt to post a link on thread 10.

@DTD123 hi, glad you found us. You'll get more replies ongoing here than in a separate thread. For your holiday, everyone's situation is different but I'm not sure about the insurance. We didn't put anorexia on the insurance for our summer holiday, partly out of cluelessness, partly as she doesn't really have a diagnosis and partly we didn't really think of it as DD was medically stable. It was a big family holiday, difficult to cancel and it was quite stressful in lots of ways for all of us. We're certainly not going abroad this year. If she stays at home I think it's a lot to put on Grandma. Hopefully CAMHS will have something sensible to say about it on Thursday!

DTD123

If you decide not to go you should be able to get an unfit to fly note from the GP to salvage some of the holiday cost or at least get a voucher to use within a certain time frame. Our airline accepted the note with no fuss and gave us a voucher to rebook within a year.

Not sure if I his is progress or not ?! Im taking it as a win !

Dinner was refused last night so after an hour of nothing eat I sent her for a shower and when she came down I offered her a 2 weetabix ( which she has just informed me she doesn't like anymore) instead OR the dinner
She chose the dinner and eat it within 7-8 mins!!

Then this morning her new cereal she picked she said tasted funny so I said it's that or the weetabix and she chose the weetabix eating it all within 5 mins and a glass of oj

I know the clinic said not to do things like change the bowl or offer different meals as it's the ED taking control however she has eaten and seems in better spirits

Lots of doom and gloom this week so we were all out the door with cuddles smiles and it's a small win I think

Let's see what happens tonight

It's spag bowl tonight which she does like so there will be no swapping offered!

Love to everyone

This thread has kept me sane the last few months x the support has been wonderful x

@summertimesadness24 definitely a win! We sometimes offer two choices but they think my son has arfid so has always been limited since he was a toddler, if it gets her eating it's worth it!

Summer thats definitely a win, it's normal for them to eat quickly as there's an element of wanting to get it over and done with. My dd was like that. If you offer an alternative I'd make it higher calorie so the ED doesn't start going for the low calorie option.

Ignore any 'I don't like that' comments, if she liked it pre ED she will like it now, it's just the ED talking.

That's a good point on the calorie option, will do that should she refuse anything again.

The new cereal was pretty rank! So I've let this one go but tonight's spag she definitely likes but I shall definitely keep an eye out for that

Something funny to share....I made a large macaroni cheese last night ( used to be a fave of hers and would always have seconds ) and I put a shed load of double cream mixed in the cheese sauce in the corner that was hers, when I cooked the veg and got it out I completely forget which corner ! Me and hubby do not want to be eating any extra calories if you know what I mean but we were sort of laughing as I was dishing up trying to 'smell' the double cream corner out! All obviously without DD seeing so we probably had it last night 😳

I've made a spag bowl al ready for tonight's dinner
Is there anyway of adding any calories to it? So like tossing some oil through the sauce? Absolutely love the double cream idea but any other tips for hidden calories would be much appreciated

She's loving the mini Hagen daaz and Ben and Jerry's Icecream pop for desert so that's almost like she will eat and enjoy that so need more foods like that

Also I did buy a smoothie maker last week so need to get that out and make some nice ice cream milkshakes x

summertimesadness24

You could get smaller oven dishes to make individual macaroni cheeses, shepherds pies etc to avoid that problem in future. I stir unsalted butter through dd's bolognese sauce as oil tends to leave a noticeable slick. She's not allowed in the kitchen so doesn't notice hers in a separate pan. Start off with small amounts and build up so she's not detecting it.

Thank you all for your advice regarding her first assessment and our upcoming trip.
Did you ever doubt if this was an ED or attention seeking? I feel awful for thinking that but with the climate of Instagram and other influences I sometimes wonder if she thinks this would be some sort of badge of honor or is that part of the ED as that's not mentally right in itself is it.

All attention was on my DD for the last year as she suffered terribly with debilitating migraines and now that's under control thank goodness with medication and we were all starting to resume some normality this takes the stage. But if it all is about control then maybe that's her mental health trying to control everything around her, what we all do, making sure all attention is on her.
So many thoughts and so confusing. I hope she doesn't have an ED but at the same time that behaviour isn't right either. 😕

Summer I put on a load of weight in the first 6 months of feeding dd 🙈 I think it was the puddings that did it as dd wanted me to eat what she was eating.

You can add double cream to spag Bol, I often did but if you want to avoid eating it yourself you'd have to put some in a separate pan and it does look paler with cream added (depends how observant your dd is?)

I added double cream to everything, it's amazingly versatile and will mix in with pretty much everything. You can add it to milk to go with cereal or porridge, to scrambled eggs, pesto or any pasta sauce, curry's, fish pie, smoothies, milkshakes, I made a chilli con carni and added a decent dollop.

You can add in extras like garlic bread to dinners like spag Bol as well, in fact I started added bread of some sort to most main meals if I could.

@summertimesadness24 bacon with the fat left on or pancetta in the sauce is a good option.

the other alternative is lasagna and rather than a white sauce without cheese make a cheese sauce for between the layers

Good idea and I'll try the butter tonight - I guess starting with small amounts

Great ideas why didn't I think adding cream to her cereals !
Yes garlic bread and bread for the table she loves so will add those

Hi DTD I think it's normal to feel angry and frustrated with them, I was furious with my dd as I really resented how much stress she added to my life. It feels awful saying that now as I know (rationally) she was really ill and not in control of her behaviour but at the time it was hard to be rational!!

I'm several years down the road now (dd was 14 when she first became ill and is now almost 18 and much better) and what I now understand is how much of a biological base anorexia has.

When your child goes into a calorie deficit the brain takes an immediate and dramatic hit. The brain is made up of around 60% fat so the body sees this an a good way to keep the rest of the body alive (which is not a bad thing!)

The effect on the brain results in anxiety, obsessive behaviours, irrational behaviours, abnormal behaviours , psychosis type beliefs (people are trying to kill me/poison me etc).

The sufferer is completely helpless against this and the only 'cure' is to get the high fat foods into them ASAP. It can take the brain a while to catch up but generally the behaviours start to settle down within a few months of FBT if they are gaining weight.

Thanks to all who took the time to respond to my post. I’m not sure who to tag specifically so will do my best to answer the questions that posters asked. I’m
not an age for HRT to be prescribed(got a mirena in so not sure how we establish peri menopause/menopasue when the time comes)

I have an injury and my own physical health has not been great. The only activity I did enjoy is over an hours drive away and I just don’t have 3 hours a time to do something for me. Think I’ll try and get a walk in each day even if it’s only around to the corner shop and back. I
will see how I get on over the next week or so and then if things have not improved with my mental health I’ll make a gp appointment to get antidepressants

summertimesadness24

It took me a long time to understand dd's ED. All I kept thinking was that we had a great life so why on earth was she ruining it? I took it extremely personally as I was devastated and I wrote many ranty posts on here. Many times I was ready to dump her at social services. I feel awful about that now.

With the help of everyone here and my own research I found compassion and managed to see the condition from her perspective. She has dysmorphia and it makes her need to control her food and exercise to look "acceptable'. Once we had a 'reason' for it it became easier to understand.

I can't say I don't still have periods of frustration with her as it's the most infuriating illness, but I've learned the skills to put that to one side and channel it into helping her.

@GrannyRoberts thank you for your reply, and @Whippetlovely, DD was discharged from ED service in November. They think it’s anxiety. GP thinks it’s depression so he said she should go back to school properly to protect her social development. He said the wfh measurements shouldn’t be used for her because she doesn’t have a diagnosed ED.

it’s either ok or it isn’t, isn’t it? I just don’t know what to think. I’ve got her some private CBT, but DH is kicking back on that as she has just finished six sessions with ?school health (don’t even know which waiting list this one came off) and she doesn’t want to talk about it.

I think it’s OSFED which will develop into AN if we give it space.

Hey everyone. I'm just popping on quickly because someone posted a link to this website in a Facebook group I'm in, and it's really good. Especially the section on skills - I was thinking about you @summertimesadness24 when I was looking at this and thinking it might help, but there's lots in it that I've not looked at properly. Here's the link caredscotland.co.uk

I’ve done similar, but when tasted can’t work out where I’ve added extra oil, made me smile that you’ve done the same.
I adid olive oil to anything I can get away with. Good luck with dinner.

@Glitterfarti is she on any meds for anxiety? My DD is on Sertraline 50mg for anxiety. I don't know whether it's helping as so much external stuff has changed since she went on it (discharge from hospital, weight increased, back at school etc) but her anxiety is certainly less than it was on discharge. Could that be worth exploring, if anxiety is the root?

@GrannyRoberts, she’s only 11. I asked about meds and he said she’s too young. Rock/hard place. I have a very loose grip on my sanity at the moment, I’m so worried but perversely just want to throw in the towel.

@Glitterfarti I know that feeling of being so stressed about them but also thinking you just can't sustain this. I periodically daydream about just walking away!

I'm interested in who is on meds. I keep asking for DD and our Ed team just say she needs to talk a bit more about what's going on inside her head before they can consider anxiety, OCD etc and meds. Is this what you have found? DD is quite miserable a lot of the time, she's pretty much WR, how much longer will this go on?!

@Glitterfarti @Eyelashesoffire my DD has just turned 12 (she was 11 when she started meds). I believe only psychiatrists can prescribe those type of meds in under 18s. She was under a psychiatrist in hospital and now in the community, but I know its not always easy to get access. They prescribed for her general anxiety which underlies a lot of the eating problems. They were pretty keen to throw them at her tbh but I suppose in a psychiatric ward meds are very commonly prescribed.