Support thread 9 (!) for parents of young people with an eating disorder

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better start a new thread, can't believe we're on to thread 9 😳

Hope all the regulars find it!

Thank you xx

Hi @Curlyhairedassasin its a difficult one I agree.
My DD exercised throughout her AN (for good or bad and it was allowed by her team) but her actual sport was suspended because of lockdowns.
When she went back to the actual sport she wasn't fully recovered. I can't remember exactly what wfh she was but prob similar to your DD.
I do remember thinking she looked frail on the pitch though.
However her sport was a driver for her to get better. She knew she had to eat to do it. We didn't have to increase cals as such as she was already exercising but I did make sure she ate after every session and also she knew any uneaten plan would result in her not training
I would also say that even at 95% wfh my DD was still displaying many ED traits she was v rigid in eating, would only eat the plan, wouldn't entertain eating out/ take aways etc. She did eat all her plan without much issue tho..she was also still on olanzapine.
She had to get to 105% and remain there for a good while before that all started to improve. She didnt come off olanzapine until 3 months after reaching 105% . So don't give up hope.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge thank you. This sounds very similar to DD. I think I am also too impatient. It's just over 2 months ago that DD was released as an inpatient. It just feels right now like absolutely no progress at all mentally. But at least she is able to stick to the meal plan.

After crawling to 95% I too was impatient! But honestly those xtra 10% made all the difference. It doesn't for everyone but for my DD (who was relatively young and not really driven by body dismorphi) they did..
Getting back to her sport was actually helpful.. she plays football and luckily body type is not really an issue as footballers vary so much in height, body size and weight. We really focused on her being strong enough to play. Rather than heavy enough. And obviously the more weight she put on the better she did feel energy wise.
I guess it's much harder for athletes where a certain body type is the 'norm' like dance, long distance running, gymnastics. Although I have noticed watching gymnastics on TV that there is a wider range of body shapes than there used to be.

Curly we occasionally tried more exercise with dd but it was always very obvious that it was too soon/not a good idea. In fact she would end up eating less if she did sport, it seemed to just give the anorexia more strength if anything.

It's really sad as she was a good runner, football and tennis player pre ED but three years down the line still isn't well enough to go back to them.

When we were in Portugal last year and she had free access to the swimming pool that soon became an issue 🙁

This illness is so bloody shit.

I think if they accept they have to eat more if they want to exercise and then they do eat more it might be okay but honestly it's pretty risky so early on.

Thanks girlie, she won't eat more to make up for doing her sport. We had a chat earlier today. I think that's all I need to know for now. She was so talented. it's such a shame. but we are where we are.

Does anyone have a son with an ED? And if so what age? Please.

Hi all
My dd has developed some kind of ed and I need advice. We have had a difficult year -dd has depression, self harms, attempted suicide once in Jan. She has a therapist weekly sessions.
Now she has developed eating disorder. Her weight is 40kg height 162.2 cm She has lost I think 8 kg in 6 months I think maybe 4 kg in last month. She just refuses to eat.
Yesterday after therapy therapist said she must have some physical checks & blood work immediately. We did this. heart ekg lungs blood pressure kidney iron all came back with ok levels.
As tests were ok so hospital doc said she can go home. No emergency.
She is refusing to eat. As doc said she is not sick dd adamantly said she has no intention of eating. What do I do? How do I get her to eat?

Hi Simsam have your dd been referred to the ED Camhs team? Normal Camhs won't be much help although it's good they arranged bloods etc. How olds your dd?

Family based treatment (FBT) is the treatment for children/teens that have anorexia (which it sounds like your dd has developed) this means you take full control of all meals and snacks. You buy the food, you prepare the food and you give the food to your dd. She gets no say on any food related decisions and she has to eat it.

She must eat three meals and three snacks a day.

I won't lie - its hell, your dd will hate you, she will scream, she may become violent, she may self harm and threaten suicide but the bottom line is she has to eat.

You can use whatever leverage you have, so her phone, going out, seeing friends etc.

If she still won't eat you take her back to a&e and ask for the full assessment again. Every day they eat less than 500 cals is a medical emergency and teens can deteriorate health wise very quickly.

The aim is to get them weight restored and mentally they should start to improve as well.

The fb group EDSUK is useful for more tips on getting them to eat as is Eva Musby who has a book as well as information on YouTube. BEAT and Feast are also useful resources (ED charities.)

I’m sorry to creep back on here and hijack once again but I’ve spotted other parents who are contending with young people with binge eating disorder (and, I’m my case, stealing of household cash and bank cards to fund the binges). Would there be an appetite for a support thread for the parents and carers of teens who are bingeing? Personally, I have found that there isn’t much understanding of binge eating disorder as a mental health condition and there is no real help from professionals.

Thanks for this. My dd is 15yrs 7 months.
I have not witnessed any eating for 2 weeks, I have seen her drink black tea, Coke Zero. I think she is secretly eating a minimum each day. My logic tells me this must be the case to have no iron deficiency, regular ekg blood pressure etc but how long this can be maintained I have no idea. Fat has gone, I see muscle wastage.
i will check out the links.

Anyone with a son?

Like I said simsam less than 500 cals a day is an A&e trip. Has she been referred to the ED service?

Afaik jasmine it's all mums of daughters on this thread however you are more than welcome as the treatment for anorexia is exactly the same regardless of sex.

Hello, I've found this thread from a Google search as I've just received a letter (addressed to myself as parent/guardian) regarding my 16yo son having been referred to the Eating Disorders team. I knew that he had been seeing the GP for low mood and that an urgent referral had been made for him to CAMHS but had no idea there was anything pertaining to an eating disorder. I had noticed that he was eating less during the day (but he often doesn't surface til at least lunchtime) and eating more slowly in the evening and he certainly eats too much crap but other than that, I have no clue what the referral has been made for. He's currently away for the week and I can't talk to him about what on earth is going on. I'm assuming that as I've received a letter with details of an hour and three quarters appointment to include both me (his dad isn't in the picture) and him that he must have given consent for me to know what's going on? I have absolutely no clue why the referral is to ED and not for the low mood, which I thought was the issue for him. I don't know what to think. Any advice from anyone who's been in this position would be really appreciated.

Anyone please?

Hi RedChinaShoes

I'm so sorry. That must have been quite a shock for you to receive out of the blue. The GP must have picked up on an issue during your son's appointments that needs further investigation. The appointment length sounds like it's for an assessment to see if he needs treatment for ED. Is there a number you can call on the letter to find out more about the circumstances around the referral so you're more prepared for talking to your son?

EmmatheStageRat

I'm sorry there isn't more support here for binge disorder. Maybe a post on chat or teenagers forum might get more traffic. There's also the FB page Eating Disorders Parent Carer Support - EDSUK that may have members with knowledge where you can find more parent/carer support.

I just want to say, I hate the summer holidays 😞 And we're only on day 3. Roll on September 😞😞😞. Oh, and hello to all the new posters. Sorry you find yourself here and sorry I have no advice. I just come here to rant from time to time and always appreciate feeling heard.

Hi @RedChinaShoes, I would phone the GP and see if they will talk to you. If your son has given permission for them to speak to you then they should be able to tell you what was in the GP referral letter. If your son hasn’t already done so he can phone or email the GP surgery to give them permission to speak to you. Otherwise, you could call the number on the letter and see if they can tell you anything.

Redchina any chance he could have been making himself sick?

That is a weird way to find out your child has an ED tbh, I can see why you are confused.

@RedChinaShoes at least it appears that he's talked about it to the gp which is a good sign.

There was someone on here with a son a while back...?

Me ... but have no advice I'm afraid, am also at the start of the process.

Looking for some advice - DD has a sweet tooth so desserts after dinner are eaten OK and her snacks are sugar based rather than crisps. Her dietary requirements I imagine are being hit (carbs, dairy, not as much fruit and veg as pre ED knowing that she will ‘fill up’ on the lower calorie foods). The last 18 months have been filled with calorie rich foods - DH wants to step back, less sweet stuff for snacks. There are crisps in the snack drawer as well but these would be a second (rare) choice by DD (I can’t recall her being a big fan of crisps before the ED).

i want to continue with the after dinner desserts to carry on the calorie intake, but what to substitute the ‘sweet’ snacks that she currently has - she will eat popcorn, avoids cereal (nut) bars - what else is there?

I am in two minds after pushing high calorie foods for so long - DD is weight restored, eats out with friends and eats a full range of foods. The ED is always lurking (such as leaving bits of food on her plate, asking to know when and what is for dinner in advance ). Eating sweet stuffs maybe teenage cravings or the ED - I do agree with DH that DD eats too much sugar, but she is not binging and shop snacks tend to be sugary. I think DH is looking for normal intuitive eating whereas I am stuck on the 3 (sometimes 2 depending) snacks and 3 meals which I feel currently maintain and stabilise DD’s weight.

What less sugary snacks are available and should I push back against DH, I am still raw with regards to the struggles introducing the 3 x 3 routine - DH thinks we are past that, I’m not sure. I’d appreciate peoples help and advice on these topics.

It's so tough isn't it? I too struggle with letting go of the structure. My DD still mostly eats 3x3 even though i have tried (some days more successfully than others) to let go. She is in the habit now. Her go to snacks are cereal bars, a bowl of cornflakes, porridge, fruit, protein drinks (😳 ) etc. When she is at school she will have a piece of cake and 2 bits of fruit plus crisps for morning break (long days)
I'd be tempted to leave it. If she is eating and in a good place weight wise why rock the boat?
And also for what it's worth my DD (who is classed as fully recovered) also leaves food (I now am starting to think she is just v messy!) I also meal plan and it goes on the fridge weekly for everyone to see (have 2 other DC) and she does hate it when I alter stuff (usually because I have forgotten to defrost something!). We are on holidsy with no meal.plan and she has asked a lot whatbisnfor dinner and been against eating out. But it could be curiosity. And she would rather eat at the villa to not waste her time at a restaurant as shed rather be in the pool. Are these lingering ED traits? Could be. Could be normal slightly obbsessive teenage girl traits. Could be nothing.
Even when recovered the ED always seems to hover for me. Although my DD swears blind its all over and she wants to move on....

Thanks for this helpful information, I really appreciate it.