Teen Eating Disorders Thread 7

[Lottsbiffandsmudge]

We have managed to fill the previous Thread here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/4471980-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-6?page=40

So I thought I would start a new one.

Everyone supporting a young person with and ED is welcome here for advice (non professional but lived experience) and support.

Hoping everyone can find us...

Bagpuss our girls sound so similar, dds been slightly better today and is going out to meet friends to watch Avatar tonight.

I honestly don't know how to help her longer term though and as you say Camhs discharged her with nothing else to fall back on. She still isn't eating independently, hates her appearance, doesn't honour hunger cues, leaves small bits of food etc.

The week before her period everything seems to amplify massively, I'm wondering if hormonal contraception might help? She has been prescribed the patch but not been brave enough to try it yet!!

Well, it looks like we've hit crisis point here. DD had to be tube-fed under restraint today, and has been assessed for by a psychiatrist this evening, who recommended a 28 day section. This will need to be confirmed by a social worker and a doctor from another NHS Trust tomorrow, but she refused a tube feed tonight, so I feel it is inevitable. Has anyone else had this? What happened next? Did adequate nutrition change your DC's mindset, or did they need to progress to Tier 4? Thanks in advance.

Hi all, I hope it’s ok if I join? I’ve namechanged as I don’t want to be identified in RL, am not ready for that.

I have read some of your posts and don’t even know if what we’re dealing with is anything like what you’re going through but this seems like such a supportive and informative thread.

DD is 13, has grown very tall very early. Fully developed body and chest, hospital endocrinologist has reviewed her and assessed her at full adult height. Following comments from boys at school she started calorie counting last summer. She’s got all the signs of an eating disorder (or disordered eating, I’m not totally clear on the difference). Weighs food, prepares her meals with me, goes food shopping with me. Absolutely won’t hear any suggestion that she stops doing this. Has fully researched ‘healthy eating’ and macros and has a goal weight in mind which is at the low BMI ‘healthy’ end for her height. She’s currently at the higher end of the healthy BMI scale. Says she’ll stop when she reaches her goal.

No excessive exercising, no extreme weight loss so far, just a few kilos of what was probably slightly excess weight. She looks slim but not thin.

We talk openly about what she’s doing, I call it an eating disorder, she tries to minimise and says she has no intention of starving herself.

She has seen a counsellor for other self esteem issues (arranged by school but paid for privately) but stopped after six sessions saying she found it awkward. I don’t think this person was ED trained as when DD told her she was calorie counting, her advice was ‘ask Mum to make a GP’s appointment’.

Sorry this is so long, I just needed to get it all out. Next step is contact GP but our surgery is very difficult to get through to at the moment and DD says she won’t speak to the doctor. I was also going to call Beats for advice. I guess that’s all I can do for now?

Oh Nan I've no direct experience but I know anecdotally from the FB group that a lot of parents say that their child being sectioned was what saved their child's life and ultimately set them on the path to recovery. Im so sorry you're going through this though.

Welcome teenageangst you're right to be worried, every thing you've written strongly suggests an eating disorder and it's how most of our children's ED started.

Yes to talking to a GP, your dd needs physical observations including pulses, BP, bloods and an ecg. You maybe able to self refer to an ED Camhs service so check online.

I would start clamping down on as many of the ED behaviours now as possible, so no weighing food, she is not allowed to prepare food, she is not allowed in the kitchen, she is not allowed to come food shopping.

Go through her phone/devices and remove any thing that counts calories, tracks steps, gives 'advice' on healthy eating.

No teenager should be loosing weight, even a small amount of weight is not healthy and can trigger anorexia.

Start preparing her food and giving it to her, explain to her what she's doing is not healthy and you need to help her her back on track.

If you have scales in the house remove them.

Welcome TeenagersAngst

You're right to be concerned as it can be a slippery slope from wanting to be a bit slimmer to the weight loss affecting the brain and it becoming a serious MH issue. My dd started very much in the same way you describe by shopping and preparing meals and weighing everything out. I buried my head in the sand (she was older - 16) until it became apparent she was really unhappy with her looks an starting to restrict alarmingly.

You're absolutely right to take this very seriously and to reach out for help at this point. I think you need to take control of all her meals and not allow her to shop or in the kitchen. Remove scales and check what she's looking at on social media/restrict phone use. It will be tough but hopefully she's still at the stage where you can turn it around.

NanFlanders Sending you and your dd so much love and support. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. This is such a horrific illness 😢
Wish I could help. I hope you have a good support network.
Please take good care of yourself.

Thank you for the replies, it's hard to hear because I just don't know how to do those things without everything notching up a level - she is a strong-willed child naturally, and would freak out at me doing all those things. I think she would make herself sick or stop eating. At the moment she is eating three meals a day and it's actually a very healthy diet because her meal choices are all cooked from scratch, lots of veg, still eating some carbs e.g. overnight oats - albeit very strictly controlled.

Obviously I want to help her get through this, but I feel scared to make big moves such as banning her from the kitchen, stopping her having choice over what she eats, without support in place to deal with the fallout.

Did you all do these things and what happened?

TeenagersAngst

I think most of our dc are the strong willed, perfectionist type. It seems to be a trait. It makes it all harder.

Lots of veg isn't actually that good for teens. They need animal fats and carbs a lot more. Is she eating meat and using butter etc? It's the loss of animal fats to the brain that start to cause the most problems. A classic sign is when they state they want to go veggie or vegan but that's actually really detrimental to a teens developing brain so it's important to not allow that.

She's only 13 and too immature to understand what is best for her right now. You're her mum, you've cared for her since birth and you know what is best for her. It is important to take back that control.

TeenagersAngst

Sorry posted too soon. We had meltdowns and full on refusal but over time it became easier. It's really tough and affects you as well mentally. Have a look at Eva Musby - her book is wonderful and her sound bites are extremely calming and give you strength. Also look at Maudsley family based therapy as it's the most successful method and proven to work - even better with early intervention.
It's so hard. Wishing you all the best.

Me too. I remember everything in detail and maybe that's why I'm finding it hard to let go.
@is I'm so sorry, but hope your dd is getting all the support she can. Knowing that she is safe has got to be a good thing, but I know how incredibly tough it is.
@TeenagersAngst sorry you're here but this thread is amazing. I don't think I'd have made it through the last two years without it.

Nan sorry that @ is bit was for you.

Thank you so much. @BagpussSaggyOldClothCat she eats all food groups although tries to be low carb. She eats red meat, lots of chicken and some fish, veg, some carbs. Also still eats indulgent food e.g. cake as long as it's in her calorie count for the day. She really wants to be able to eat; I found a note on her phone which said 'Just get to the weight you want to be at and then you can go back to normal'. Made me so sad.

She tells me that she knows eating too little can be counter-productive so seems intent on sticking to her calorie counting as the way forward.

I contacted Beat this morning, they were extremely helpful and gave me several links to resources including how to manage boundaries around her behaviour.

Dd is only first year of sixth form but university is being pushed heavily already. She's barely managing sixth form and hasn't been at all this year. She said to me last night (longest sentence in weeks) that she wants to go to the university furthest away from home or even abroad. I know she's pushing my buttons but it's absolutely terrifying that she's thinking that way.

There's never going to be an end to this mental torture for me. I'm so jealous of friends with healthy dc. The jealousy is eating me up. I keep hiding friends on fb as I can't bear to hear about A's gym medals or B's Duke of Edinburgh progress while my dd can barely come out of her room.

I am just so done with the constant worry and anxiety and having no life. We can't even plan a holiday so there's nothing to look forward to.

Sorry for the moan!

TeenagersAngst

The issue with her knowing her weight is that she's going through puberty and should naturally be gaining weight and laying down fat on boobs and hips as well as gaining height. If she's watching her weight and is anxious about seeing it go up that's going to trigger her. I really would remove the scales. Is she having periods yet?

A proper portion of carbs at every meal should be non negotiable. As a growing teen her body will be burning loads of energy just existing nevermind with school etc. Does she do any physical activity outside school? It can be used as leverage if needs be, as she needs to eat full proper meals for her body to have the energy.

@TeenagersAngst The note about getting to a goal weight and then going back to normal is pretty typical ED thinking unfortunately. My DD set herself goals (1800 kcal a day, the 1200, then 1000, then 500). If she does have atypical anorexia though, there will never be a weight that is low enough. My DD was also obsessed with 'healthy' eating -was vegan for a while. I'd advise intervening sooner rather than later - three meal and 3 snacks per day, dairy 3x daily. Once the brain is undernourished, it is much harder to turn around.

Joining as my partner's DD has anorexia, so would like a better undertanding of what it has been like for them.

@BagpussSaggyOldClothCat I'm so sorry to hear about your DD, I am just at the start of this and the mental anguish is so strong.

In answer to your questions, yes, she has periods - started them over 18 months ago. She's fully developed (34D bra), has waist/hip definition, full adult height so in terms of laying down fat, I think she's gone through that stage already. That's where the comments came from - she's so physically different to girls in her year that she just wants to minimise the differences.

She doesn't do much physical activity, hates games lessons and doesn't exercise at home apart from when we go on walks.

I found the Beats advice really useful; they have a form to fill in prior to going to the GP so I'll do that with her. They also gave me some resources to share with her which she can read - as a starting point. I want to get her therapy as soon as I can.

Teenageangst the fear of upsetting them or rocking the boat is really normal at this point, I was exactly the same. It took me ages to ditch the scales as I knew dd would go ballistic, I have also been guilty of turning a blind eye to Serrano things to avoid the confrontation.

Unfortunately all of these behaviours feed and enable the ED to take a stronger hold. The ED is relying on you to be scared of pushback.

Ime restriction leads to more restriction and there's never a goal weight that's ideal enough. My dd started off cutting out snacks, then breakfast, then all but a small portion of lunch. She allowed herself dinner and biscuits in the evening, she never went below 1200 calories a day but became very very ill on that amount of calories.

Teens need massive amounts of calories to develop normally.

Thank you all for your kind messages, sorry I have been absent and apologise i haven’t had a chance to read all the new posts but welcome for one for a better word and I will try and read and share advice or help experience

I feel like I have been firefighting non stop,
i have 3 children all in hospital it is awful.

my eldest is A&E after another 48 hours no food and safe to say has completely been detailed by her younger sister who has been diagnosed with anorexia also

my youngest is in hospital due to bad bloods and heart rate due to being underweight and she is not complying at all saying if she can’t do gymnastics what is the point in living

my other youngest (twin) has just had her appendix out today as well

to top it all off my middle daughter has exams and understanbly struggling to revise in the midst of all this

sorry for that massive moan I’m just a bit lost and feel such a failure

oh my @NanFlanders and @lovewinter - you both are really under the cosh at the moment - my heart goes out to you both and to your children. I know it will be impossible but try to take even brief moments for yourselves - you can't pour from an empty jug and all that. If you happen to be in the NE and you need anything practical doing like bringing along a vat of coffee, just shout. Moan, rant and scream your hearts out on the thread if that helps even a smidgen...

Oh love 💔 I'm so sorry.

You are not a failure, life is just bloody unfair sometimes.

Lovewinter I'm so sorry to hear all that you're going through. It's incredibly unfair that you've got more than one child with this horrific illness and I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you.

Please keep writing here if it helps you to offload. Sending you love and strength and I hope your dd recovers well from her operation.

another thread almost done - I'll start a new one and link in a second

Support thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/4718773-support-thread-8for-parents-of-young-people-with-an-eating-disorder

Hi everyone, been a long time since I posted. Hope you’re all doing ok. Will read through in a bit.
can anyone do a wfh for me please 23/05/2006 162 cm 44.6 kg. Camhs have discharged dd today because she doesn’t engage at all and eats just enough to maintain this weight (ish). They said either she’d do better if allowed to get on with her life OR she may stop eating entirely again and be hospitalised which may be what she needs to decide she needs to get better.