Teen Eating Disorders Thread 7

[Lottsbiffandsmudge]

We have managed to fill the previous Thread here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/eating_disorders/4471980-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-6?page=40

So I thought I would start a new one.

Everyone supporting a young person with and ED is welcome here for advice (non professional but lived experience) and support.

Hoping everyone can find us...

@D1ANA and @myrtleWilson Thanks both. Will keep my fingers crossed for that lightbulb moment. It's always good to hear from others who have been there - and got out the other side!

@NanFlanders I am sorry I don’t have any advice and in much a similar position but I just wanted to let you know that after speaking to a recovered anorexic today apparently she really couldn’t express how much even in the deepest and most painful times all she wanted was to be loved and her mum standing by her side made all the differences even if it was not immediately or obvious and sometimes appeared the polar opposite she openly admitted to screaming and kicking and verbally abusing her mum so I just thought I would share as it has really installed a little bit of hope in me today and maybe can do the same to you

@nan Also sending positive vibes your way. Take each hour as it comes. And look after yourself too.

Nan it is so disheartening when they don't want to recover, my dd still says this as well 🤯 I just think of it as the ED talking and my dd talking when she shows a tiny act of defiance against the ED. Have they offered you any more meal support or similar at home?

Dd making her own breakfast went tits up fairly quickly, thought it was weird that she scurried downstairs before me this morning and then worked out she'd put a tiny amount of cereal in a bowl and used the semi skimmed milk rather than the ff 🙁

<sigh> and so it continues.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies DH lies awake listening for DD to get up so he can get to the kitchen for breakfast before her. She has tried to creep and tiptoe past our room, but DH wakes at 5:30 am and he listens out, our squeaky floorboards help. It would be funny if it weren’t so serious.

Tell me I'll get more than a grunt out of her this half term? 😭 I can't interest her in anything, and she has decided I am the enemy, so any suggestion I make is immediately no. Or I'm totally ignored.

@SwattyPie grunts, being ignored and ultimately told told to F Off - all sounds too familiar. A parent wrote on here once they preferred workdays\schooldays ratherbthqn weekends, having to deal with DC for 48 hours in their mood; and school holidays are the worst. But our DC’s are in turmoil and they take out their emotions on the one’s they know love them the most.

Is your DC physically OK for days out - with lots of planning around food and eating times we could get our DD to safari park, theatre - what we found is that her state of mind seems to have regressed so some of the things a teenager may usually dismiss as ‘childish’ became a welcome distraction. We would take younger DS as distraction as well.

Good luck - our DD’s half term is two weeks long …

She could manage days out, if we packed her lunch and snacks, but she won't leave her room today. I'm sure I make it worse every time I bother her.

@SwattyPie my DD would hide under her bed. I worked on the principle of punishments - come out or you lose your phone for a day …. This worked, not immediately at first but slowly as DD realised that I would carry out the punishment, she actually enjoyed herself when we were out (albeit in small dowse).

SwattyPie That is pretty much normal teen behaviour for a lot of them, if posts on the teenage forum are anything to go by. My dd is very up and down so I try and make the most of the better days. She enjoys a drive so we do that quite often. We go to a garden centre with a reptile house and aquarium thats 30 minutes drive away most Sunday afternoons. It also has a costa so if it's not busy I can sometimes tempt her to a drink so we can stay out longer.
Cinema can be good but not when it's busy and she won't eat in there so it can be tricky around meals and snacks.
She's comfortable with her usual order in Nando's now so we make the effort to go there as much as we can, although sometimes we have to get take out if it's too busy inside.
Bubble tea is another thing she enjoys. It's the in-thing for teens at the moment. Barely any cals though, but it gets us out of the house and chatting a bit.
Other than that I can sometimes get her to watch a movie or a comedy with me at home.
It's all quite hit or miss though. Tbh I try not to put too much emotional energy into anything in case it doesn't happen.

Like D1ANA22 said, dd is wanting to do some things she did when younger. I've booked a Panto and she wants to go to the zoo on Xmas eve - an old tradition we used to have that she said was boring from about 12, and now she's 17 and keeps on about how she doesn't know why we ever stopped going as it's the best thing at Christmas. Maybe it's a comfort thing.

Can I join please? My just turned 15 year old dd is currently in hospital after being diagnosed with a eating disorder in July - she currently weighs in at 36kg and on a feeding tube.
I'm terrified as know she is doing what the hospital wants her to do so she can get out and get back in control of not being able to eat. She has been in for almost a week and looks like she may be able to leave in another week or so.
This is her first time being hospitalized and I've heard so many stories form the other parents saying their kids are stuck in a loop of being hospitalized, being fed then released only to return - I'm absolutely terrified

NanFlanders that sounds so hard. It's crippling when they say they don't want to recover, it feels like she's shot me in the heart. She has so much to live for. I keep reminding her that Harry Styles is in the world, so that's at least one thing that is good..

@katandra - no advice from me as I'm not in the same position, but I couldn't read and run. I understand how terrifying it must be. I do hope they are able to give her some help and something positive to work towards. Look after yourself too.

@Katandra9 - welcome although as ever we are sorry for anyone who finds themselves here.

What sort of support does/did your DD have prior to admission? My DD did ping pong in and out of admissions but I think that was exacerbated because DD had no CAMHS support in place - her first meeting with them led to her being hospitalised.

If your DD has support in place, how was it going?

Hi Kat you can absolutely refuse discharge if you feel your dd will immediately restrict once home. What involvement have the community ED team had? I'd want a robust plan in place especially given your dds v v low weight. Have they mentioned a bed in a specialist unit? It sounds like your dd is very unwell so this might be an option 😕

Sorry you've had to find us but welcome to the thread.

The EDSUK fb page is worth joining for support as well.

Thank you so much for the support, it's been a crazy few days plus I'm In a different time zone.
Before admission, she was in the care of CAHMS but was under their care for her OCD and in the waiting list for eating (12+months) so we were doing weekly appointments with her GP doing weight, blood pressure, ECG when required and bloods every 3 months.
Her GP tried to have her hospitalized over a week before she was admitted but they said she didn't meet the requirements 🥴 even with low blood pressure, being extremely underweight, dizziness etc they didn't have a bed available for her.
I got a phone call from the hospital the following Sunday to bring her in ASAP.
She has been in a week tomorrow and so far spent the first few days being tube fed and is now on 6x meals a day with a plan to move onto plan B eating hopefully sometime during the week.
Support wise here, she is left in her room with the doctors popping in once a day asking if she is ok - she does have a assessment with the mental health team on Wednesday so my fingers are crossed

Morning everyone -

DD14 had online assessment by CAMHS on Sat. The lady was not an ED specialist, however, she was said she was the psychiatric specialist who happened to be the on call duty manager for the county on Sat. She said she will discuss DD's case with her ED colleagues at team meeting tomorrow and then phone me back to report on next steps.

She did say that her feeling is that DD is not anorexic as she has not tried to lose weight deliberately and she is cooperating with our efforts to get her to eat more....That DD's weight loss was symptom of her stress and anxiety....

I'm sure some of you will have reservations about this (!) but I am waiting to see what she says once she's spoken to ED specialist before I get too twitchy...

My two main concerns apart from this were:

1. We were told appointment would be 90 mins but it was over in 50 mins
2. She said urgent priority was to get DD's weight up (good good) and that they would be aiming for 85% WFH - I've worked this out and this a target weight of just 6 and half stone for DD which seems still very low?!!!

Some good news - I blind weighed DD last night at her request as she was very anxious to know she'd made progress before our next GP check up on Wed. She has put on 5 lbs in 3 weeks which I know is not a huge amount but at least it's a gain and she did seem genuinely delighted when I told her she put some weight on. I suspect some of it is water weight but didn't want to burst her happy bubble and just said positive encouraging things!

@basilbrush Firstly, congratulations on the 5lb! Well done to you and your daughter. I don't know if your DD has anorexia or not, but our ED service aims for weight of 95-105% WFH. I'd keep on refeeding if I were you.

Sorry I haven’t had a chance to read every message since I last posted but had a very stressful few days with d ending up in intensive car at one point unconscious. However I don’t want to talk too soon but after an emotional conversation yesterday she told me what she wants to recover and ‘go all in’ I am not sure what this means entirely yet but am reading up but she is eating and eating and eating she is still shaking with fear and the tears and fear in her eyes are heart breaking. I don’t know what to do now as I don’t want to mess anything up but I am so proud of her after today, I went a cried a little after I had held her hand through eating a massive salted caramel brownie from her old fav bakery and cream

Blimey love that sounds terrifying, hopefully this is the start of a strong recovery for your dd, I'm sending a virtual handhold.

Basil well done on the weight gain, a target weight of 85% is ludicrous though!! I'd keep going until 100% as a bare minimum.

We've had a good day, dd has had cake, chocolate milkshake, fish n chips and cookies and milk. She's done very well although refused evening snack but given how much she's eaten throughout the day I let it go.

@lovewinter that does indeed sound so terrifying, and so wonderful about the salted caramel brownie....really hoping things continue to improve rapidly for her!

@NanFlanders @Girliefriendlikespuppies thank you and yes, I agree that 85% seems nuts, they're phoning today so will push for 100%

love how scary. So sorry this has happened. But hopefully this is the turning point and she can begin on the road to recovery. Rl

Basil that weight gain is decent. Just over 2kg in 3 weeks is a good gain and sustainable. We aimed for 500g to 1kg a week. Steady is best. That CAMHS person sounds positively dangerous. Whether she has AN or not 85% wfh isn't what I would be aiming for! That's still banned from PE in most ED circles! * *no-one functions well mentally when underweight. It's not healthy esp not in developing teens. I am pretty sure (although obvs can be definite) that my DD has affected her growth. She was v underweight just at the time she should have been growing (13-14) and developing. It all stopped dead. Puberty too. she has grown about 5cm since but is still only just my height (5 foot 3) and both my sons tower over their dad so I would have expected her to out grow me. She was 15 in July so her growth window is prob closing. Her periods are still not right.
Keep getting the food in her. If she is on board so much the better!
Whether it's an ED or not her MH will improve once she's at a good weight. Maybe not totally resolve her issues but certainly improve things!

@Lottsbiffandsmudge thank you, really useful info!

@Girliefriendlikespuppies @basilbrush @Lottsbiffandsmudge thank you all for your kind wishes and well done @Girliefriendlikespuppies to your daughter sounds like a great day.
I don't want to sound really pessimistic so please don't take this the wrong way as I don't doubt for a second you don't know what you are doing ! I was just told not to ever let D skip a snack regardless of how much they have eaten that day as it is dangerous because it sends the message to their brain that what they ate that day ( normally foods they already fear and have negative connotations with) are in fact ' a lot' and need compensating for sorry that probably makes no sense but I do stress by no means not an expert just thought I would share.

@basilbrush I agree with others that seems very low do you know her current WFH

Lots my dd stopped growing completely when unwell but has recently had another growth spurt aged nearly 16 and a half. She's been weight restored plus for ages so I thought she wouldn't grow anymore either but has grown another inch at least and her feet went up another size!

Love yeah I know, tbf because of the way I'd done food throughout the day she had had the evening snack but had it earlier (under the guise of 'pudding') so I wasn't surprised when dd said she wasn't having anything else. I think the chocolate milkshake (which was afternoon snack) really pushed the ED buttons as her mood dropped from then on.

I dream of the day when food is just food and not part of a meal or snack!! The mental gymnastics I do every day working out if dds had enough and how I can fit more in is exhausting.