Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 5

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome everyone,
Our last thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4279530-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-4?watched=1&msgid=111172926#111172926

That we're on thread 5 in about a year is a reflection of the incredible increase in mental health issues, including eating disorders amongst young people over the last couple of years.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

People to look up on social media
Hope Virgo
Ro-Recovering
James Downs
Cara Lisette
Adam Fare
BarefootRebel
Ilona Burton

Girlie hope Covid is not too bad for your DD

Betty - great news on a gain!

dark how are you doing?

@Lougle ah I’m sorry to hear that. I hope she’s ok.

Oh God I've managed to forget dds cbt session twice this week 😩 not sure where my brains at, I'm not normally so forgetful. It was meant to be on Wednesday which I forgot and they rescheduled for today and I forgot again!!!

Absolutely mortified.

Oops!! I turned up to the wrong venue one day. Juggling is hard!

I forgot dds face to face appointment on Wednesday.. thankfully the nurse rang and we chatted on the phone. Felt awful.

I know I feel terrible, I don't understand how I managed to forget it twice 🤯 I'm wondering if it's a combination of the sessions moving to fortnightly and generally feeling fatigued with everything. Works also been manic and stressful 😕

Really hope they don't pull out after this.

Dd is going bowling and out for dinner with her boyfriend today. It's the first time she'll have had dinner without adult supervision since this all started. I've asked her to photograph the food before and after but it would obviously be easy to fake what she's actually eaten....

Honestly managing a child with an ED is like being the put-upon PA to an ageing Hollywood star - so many appointments, medications, meetings.

Thanks, I know it's a lot managing an unwell child and keeping up with appointments as well as all the general normal life stuff. I don't know how you do it with more than one kid!!

I'm fed up as I was sent a parking ticket Ystd. I dug around in the car and found the original ticket which should prove I didn't do anything wrong but it's just another thing to worry about 😩

Feels like one thing after another atm.

Anyway on a more positive note dd had a nice time with her boyfriend Ystd, they walked to the bowling alley (about 20 min walk) and had a fab time. They had dinner there which tbh looked pretty shit but dd did eat it and had a milkshake for pudding. She was absolutely knackered when she got home though and went to bed early.

On a none ED note do those of you with similarly aged dds (14/15yo) know what you're getting them for Christmas?! I find this age so tricky to buy for.

My dd is 15 and she’s asked for a North Face Puffer and a new riding helmet from her grandparents. I’ll also get her some Lush stuff, she’s asked for two poetry books.
It does get tricky doesn’t it.

She’s asked for a Candy Kittens advent calendar which is a good sign I hope. X

Hello all, I posted a little while ago about my daughter being discharged from Cahms and being told she could get Fleuroxitine (previously prescribed but not taken due to fears of weight gain) from her GP. The GP said this was wrong and referred her back to Cahms. Well we now have an appt and she is not wanting to go. I read this thread every couple of days though don't really post as I seem to have a very different treatment experience than the rest of you. I am in England but on the border so registered with a Welsh GP. I'm not sure what to do now. If she won't go we can't get the script and she will be getting no treatment or support, though that's been the case some June anyway. She had made lots of small positive changes and started college but is still really restricting how much she eats.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for to be honest but would welcome any thoughts / advice etc

Hi there, I’m in England too but on the Welsh border. What’s been your treatment experience so far. My daughter isn’t in medication just the FBT, she’s making good progress so far.

Hi Bettybarkalot123 well we have never been told about WFH or fbt for a start, I've looked them up after reading on here. She had an assessment then lockdown started so she moved to a zoom type weekly session on nutrition education. Then she moved to weekly sessions with an OT and had the first review with the psychiatrist who prescribed Ads for low mood. I haven't been told to take over her meals but to keep offering her food which I've done and she "chooses" not to eat. At one meeting with the dietician when he was drawing up a meal plan, I was shaking my head and when asked why, I said she wouldn't eat it, his answer was "well it's something to aim for" He's also said that "If you don't want to change then don't change" I do think that it is the issue of her not being a dangerously low weight, using the WFH advice on here she was 125 before and went down to 92, but the reality of her loss was 3 dress sizes and 17 kilos in approx 2 months. She's then been having what I thought were really good sessions on low mood, anxiety, school reintegration etc, even coming out to our house but it's almost like they were trying to ignore the food problems. When I asked her OT if she had an ED she said she couldn't make a diagnosis so I wrote to the Psychiatrist after she was discharged and he said she "meets the criteria for a diagnosis of anorexia nervosa" so I don't know when what that means ? Does she have AN or not !!!

Yolanda your dd sounds similar to mine in that she has always been above 100% wfh naturally so although her weight loss wasn't as dramatic as some children for her it was still significant. I think she went from 105% wfh to 90% wfh over a few months and was really ill at the lower weight.

Personally if I were you I would take charge of the meals and start FBT. All the evidence shows that this type of treatment has the best outcome and folks on here can be testimony to that. Are you on the EDSUK fb page? There's lots of resources on there to get you started.

I'm hoping for some advice from you regulars. I'll probably start my own thread at some point but in the meantime: how do I persuade my DD (15) to attend a GP appointment? She did agree to talk to our GP in May, as did I, (this was when I first found out there was a problem), and we were sent some resources etc. Since then we've rumbled on, I've kept an eye on her, had a few conversations etc but stupidly I just hoped things would sort themselves out as the 'teen' stage wore off. She's very thin but I don't know her weight, she won't tell me but says she's not in the 'underweight' category on the charts. She wears baggy clothes most of the time and is very body-conscious. Things have gotten worse recently with her eating and her unhappiness (the pressure of year 11 mocks has probably played a part in that) and I suspect she may also be self-harming. I spoke to the GP again to try to get a referral to CAMHS, he's agreed to that but wants to do some tests - blood, ECG weight etc - but she is absolutely adamant she won't go. I had booked an appointment with the nurse for tomorrow but I'll have to put it off till next week and just hope I can make some progress with her. She says she is terrified of anyone knowing her weight, but won't go even if it's 'just' the other tests. I've told her how important it is to try and nip this in the bud (a bit late for that really as she's had symptoms of some sort for about 2.5 years), how things can progress so badly, the damage she is doing already (no periods for 5 months), how worried I am - but she just says NO. We get on well generally and she does talk to me a bit but I don't think she confides much in her friends even. Any advice? Thanks

Hi @NCnora, sorry you find yourself here but you have come to the right place. We are all a really supportive bunch.

From what you have said I think it’s imperative that you get your DD to the doctors. Do you have any idea how much she is eating in a day? Unfortunately I think the time for gentle persuasion and treading gently with your DD has passed. You need to convey the seriousness of the situation and come down hard. By that I mean use whatever you can as leverage. Take away her privileges, phone, going out and seeing friends etc. If she hasn’t had a period for 5 months then that is evidence that her body doesn’t have enough nutrients to function. It is already 6+ months since you first realised there was a problem. I cannot stress enough how much time is of the essence. The longer you “rumble on” the sicker your DD is becoming and the further entrenched she will be. Make going to the doctors absolutely non-negotiable.

Really sorry i know this sounds harsh but I really don’t think your DD can afford to wait any longer. And being in denial about not being ill is a classic ED trait.

Thank you @Rollergirl11 that's what I need to hear tbh. My situation is complicated by the fact that I am terrified she will storm off to her Dad's if I do any proper parenting here (this happened with her brother 3 years ago - not ED-related - and has refused to see me ever since which is devastating). Also I know her Dad will try to blame me and turn her against me (again, that's what happened with my son). I do know I've got to do it despite the risks though.

I’m so sorry @NCnora, that sounds like a tough situation with your exe. Is there any chance you could contact him, express your concern about DD and try and get him onboard? Point out that the health and well-being of your DD is your No 1 shared goal? Ideally you and her Dad need to show a united front in the face of an eating disorder to maximise the best recovery. ED’s are very manipulative by nature and will try and exploit any difference of opinion and create conflict, anything that gives it space to grow and continue unchallenged.

NCnora I echo everything roller has said, your dd sounds really unwell. Is she having less than 500 cals a day? If so you should take her straight to A&e.

Use whatever leverage you can, if all else fails ring for an ambulance to take her.

You also need to start preparing yourself for FBT (family based treatment.) FBT is all consuming, life stops until they eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. You will need to take her out of school and you will need time off work.

Can you speak to her dad so that he understands the seriousness of the situation? Would your dd listen to him if he told her she has to see the dr?

@NCnora welcome to the thread .. I’m sorry you’ve found yourself here. I echo what the others have said. It sounds harsh but I really scared my daughter and just told her straight down that her life was at risk unless she helped me to help her. It sounds so tricky with your ex, agree that you need to talk to him and explain that you both need to be 100% on the same page, work as a team and let your daughter know you and he are the team that are going to work to get her better.

Things are tough here today. DD has had a positive covid lateral flow test last night. She’s had her PCR this morning. She’s not going to be doing her mocks although school have said they could arrange for her to do them at home if she was well enough. Her two best friends also have covid. She was so happy and positive at the weekend but today she’s very downs. Not poorly just unhappy.

Did someone say earlier that sufferers with mental illness may still go out for short walks, avoiding others? I’m worried about her mental health if she can’t just have her dog walk. These walks have been so helpful to her.

Oh no Betty re covid that's rubbish 🙁 my dd still went out for walks when she had it. If you look online there's a small disclaimer that says something about people with serious mental illness or autism being exempt from some of the rules.

I'd of never got dd to eat anything if she couldn't walk...

Hope your dd doesn't feel too rough with it.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies thanks so much! I thought I’d read that earlier in one of the threads. She’s the same without a short walk each day she will definitely struggle to eat.

She’s not poorly at all so far.
I managed to get her vaccinated three weeks ago so fingers crossed. X

Oh no Betty what a pain and how disappointing for your DD that she won’t be able to do her mocks. I know they were the driving force for her going back to school. Hopefully she continues not to feel too poorly with Covid though.

She’s pretty disappointed and her mood is rock bottom today. Her two friends are in the same boat though which is some comfort to her.

@NCnora I'm so sorry, your situation sounds stressful. We've had some bloody awful times over the last nine months, but in a way the worst was right at the point of diagnosis when all the fears, denials and confusion bubbled over. So in a way if you can get to the GP's and diagnosis and then beyond it, then you've done the very worst. I suspect she knows what her weight is and has probably worked out her BMI which is why she doesn't want anyone else to know it.

@Bettybarkalot123 such a pisser to get Covid right when they're being vaccinated. DD got it 3 days after her vaccination (so that wouldn't have kicked in at all) and it was soooo mild. She'd not have known had it not been for loss of taste and I doubt she'd have even taken a day off school. It was incredibly boring and isolating though, which they've had too much of already. Just as she's back to school too.

And hell yeah let her go for walks - just pick a quiet time.

Thanks ladies for the support and advice, I really appreciate it and it affirms that I need to do what I wanted to do, but was too scared.
@Valleyofthedollymix I agree she must know BMI, she seems v knowledgeable about all of it tbh, probably from the font of knowledge that is not TikTok
@Bettybarkalot123 totally agree re the walks, if this isn't a MH problem then I don't know what is, and she doesn't need any more angst than necessary. Good luck for the next 10 days.

Thanks everyone, will definitely do a quiet walk each day. I’m sure the time will pass quickly. I just hope she doesn’t lose any weight. Yikes!!
Three weeks since vaccine so hopefully some of it has kicked in.

I went into her room this afternoon and for the first time in ages she was making jewellery. She used to always do this and would sell it on Deepop? but hadn’t felt like it over the past months because she was so unhappy. I hope she can get some of her creativity back.

What a rollercoaster all this is.