Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 5

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome everyone,
Our last thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4279530-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-4?watched=1&msgid=111172926#111172926

That we're on thread 5 in about a year is a reflection of the incredible increase in mental health issues, including eating disorders amongst young people over the last couple of years.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

People to look up on social media
Hope Virgo
Ro-Recovering
James Downs
Cara Lisette
Adam Fare
BarefootRebel
Ilona Burton

Girlie hope Covid is not too bad for your DD

Betty - great news on a gain!

dark how are you doing?

I'm so sorry @Girliefriendlikespuppies - I won't wing over any platitudes but just say that I hear you and it's effing tough. Cry away and offload on here.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies I'm with you. DDs last happy meal that I can truly remember was a month before lockdown when we were on a skiing holiday.
We're abroad now and we've got the same struggles, just in a different place. I really wish I could rewind to pre lockdown and deal with everything differently

@Girliefriendlikespuppies it is relentless. It’s a brutal illness and heartbreaking. You sound amazing and you’ve certainly helped me loads.

Thanks lovely people, I know you all know exactly what it's like. I also wish I could go back and do things differently.

It's just been a tough day today, hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Oh my gosh I’m so with you all. When they asked me at the first Ed appointment when the last time dd had eaten normally was or when she last seemed to enjoy food I couldn’t even remember. And then felt terrible for not knowing. She’s eaten terribly since Christmas 2020 but even before that there was a gradual slide into food refusals, tummy aches at mealtimes, “that was really nice but I’m too full…”
I wish I’d known it was ok to make food non negotiable rather than pussyfooting around it for so long. Sounds so obvious

Another one wanting to rewind and take control earlier. We need to give ourselves a break I think. Hugs to you all.

Ahhh sorry to hear you’ve been struggling Girlfriend.

It’s such a shit illness and strips us all of so much. It’s only natural to reflect on where we are in our journeys and think how we could have done things differently. ED’s are insidious and manipulative bastards who’s number one goal is hiding in plain sight. And we are here fighting the beast EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And that’s what matters, right?

I remember at the time being scared to make too much of a big deal about it in case it made things worse.

@DarkBlueEyes you’re right we should give ourselves a break. This is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to contend with.
Today is a brand new day, dd has eaten brilliantly at breakfast, she’s asked to go out for lunch to her favourite vegan place with her friends. I’ve asked her to text me pictures of what she eats, before and after - which isn’t that weird as they often take pics of their meals when they’re out.

Maybe I’m being a bit too trusting but she seems to be able to eat well when she’s with friends or with her sister and when she’s happy she comes home and then eats better at home too.

Hope everyone has a good day today. X

@Bettybarkalot123 yes same here. I remember reading so much and being very much aware that we as parents have to tread very carefully with our children and not say the wrong things for fear of sowing the seed of an eating disorder. But actually now we know that the only thing that creates an eating disorder is not eating!!

We thought her autism was tough to deal with, but anorexia is on a whole other level.

Yy to giving ourselves a break, I was thinking Ystd that as parents we're in a lose lose situation treating ED in our children. If the ED is happy we're miserable, if the ED is not happy our children will be distressed so we're not happy then either!! Obviously as our children recover we will start to think about happiness again but it sometimes feels like a long way a way.

We've had a day out in a city today, I took dd to a climbing wall place this morning, she managed around 40 mins and then felt really faint. She went pale as a sheet and had to lie on the floor as her vision went fuzzy and ears were ringing. This is the second time she's fainted in the last couple of months. Not sure how worried I should be?

I made her have lunch at the cafe and she immediately perked up so was obviously hungry/had low blood sugar. I'll have to speak to her Dr and see if they want to check bloods and ecg again.

The rest of the day was actually okay, we had a nice time looking round the shops and dd bought some nice new clothes. We had dinner out as well and she did well with a large veggie burger and fries with chocolate cake for pudding.

I think dd has around 2500 calories a day but reckon it needs to be more like 3000 especially on days like today when she's doing a lot of activity 😕

I saw the attached poem today and it summed up how I was feeling Ystd 💔

@Girliefriendlikespuppies my dd is still fainting/getting dizzy quite a bit. The nurse said it’s very normal because although they’re now eating plenty their body is using up every last bit in trying to repair and grow and also trying to create fat stores in case it gets starved again. He said it can take several months after reaching a healthy weight to lose that kind of physical symptom.

I remember our first meeting at the ED place when she was diagnosed (I'll never forget pulling up my face mask to hide my tears and how sodden it became) and I said something along the lines of how I should have done something earlier. They reassured me that every single parent says and feels that but it's very hard to intervene. I even remember when Christmas was cancelled being relieved as no one would see how thin she was getting. How mad is that?

Anyway we're letting her go on a sleepover tonight as she has inset day tomorrow and has missed out on so much time with her friends. Any tips? She'll be missing supper and bedtime snack with us and I don't know how to monitor whether she gets it with them. So tricky.

@Valleyofthedollymix my dd had a sleepover last night, she missed bedtime snack but I made sure she had a hot chocolate for her afternoon snack and I have made a soup for today with butter and cream (pray she doesn’t notice) to make up for what she might have missed at the sleepover.

I’ve just picked her up at 10, so she’s home for breakfast and she has just eaten happily and well.

I saw the ED in full force before she went though, she was going to a Halloween party that most of her year were going to, people she hasn’t seen for a long time, she tried her costume on (Gretchen from Mean Girls) and she was crying saying she looked awful and like an old English Teacher. I really thought the ED voice would bully her into not going. But she rode the wave, calmed down and went. She had the best time she says and is very happy today. She drank peach snapps and elate crisps and sweets, she wasn’t hungover either so I’m very proud of her. She stood up to that bullying voice in her head and had a great time.

Valley does the other child's mum know about the ED? When my dd went for a sleepover I did text the other mum just so she was aware. I also wanted to check there were no scales in the house. Dd did fine, she had dinner there with pudding (evening snack) and even managed breakfast which she hadn't thought she would.

Betty that's fab your dd managed her anxiety and had a good time!!

We've crawled to the end of half term, can't say it's been much of a break tbh 🙄🥴 currently dd has her boyfriend over and they've gone off to her bedroom....

If it's not worrying about one thing it's another with teens!!

Hi everyone @Valleyofthedollymix recommended I come on here. I had a separate thread on eating disorders board but you all seem to have been where I feel I'm edging towards. Basically my ds is 16 and in sixth form. He's always been a bit body conscious. He has adhd and takes meds which suppress his appetite so he lost a bit of weight starting them.

But now he's lost a lot of weight. He is skipping meals or saying he's not hungry. His waist size is down from a 31 to 29 inches.

We went away this half term and we're eating more than normal and he got really distressed and said he was getting fat. I really want to talk to him about it but don't want to back him into a corner. Does anyone have any tips on how to approach him and have a conversation before it gets worse? Thanks so much

Thanks so much for reminding me to let the parent know to get rid of the scales - she'd have been on them in seconds. It's a divorced dad going through a midlife crisis (tattoos, triathlons, motorbikes etc) so of course he has bathroom scales.

@Stuffragette welcome, if that's not the wrong word. Do you have any idea how much weight he's lost? I was in denial for a long time with my DD and there's no getting around it - you just have to start talking to them. Not all guns blazing and 'have you got an eating disorder' but along the lines of I've noticed that you seem anxious and would you like to talk about it.

Hi stuffragette how much is he eating roughly at the moment? It definitely sounds like there's an issue, I'd start with a chat with his Dr and take it from there.

You can also start insisting on 3 meals and 3 snacks a day. If you're on fb the EDSUK page has some useful resources linked to it.

Feeling very upset and disheartened here.
Dd was all geared up to go back to school tomorrow (part time/mornings only, no pe etc)
She’s just been to clinic and had a 220g loss. She’s eaten well week and I’ve been adding extra oil. She’s seemed happier too.
What do I do. Does she still go. She’s devastated.
We’ve been to Sainsburys and she’s chosen some none vegan chocolate pots and just had one after tea. She’s also chosen chopped almonds to add to her breakfast.
What would you guys do?
She’s back the week after for mocks anyway.
All her other obs, pulse, glucose, ecg all normal.
I’m so confused and husband is at work all night.

Betty I’d be inclined to let her still go. That is such a minuscule loss and could be down to something as inconsequential as it being a different time of day, different clothes, having a wee or drinking slightly less water today than the last time she was weighed. What did the clinic say about it?

Thanks @Rollergirl11 she wore different joggers. She says the usual ones are heavier.. could be that… or maybe a big 💩!!
I think I would feel different if she hadn’t tried or wasn’t eating well but she is, she’s agreed to up it more this week and she admitted now that the fear of not gaining weight was actually bigger than the fear of gaining.

I’ve not spoken to the clinic it’s just a hca who takes the measurements. Dd started crying at the loss saying I just want to get back to school. The hca told her to stay positive and keep trying.

She also picked a bag of desiccated coconut to add to breakfast and that was 200g and it weighed nothing at all.

Betty I think as long as you're confident she's eating I'd be inclined to let her go to school. You can use the threat of any further loss and she will come straight out.

In a way it's useful for them to see that you need a lot of food just to maintain, it takes loads to make a decent gain!! Can you get more butter and double cream in?! If she likes chocolate pots can you make an equivalent homemade version which will be a bigger portion and loads of calories.

Dd enjoyed her first day back at school, we fell out at dinner time as she managed to eat a cheesy pasta sauce and not eat any of the sauce 🙄 I don't even know how she manages it when it's all mixed in!! I insisted she have a drink of milk to make up the difference and she surprised me by drinking most of it.

We plod on....

Sorry I'm not contributing much. I don't have a great deal to offer about mainstream school issues etc.

@Bettybarkalot123 I would go with 'state not weight'. If you genuinely feel that DD is trying, if she's accepting food choices that are helpful to recovery, then I wouldn't allow 200g to change my decision. 200g can be water weight, a big poo, anything. Having said that, I established a 'uniform' for weigh days. A pair of leggings, bra/knickers/socks, and a t-shirt. Every single time. Then there's no discussion about 'why' the weight is different. Also, although not a problem for my DD, there is much less chance of extra weights being concealed.

DD1 is still really tired. She went back to school for the first time since getting COVID, but needed a sleep when she got home. She's stable on 0.5mg BD of olanzapine again. Her weight hasn't increased yet, so she's still at 52.3kg (previously 55.6kg), but she's eating 3 meals and 2 snacks, so I'm expecting an increase soon. If it doesn't happen, I'll have to go back to 3 + 3.