Teen Eating Disorders - Thread 5

[myrtleWilson]

Welcome everyone,
Our last thread can be found here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4279530-Teen-Eating-Disorders-Thread-4?watched=1&msgid=111172926#111172926

That we're on thread 5 in about a year is a reflection of the incredible increase in mental health issues, including eating disorders amongst young people over the last couple of years.

With that in mind, we thought we'd try to include some resources that have helped us along the way to date. No one resource will be a panacea but hopefully this list will be a useful starting off point for any newcomers and a reflection for others. It is our first go at sharing a list of resources on a thread so it won't be perfect!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

anorexiafamily.com/?v=79cba1185463

www.youtube.com/evamusby

www.youtube.com/channel/UCa7G1P5WQopVMc9qTSP_lgA

www.orri-uk.com

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/eating-disorders/overview/

www.stgeorges.nhs.uk/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Junior-MARSIPAN-Risk-Assessment-Framework.pdf

People to look up on social media
Hope Virgo
Ro-Recovering
James Downs
Cara Lisette
Adam Fare
BarefootRebel
Ilona Burton

Girlie hope Covid is not too bad for your DD

Betty - great news on a gain!

dark how are you doing?

Evening all.

Lougle that's good re going back on the olanzipine, it does seem to make such a difference to your dd.

Valley I'm sorry to hear things are still so difficult. I know you said blind weighing didn't work for your dd but she sounds so fixated on the numbers. I personally would shut down any talk of what weight she wants to be and I'd also ban any looking up bmi nonsense.

Dark amazing weight gain, that's fantastic- well done! Is your dd blind weighed? I think when they're so unwell and consumed by anorexia they generally find knowing their weight too distressing (imo.) Scary the affect it's had on her height.

So dd went for a weight check, she's lost 200grams which all things considered isn't too bad. The taking her phone off her seems to have worked, she still left some breakfast but it was more like a third rather than half...

@DarkBlueEyes

Oh *@Valleyofthedollymix* that's hard. Both the Covid and the height. We've measured DD and she has shrunk by a whole centimetre! Today at camhs they said it's unusual but can happen due to the degradation of the spinal muscles. Which is horrendous but otoh she's gained 1.5kg in a week and is now 83% wfh so on target to be back to school after half term. She's pushing bank now but I will not give up. Also given her wfh is now calculated at a shorter height!

Are you certain that the measurement is accurate. DD1 shrunk one day and I pointed out how odd it was. DD1 turned it into a game and insisted on being measured in both the rooms with height scales. It turned out that one was set 1.5cm too high

@DarkBlueEyes that's a fantastic weight gain!

@Girliefriendlikespuppies 200g isn't as bad as it could be so your hard work is paying off.

@Lougle that is good news about thr olanzapine. I don't know where we'd be without it. I really hope it does the trick.

Funnily enough I measured her at home when we got home from
Hospital and noticed she was half a centimetre shorter than my previous measurement on the study wall. I thought maybe I'd measured her wrong which is why I asked them to do it again. They have a floor mounted thing they use. So we'll measure again in a few weeks. Weird though right?

We blind weigh although Dd says she's nit bothered by the numbers, it's how she looks that's an issue. She keeps looking at her tummy saying she's bloated and has a muffin top. As if....

@Valleyofthedollymix 200g could just be a poo, as long as it's only a one off it's not too bad considering.

We had m and a posh dogs and sweet potato fries tonight, both with added lard. Amd she had a good wedge of cake with Greek yogurt for pudding (as did I!!!). I am pushing on.

It's difficult here because DD1 has minor symptoms compared to the rest of us (body aches, sore tummy and cough) but her PCRs come back negative each time, so possibly not Covid, although the other 4 of us are positive. But she's seeing that none of us have much of an appetite, so it seems cruel to her that we're asking her to eat when she doesn't have much of an appetite. I had 2 dessert spoons of casserole on Sunday night, I didn't eat at all yesterday and I ate 2 dessert spoons of yoghurt and a jam sandwich today (mind over matter).

But I just can't let her fall so far because the climb back up will be worse for her.

Evening everyone - am glad you've had a positive response from your zoom session lougle, great gain dark Yay for a cm taller valley but boo for impact on wfh and double boo for covid. 200g is definitely within usual fluctuation I'd say girlie

Mixed day here - DD had a low blood sugar/hypo type moment at school which spooked her a bit and has made her realise how fragile things are. On the upside, she and I went out for food tonight - shared 4 tapas as a starter - fried calamari, tempura prawn, breaded chicken and papayas braves and then she had a chicken, bacon, avocado salad with a side order of fries (and she ate some of mine). Had a good chat about bits of life she's missing out on and her worries about school and then we went to see Caroline Criado Perez in conversation - DD loved it and is full of righteous feminist anger about how invisible women are in the world. So a bloody brilliant end to the day..

obviously we didn't eat an odd papaya bravas dish - although am now tempted to try to create one - patatas bravas were instead consumed!!

Looking forward to my spicy papayas bravas next time I'm out, Myrtle.

I spoke too soon about Covid - today she was refusing to eat because everything is tasteless. I managed to talk her into breakfast, god knows how as she was adamant, but not snack and then 15 minutes later she came down and said, actually she would have a glass of milk. On some level she wants to get better. On another, she absolutely doesn't...

Of course no social distancing when you have to closely supervise meals, it would be impossible. Not that we distanced from our other two when they were ill, I don't know how people do it, so counter intuitive for a parent. So fingers crossed we don't get it, so far the AZ has done the trick...

DD1's 3rd PCR is positive. She's eaten breakfast and a snack this morning, but she's slept through lunch.

Oh no re all the Covid 😩 it's so frustrating that this one illness has caused so many issues either directly or indirectly for our kids.

Dd still has no sense of smell and her sense of taste has changed, I get the feeling her appetite is better (not that she'd admit it) but she is generally eating without too many complaints compared to a week ago.

I seem to be spending a fortune on food, at least £80 a week for the both of us - and that's shopping at Aldi!!!

Oh god I don't even want to know what we're spending especially since I go overboard when she likes something only for her to go off it rapidly.

She's being adorable at the moment, almost manically so. But then so recently she was vile. I hate my being held hostage like this, it can't be healthy for a teenage girl to have so much power over the house.

I went up to London to see DD at uni on Wednesday. Another 1lb lighter despite her saying she's upped her calories to 1,800 to 2,000 per day. She's promised to eat more and higher fat/sugar but I just don't know what to believe.

More worryingly almost is her lack of sleep. She's never been a great sleeper, particularly when stressed, but she confessed that in the week she had gone 4 days straight without sleeping at all. Even her uni mates noticed something was up as she looked so awful. On a good night she's getting 1-2 hours. This morning she called me as she'd finally got to sleep at 9am then woken at 10.45 realising she would miss her 11 o'clock lecture that she'd spent the whole of yesterday prepping for.

She's got a medicine review this afternoon at the GP but I called them and it's with the pharmacist rather than a GP or nurse so they won't be able to help immediately with eating or sleeping. At their behest I've emailed the practice about my concern, and they will put a note on her file, but a new authority for them to deal with me about DD needs to be put in place as it didn't transfer with her records from home. So now I need to persuade her to do that.

DH and me snipping at each other as he's just so angry with DD for allowing herself to take her diet to such extremes she's "made herself" ill. He says he can't talk to her about it, so it's all on me then.

Oh God whether that doesn't sound good re lack of sleep, I think I'd be psychotic after 4 days. I still think you need to insist she comes home, she sounds so ill. Anorexia causes lack of sleep as sleep requires calories.

Valley my dd does the manically happy performance, I think it's her way of trying up convince me having an ED is actually great and I'm mad for wanting her to get better 🙄

This week has been tiring, works been busy and having dd off since Wednesday adds another layer of stress. I'm now off for a week though which is a relief.

How's everyone else doing? Betty? Dark? Lougle? Myrtle?

Hey everyone, sorry haven’t been about much this week. I’ll catch up with the thread and post back. But sounds like there’s lots of Covid doing the rounds….

DD is actually quite manically happy at the moment too. It’s really disconcerting. She’s frantically trying to sort out an outfit for her Halloween party that she has somehow managed to persuade me for her to have here next Friday! 🥴 Honestly, I’m starting to feel a little bit exploited. She knows that at the moment that DH and I will pretty much say yes to anything as we are so desperate for her to get back to her old self! Also not sure what DH will make of her proposed outfit. She’s decided she will be a fallen angel, which apparently entails wearing a corset….🤦‍♀️

Ah @Rollergirl11 the classic sexy pumpkin school of Halloween dressing! My younger DD seems to want to spend money on Shein to get a really inappropriate dress for a sexy fairy vibe (she is way too young for this).

DD can ask for anything she wants and she gets it. The younger one has pointed out that this is a terrible message, 'get an eating disorder, get your way' and she's right. I suspect that there will be trickle-down benefits for the younger ones in terms of extra piercings and more clothes to raid.

Hi everyone, we're still in the COVID period. Today was slightly better though. DD1 had 3 meals and 3 snacks today, which is great. It's amazing the difference just ½mg of olanzapine twice per day makes!

Hi everyone, @Lougle - am pleased yesterday was a bit better for you - 3x3 is fab - well done you & DD1.

We're okay - DD has begun treatment regarding digestion/bowel issues - I really really hope it works as it would take away some of her physical pain.
whether I hope you get somewhere with your DD's GP - her lack of sleep sounds very troubling.

Happy Halloween shopping everyone! DD is at work on halloween and so has some restrictions on what she can/can't wear - mainly because they get so hot... she momentarily considered being a leopard. I was struggling to make the Halloween connection but there you go!

@myrtleWilson really hope the digestion issues sort - that must make recovery even more challenging.

DD continues to be super cheerful and compliant. Coupled with absolutely no exercise due to the Covid isolation (only two more days to go!) means I'm pretty certain she'll have put on weight. Which will freak her out enormously and probably set her back and we'll continue on this godawful groundhog of 40-43kg forever. Although she was talking about her weight today and her younger sister said 'I bet I weigh more than you. I think I weigh 45kg' (yes I know, unhealthy weight discussion and she has no idea what she weighs as we have no scales). To which DD1 said 'but you look great'. Which was a) sweet because they never say nice things to each other and b) great in showing her that being >45kg is not one step removed from a C5 documentary about obesity.

Things have settled a bit here as well, dd has mostly been eating well with not too much resistance. I get the feeling her appetite has improved finally since having covid..

Hi everyone, sorry for falling off the thread. I’ve been struggling tbh. DD is still insisting that she doesn’t have an eating disorder and that there’s something physically wrong with her causing the dizziness/fainting/tummy pains etc. She will not accept that it is lack of food and being v underweight that is causing the symptoms. We go into her ED appointments and her urgent care CAHMS appointments and she just completely shuts down. Sits there with her head down and her hair hanging over her face and just shrugs or completely ignores everything they say to her. It’s so rude!

Then she’s vile at home, my 2 year old is having nightmares because she’s telling him scary stories and that there’s monsters everywhere, just completely ignores us telling her not to. She’s telling my 5 year old that daddy might not always be there because her dad is no longer around. It’s like she is completely fucked up and she was always such a genuinely nice and caring person.

She hates me and is so angry at me. It’s my fault if she fails her mocks for not letting her go to school. Yet school have uploaded all her work for her and sent revision stuff home. I cleaned her room for her and made sure her desk and study area was clear and organised and she has done NO work at all. Just lies in bed on TikTok. If I tell her to do some schoolwork or take her phone to remove the distraction that gives her another reason to rage at me and then she refuses to eat because I don’t care about her and I’m just trying to ruin her life and make it as miserable as possible.

Similarly she hates me for taking her away from all her friends and making it so she can’t see them. I’ve suggested inviting them round, dropping her off at a coffee shop for an hour, taking her to their houses etc. Has she phoned/messaged any of them? No. Because that doesn’t suit her narrative of me being an evil bitch who’s ruined her life. At her last CAHMS appointment the nurse called me in and basically told me off for not letting her see her friends. I said I have suggested inviting them round etc but she’s past the age of me arranging play dates for her so it’s on her to make it happen. She looked at dd and said is that true? So your mum has said you can invite people round? And dd shouted hysterically “no! I can’t have people to our house! I can’t! I can’t!” As if there’s something bad going on in our house (and there really isn’t).

I’m so fucked off with it and have even found myself thinking ‘fine don’t eat and starve yourself to death then’ which I obviously don’t mean and would be devastated if it happened

Sorry for the brain dump. Now going to read through what I’ve missed from the rest of you

Sorry to hear of all the Covid cases amongst you, I hope nobody is too poorly with it and it doesn’t affect weight gain too much. Lougle I’d be terrified of allowing dd to not eat for a few days due to illness too.

Yes to the huge food bills! We’re a family of 6 so ours was a lot anyway but now it’s crazy money.

@Rollergirl11 @Bettybarkalot123 my dd sounds very similar in terms of studies which is why I don’t understand why she’s done nothing since being off school. It’s just not her.

@myrtleWilson I hope the new treatment for the digestive issues works, that must make it even harder to get her to eat well.

@Valleyofthedollymix it’s so lovely to hear about your dds being nice to each other, my teenagers just snipe at each other continuously!

Oh God moom that sounds awful, what wfh is your dd now and remind me how old she is?
My dd also seemed to have a personality transplant at times, she was awful to me and her grandparents who she used to dote on. Things have improved with time and a lot of food but I think the relationships with loved ones won't ever be the same as they used to be 😕

Do you know what she's looking at on tiktok? Is she eating 3 plus 3?

I think when they're in the grips of it they are just so angry and scared, they can't think passed their own feelings as they're so overwhelmed.

I have certainly been there with thinking 'fine just starve yourself to death then' on some of the darker days. We're only human and living with this vile disease day in day out understandably takes its toll.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies she’s done really well on the weight front and has gone from 74% to 84%. But is still convinced that eating just 300 kcal a day was normal and it’s ridiculous to be eating what she does now. She’s mostly eating the 3+3 but breakfast is still difficult.

TikTok stuff is a mixed bag, there’s the odd diet thing that pops up but not really any pro anorexia stuff (that I have seen at least)

Im sorry to be so me me me on here, hopefully soon I’ll be able to offer some advice back to people

Oh she’s 15.