Teen Eating Disorders support thread 3

[Girliefriendlikespuppies]

Thought I better get a new thread going!

Please come and join us if your teen is struggling with an Eating Disorder. We are a kind, supportive bunch of parents looking to support each other through the dark days of caring for a teen with an ED.

BP and heart rate...sorry

Hi @Rollergirl11 so sorry you've had to join us. I'd echo the others comments about getting urgent medical input, getting her stats checked and understanding the dangers re 'refeeding syndrome' They may want to admit your DD to hospital immediately (this is what happened to my DD).

Will check out others posts now - DD has her first hangover - great news that she went out as a normal 18 yr old, bad news is the hangover will be fuelled by the ED and she'll feel bad for 'wasting calories via alcohol' Anyhow, she's managed to eat her meals to date and is having a nap!

Hello @Rollergirl11 , I'm sorry you find yourself here. I too only posted two or three weeks ago, with a similar story dd(17) had been restricting since jan and lost 9 kg and stopped periods etc. We are three weeks into refeeding (3 meals 3 snacks to over 2500 cal a day) and only just starting to see some gain. It's a long road back to full health but the biggest step is in your dd confiding in you. It's a Rocky road but this forum and all the wonderful posters are a godsend. Oh and speak to school urgently. My dd only manages mornings at moment, as can't be trusted to eat lunch at school, she finds it too stressful. I'm sure school will be enormously helpful once they know.
Good luck x

@myrtleWilson I am so happy about your dd hangover! I can't wait until my dd (17) feels she can socialise and is able to drink a little. It's a great step, and even though I'm sure the ED will have something to say about it, it's still nice some normal life is returning for your dd.

@Rollergirl11 wow, my daughter mentioned TikTok aswell, and some people on there obsessively recording calories...
honestly, what a world to grow up in! Though I know EDs have been around a lot longer than social media.
I’m keeping a close eye on my daughter. She hasn’t had a period since last March. The doctor didn’t have much experience with this. She’s been referred for a scan, but like me she (doc) thinks it would show nothing. CAHMS are aware and I have their numbers.
DD seems to be eating better but probably not the ideal still. I’ve just ordered some scales. Haven’t had any in the house for years, as at one point I worried me/ my eldest were getting overly obsessed (yet it was never a serious problem).

Welcome roller although sorry you're here, I echo all the previous advice given. It's probably hard to process/believe but your dd is seriously ill and her heart and vital organs will be really struggling. She needs urgent medical attention.

All exercise must stop immediately, in fact your dd probably needs a period of bed rest.

You may need to think about taking time off work as refeeding is a full time 24/7 job and will be all consuming.

Get yourself a copy of Eva Musbys book as she gives some excellent practical advice when you start refeeding.

Hey all, just a quick update. Went to A&E and DD has been admitted. Her heart rate is very low and they want to monitor her over the next 5 days whilst they start refeeding. She has been confined to total bed rest and is not even allowed to walk to the toilet. They have her hooked up to monitor her heart rate overnight because of the likelihood of it dropping while she sleeps.

DD is in complete shock and says she didn’t realise it was this bad and how much danger she has put herself in. She is terrified of having to come out of school after she comes home from hospital and says that she will absolutely never restrict her food like this ever again. All sounds very positive and like she has no plans to resist. But I guess it’s early days and plenty of time for that!

I just want to say a huge thanks to everyone as I think I needed this kick up the bum to realise the severity of the situation.

DD starts the emergency meal plan in the morning and then she will see the nutritionist on Tuesday who will tailor a more individual plan for her.

I’ll keep you updated. I am shattered so hope that means I’ll sleep well in this rickety put-me-up next to DD! 🤦‍♀️🥴

Hi @Rollergirl11 I am sorry to hear this but so pleased your DD has been admitted and is getting the medical help she needs.
From others stories if seems that Sometimes the shock of hospital and/or not being able to school will be the leverage needed to get eating going again.
You can Use that leverage to get her to eat now and at home.
What an exhausting time for you. I hope you managed some sleep and can get some support for you too. Haring for someone with an ED is a long bumpy road so make sure you look after yourself too.
Keep us posted please...

@Rollergirl11 I'm so so glad you took on board the severity of the situation and went to A&E. It alarmed me when you said 'I think she might be just tipping into underweight' - it just shows how sneaky AN is, because it gradually chips away at their weight and it becomes a new normal.

She's safe now and you can think of today as day 1 of her recovery. I'd suggest the Facebook Group Eating Disorders Parent/Carer Support (UK) There are over 2000 members and they have all been through this journey.

Hope you've managed to get some kip roller that is positive that your D is saying those things. My D was also in complete denial about how damaging what she was doing was at the beginning, her heart rate was also scarily low and she was very close to being admitted.

Hope everyone is getting on okay over the BH? We're not doing too badly, dd met her friends in town Ystd. She said she had a Subway and a protein bar for snack. The Subway sounded fine other than her choosing fizzy water rather than juice 🙄 I pulled her up on that. Thinking about it should have made her have juice at dinner time instead but have only just thought of it!!

We're going to take the dog for a beach walk today with a picnic, the weather is very iffy but hopefully will be okay!!

Hope you managed to get some sleep Roller and whilst an admittance feels scary it is helpful. The longer term physical legacy of AN is something we're beginning to think about - how much damage has been done to DD remains unknown- she's been referred for gastro/bowel investigations as a result of her eating disorder

We're off to a good start. I've just managed 1489 calories for breakfast (Nutella pancakes with butter in between each one). That takes the pressure off the rest of the day.

Lougle I want to come to your house to eat pancakes they sound amazing 🤤😋😂

You're very welcome @Girliefriendlikespuppies! The Nutella made them a bit more difficult to turn over because it slackened the mixture a bit, but it added 290 calories to the mixture by stealth. I say stealth - DD1 was very happy to have Nutella, but she doesn't know how many calories it has.

@Rollergirl11Welcome, I'm so glad you went to A&E and have been admitted, it will hopefully speed up the refeeding process as DD knows how bad her situation is now. For my DD (13) we tried at home for a few months but she was so resistant that we went to A&E and spent a week in the hospital, that was our turning point. Same issues as your DD heart rate, dizziness and so far underweight.

I back to other calls for you to speak to the school asap, AN is catching as the girls feel the pressure to eat the least or be the thinnest. At a minimum, all the respective girls' parents need to be spoken to and perhaps the school needs to supervise their lunches? If the cycle isn't broken recovery at school is going to be near impossible for your DD

Here's an article of the dangerous BMI levels of a lot of celebrity women, it shocked me BMI red alert

Don't be surprised when there are tears when trying get the meal plan eaten at home. We have had a lot of ups and downs on our journey so far. My DD (wfh 78%) is still not back at school, I doubt she will be full time back till Sept.

Try and keep yourself well too as it is very overwhelming for the parents/carers. I am with DD pretty much all day every day as I need to watch every snack and every meal and I need to be sure she's not doing 'unauthorised exercises'. You need to have eyes in the back of your head.

@Lougle you are so good at getting the calories in!!! We're stuck on 2 weetabix, 150mls milk and 1 slice of toast with 2 tablespoons peanut butter for breakfast.

We went to some flower markets yesterday and I bought some brownies in the hope that DD would try a bite at least, she said she would but then refused I need to get the calories up but I can't seem to get her to eat anything with decent calories in them. Meanwhile I am eating huge loads of calories to try and set an example....pitty I am not a growing teenager

Sotired that article is shocking 😨 I can't believe the model industry hasn't moved on since I was a teen. I thought there were some moves to insist on a healthy bmi to be a model but obviously not.

It's so depressing.

We had an okay day, went to the beach and did quite a long walk. Had a picnic and dd ate okay, stopped at a cafe but she refused anything 'extra' 😕 I had a hot chocolate and bit of cake though!

I think she's been hungry today, she was wanting her dinner from about 3pm and I think she's probably still hungry now (ate dinner at 5pm, large portion of fish pie, chips and veg plus melt in the middle pudding with ice cream for pudding.) It's so frustrating that she won't just tell the ED to do one and have something extra' if she wants it 😢

Shocking article...
Some wins here today. DD went for a long bike ride with DH and he said she needed to eat well for the rest of the day. She asked to swap some of her tuna mayo in her horrible dry rill, chicken soup tuna mayo lunch combo for some of the crisps we were all sharing from a family bag for lunch! So of course I said yes and gave her a usual portion of crisps which exceeded her lost tuna! Then I had bought her a Taste the Difference vanilla yog for pudding which I asked her to eat instead if the usual 100g of Greek yog decanter from a big pot into a bowl. She resisted and I said she needs to learn to eat individual pots as they are easier to manage on holiday etc and she ate it!!! 60 cals more than usual there

And then for afternoon snack, and noticing her nut reluctance over the last few days, I offered her a hot cross bun and butter for snack and she said yes but would rather have jam than butter!! Again a yes here!!
V proud of her. She is slowly starting to be a little more flexible and that hopefully bodes well for her recovery.
She has been v active this week but not in a compulsive way so the weigh in tomorrow could be interesting. I think I would be happy with a maintain as I think her state mentally is so much I.proved that we must be around where she need to be.
Keep going @Girliefriendlikespuppies it will come!
Hoping your day was not too bad @Rollergirl11 up date us if you can.
That breakfast sounds pretty good to me @SoTiredNeedHoliday

Gained nearly 800g! 98.5% now. So relieved.
Hope everyone else survived BH Monday in tact...

@Rollergirl11 winging lots of virtual stranger support to you. So glad you went into hospital and your dd is being looked after.

Well done to all of you with gains - wow @Lottsbiffandsmudge - 800g! That's more than a quarter of our total gain over four months. Sigh. Mind you, we're absolutely not aiming for 100% wfh, the therapist seems to think that somewhere around 90% will do and will also be more than she's ever been in her life, more than she was after rapid weight gain in first lockdown.

In retrospect I think we were far too conflict-avoidant. I remember reading about lotts DD and her meltdowns (the oven door has stayed with me) and I felt that if the atmosphere became too heated, then dd would be less likely to eat. We also felt that we should be open and didn't do any calorie hiding. I now realise that we were not being kind to DD but kind to the ED. We should have pushed it more. It didn't help that she was being so sweet and that her stats, other than the weight, were so healthy.

What I'm trying to say is that if I had my time again we'd have pushed it more and our pussyfooting means we've still got such a long way to go while others have reached such great weights.

We've also realised that her weight plateauing correlates exactly with school and that there's no way she's eating lunch/snack. So we're going to have to start going in or reducing her timetable. And this of course will have repercussions for her hard-earned friendships.

On the positive side, Ensure at bedtime is brilliant and she's likely to be prescribed olanzapine on Thursday.

Good morning. I hope @Rollergirl11 your getting some reassurance from the hospital and some sleep. The nutritionalist will be a godsend for you.

We have had a very bad weekend here. We tried to go to visit grandparents but the change in routine was a terrible idea and the OCD around timings of meals kicked in. DD is now back to the same weight we started 3 weeks ago. We feel desperate. DD is around the same weight as some of those anorexic models that @SoTiredNeedHoliday shared. I am so angry that this is portrayed as normal. But then when I grew up I knew I could never be a model so it wasn't an issue for me. I don't know why DD seems to think it is achievable. @Valleyofthedollymixwe seem to be in the same zone as you - if we push it DD has a meltdown. so all we can do for now is maintain it seems. yesterdays meltdown was so extreme I thought we needed to hospitalise her. she has started hurting herself - hitting her head with fists. its taken a much darker turn now. At a loss what to do, and waiting for the clinic to call back. 5mg of olanzapine not being the wonder drug I had hoped for.

Does anyone else child think about food 24 hours a day. I think the Low weight has caused extreme OCD with an obsession on food. she can't even do school work now at home (she couldn't go in today) because she is just thinking food food food. Im lost with this.
sending positivity to everyone else.

@sm701 Sorry to hear you had a tough weekend. Perhaps the Dr can try a different med if it is not stopping DD from hitting herself etc? Yes, my DD thinks about food a lot of the day. About what she will eat, what she won't eat and even just food in general. Theres so much in their minds that they just can't verbalize..... the thoughts are so strong.

I think that social media (& normal media) has a lot to answer for in what young girls think they should look like and what is a normal and healthy aim to have for your body. If you think of it not many people post themselves having a normal day, it's always smiles, filters, photoshop and more glam than reality. It really annoys me.

If you get to the end of that article Here if you missed it the model with a BMI of 20 looks great, but most young girls would think she was too heavy when the other 'role models' out there are skeletal. I don't know how they manage their weight without getting mental health issues and negative thoughts, perhaps it's their personal chefs and dieticians that allows them to maintain such a crazy weight.

@sm701 and @SoTiredNeedHoliday - the obsession with food is not unusual at all. If you look at the Minnesota Starvation Experiment www.apa.org/monitor/2013/10/hunger they also found the same with the volunteers - it is part of a 'survival mechanism' because they are malnourished.

Re the models - it is very difficult for young people nowadays when so many of their 'role models' are underweight. Plus, a lot of those images have been retouched to such an extent that even the girl in the photo, doesn't look like the girl in the photo. There are some good examples of this online where they show before and after retouching / specific poses which make someone look a certain way. Try to encourage your DDs to see that this is not a realistic portrayal of health.

Valley I think I've been conflict avoidant at times which is partly why I gave up on snacks but went in hard with hidden calories. I think the upshot is that whilst my dd has gained weight mentally she is still completely stuck and rigid in what and when she'll eat 😕 how much of that is ASC though I'm not sure.

I definitely think though there are a few key battles that are worth having, one being keeping them out of the kitchen when you're preparing food. Although in the short term this might stress them out in the longer term it will be less stressful for them not knowing iyswim.

In the early days I had dd head banging, screaming, throwing things, threatening to kill herself and on one occasion she was running round our housing estate in her socks as I'd ask her to eat a sandwich 😱 so although things are generally calmer now to get to this point did take some work.

As they say on the fb page you have to see the beast to slay it!!

Great weight gain lots I feel like there should be a medal or something for when you get to 100% wfh!!

thanks for your replies, it sounds like we are in the classic deep AN phase, and it is helpful hearing your similar stories @Girliefriendlikespuppies although im sorry you and your DD went through it. The Minnesota article @Havehope21 is very useful. the paragraph about the constant thoughts of food - it helps to understand this phase. we just need to burst through this weight ceiling to get somewhere. DD says she just wants to eat everything but we mustn't let her. Its so painful.
@SoTiredNeedHoliday Its so sad that the lovely girl with BMI of 20 isn't the norm. I still think she looks slim! I think some ladies can be lower weight and not be so effected. I had a friend who was a ultra marathon runner - looked awfully thin but was the healthiest person I knew (as much as I knew) and went on to have 3 kids. But I did think she was anorexic to look at, but would run double marathons so couldn't be! ultimately DD needs to accept her northern European build is not meant to have a BMI of 16-18, and 50-52 kg is not an ideal weight for her height. Using the red book graphs she should be 64kg. the NHS app is not our friend, it does say for her height that 52kg is healthy at the starting end of the range (it really really isn't)
sigh, lunch to come. Its come to something that I just want her to eat without hurting herself.

@Valleyofthedollymix omg yes the meltdowns for weeks and weeks were truly awful. At the start she was permanently in a meltdown unless actually asleep. The extreme violence and hysteria is something I will never forget. But also understanding that it was the Ed and not DD in a rage really helped me. And learning how to tolerate her distress and defuse it better, my DD also head banged and it is horribly distressing.
I can only say that weight is the answer. I am glad I started adding calories (only in her smoothie and mashed potato!) and went through the nit inconsiderable pain of forcing her out of the kitchen during meal prep.
My Dd has no other issues (except ocd) so I know this approach isn’t for everyone but I honestly think you have to piss off the monster.
In terms of %ages my Dd was NEVER on the 50th percentile for weight. She was between 9th and 25th. But to be honest the extra weight hardly shows. She seems to be absorbing it well if you see what I mean. I wonder now if she has always been slightly underweight and that contributed to her ocd and anxiety generally.
Even DH who was reluctant to go this high can see the changes in her mental state even from 90% to 98.5%.