Teen Eating Issues/Disorders Support Thread 2

[myrtleWilson]

Our first thread is almost full. Here is our second - a place to seek and share advice, to lament and scream with rage and sadness, to celebrate each other's successes as we navigate the choppy waters of supporting our children with eating disorders.

All are very welcome, whether you're at the start of this journey or a more seasoned traveller.

I'll link this thread to the first one and then I thought it may be helpful if on joining this one we did a quick precis of our current situation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4016379-teen-eating-issues-support-thread?msgid=104736115

Yay to all the food going in!!

We have def hit a wall in terms of how much dd will eat 😕 very tricky to get her to agree to anymore.

Anyway tonight she's spent all evening FaceTiming a BOY 😱 honestly if you're not stressing with one thing with a teen there's soon something new to stress over!!

At least this boy seems to have cheered her up 🙄

A second yay to all the food going in everyone!
Guinea pig has the all clear thank goodness
More sitting after school today. So that’s good.
In not so good news DH has over the weeks unbeknownst to me been escalating his and DDs Fri eve stretching session ( which started with her teaching him some stretches and doing them together) to yoga...he told me last week it was stretching yoga.
Tonight I have listened and heard the words side plank and crunches. I cannot f*ing believe it. Dynamic Yoga.....30 minutes of non stop movement cobra to plank to down dog etc etc. I am lurking outside to see how sweaty/ red they look coming out. I have never done yoga but I know people do it to keep fit....
I have worked so hard on keeping her to a tight exercise plan and now he has introduced this. And today is her rest day. It has taken me months of abuse to get her to accept a rest day. He is a total idiot and I am beyond cross. I could literally cry.

lotts I'm so pleased piggy will be ok.pets offer so much love and comfort it's an awful worry when they're ill.
Dh seems to have been hoodwinked at worse,not on the same page at best.i think Firm Words are in order
Girlie eek.boys

Well lil zoo rounded off with a cold steak slice

@Girliefriendlikespuppies a boy.... Goodness, no experience.... Let me know how it goes!

@Lottsbiffandsmudge what is your DH up to? Does he not know, or not understand, the issues? Or is he trying to keep your DD happy? I'd cry too.

We had i2i this afternoon. I had to wake DD1 up for them and she looked like a zombie. But they were nice. One of them is coming out next week to discuss 'zones' of emotion for DD1, to give her a way of telling us how she's feeling and what helps her at those times.

This afternoon, I drove DD1 to get blood tests and found out that the phlebotomy department has switched to appointment only. Even though they weren't busy, they wouldn't see her and then the appointment line said they could see her tomorrow at 8am. Helpful, when we're already there, but hey ho.

While I was at the hospital, in the cold, outside phlebotomy, the school phoned. Suddenly, after my email about her EHCP review and shoddy draft EHCP, they've decided that they need to get everything exactly right, so want a whole team, including health and the local authority, to be involved. Fab. And by the way, do I have anything in writing to say she's unfit for school? Hahahaha...righto. I told them I'd email CAMHS and ask for an explicit statement to that effect.

She's eaten 3000 calories today. Crazy change. But her bowels are excruciatingly pungent. She let one go when the i2i ladies came and I didn't know where to look.

@Stilllivinginazoo great that she's running off with food 😁

Oh lots that is so frustrating, I'd cry to. I think for a lot of people they can not get their heads round exercise being a bad thing.

That's annoying about the bloods Lougle, am I right in thinking you're a nurse? Shame you couldn't do the bloods yourself 😉

So dd has been on the phone all evening to this boy who is the year above so 16yo and apparently has a girlfriend but they don't get on 🙄 ugh if it's not one thing to worry about it's another 😫 I'm hoping lockdown will work in my favour as she def will not be meeting up with him outside of school!!

I am a nurse, by profession. I'll lose my registration in September though .

@Girliefriendlikespuppies that sounds messy.

lougle - are you losing your registration because you've not been active in nursing? Do you have a period in which it can reactivated easily? The team you had out today sound like the intensive home treatment team we've had - helping DD regulate emotions etc. I wasn't sure about them at first but they've been helpful. Sending air freshener for bowels but yay to those calories.

lotts - yikes to your DH 😳 - hope you get back on the same page soon.

girlie - oh boy! 😉

All okay here, meltdown this morning because she body checked in her mirror. Eventually, she came back round and admitted the ED had snuck in with a plan to resist which she 'fessed up about and we've put in place a counter plan of repeating challenges on the food front. Think we'll be doing something to cover up her mirrors in her bedroom - like that "do it for her" episode of The Simpsons..

Is that revalidation time Lougle? I suppose the good thing about nursing is they'll always have you back if you want to go back to it at some point.

Myrtle that's great your dd had the self awareness to realise what was going on. I've been wondering about mirrors as well as caught dd body checking the other day 😕

Dd was at least very open about this boy and talked to me, she was also surprisingly realistic about what his intentions might be. Hopefully she'll just be flattered he was interested but leave it there.... you def have to perfect the poker face when parenting teens 😶

@myrtleWilson and @Girliefriendlikespuppies yes, revalidation. I have enough hours banked but I'm not practicing so don't have anyone to do the professional conversation with. Realistically, when am I going to be able to work anyway?

It's great that your DD is self-aware Myrtle. Girlie poker face indeed!

I took DD1 for her blood test this morning at 8am. Breakfast is in.

Ooh Boys. Nope, very glad there’s none of that here!

Tackling a fear food this weekend - white bread. After last weeks meltdown she’s willing to give it a go. So lunch will be a cuppy egg sandwich on white, and tomorrow’s breakfast white toast. If it goes ok it will be white bread sandwiches all week, if not I have an emergency brown in the freezer.

So DD is home now. No more double life and the M3 thank goodness! I'd worried about her coping with saying goodbye to a couple of girls she'd become quite dependent on there, but she took it all in her stride pretty well. ( It was me who struggled to keep it together.!) They'd all made cards and written letters for each other with little messages of support inside - (" you so deserve your recovery....keep fighting"...etc) Was quite blown away by seeing how these girls still have the capacity to care about each othe despite their own huge challenges. Felt like a big, collective fingers up to all of their ED's.
@lotts have lost count of kill DH moments since this whole thing began. Good intentions no doubt...Hope you smooth it over.
@Lougle....3k cals is incredible. Those brownies doing the job?! I2I meet sounds promising...like the sound of emotion zones, think that wld be helpful for DD too. Wld love to hear more when it gets going...
@ Girlie...hopefully a while til boy stuff gets going here. Both DDs still find them "yucky". Good luck!!
@myrtle your DD sounds v wise and open about her E.D. and it's standing her in good stead.

Glad she's home @Roolet12. You must be close to me if you use the M3

Yes, brownies, but also just a huge appetite increase. Yesterday she had
B: Coco-Pops with milk and double cream
S1: a chocolate brownie and a packet of Quavers
Lunch: Cheese and mayo sandwich and a chocolate brownie
S2: Chocolate brownie
Dinner: a Domino's personal size Margherita pizza, melt-in-the-middle chocolate pudding and double cream.

This time last week, she would only eat less than one slice of pizza for dinner.

Bloody hell, that’s some good going @Lougle

Glad she’s home @Roolet12 must be such a sense of relief (and secret terror)

@Lougle..we're Basingstoke but DD was at Leigh House ( Winch). Whereabouts are you?
So you reckon its the olanz that's kickstarted her appetite? Bet you wish it'd been prescribed earlier!
Thnks @exLtEveDallas, am def stressed about keeping her on the straight & narrow- already been tested today with vitamin refusal ( hates the Forceval) and v unpleasant on walk - but at least we have a fighting chance now her wfh is above 90%.

And good luck with the whites today @exLtEveDallas!!

@Roolet12 I've heard good things about Leigh House. I used to work at RHCH. We're in BW, about 10 miles out from Winch.

Yes, I can only think it is the olanzapine. She had her first dose on Tuesday night, then Weds morning she had Coco-Pops for breakfast and 1600 calories total. Thursday 2800 calories, 2950 yesterday and so far today 1500, with 2 snacks and dinner to go. Today is the first day without the morning dose, but she's still eating.

The psychiatrist seemed a bit baffled as it's such a tiny dose.

I did my nurse training in Winchester and lived in Southampton for about 5 years or so, I really liked it, moved back home when I had dd (more south west.)

Good luck Roo!! I really hope everything goes well.

Lougle it is amazing the difference a drug can make, must be such a relief to see dd eating!

Ahh small world, @Girliefriendlikespuppies

Yes, we're up to 2000 cals now. Dinner and evening snack to go. But the olanzapine has worn off re. mood so we've got grumpy girl back. She threatened not to have a snack because I wouldn't bring it to her bedroom and insisted that she came downstairs for it. But she came.

Small world indeed! I grew up in the Winch area.
@Lougle yes Leigh House has a pretty good reputation, which on the whole I think it lived up to for us. Communication not always the best but the care itself was good. Quite ironic that I actually lived there for a few months when I was 4 years old ( used to be in Chandler's Ford in it's prev incarnation); my dad was the psych in the unit and because our old cottage had flooded one v cold winter, he somehow negotiated emergency board and lodging for us there! All v bizarre. Can't quite imagine that'd be allowed now...
The olanz is b good. Our DD is only on 1.25mg morns but even that dose seems to help with appetite....I'm wary about stopping too soon esp at this juncture.

Mini meet up in plan!!

And.... we've hit one of those snakes... Turns out DD has been exercising (up to 2hrs a day) in secret throughout the last 9 months...

It is compulsive and I think relates to a misplaced sense of control (massive eyeroll) rather than actually burning calories mainly because she's not got the energy to do anything significant. But the energy/calorie burn doesn't really matter - it is the fact that the anorexia continues to exert this control over her.

Am now googling how to stop compulsive exercising and think I recognise some of the approaches as similar to managing the food side and the self harm side... but any other helpful suggestions very much welcome....

@myrtleWilson so sorry to hear that. This is our issue. Dd only eats because the compulsive exercise 'allows'her to. And as she puts on weight and gets stronger she couldn't possibly eat enough to keep up with the cal requirement of the exercise.
So how we dealt with it was the same as with food. We took control. Agreed a plan (whichbin hindsight i wish had been no exercise but it wasnt) and then I had to watch her all day every day. She still slipped in 180 tricepmdips a say when I was on the loo, cooking, she was in lessons etc. Slowly tho as I kept on and on and pulled her up every time she stopped. Now i am doing the same with the constant standing. That's my only advice really. Non tolerance of it and constant monitoring and calling it out.

@myrtleWilson mini meetup yay!

How annoying about the exercise. Would a stepped plan with calorie increase tariff work? E.g. x burns y calories, so if you want to do that, you need to eat that as extra before the exercise.

Well, DD1 started getting grumpy this afternoon. This evening she's really struggled with dinner again. She was shaking as she was eating and eventually started crying, saying her tummy hurt, she was going to be sick, and she was scared to eat. She was talking about wanting to die again.

So clearly the olanzapine was responsible for the massive ability to eat. She hasn't slept in the day time today, but the price is eating without anxiety.

I phoned my parents and DM said 'oh does she have to have the full amount at night now?' and I've got in a right old tizz, trying to remember what I agreed with the Psychiatrist on the phone. I thought she asked me to cut the dose to 1.25mg evening only. But what if she was asking me to give the full 2.5mg evening, rather than splitting the dose? I don't think she was, but I'm not certain and it's the weekend. Having said that, it's only 3 nights until we see her again, so it's not a disaster if I've got it wrong and it's better to give less than she wanted than to give more.

I've reassured DD1 that she's over her target for the day (she's at 2400) so it's ok that she left some and I'm not going to make her have a top up, but if she wanted evening snack, it would be a good idea to have one of my yummy puddings that I walked down to the shop for because I wasn't fit to drive as I've had a migraine all day bought today.

Thanks @Lottsbiffandsmudge - DD says her exercising has been on her bed at night and in the morning. She's on the third floor so we haven't heard anything in the evenings at all.

I do think her telling us has reduced by a teeny molecule, the compulsion element and she's agreed to have her bedroom door open, she proposed for us to have a camera/live stream, asked for someone to stay with her until she falls asleep, in the morning, she'll come down to my bed as DH goes to make her breakfast...

Time will tell I guess....