Teen Eating Issues/Disorders Support Thread 2

[myrtleWilson]

Our first thread is almost full. Here is our second - a place to seek and share advice, to lament and scream with rage and sadness, to celebrate each other's successes as we navigate the choppy waters of supporting our children with eating disorders.

All are very welcome, whether you're at the start of this journey or a more seasoned traveller.

I'll link this thread to the first one and then I thought it may be helpful if on joining this one we did a quick precis of our current situation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4016379-teen-eating-issues-support-thread?msgid=104736115

She's bit grey again todayroolet says bit dizzy.no where near as bad looking as yesterday.refused a cereal bar.has had a soy milkshake cartonuncertain about going into school today.will have to see how she is later.quick pulse check was 62bpm- average for her so that's good
Should get doc app for height/weight /no sorted later today

I guess that might be one way to approach it lots either she sticks to the agreed exercise or risks loosing all exercise altogether? The threat of it might be enough to make her reign it in a bit maybe?

So dd talked to me a bit last night, I was so aware I didn't want to bugger up the conversation so there was lots of 'mmmm' and 'okay and how do you feel about that?' type comments from me. It transpires one of her friends confided some quite difficult issues to her and she's been anxious about what to do. It sounds like this friend also has an ED (taller than my 5'7 dd and 7 stone 😳) but isn't getting any help.

Anyway dd convinced this friend to speak to the year head and I'm actually pretty impressed at how dd has handled it. She was honest and self aware enough to say she doesn't feel recovered enough to support her friend but can recognise now for unwell she was at the start of the ED.

It felt like a bit of a breakthrough and if nothing else was nice she felt able to talk to me. I'm hoping her friend being ill won't trigger her or make her make unfavourable comparisons but will keep an eye out.

@Stilllivinginazoo glad she's less grey today! I'd still watch her ob's though and roll on nxt wk for your app't.
@Lottsbiffandsmudge the exercise thing is bloody tough. I sympathise. Have learned from past exp that wherever poss DD has to complete her side of the bargain before she has access to whatever it is she's asking to do. E.D is too good at reneging. On the standing up issue - we have that a lot -a psych at the unit told us that just picking DD up on it every time she's doing it serves to challenge the ED, even if it doesn't actually get her to sit.
@girliefriend DD communicating all that to you has to be really positive. Can imagine how good it felt her being able to talk to you like that ..this illness is pretty adept at estranging our kids from us so 1-0 to you!

@Lougle how things today? Feeling ok post jab??

DD ate breakfast despite her (still untold) worry, thank goodness. Collecting her before lunch and taking her back to the unit for last full afternoon there. Won't miss the 2.5 hour round trips each day but feeling pretty nervous about how DD will react tomorrow to leaving a couple of the girls she's developed quite deep friendships with in the unit. It's the first time she's met others with an ED and although that can present issues, it's enabled her to express herself much more openly with them - something she finds practically impossible - without the fear of being judged negatively.

Well I've just had set to with surgery.they wanted her check up WEDNESDAY.
I pointed out has assessment Thursday and it's ment as an interim to check her body is ok,and was expected to be a day or two away at most.soonest they'd agree on was Monday afternoon.im livid(not helped by total lack any knowledge of parent carers and their place within GP system but that's another rant entirely)
I've email school and until assessment results are in lil zoo is required to attend unless physically not upright.i get their position,our school links super supportive and very honest with us.shes very pleased her assessments jumped forward so quickly
I now need tell lil zoo she has to go in today

@Roolet12 I hope today goes well. It must be quite daunting to be leaving the unit.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies tricky conversation. I'm glad your DD was able to see that she's needed to talk to the year head. It's too much of a burden to carry alone.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge you have such a hard time juggling a healthy activity and the ED turning it unhealthy. I think you're doing a great job.

@Stilllivinginazoo I'm so glad you're getting that assessment sooner. Unbelievable that the GP surgery are being so difficult. But the school, you can deal with. You have parental responsibility. You decide if your child is fit for school. No EWO is going to find against you for trying to keep your DD safe. If she's ill, she's ill, and minizoo is ill. I think you need to tell the school that you have reassessed the situation and minizoo is not well enough to attend.

As for me, I'm feeling very ropey after my vaccination. My head has been banging all night. I took meds at 6am, because my neck was so stiff and my head was so bad (typical migraine). I've just had a couple of hours sleep and don't feel quite so bad.

DD1 did well yesterday in the end. 1600 calories. She had Coco-Pops, 3 chocolate brownies, 3 packets of Pom Bears, curry, rice and naan bread. Her medicine wore off at about 7pm and she was back to angry DD1.

Today she's exhausted again. She had Coco-Pops at 8.15 am and wanted a snack at 9am, so had another chocolate brownie. Then at 10am, she said she was really tired and wanted to sleep. She's still asleep now. I'll ask her psych tomorrow whether she's better to take it all in the evening.

We also had a call from the eye to eye service. They're visiting tomorrow. I don't know much about it, tbh, and can't find anything online.

@still dont blame you for having a set to. Agree wiyh Lougle on school front - their role can't be to judge how unwell DD is so in the absence of any updated ob's you have to make that call. I'm sure school will support you on that. @myrtleWilson
@lougle sorry jab reaction not nice. Not had it yet... Good news on DDs better intake yesterday. Sounds like the olanz is helping with appetite & mood in the morn? Id like our DD to continue on her tiny dose in tge morn for a bit longer to help with school morn anxiety. Psych yesterday - the one who blurted out her 9kg weight increase- had thought she was off it already & started to suggest we discontinue it nxt week. Err no thanks. Not the first week out of the unit. Luckily the other CAMHS psych who was on the call suggested we give it a few wks.

@Lougle also meant to say weve had I2I support before. Its been a mixed bsg. First time around it was utterly useless because tge person assigned to DD was v new ( ex receptionist at CAMHS, tgen became support worker) and barely spoke to DD. I'd end up doing all the talking for fear of her saying something that might trigger DD even more. However the 2nd time around we had a loveky ex- ED IP unit nurse assigned to us. She would've been great had DD got to know her more.( was admitted soon after...) If you have somebody who connects with DD it cld be helpful.

She's not as grey so I sent her today.if,however she's even remotely ropier on return she won't be going in tomorrow

So far today...a soy milkshake carton....

DD has eaten really well today after a wobble over white bread this morning. She’s starting to question when she will be allowed to stop putting weight on now though, which is a new and constant worry. She also keeps saying she can “feel her skin stretching”

I feel like I’m waiting for a ‘second peak’ after being let out of quarantine!

Dd is still in a weird mood, very grumpy and we've just had a row about the ridiculous 5 extra steps she takes when walking to the front door. If any of my neighbours are watching her they would def be thinking wtf as she walks straight past our house and then double backs on herself. Totally pointless 😕

We also fell out over the dog, we're having a few issues with training him to ignore other dogs and not chase them. Dd is getting increasingly angry with him and me as according to her getting him neutered would sort this out (everything I've read about it says not to neuter as can make any reactivity a lot worse.) She won't be told though.

Well in total irony, DD1 was angry with me for trying to help her to make a sensible food choice today. For afternoon snack, she had a chocolate brownie, a packet of Pom Bears, then she wanted to add a packet of Quavers. I suggested a banana and got an angry 'you're just trying to make me healthy!!!' Then, when I was insistent that a banana would be better than Quavers, she snarled 'Well it had better fill me up!'.

Tonight she had a ¼ pounder burger in a bun, with a cheese slice, lettuce and chips on the side, followed by a chocolate brownie. Then she had another chocolate brownie before bed. So that totals 2708 calories today, which is 3x the number of calories she had this time last week.

Wow @lougle that is an amazing increase. We didn’t notice such a dramatic one on olanzapine except that immediately on the day after her first dose DD just came down and ate breakfast for the first time in weeks without fighting about it.. how is her drowsiness?
How did little Zoo get on @Stilllivinginazoo is she feeling any better?
I hear you re the pointless extra steps @Girliefriendlikespuppies maddening isn’t it....
@exLtEveDallas my Dd keeps asking when it will ‘all be over’ i finally snapped and told her eating will never ‘be over’ and weight gain will not ‘be over’ for her for a few years as she has to you know grow about a foot....she hasn’t asked since..
I donned my big girl pants and had the conversation about all the extra bits and pieces of activity. It went ok. I got a lot of ‘I only did that one time’ and ‘I like standing’ but I just explained that they are abnormal behaviours, school had noticed, we had noticed them and that they needed to go so could she please try.
Checked in her about 10 mins later and she was actually sitting down watching you tube. I have not seen her sitting on her phone for months she always stands for hours at a time. Sure it will slide but I have told her I am just going to keep pointing it out. I will bring in consequences if that doesn’t work. She hates being ‘special’ so hoping mentioning school had noticed will stop it....time will tell...

Amazing Lougle what a difference!!

Lots I love that reply 'eating will never be over' so true!! Hopefully your dd will take it on board, my dd just throws a hissy fit if I point any of the unnecessary steps out.

lougle that is amazing! Am so pleased - bank those wins!

girlie - just to echo everyone else, you and Dd must have a really solid relationship that she was able to share that with you...

eve - I remember Dd saying her skin was stretching - I think it was when she hurt the most in bed, turning over was like ripping the skin around her hip bones . We tried to encourage keeping the bone protusion points well moisturised and tried to support her with lots of cushions/folded blankets/pillows etc - especially at night.

lotts it is a relentless game of prison wardens sometimes isn't it...but glad on a check in all was good!

still - I know it is a tricky dilemma re school - we were lucky in so far as ours have absolutely let us/DD lead the way. I'd use your own judgement not school advice..

How are you doing/feeling roo after leaving the IP unit?

We're okay - eating is continuing to go well - tonight we broached a carb fear (sweet potatoes) and a milk fear (made herself a cup of tea with cows milk not almond milk) also asked for a chocolate hob nob earlier. She is getting some hunger cues back but is very anxious about responding to them. Am keeping an eye on exercise - it has increased (walking per day) but at the same time am conscious that we said eating a wider range, restoring cognitive function etc would enable her life to open up - and to be fair she's sticking to her side of that so not coming down hard on walks yet - but watching brief. Still some self harming but reduced from multiple times per day to usually just once and yesterday none at all! Transition from CAMHS is beginning but in much more positive circumstances than I could have hoped for a few weeks ago. Plus 12 days till I'm the parent of an actual adult

Good luck today @Roolet12

We had a meltdown last night about her having ‘no clothes to wear’ to school tomorrow for non-uniform day. Upset that she doesn’t have ‘a style’ and that none of her clothes fit. Of course it was nothing to do with the clothes, it was because she has put on weight since the last time we went shopping and her size 4 jeans don’t fit any more - never mind the 4 or 4 pairs of size 6’s that have barely been worn since last summer. It took a long time to bring her back down (and work out an outfit).

Of course I’ve worked myself into a tizz after calming her and splurged £50 on shit from NewLook when I couldn’t sleep. AND I bet she doesn’t like any of it when it comes!

Ups and downs all round, but it sounds like we're all getting small wins?

DD1 is absolutely exhausted. I had to dress her yesterday and she slept from 9.15am-12.30pm, Then 1pm-3.30pm. I think the psychiatrist will phone me today, so I'll ask about whether to shift the whole dose to evening. The only thing is that I don't want to stop the hunger in the day time.

We had the same meltdown here last night eve 😕 dd pulled out all her clothes and then said nothing fits/looks right/has style.

She normally lives in leggings and a hoody and any attempt to buy her new clothes ends in stress. It's not been helped by lockdown as dd really needs to try clothes on and see the clothes, online shopping doesn't really work for her.

Same here with the clothes rages.last summer she had a kind of style-sloppy knit cardis over slight short tees and mum jeans/shorts.now everything black/dark and huge rest lays unworn in drawers
Her sister is a size 12/14 and has a basic red sweatshirt which is semi acceptable as huge.the colour makes her feel stands out way to much,but at same time wants to blend in with others
She's not woken yetso I may check in and if she's under par accept today's not the day to fight about clothes and focus on try get her to eat bit more as did terribly yesterday-nothjng til after-school(430)then a mini pepperami and a mini bag haribo.dinner was individual pot hummus,lots celery,carrots and cucumber.2pitta.strawberries and a biscuit

Hello all and sorry for any downs and happy for any ups. God non-uniform day, what a nightmare. So glad that mine go to schools with uniforms (was dithering between two schools, one didn't). I still blame a bloody Brandy 'one size fits all' Melville skirt for in part triggering this whole thing.

Thank you for food suggestions. DD does have a dessert after her evening meal, I forgot to put that down. Essentially three two-course meals and three 200-calorie snacks is the plan.

I'm reading Janet Treasure Skills Based Caring which I'm getting on much better with than the Eva Musby book. I prefer the more clinical style. I realise that we've been engaging in far too much talk about food/bodies/health etc and we need to shut down those conversations.

I also listened to Caitlin Moran discussing her daughter's issues on the Adam Buxton podcast - I recommend it, it's 32 minutes into the episode. Talking about CBT clicked with me. This morning DD was talking about how awful she felt about having had a big dessert and a snack and just asking, what's the worst than can happen, was much more effective than blasting her with our logic.

Well I've just woken lil zoo.was awake most night gut pain.she has IBS and not eating then having it all in one hit is not pleasant on her digestion.shes bit grey.has headache too,so I've told school won't be coming today
It may be semi stress related regarding comic relief day,but I prefer pick her being here resting and eating something that fussing over going in,not eating til back(is earlier today,would be return at 130)
I'm not up for battles today,so I'm choosing to concentrate trying get her body the care it needs and school can slate me if necessary
On news wasn't going anywhere agreed to eat an alpro Greek style fruit bottom yogurt.takes ages as tiniest bit on spoon/tears off little bits as eats(DEP on what it is).she has eaten it tho,and retreated back to bed as cold

Will try a tuna salad wrap at lunch,then the hummus tonight.aware probably still not enough but advice pre assessment is whatever she is willing to eat.i know if I give her stuff without option it won't get eaten which scares me without any professional back up...

Well done @Stilllivinginazoo. Even if it's slow, it's still going in.

DD1's Psychiatrist has phoned. She's staggered by the change in DD1's appetite and said that it's something she's never experienced in her career. There is sometimes an increase in appetite, but not to this extent.

She's wondering, as DD1 isn't your typical Anorexia patient, if DD1's refusal to eat/reduced eating is more of a starvation reaction, rather than a 'decision'. She also said that gaining weight very fast is almost as dangerous as dropping weight fast, so she wants refeeding bloods this afternoon. As she's sleeping all day, she's said to reduce the olanzapine to night time only. Then she'll see her again on Tuesday.

lougle refeeding is bad?(confused)
Lil zoo has shocked me amount consumed so far today
Had usual milkshake hour after the yogurt
Hummus AND ham in 2 mini wraps with lettuce.crisps
Just had some haribo...

I needed pop shop and she agreed slow walk.chose a different variety of hummus to try(chickpea and pesto ),more of the yogurt she ate today,some Sunbite crisps/snacks,some haribo and a steak slice
I am hopeful all will get eaten.in back my mind I'm conscious we have a weigh in Monday and physical assessment on Thursday with ED clinic but am just trying focus one day at a time
She's had no work online this afternoon and dd2 has no 6th form stuff so lil zoo been teaching her how to use an editing app she downloaded and she seems really perky and on it.ive not seen her this animated in a while

That's fab @Stilllivinginazoo

I think it's because her intake has been restricted and then she's suddenly eating loads - it can affect blood levels.