Teen Eating Issues/Disorders Support Thread 2

[myrtleWilson]

Our first thread is almost full. Here is our second - a place to seek and share advice, to lament and scream with rage and sadness, to celebrate each other's successes as we navigate the choppy waters of supporting our children with eating disorders.

All are very welcome, whether you're at the start of this journey or a more seasoned traveller.

I'll link this thread to the first one and then I thought it may be helpful if on joining this one we did a quick precis of our current situation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4016379-teen-eating-issues-support-thread?msgid=104736115

it takes her about as long to make a sandwich as it does to eat it - around 30 mins. She apparently eats quicker at school, but in the same order.

Aww lots and Lougle sorry hear about your days, they both sound stressful. Lots no the psychiatrist didn't say it in front of dd thankfully, I'd of been livid if so!!

Welcome ami

Dd seems to have had another good day at school, no idea how she got on with food although she tells me fine other than morning snack which was hard.

Watched a film on Netflix called Moxie which was good, nothing too triggering in it other then a couple of pointless remarks about milk being unhealthy 🙄 was otherwise a good film about every day sexism in high school and girls getting together to challenge it.

eve that sandwich story is brilliant! We went through a phase where only I was able to cut up a piece of fish because DH didn't get it right
Welcome ami coping with disordered eating by yourself with a narc ex ready to sabotage sounds awful - I know you'll get lots of support here.

We had an epic meltdown yesterday - then substantial amount of crying and sadness. Dd said later it wasn't the food (bagel - fear food) but her mood. She knows if she's in a bad mood there's more chance the anorexia will take over so back to back comedy shows here! We discussed a family dinner for Mother's Day and I could choose. I had an idea but said it would push DD - roast chicken dinner. She said no. Then after a few minutes said yes, let's do it. Her reasoning was - she knew it was the ED saying no because Dd from 2 years ago would never say no and she's trying very hard to remember what 2019 Dd would say as 2019 DD has lost out on so much and doesn't deserve to lose out any more which is and at the same time

Oh that is sad @myrtleWilson

Well last night ended badly with a sum total of 915 calories for the day. This morning looked to be more of that, as DD1 was refusing everything I offered. In the end I did scotch pancakes with double cream in them, 16g butter and 16g golden syrup. 634 calories in without a huge fuss, although she's already told me that snack won't happen this morning.

Have you got a recipe for those Lougle? I tend to play it by ear with regards to snacks now as I try and include the snack calories in with the main meals iyswim? I see them more as an added bonus than essential. By my rough estimate dd gets around 550 calories for breakfast (large bowl of porridge with double cream and small glass of smoothie.)

Lunch around 600 calories and dinner plus pudding around 1000 calories.

I know ideally it would be more for proper weight gain but she is gaining albeit slowly.

Myrtle your dds mindset def sounds like it's shifted which is amazing, do you think the meds have helped?

4oz flour, 1 egg, ¼ half and half double cream and whole milk, 1oz caster sugar.

That makes 6 scotch pancakes at 940 calories. So around 157 calories each. Then 160 calories for the butter and golden syrup.

2000 calories is what we've been aiming for, too, @Girliefriendlikespuppies. That's hard enough for now.

Hope today going better for everyone...sounds like it wouldn't be hard.

Welcome @ami...hope you find much needed support here from fellow E.D bashers.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge must be extra tricky with dd being so sporty but hopefully longer term, you can use that to your advantage . If she values it as much/ more highly than the A.N you always have that leverage at least.
Dd also plays footie for a team ( not to any high level at all) so guess well have all those fun negotiations to come once she's able to play again.
@exLtEveDallas those sandwich antics made me giggle. It's both bonkers and scary isn't it. Dd has a fair few rituals with certain foods too but nothing quite that elaborate - yet. Current thing is spending ages carefully lifting her 2 weetabix out of the packet without disturbing any flakes. Which is clearly impossible.
@lougle hope vom's less of an issue now? Guess you need a good run of a few meals which don't result in puking for her to regain confidence, if it is all fear based.
@myrtle DDs positive mindset def sounds like it's up for the fight still. Bound to be kick backs along the way.

Our newsflash - DD back to school tomorrow for first time since Oct.. Jusr 2 periods and home before breaktime for snack. Then Monday we try for snack there, unsupervised with sis & friends....Tues possibly lunch as well. Risk of food not being had of course but she simply refuses any special, go to a room and eat on your own, treatment. That blows her anxiety up to another level.
Plan feels v rushed with her IP team suddenly keen to trial things out before discharge meet on Wed. Nobody had mentioned a thing about it until 3 days.' ago. ! (when I actually called them to kick start discussions). Head nearly exploded yesterday with it all - logistics are a nightmare as school is 30 min drive away, IP unit another 30 mins away in opp direction, so involves shuttling her about which she hates because she feels different to everone else so I'll have the pleasure of her foul mood whilst taxiing her about...

too that sounds horribly stressful

Well lil zoo has had dizzy spells and a headache all morning.limbs hurting too.i suspect not eating/drinking til home from school each day's the problem
School have suggested maintain 2lessons. Day on site next week all bar Friday are 5+6 meaning nothing in til 430 pm,then eats and maybe has a couple crackers later but that's all..Friday it's 3+4 so home for 130.

I've made it clear she's not safe to be there if feels like going to faint on stairs at home.shes in bed now,having agreed to have a cereal bar and milkshake earlier as felt so unwell...
At least for today I can try to get lunch and something in at tea time!
Wish we could speed up initial assessment with eds team as current advice is feed what she will eat and if she stops eating contact us....fine,except 21june feels forever away

The schools issues sound so difficult to navigate. Well done @Roolet12 and @Stilllivinginazoo.

After a promising start, DD1 refused snack (not unexpected -full from breakfast) and refused lunch: 'scared of vomiting'. Not totally convinced on that one.

DH said maybe I need to be a bit more insistent, but she was yelling no and throwing things, so I think I took it as far as I could for now.

It's quite easy for anyone who isn't in the thick of it 24/7 to suggest being harder etc.im tired people telling me she just needs sit and eat x.except we could sit all bloody day and end up her hating me and still not eating it if doesn't want it.her thinking overall is very black and white so applying logic won't touch her at all...

School said how about 1+2.great except Tuesday that's dance and Thursday pe both if which she's been told not to do,and only allowed gentle walking by eds.
I honestly don't know what to do.lil zoo loves all core subjects and pm will allow avoiding French and DT which are least favourite subjects.ive thrown it back to school to make the decisions,with understanding dizzy days she won't be attending

Well she's finally said she'll eat chocolate brownie because she's scared of vomiting. So I said she had to eat 2.

Her blood pressure dropped from 124/65 to 100/59 after 1 minute, then 94/77 after 3 minutes. Her heart rate rose from 77 to 124 to 143. So that's in the MARSIPAN red zone. But she's not feeling too bad in herself, just dizzy when she stands.

They need to allow your DD to dip in as suits, really. She needs the motivation of subjects she likes.

Hello to all with particular thoughts to all of us going through the return to school.

It's proving to be a bit of a backward step for us. She likes it and is pleased to be with her friends and seems happier for it. So that's good. However, it has a negative impact on eating. It brings up all the self-consciousness around food, plus we're not cutting her any slack on the snack front at home because we know she's eating less during the day. Every night we've had tears around the late-night toast and milk thing.

Anyone got any tips on making milk more palatable? Unfortunately the obvious ones like hot chocolate don't work because she says 'why would I add calories and sugar?' Er, because you've got to gain weight?

Smoothie valley? Made with fruit and double cream? I've stopped trying to get dd to drink her milk in the evening but she does have a lot of dairy (double cream mostly!) in everything else. Sorry going back to school has been stressful, I'm not convinced dd is eating much at school either 😕

Lougle my dd was put on promethazine to stop the vomiting in hospital. Was quite effective in that regard.

Food all over the place for us. School can’t monitor lunch or snack so we’re going 3 round trips to school. Couldn’t do snack today so tried to split it between breakfast and lunch without much success. Dd crying and leg shaking so we let her go to school as ste breakfast. Don’t think they thought we should.

Really worried she’ll have lost again next week and they’ll stop school. We’re getting in nowhere near enough. She’s pretty vile a lot of the time but better in herself iykwim st school. She ate breakfast lunch and snack the last couple of days when we had school in the afternoon.

Short term goals really help with dd. Not sure why.

Argh that was me.

Hi, just a quick heads up that I have petitioned mumsnet to delete all my posts from this thread - an update alert for it popped up while dd was using my laptop and I'm worried she might have a snoop later to see if she can find out if I'm posting on it. Obviously by its nature, this thread can be quite identifying! Sorry - I will try and do the name change thing in future.

@Scr1bblyGum that sounds rough. Maybe she will settle over the next few days?

DD1 just ate a nibble of chicken and some mixed veg tonight, plus 2 chips. So she's had 3 scotch pancakes, 2 chocolate brownies and that today. I tried to get her to have a Pudding, and she said 'Why are you trying to make me angry? Do you want to make me feel sick? I already feel sick. It's a no to pudding.'

Over the last 3 days she's averaged 1100 calories

Theysee my dd stalks me on here. It’s why I don’t post that often.

Blimey it’s all so tough for everyone.
Someone mentioned short term goals....apparently AN makes the sufferers thunk only in the short term. That’s why talking about something next week to my Dd to give leverage doesn’t work. The AN just discounts it as not important.
My DD has been feeling a bit off today. She really struggled with lunch and dinner. Felt really bad because I feel a bit off too and wonder if we both have ‘something’ but I still made her eat.... she has done football in Games, a 40 min core workout and is now walking with DH (the walk to replace yest failed PE) so I can’t let her eat. If she is capable of all that I figure she can beeping well eat!
She got absolutely soaked playing football and then had to stand around and so by the time I picked her up she was blue with cold.... not great calorie wise either.
Anyway nearly the weekend.....not that that helps much.
I did see a friend today for a lovely catch up in a torrential downpour - first time in a month or so. So that was nice.
Hoping snack/ dinner etc goes well for all.

Hey everyone, I signed up to this webinar from Orri (private eating disorder practice) but didn't get around to attending. Haven't watched it yet but am sharing in case it is helpful for anyone else - it is about the emotions of ED - a webinar for carers/parents
vimeo.com/517064386

School for some of you seems like a win and a loss - a win in terms of emotional re-connection with friends whilst a loss on eating. I hope the former will continue and eventually the latter may settle.

For those having to name change - I hope you're able to continue to post (I need you!!) but do give us a cryptic clue as to who you are when you re-join.

Valley are you needing the milk for calories or fluids? Would she tolerate warm milk and honey? Milk isn't the most calorific so could you switch to another liquid for fluids (say a bed time herbal tea) and eek the calories out elsewhere?

lougle - you're really going through a tough time. 1100 per day is nothing. We eventually persevered with the 'keep returning to food/fortisip' until it was eaten/drank - it was a dark dark time. But I don't know with your DD's additional needs whether that is appropriate. Is there a crisis number you can call? I think I've said up thread that we were hesitant about calling crisis and then we did and it was fine - no one told us off, everyone was lovely, it meant our needs were logged on the system so it almost always generated a call back from the team the next day. We thought 'it isn't a real crisis, crisis looks like x" but actually that is what they're there for.

We had obs today - 500g loss over two weeks which is pretty much within maintenance levels. Am actually pleased as this was the first weigh in since DD started tackling her fear foods so having concrete proof in front of her that eating pasta and bagel didn't lead to a 10kg gain actually has given her some confidence to stand up to ED when it comes. Another meltdown at lunch though because we prepared a soup because bagel had been eaten for snack. Apparently DD was expecting a sandwich.... anyhoo, the pressure of a second CAMHS appt (meds review) meant we eventually got soup eaten ok. Although there is a rather large bump on her forehead from the head banging

@everyone. Sounds like quite a sh#tty, challenging day for alot of us.
After abnormal but understandable level of disconnect from it all, DD been freaking tonight over first morn back at school tomorrow - huge fear of being asked where she's been all this time - won't/can't listen to suggested answers or role play what to say. Shuts down totally and the anxiety just snowballs...going in will be a miracle if it happens.
@Lougle keep going... each new day can be different..and hopefully better
@valley tried those Crusha syrups in diff flavours- may not be sug free though...otherwise "skinny syrups" an option if simply looking to make it tastier? ( never tried these...just saw online)
@myrtle thnks for the link...may take a look. Hope DDs head not too sore in the morn.

Thanks for the encouragement. I got up at 6 am this morning to make pancake batter, so that DD had breakfast at 7.15 ish. She wasn't impressed, but I figured I have more chance of getting morning snack into her that way.

Thats dedication @Lougle. Hope it did the trick?
An early one for us today..after zero zzz's had to get DD up at 6.30 to tackle breakfast before first morn in school. To her credit she kept a lid on things, ate breakfast ok and headed to bus with her sib's. Felt slightly surreal sfter this long.
Pick up at 10.50am - so purely lessons, no snack eaten there - and she unleashed everything in the car. Refused milk - had bits in it apparently and cup smelled weird - then wouldn't begin drinking until I drove. ED controlling but figured better to meet half way. First speed bump and milk all over skirt, DD freaked out. No wipes. Vile behaviour. Eventually calmed and drank. Not the pick up I'd hoped for but why would the A.N make anything easy? Says she's not going back there nxt wk. Hates it.