Teen Eating Issues/Disorders Support Thread 2

[myrtleWilson]

Our first thread is almost full. Here is our second - a place to seek and share advice, to lament and scream with rage and sadness, to celebrate each other's successes as we navigate the choppy waters of supporting our children with eating disorders.

All are very welcome, whether you're at the start of this journey or a more seasoned traveller.

I'll link this thread to the first one and then I thought it may be helpful if on joining this one we did a quick precis of our current situation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4016379-teen-eating-issues-support-thread?msgid=104736115

Hey @Scrib they shld def be watching the sml amts of weight loss esp if height does still manage to increase as DDs wfh will be dropping over time. But positive psych was supportive - makes such a difference to feel youre being heard and team are getting more on the ball. Olanzapine made my DD v drowsy initually on relatively sml dose but she was only high 20s kg at the time. She's now 35kg nearly still on morning dose ( 1.25mg) and not noticeably so.
@Worriedaboutitall do NOT feel guilty. You need this time to recharge for yourself and DD.
Another crap scene with DD last night over snack - was the yogurt again. Same one shed kept asking for the prev home visit. Its now too "watery" apparently. .

Lougle that was really helpful re the weight loss Marzipan thing.The consultant was really lovely and clearly bending over backwards to help us motivate her. Suspecting she shouldn't really be going but if it stopped another spiral and admission I think it’s worth a punt. They are normally v vigilant re safety and have insisted on no school for less. It’s a balance and he will be checking in 2 weeks. We also see our meal support ladies during the week and I text in intake daily so guessing they’ll jump in quick if she is silly. Really hope she grabs this but hard not to be a tad pessimistic.

What do you all do re meal choices? The ready meal of Piri chicken, fries,rice and peas was clearly a step too far but there is so much she says she won’t/ can’t eat. She also refused the ice cream for pudding and said she’d never be touching it again.

Decided to take her shopping and guide me re snacks/ puddings. No looking at packaging and I will say if ok or not. Everything else will be decided by me. All served up as our choices daily.

Really need the next two weeks to work.😩

It's so hard. I bought a starter box of the elusive Aymes Smoothie supplements that they are meant to be prescribing. 1 sachet is 300 cals, and I added 100ml milk, 50ml double cream and 2 strawberries. DD1 said it was very powdery and hurt her tummy, so she stopped drinking it with ⅓ to go. Still 400 calories in, but should have been 600.

I feel guilty that I can't seem to get her over 2000 calories. I know she needs it for the weight but she's struggling so much to cope with it. She's so poorly but it's been so long that I expect she doesn't know what well feels like.

You’re doing amazingly well Lougle you really are.

Agreed Lougle you're doing so well.

Scribbly did dd agree to following the plan? That's crap the school won't support more 😕

We're plodding on here, just made a very calorie heavy soup for lunch which dd did okay with. Roo my dds fear foods are slightly random, things like crisps, chocolate cereals, sweet drinks but she will eat cheese if it's melted on a pizza and butter if it's melted. God knows why it makes a difference if melted but there you go!!

I'm worried about school resulting in weight loss which has been such a mission to put on, at home lunches have been things like scrambled eggs (loads of butter and double cream) cheese on toast (extra butter under cheese) home made soup with double cream etc it's going to be hard to replicate that in a pack lunch that dd will eat 😕

I'm also thinking ahead to the summer, I really want to book a few days away but not sure how stressful that would be... would make hiding calories almost impossible if sharing a room. I'm sort of hoping though that she might be in a better place by the summer although that might be wishful thinking!!

@Scr1bblyGum really hope things go to plan for you over nxt couple of weeks. Your cons sounds reslly helpful and on the ball. So important..ours was more or less absent throughout the process in run up to DDs admission. Would simply forget stuff prev discussed and ask DD ( then 12) thibgs like what dose of meds she's on! Not looking forward to being back under her once we're out.
@Lougle if you're consistently getting 2000 cal into DD you're doing bloody well. Appreciate you'd like the gain to happen faster but don't underestimate what you're achieving already..
@Girliefriendlikespuppies
You're bound to be nervous about losing calories at school- I am too, if we ever restart properly. Guess it's just going to have to be quite a bit of mayo based fillings , denser yoghurts ( if my DD gets over her new, current fear) and highest cal smoothies/milkshakes. ( also yet to be conquered).

She wasn’t really asked. I’m having cold feet now. School not keen and can’t supervise first couple of weeks. She has just been a bit of a nightmare in the supermarket. Hid her snack up her sleeve. I tried a KitKat to tempt and she marched off from car. I threatened to drive her back home and she grudgingly ate it. Refused to choose yogurts as apparently eating dairy isn’t worth going back to school for. 🤔Then tried to leave half her sandwich at lunch. Ended up eating 3/4 and 2 Alpros. Said she hadn’t agreed to eating whole plan but I can see she is trying. Worried re her not having snack. We could do lunch for a while. She didn’t look great today.😩

Got a meeting with CAMHs bloke I’ve royally pissed off and school Monday. Wondering if her returning will have an impact in GCSE grades. Wanted her back to motivate and also help get some much needed data on her but wondering if it’s the right choice.

What a bloody nightmare. I’m so fed up with all this.

Could she do very part time hours to start with Scribbly? Maybe just a couple of hours in the morning? What's her weight for height now?

I'm really worried about school as well, dd is starting to look and feel better so the thought of going backwards again feels me with dread 😫

I need to get on and cook dinner and seriously can't be arsed!! I feel like I spend 95% of my time cooking or clearing up the kitchen.

Aw @Scr1bblyGum it sounds so tough...it is so hard to know what to do for the best. \my DDs school also can’t help with snack for the first 2 weeks. I genuinely think they are really under the kosh with the testing- it’s a huge feat to do it 3 times in 2 weeks. dD’s school has just taken 3 whole days with no actual school to test everyone once. So I have some sympathy but I get how frustrating it is too.
We have reluctantly agreed to allow DD to try independence with morning snack for those 2 weeks until the nurses station/ well-being room is back open. But then she is eating her plan and nearly at 90% wfh. If she can’t manage it she will have to go to the nurses station from then on.
I can luckily bring her home for lunch. There is no way she would be up to choosing school lunch and like you all I would never replicate her current lunches in a packed lunch.
It is so hard for you all when they have to do snack and lunch at school. And DD is only year 9 so less at stake.
Gosh tough for so many of you.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies yup I too am so sick of my kitchen, the super market, meal plans, cooking, watching eating, baking etc. I hate cooking and derive no pleasure from it in normal times it’s even worse now.
Although DD said today that the fish cakes were delicious and the roast chicken smells great. She hasn’t made a positive comment about any food for months and months....

@Girliefriendlikespuppies
& Lotts I'll third that. Sick to death of kitchen interior and endless meals. Doesn't help that siblings often won't eat at same time as DD so ends up being about 10 diff meal times a day. Only have DD at home Thurs - Mon at mo so gonna be a shock when she's back FT.
This school stuff is certainly not easy...
@Scrib can totally understand your cold feet.but soubds like there's a pretty firm agreement in place and message to DD if she doesn't comply. Fingers crossed she manages it & who knows, may be the start of an upward spiral if it agrees with her?
@Girlie I'm pretty terrified about that too. Are you close enough to assist over lunch? Were not unfortunately so it has to work being there or we're limited to half days for some time yet. Apart from discharge in 2 wks we have no concrete return to school plan to date, disappointing as were assured originally that IP would help to slowly reintegrate her back - eg take her in for one lesson then build up - but covid scuppered that. Though its quite possible sged have hated that - she's chronically fesrgul of being diff to her friends, none of whom she belyeves know about her A N.

Do most peoples DD's have school friends who know about their sit? Wishing DD would feel it's ok to be more open about it but terrified about gossip.

It must be hard to try and sort school issues. I don't know what I can do with DD1. She can't go back to school, but right now she spends all her time in YouTube. I've been trying to think of crafts she can do, but most either require too much manual dexterity or too much concentration. She's just so low in mood.

Today she was trying to crush her fingers in her fist. I asked what she was doing and she said 'I'm trying to hurt myself. It makes me feel more powerful. So my bullies can't win.' School maintain that she's not being bullied. She's adamant that she is.

@Roolet12 my DD told her 3 best friends and I had already told their mums. I decided they needed to know and actually the mums have been very supportive and given me heads up on stuff they thought I ought to know from messages etc. And a load of stuff in hindsight that then made sense to them that I wish I had known at the time....
DD doesn’t want to stand out when she goes back.... so she does not want supervised snack (which school can’t do anyway) but she was happy to miss Games (and therefor stand out!) to stay at home and do her own much more intense exercise....that is the illogical nature of her illness.
She wants to ‘get back to normal’ but only on the bits she wants to! Anyway I have told her she has to do Games and she has finally taken that.
Tbh I tell a lot of people. My close friends and all our family know. If she had a life threatening physical illness they would all know so I decided I needed their support in the same way for this. I know this is a bit controversial but DD has kind of accepted it.
When she had counselling for OCD aged 9 she ended up doing a whole presentation to her year 6 class about it! Not sure that will happen with the ED but the stigma around mental illness needs to be broken down.
When I told school the name of our ED team key worker the head of year said ‘ oh yes we know her well!’ There are prob lots at school in this boat or recovering or hiding it and so I guess being open may help someone else....
Not sure DD totally sees it like that yet...

@Lottsbiffandsmudge thnks for sharing that. Support network amongst friends and family is so important though i still feel most of my friends just cant come close to really understanding it. Why should they though? You can't fully grasp the nightmare complexities of it unless you live with it.
Your DD sounds like quite a character! How brave & brilliant that she did that talk. You must have been really proud of her.
Parents of DDs closer friends know and their daughters know a certsin amount - but left it to their mums to explain in a way they were comfortable with. But i haven't been able to tell DD candidly that they do all basically know even though I really believe the loss of secrecy would be a relief for her. Makes things even more complicated otherwise.
DD now stsrting to say she'd like to chsnge schools compleyely and "start afresh". ie not have to face awkward questions from people and erase her yr7/8 history of absence. So damned hard for them.

roolet can I ask how many DC you have,and how feeding at different times works please?I've two others still at home and the eldest has always focussed on eating...she is overweight and will find idea be wanting lil zoo eating often)cake etc difficult as she would happily eatvit all!

Lil zoo struggles with friendships,finding hard to speak in groups her closest friend has left a week ago for a year in Pakistan

DDs school can’t supervise her either, it’s def the Covid testing that scuppers things for them. They have said DD will be allowed to go to the pastoral room during PE so nobody questions her, which was a weight off her mind. KW appts are going to be harder. DD needs a quiet room on her own where she can take a video call and so far all they’ve been able to offer is for her to stay in the classroom after her last lesson and take it there. As it stands I may suggest that I collect her and we do the call from the car.

I’m also trying to move weigh-ins from CAMHS and move it to our GP so we could do before or after school (our GP is open from 8-6) which would solve so much.

Lougle re crafts we got given some Usbourne magic painting books in hospital. Dd sat for hours doing them and it’s just water. Very satisfying.

She got given this one

www.amazon.co.uk/Magical-Creatures-Magic-Painting-Book/dp/1474957811/ref=mp_s_a_1_15?dchild=1&keywords=usborne+magic+paint+book&sprefix=usbourne+magic&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1615099471&sr=8-15

This looks good

www.amazon.co.uk/Unworry-Magic-Painting-Eddie-Reynolds/dp/1474973337/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?dchild=1&keywords=usborne+magic+paint+book&sprefix=usbourne+magic&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1615099584&sr=8-13

We have this

www.amazon.co.uk/Magic-Painting-Book-Fiona-Watt/dp/1409581888/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?dchild=1&keywords=usborne+magic+paint+book&sprefix=usbourne+magic&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1615099661&sr=8-12

But these look good- woodland, sea.... there are loads,whatever her interests are....

www.amazon.co.uk/Woodland-Magic-Painting-Federica-Iossa/dp/1474970818/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?dchild=1&keywords=usborne+magic+paint+book&sprefix=usbourne+magic&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1615099661&sr=8-5

www.amazon.co.uk/Under-Magic-Painting-Fiona-Watt/dp/147492168X/ref=mp_s_a_1_18?dchild=1&keywords=usborne+magic+paint+book&sprefix=usbourne+magic&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1615099790&sr=8-18

Dd loves henna and painting by numbers too but the magic painting involves less dexterity.

Morning
Would anyone be able to tell me how to work out WFH please? DD has been discharged from our virtual sessions with the Maudsley now but i want to keep an eye on her weight so that we don’t ever slip back. Don’t think I’ll ever stop being terrified when it comes to her and food! So proud of how hard she’s battled to get herself out of the grip of anorexia. So proud of all the children fighting similar battles. It is the most evil disease.

Thanks for all the magic painting suggestions. Great idea!

@Stilllivinginazoo I have 2 other DDs and they are embracing the 6 meals per day fully! But it does fade a bit. When I started buying lots of yoghurt, they were asking for yoghurt all the time. Then it faded and they don't bother with it. I figure life is hard enough without fussing over it, but I do say 'if you want another snack it needs to be fruit because you've already had 2 brownies', etc.

@Stylinson well done for getting your DD to the point of discharge! WFH is worked out using the median BMI for a child of their sex and height. You then divide their actual BMI by the median BMI. Or you can do it with median weight and actual weight. There is an 'instant weight for height' Android app available at APK pure. I'm very happy to use my app to calculate it if you PM me her current height, weight and Date of Birth.

I just sat and worked out last few days calories(eye opening and incredibly time consuming,but I guess this is our lives for now at least)
She averages around 1000 Cal's a day
She barely moves from her bed(school work,editing online) except family walk which around an hour or so on e a week.we used do a couple hours at least,but she gets dizzy and struggles to keep up these days..

@Stilllivinginazoo I use My Fitness Pal and it gets easier over time because things you've used before are stored.

Oat milk is the most calorific non-dairy milk, IIRC.

On that level of calories still your DD should really be on complete bed rest. My Dd is now on 1800 calories per day and she's allowed to do a 45 minute walk a few times a week but to do that we have to pre-emptively put an additional 200 calories into her meal plan.

Sorry to hear worries of so many of you regarding school returns. Whilst the decision to pull DD from her year entirely (exam year so made sense) it has had the benefit of removing school anxiety from all our minds.