Teen Eating Issues/Disorders Support Thread 2

[myrtleWilson]

Our first thread is almost full. Here is our second - a place to seek and share advice, to lament and scream with rage and sadness, to celebrate each other's successes as we navigate the choppy waters of supporting our children with eating disorders.

All are very welcome, whether you're at the start of this journey or a more seasoned traveller.

I'll link this thread to the first one and then I thought it may be helpful if on joining this one we did a quick precis of our current situation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4016379-teen-eating-issues-support-thread?msgid=104736115

I just came across this website Anorexia Family I found the video on WFH and BMI really helpful. She has other videos on her channel that also look really helpful

Stillloving is your dd going back to school and do you work? It might be you have to keep her off school for a while to establish refeeding.

There's a link between ASD and eating disorders, my dd also has both.

It sounds like to me that your dds anxiety started off as a toilet phobia but that has unfortunately developed into food restriction/anorexia. I agree with the above posts, you need to concentrate on increasing how much food and drink is going in, I would 'clear the decks' in terms of anything else happening in your life right now as it will be all consuming for at least a few weeks.

Good luck, it's hideous but ultimately will save your dds life.

Hi @Stilllivinginazoo when we were faced with this our first step was to devise a meal plan with DD of 3 meals and 3 snacks a day.
To start off with I tried to make it things she would eat as much as ‘possible . So if she is happy with sandwiches use them as lunch every day if needs be but make sure you butter them well and add as much as you can to them.
I agreed snacks with DD to start with (nuts, fruit and milk for one, cake and fruit for another and a small smoothie for a third). Obs with a milk allergy you will need to substitute things. Some kids like breakfast bars, or flap jack type bars as they appear healthy. Explore what works for your DD.
Then work out the cals in each meal (secretly) and work on ways to up them by increasing portions, adding high cal food etc.
That was the last time DD was involved in food decisions. I then took total control and now her only input is agreeing one ‘challenge meal’ a week with me to put in the plan otherwise I make it. But some things like all her snacks and breakfast have remained the same ( in higher cal amounts as I sneak up portions, add cream to smoothies etc)...
She is banned from food prep so I can add stuff to up the cals.
All this was fiercely resisted by DD and I am not going to lie it was hell. But I just persisted and tried to remain calm but you will prob get serious kick back in terms of violence, despair etc.
I think with younger teens this method is a bit ‘easier’ as they have yet to develop full independence and basically saying ‘ I am in charge’ can go a bit better. Hope that helps

Thanks for the advice and warm welcome everyone
She doesn't look thin,and barely moves from her bed so I guess that's "helping" a bit
I will try and weigh her later,and PM info(in phone and can't scroll back to see who kindly offered help with that)
I've just had email school expecting return on Tuesday with restricted hours.shes timetabled to test 12.40,but as gags on own snot she's refusing to(having had to do one Xmas and was highly unpleasant cannot cope constant testing)school are happy for her to return without testing.sadly this means she will refuse food and fluid til 4pm(and they know this from previous experience)
I'd hoped to keep her home til after Easter hols,then it's a block of eating 2x a day at least then it would be just the block of time from after Easter til June....

Meant also to say that the structured plan and set eating times ( appointments allowing) really helped my DD with some of her anxiety.

@Stilllivinginazoo as she is year 8 and not in the sharp end of GCSEs i would be tempted to keep her off and start with the feeding plan. June is a long way away and she could lose a lot of weight by then. Could she see a GP and get signed off? Not eating or drinking for that many hours is so dangerous for them.

I completely agree with lots you don't want to end up hitting a crisis stillliving, I'd keep her off school and focus on getting the food in.

She will just become more and more unwell if not eating at school 😕

Welcome @Stilllivinginazoo - am sorry to hear of your DD's struggles but you'll find plenty of good advice and shoulders to cry on in this thread...

My daughter doesn't like dairy rather than has an allergy. She'll have chocolate milk but in coffee etc she prefers non dairy. But they are low in calories. We've settled on the barista breeze almond milk now - as it has a teeny bit more calorie in it.

@Stilllivinginazoo if you do speak to the GP, there is a range of supplements called Aymes Smoothie that are vegan society approved - no milk at all. They are 300 cals/sachet, so a good way to get calories in.

@Stilllivinginazoo welcome to the thread, I'm sorry to hear your DD troubles. Mine is not going back to school we're aimed after easter as a target, but I don't think that it is going to happen. She is so adamant she doesn't want to put any weight on.

How do you deal with not wanting to put weight on? What do your DD's say? I can't even get her to stick to a proper 3 meals and 3 snacks. Last night it was a full meltdown over a hot chocolate, that was made with almond milk! It's practically water!! She has meant to have transitioned back to milk, there is no intolerance she switched for the calories.....

We all went to bed at 8.30 the arguments over food had taken the toll on us all.

I've been a bit AWOL in part because I'm so pissed off and befuddled by DD having lost a kg in three days according to the clinic scales. ARggghgh. I'm hoping it's one of those weird blips and she'll have put on loads next week to make up for it. I think we took our foot of the pedal a bit after she miraculously got her period.

@Lottsbiffandsmudge 89% WFH feels like a distant dream for us. In fact the 1kg loss puts us back to the 70s. 3kg to go for 85%, another 3kg for 90%.

@SoTiredNeedHoliday I think you just have to persevere and I wish I knew how to persuade them they need to put on weight. The dietician called almond milk 'anorexia milk'.

@Stilllivinginazoo - I think you really need to hustle for an appointment with a dietician as the dairy intolerance makes it more complicated. Dairy has been emphasised as key to us and I'm sure there are alternatives but you need someone with more knowledge than me. Our dietician did say that if you must have plant milks, she recommends Oatly Barista as it's more calorific and is fortified. Make sure whichever one you get is fortified with vitamins and calcium.

PS @Stilllivinginazoo - earlier on this thread I posted our eating plan - think three meals and three 200 calorie + snacks. Regular routine is important e.g.
7am breakfast
10am snack
12.30 lunch
4 snack
6.30 supper
9pm bedtime snack

Or whatever fits for you.

@SoTiredNeedHoliday i agree, the fear of weight gain is a nightmare to deal with. Does DD get weighed blind or see her number each time? Before DD eas admitted to IP she saw hers at wkly weigh ins ( our CAMHS policy) but it merely served to freak her out if too big a gain and quietly gave her satisfaction and a desire to restrict more if she saw a loss. So a big old lose lose for us. Since being in IP she's climbed from 26kg to 34kg and has weighed blind each time so rarely talks about her weight- she gets v touchy when I do. It's def worked better for her at this stage. Think where they are in the "journey" needs to be considered. Seeing it isn't helpful or manageable for everyone. Could you discuss with DD and if necessary start blind weighing if that relieves anxiety??
@Stilllivinginazoo welcome too, glad youve found lots of support here. Id echo previous commebts re making refeeding the abs priority wherever poss. I appreciate missing school becomes a worry too but weight gsin has to come first. If you can achieve both together, then great but for us it's bloody hard ( DD has lots of school issues which ramp up her anxiety), tends to be one at expense of the other. However if your DD thrives on more of a routine, has less time for ED thoughts to ruminate, if school/ friends boost her mood, if she can be helped to have snack/ lunch at school and wld benefit from the enforced sitting down there ( that was about the only plus for us when ours did go) it may be a better option? Lots to consider...I hope school can help you to make the best decision.

@Valleyofthedollymix bummer when weight yo yos like that yet you're sticking to plan- must be a billion hormonal & other processes we can't legislate for unfortunately, never a nice straight line . Fingers croseed for a bounce bsck up nxt time ..
D D home yesterday on leave until Monday morn. Not got off to brilliant start- cld sense strange mood & anxiety from the off. Eve snack was stormy- led to yogurt "art" all over the kitchen floor ( dog was happy) but DD did at least calm down relativeky quickly & end up esting cereal bar/grapes. Out walking today I was having my heels trodden on one minute, followed by tightly hugging into me the next. Mood basically all over the place. And here we are 2 weeks ftom discharge. Bracing myself.
Question - if food gets lobbed about - perhaps your DD's dont ever? - do you ask her to clear up the mess once she's calm or just quietly do it & pretend it never happened?

Roolet12 & Valleyofthedollymix thank you. DD has been weighed standing backwards and we are going to continue that as seeing the weight will def not be good for her. She eats an apple and comes and tells me shes too fat to be eating anymore..... fact is she is just skin and bone I wish she could see it but she can't.

We have first psychiatrist appt on Tuesday I am hoping that will help to start and break this thought process she has.

Sotired we deal with it by not discussing weight at all, dd is blind weighed and it still causes huge amounts of anxiety for her. She has asked a few times 'have I gained weight?' I just say I won't discuss it with her. Is your dd on any meds?

Valley that is so disheartening for you 😕 are you certain your dd isn't secretly exercising or hiding food? When dd lost a kg it transpired she'd been dumping the snacks at school...

Roo I try to ignore food being slung across the room, clean it up and then replace. Harder said than done though.

@Roolet12 I read that one Mum on the FB group has spare food with her and if it's thrown, she just puts the same amount on to the plate. I guess it's about talking to the ED that you're in control, rather than your DD that she is behaving unacceptably.

After my excitement at the big lunch, DD hasn't had afternoon snack because she was still full from lunch.

Apparently paper plates and cups are good for food throwers as well...

We've just had a Dominoes, dd did okay with it.

Thnks @Lougle & @Girliefriendlikespuppies
I'll consider that. It's certainly not every meal or snack( that wld be worrying 2 wks before D day!) ...its quite unpredictable, often the one I've least expected to be the problem, which probably highlights it's not always about the food, but other anxieties going on in that moment.
Finally Tik tok are upping their game. Really pleased to read this earlier....about bloody time.

newsroom.tiktok.com/en-gb/supporting-eating-disorder-awareness-week
I took a bit of a risk and broached the more serious physical side of A.N with DD after tea - her psych had after all said to her at her last IP CPA "you could have dropped dead at any minute". He's Spanish and subtleties do sometimes seem to get lost in translation but perhaps they need to hear this occasionally. I've always shied away from the starker facts of A.N with her, but now that she's celebrating better I'm hoping she can reflect on this terrifying prospect and motivate herself to keep moving forward. Was that misjudged??
Anyway, she said she doesn't ever want to stress me out that much again and if that's another motivator for her, great. Though said I'd rather she did it for herself, not just me....
@Girlie great DD will eat pizza! Was that ever a fear food??

Hi ladies thank you so much for your posts.

Had an unbelievably full on day. Clinic. Dd had lost 1kg and heart still doing that jump thing about 20. But consultant says she can go back to school part time to start. She has to eat all the plan and they’ll see her in 2 weeks.We had really pushed for it as felt she’d have nothing to motivate her and could end up even worse again. I ranted re CAMHs in clinic.School saying they can’t supervise her meals or have meal support in though. 😩 I sent a stroppy email to the FT.Myrtle I will probably take you up on your offer if we escalate. He rang and was very apologetic. Still not clear what is going on going forward and sounded a bit tired and fed up, maybe a little bit pissed off with us but holding fire to see how things progress. He has booked a meeting with school and is trying to make things better I think.Then had psychiatrist ring who was lovely. Ringing dd re olanzapine next week but wants to hold off to see how school goes as could make her drowsy. Then got an email from her individual therapist saying due to NICE guidelines she won’t be seeing her anymore.They'd decided as a team. Obviously didn’t discuss it with us. One of her FT is being replaced too next week. I’d like to try structured IT before olanzapine, may try to speak to psychiatrist about it next week.Suspecting it would be a flat out no.

Dd did well with everything bar tea. She ate nothing as said it was covered in grease( was a ready meal due to full on day). Not speaking to me as I said she can’t come food shopping tomorrow. Do you enforce that?

Bit worried she’ll keep dropping tiny amounts but wouldn’t be hospitalised as gradual but could end up iller long term iykwim. Would they still try to stop the smaller more gradual weight drops if it kept happening?

Feeling drained and exhausted.

That's all rubbish @Scr1bblyGum. So sorry things are hard. I do my shopping online.

Re. small weightloss amounts, I think it depends on what you consider small. The MARSIPAN Junior checklist puts 1kg or more weightloss in two consecutive weeks in the red zone (high level risk). 500-999g for 2 consecutive weeks is amber.

Morning all, just catching up. Sounds like a tough week all round. Dd has been at her dad's since Wednesday, it's a relief to be able to cook and eat, my mind keeps jumping to the next meal to plan then I remember dd isn't here, then I feel guilty about feeling relieved.