Teen Eating Issues/Disorders Support Thread 2

[myrtleWilson]

Our first thread is almost full. Here is our second - a place to seek and share advice, to lament and scream with rage and sadness, to celebrate each other's successes as we navigate the choppy waters of supporting our children with eating disorders.

All are very welcome, whether you're at the start of this journey or a more seasoned traveller.

I'll link this thread to the first one and then I thought it may be helpful if on joining this one we did a quick precis of our current situation.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/eating_disorders/4016379-teen-eating-issues-support-thread?msgid=104736115

Yeah I agree re small weight changes making a big difference to mood/engagement, with my D even a loss of 1kg can have big implications to how she feels.

Thanks for the kind comments ladies, we have actually had a nice afternoon as the weather is beautiful which makes everything feel better.

I know she doesn't mean it and in a way it's a good sign the ED is getting worried!!

Thanks for all your kind words. DD ok today and eating/ drinking. Interesting about your DDs urea levels @Worriedaboutitall I have no idea if her urea has ever been up before. Guess we will have bloods done again and pray.
@valleyofthedollymix since DD hit 89% wfh this week I too have noticed a big change in her mental health. Engaging more with us and siblings.
@Girliefriendlikespuppies my DD still says quite frequently that it is all my fault and I am making it worse... which always makes my day....
@Lougle I would think that weight gain is almost impossible. My DD has gained nearly 6kg but it has taken us 2 months nearly exactly. And 1.5kg of that wa last week which I am worried might be a blip.

It's so nice to share this journey with you all. My migraine was really bad in the night so I was up from 3.30am-5am with it. Then today, I've been looking after my Mum (disabled) while my Dad helped DH with some DIY. They didn't leave until about 3.30pm, then after shed

...she'd had snack at 4pm, DD1 said 'can we go out in my wheelchair?' So we went for a walk around the village and fed the ducks and swans for 90 minutes. Now we're home and my head is still banging. Hormones.

We're all going to get through this, you know. It's hard, but we're going to get there

Hear hear. We've just got to keep believing it. (Off to Tesco now to restock on wine).

So..wine restocked. DD on home visit so accompanied me there. Came back with a size 22 sweatshirt that she insisted on buying. She's teeny. Didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Bonkers illness.

I've just had to listen to dd singing a beautiful song about wanting to die 😪 she mentioned the other day that sometimes singing helps her communicate with me... think will be talking to the Dr about meds again.

I hope so Lougle I hope so 🍷

Oh @Girliefriendlikespuppies She knows you accept her. Hang on to that.

@Girliefriendlikespuppies it can feel so utterly heartbreaking, i know. But if she is communicating her distress to you, that hopefully means she's open to help, rather than shutting down about it all...? What meds is she on? Sending a virtual hug. X

Hi everyone, I feel so sad and helpless. My dd has recently been diagnosed with anorexia. She's had two short hospital admissions. She was only discharged on Friday. I think we'll be back in today. She's in bed and I can't get her up. So she's missed breakfast and snack. She's only on a 750 cal meal plan but even that is too too hard.

Writing this with tears x

@Ohmybabygirl glad you have found us. That sounds hard. How old is she?

@Ohmybabygirl hang in there. Do you have numbers for I2I CAMHS so you can spk to somebody there for support/home visit? If nothing else, will she accept fluids? Big hug. X

@Ohmybabygirl am so sorry to read your post, but I know I and the others on the thread will support you all the way.

Discharge on a 750 calorie plan sounds really tough - mine was on about 1200 I think at discharge

Is she getting support via CAMHS etc?

@Ohmybabygirl I can only reiterate what others have said. I'm a relative newcomer to this thread and I can't tell you how grateful I am for all the advice and support I've received here. It should be prescribed by CAMHS. People are so generous with their hard-earned knowledge.

Ohmy welcome to the thread although so sorry you're here, a few of us are on the fb page EDSUK (eating disorder support UK) which is also a useful source of support.

Today's been a better day although we ended up in a&e!! It was actually for a non ED reason, dd had an accident with a hand blender and cut her finger. Blood everywhere and lots of screaming 😱 thought it might need stitches but in the end they just steristripped it.

No idea if the drama quietened the ED voice but dd has been generally happier and eaten well for the rest of the day!!

@Girliefriendlikespuppies!! That sounds painful. I'm glad they could sort it out quickly.

My big news is that DD1 ate her portion of sausage pasta bake (I put hers in a separate dish so she knew what she had to eat) and had chosen to have 1 sausage. Then she reached across to the main dish and took another sausage!! She really struggled to finish it but she plodded on and managed, even when I said that she didn't have to.

Thank you so much for being so kind.

We've managed to stay at home with the help of ensure plus but I think we're just stalling. It all seems to have got quite serious so quickly. I think we're in shock, it's so overwhelming.

My dd is 16 and thinks that there is nothing wrong and wants to lose more weight.

The 750cal plan was suggested by the ED team. This is ambitious for her. After Christmas she was restricting to less than 100cals a day. She now manages between 500-600 a day. She was on a higher plan but it felt impossible. There are lots of fear foods and I can't see how her intake can be increased. The dietician wants to talk about a 'long term plan'. I'm scared by what that could mean.

Hi @Ohmybabygirl Gosh that sounds hard. I’m really sorry you find yourself here. I hope you are able to find some comfort - that level of restriction is terrifying to me.

We’ve not had the best of weeks. The ED is ‘taking hold of [my] brain’ again. DD has eaten her plan successfully, but with more tears and upset. She can ‘feel my skin stretching’ as she puts on weight, she’s ‘just getting uglier and uglier’ and her meeting with her KW was a battle about school (they don’t want her to go back, DD is adamant that she is and no one can stop her).

If I blank out the tears/shouting then for me it was a good week. I had to let her school skirt out by 2cm. She ate tortilla chips. She had a Magnum ice cream. She had butter on a slice of toast. She had 2 slices of ham in a sandwich and she ate a slice of her gran’s birthday cake!

Everything but the cake was a battle. But yesterday (birthday visit) was the best in a long time and DD spent the whole day seeming happy. Swings and roundabouts, but I’m hopeful for Tuesdays weigh in.

I’m struggling a bit at work, spent a lot of time on Thu and Fri on the edge of tears through worry and lack of sleep. Ended up doing quite a bit at home this weekend after coming out of a daze and realising some things I’d missed - at least no one will know now! (And today already feels like a better day)

babygirl my DD was restricting to about 4/500 a day before Xmas and before we began our third re-feeding. Since January she's been on 1800 a day but it is so hard for her - she literally shakes as she eats. She has many fear foods too - will eat fish fingers, veggie burger, carrots, butternut squash, sweet corn, peas, porridge, yoghurt and bel vita/alpen bars. We're reintroducing pasta (only as a side and no more than 30g) and hula hoops... it is so tough, I feel for you.

eve - it's odd how we've reconditioned our perspective of "good" days now isn't it? Am delighted with sausages and cake and have fingers crossed for the weigh in!

I think, for me, what gets me through is a few words DD1's hospital consultant said:

~AN is the leading cause of death in females 15-24.
~There is a small but narrowing window to turn the disease around if you hit it hard.
~By the time the patterns of behaviour are set in AN, the patient can not save themselves. They are trapped in a closed loop of catabolism (don't eat - feel ill - stomach shrinks - appetite lowers - don't eat - feel ill...)
~This is a life threatening condition, the only treatment for which is food.

He likened it to leukaemia. There is no way we would allow our children to take half-doses of their chemotherapy because it didn't feel good or made them scared.

So today, I'm up for the fight.

So true but so terrifying Lougle, I tried to explain to dd that food was medicine and used the example of if she had cancer I wouldn't let her refuse chemotherapy. She replied but what if I wanted to die, then I would refuse the chemo?

I should have said something along the lines of if a15yo is saying they want to die rather than have medicine for a curable illness it would be assumed they are mentally very unwell. However I was caught off guard so couldn't think of a decent reply!!

I feel like our narrow window is closing in on us to be honest.

DD's weight is not the issue as she's low but healthy but her mental health is destroyed. Having pulled her out of school this year, we had planned for her to re-start 6th form in September but it will take a monumental shift from where we are now to do that and am not sure I believe we can do it.

Sorry, to be a downer - I need some of lougles fighting spirit today - can you send some through the ether please?!

Ohmy I'm surprised that your dd is allowed home on such a tiny calorie plan, she sounds really unwell and in the grips of anorexia 😕 I think I would want admission until she is eating a lot more, as everyday she is only having 500-600 calories she will be losing more weight.

Plus physically i imagine her body is really struggling, are they monitoring her obs really closely?

Sending tons myrtle, your dd will get better, you and your dh are inspirational in your dedication to beating this illness and supporting your dd.

I know you said your dd is the low end of a healthy weight but from my understanding to fully recover a lot of anorexics have to go over the predicted healthy weight 😕 On the fb page they talk about 'state not weight' in terms of recovery and knowing when someone is weight restored.

Onmy have you got the Eva Musby book? She's generally the one recommended to help with refeeding.