Return of ED whilst breastfeeding

[OrchidFlakes]

Pretty much as the title says. I needed to lose 20lb after DS2 was born 17 weeks ago to get back to pre baby weight. 24lbs now gone but not feeling able to stop.

I'm eating about 1500kcals a day so in essence using BF as a tool to keep losing, I'm also working out 3-5+ times a week for 30 mins (HIT circuits mainly) I don't feel inclined or able to stop.

DS is thriving and following his chart and there is no way I'd put him at risk.

Can anyone relate to this and want to chat a bit?

Hi, not sure you'll see this reply as its a bit late but anyway. I'm in a similar position, just had my second child and got this almost desperate need to be back where I was weight wise as soon as I can because the extra weight is making me look at myself with disgust.
DS is doing well at 12 weeks now. But I've been walking miles each day, eating 1200-1500 calories, feeling really depressed if I exceed it (am exclusively breastfeeding too). I've lost a lot of the weight but still have half a stone to get to my pre baby weight.
With me I think my years of eating as little as I can get away with has got my body going to starvation mode while breastfeeding, and trained it to store every bit of fat it can and it's not shifting. I feel like the exercise and diet is the only thing stopping me from gaining weight rather than helping me lose it.
I hate that it obsesses me, it's so boring! I just can't imagine feeling normal about food!

Thank you for letting me know your message was here

Since posting things changed and I started eating 'normally' but as I'm sure you're familiar with the guilt, loathing, anger, downward mental spiral replaced the over consciousness with food. I hate the spiral as the fear of not knowing when or how it will end makes it feel so bleak.

The spiral appears to be over thank god and I'm conscious about food again, working out daily and feeling more in control. My son is 7 months now so his dependence on breastfeeding is diminishing (although I have no plan to wean him from bf any time but I know the calorie burn is less and I think it's that which has triggered me out of the spiral.

I understand your thoughts about the food control and exercise preventing any gain rather than relying on breastfeeding, I clung to my workouts as my safety net and when they stopped (holiday for a week) it all just fell apart and it's taken me 3 months to find some peace again.

Does anyone know or suspect how you feel?

Sorry for the slow reply - three month jabs didn't go down too well with DS2 who's been a bit more non sleeping than usual...

I'm glad that you're feeling in better place, it's so destructive and, like I say, tedious, to feel like you have to concentrate precious attention on something that should just 'be' IYSWIM? I've been like this for about 20 years so can't imagine things any other way now. What was it that clicked into place and got you back on track? I really recognise why you say about things falling apart if you're forced into a change of routine by holiday etc. I will go out of my way to ensure I get a walk in every day (and then I don't feel so guilty about eating a normal meal) but over Christmas that's been hard to do - and we were staying with relatives who lay out a feast breakfast lunch and tea and I find it incredibly stressful.

My husband does know about it but he's only moderately supportive tbh because he thinks it's just daft. People who know me well know I'm a selective eater - that I skip meals but I think they think (or perhaps I have them think) it's just the way I am and not an issue. I know it's an issue though and I do need to do something about it. Do you have people who know how you feel?