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Original poster

Parents of children with very low weight/anorexia, support

363 replies

PeaceOfWildThings · 22/05/2015 09:56

Am Inthe only one?

I've looked on b:eat and there are no support groups for carers in my area. Am I the only one who could do with a thread where we can support one another here on Mumsnet?

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CalmItKermit · 23/05/2015 20:12

Peace, your post has had me in tears...purely for your kindness and understanding, thank you.

Not sure what/where ed unit that you refer?

please allow me to rant again....school organisation is so bad that drama dept arranged/agreed a 7.30am lesson on a monday, teacher didnt turn up, following week was bank holiday,10am arranged/agreed...teacher didnt turn up, so now...

DDs half term consists of bank holiday monday
Tuesday 9am - 8.30 pm drama rehearsal due to school timetable cock up
Wednesday- same this is also dds 16th birthday which she cancelled last week as she does not want to associate milestone birthday "with the shit that is going on" Sad
Thursday - 12 - 8.30pm offiicial gcse drama exam

My plan for Tuesday:

get dd to school for rehearsals

try to get gp appt to talk about dd (no idea if they will talk about her with me?0=)

Hope to get dd siigned off school so she just goes in for exams

Letter to exam officer with state of her health

anyone have any idea if she can be signed off?

Drywhiteplease · 25/05/2015 16:43

Marking place. Think my DD (14) is on the edge at the moment. Lost a stone, manic exercising, periods stopped. I'm v worried and reading your posts with interest.
So sorry your dds and you are going through this.

Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 25/05/2015 22:41

Calm hope your DD's drama day was not as bad as you'd feared today. Good luck ffor tomorrow.

(Eating disorder unit is local way NHS care is organised here. No idea if it applies to you, tthere is probably quite a bit of variation.)

Dry Welcome! I promise to treat people seeking help with dignity and respect. It is horrible that these eating disorders affect so many young people, and seemingly in increasing numbers. It is also strangely comforting and reassuring to find other parents in a similar boat.

Quite a stressful time this weekend when I discovered that DD has been vomiting/purging after meals. Didn't confront, just getting her to go to the loo before meal times, drink less and then sit with me for half an hour more, after she's finished eating. It means we're not getting much else done though. At least it's half term.

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Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 26/05/2015 08:07

Time for some helpful links! We cannot deal with this alone. There is lots of help aeound and as well as supporting one another here, let's share any links to helpful resources we and our children can use to help overcome eating disorders.

If you do visit any of these websites and find them helpful, do report back with a review to help the rest of us! :-)

Please add links to other sites or books and other resources and articles that would be helpful.

b:eat

youth space
young minds

A short course for people with eating disorders I can't see my DD choosing to do this, so I'm going to do it and see if it helps.

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Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 01/06/2015 08:56

How is everyone getting on?

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CalmItKermit · 02/06/2015 19:19

Hi Peace, hope things are ok with you.

School and exam board now have letters re dds health. Had appointment letter for ed clinic but it is smack bang in an exam so am waiting to hear back with alternative date. GP being v v supportive. Exams not going well but quite frankly I dont care, I want my dd well. We are both exhausted.

Drywhiteplease · 02/06/2015 19:46

Calmit really feel for you, so stressful.

CalmItKermit · 02/06/2015 19:51

Hey Dry, how are things with you? how is your dd?

Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 02/06/2015 20:13

Hello Calm! :-) Great news that the letter is off to the exam board so soon. Fantastic. I agree, if my DDs leave school healthy and fully recovered that would be a much greater prize than stellar exam results.

I tried something today with DD2..a 20 questions facebook thingy...we were both relaxed andvin a good mood and a bit jokey and dopey. It was fun. I'll see if I can find it...

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CalmItKermit · 02/06/2015 20:21

hey Peace.....relaxed, the magic word!

The irony is that I also work in education so see this happening to other teens as well as my dd, it is all encompassing.

Interested to see the fb thing.

Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 02/06/2015 20:31

Here is the facebook quiz:

WITHOUT any prompting, ask your child these questions & write down EXACTLY what they say. It's a great & funny way to find out exactly what they think.

Childs Name:
Age:

  1. What is something Mum always says to you?
  1. What makes Mum happy?
  1. What makes Mum sad?
  1. How does Mum make you laugh?
  1. What was Mum like as a child?
  1. How old is Mum?
  1. How tall is Mum?
  1. What is Mum's favourite thing to do?
  1. What does Mum do when you're not here?

  1. If Mum becomes famous what will it be for?

  2. What is Mum really good at?

  3. What is Mum not very good at?

  4. What is Mum's job?

  5. What makes you proud of Mum?

  6. What is Mum's favourite food?

  7. What do you & Mum do together?

  8. How are you & Mum the same?

  9. If your Mum was a cartoon character who would she be?

  10. How are you & Mum different?

  11. How do you know Mum loves you?

  12. What does Mum like best about Dad?

  13. Where is Mum's favourite place to go?

  14. How old was Mum when she had you?

We had fun with this, hope it brings you some joy too!

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Drywhiteplease · 02/06/2015 22:11

Love that quiz peace will try it with my two tomorrow.

Calmit I'm meeting her Year head on Thursday. DD agreed to add a slice of toast to her smoothie breakfast and had a handful of almonds and 4 dates as an after school snack. It's a start. Being away from school friends influence (all on diets) at half term was good. Going for blood test for her "gluten intolerance" next week. Back to the Dr in 2 weeks. DD is scared to put on weight and get "fat" .

CalmItKermit · 03/06/2015 06:55

Dry the toast is a great start and the snacks are good. Is the gp appointment for bloods results or to check on your dd? Is your dd being referred?

Drywhiteplease · 04/06/2015 23:07

Calmit GP appointment is a follow up after the initial appointment.
We have to go to the hospital for the blood test. I suppose the GP will contact us with the results.
The GP referred DD (I didn't know this) to the local Teenaged mental illness unit. They have eating disorder people. I received a call today from a really nice lady. She offered DD an initial consultation to assess where she is. Dd is thinking about whether she needs/wants it.
The lady, and DDs year head, we're both really supportive of my "intervention" which was good.
I feel a bit bad being on here when your DD's are all so seriously unwell, I am so grateful for all of your advice.

Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 05/06/2015 05:19

Glad that your DD has been referred, Dry. Important to go to the assessment appointment with the ED people, and it is important that you don't let your DD decide that she doesn't need/want it and no go! People with eating disorders are the least likely to think they need treatment and are very good at appearing to be fit and well. (My DD doesn't think she is ill and she doesn't want treatment.) The sooner these things are picked up the better, and if the blood tests reveal that something different is going on, then the ED people cn still help your DD with her ideas on weight gain/loss and managing those thoughts and feelings.

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CalmItKermit · 05/06/2015 07:22

Dry, we are at the same stage as you. Have assessment appt for 25th but will ring to see if she can be seen sooner. Agree with Peace, don't let your dd decide about the appt, she needs help.

DD was with friends yesterday, I heard them talking about other kids from school and what they are up to, ie sex, drugs and all sorts, later dd said to me that shes not like those kids (screwed up was the term she used) and doesn't want to become like that (screwed up). She had a light bulb moment and realised she needs to stop hurting herself like this but doesn't know how, she said she hates herself.

SouthWestmom · 05/06/2015 07:41

Just to give you guys some hope - I was hospitalised for several months at fifteen and bed bound for most of that time. Lost most of a year at school.
Struggled a bit when I came back to real life.
Am now 42, 4 kids, fairly normal but with some weird eating habits, slim but not ill and can go for meals out, eat crap, and have a job, degree, partner etc
I was very ill - heart problems and not able to walk far - so please don't lose hope for the long term.

Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 05/06/2015 07:53

Thank you Noeuf, that is really sweet of you to say.
I think I've realised through this that I would face the devil and all his demons to protect my family, and I will never give up on them.

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Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 05/06/2015 07:55

Oh, good news! DD's BMI is up to around 16, so all the effort is paying off. Still lots of behaviours and efforts to avoid eating scraps of food, but we are heading in the right direction.

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CalmItKermit · 05/06/2015 08:02

Peace, that's brilliant news Smile.

Noeuf, thank you for posting that, very enlightening.

spillyobeans · 05/06/2015 08:14

I suffered with anorexia from about 14-19 ish and subsequently had an awful relationship with my mother between those years - im now 24, happily married and really healthy weight (feel as though i have totally beat it) and have a great relationship with my mum/dad now. If you want to talk to someone whos had personal experience im happy to

Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 05/06/2015 08:19

Ooh, spilly I might take you up on that one day! Thank you so much. :D

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Original poster
PeaceOfWildThings · 05/06/2015 08:25

Many a time I've silently told anorexia,
'Not my daughter, you BITCH!' Grin
(For Q. 18 above, DD said I would be Mrs Incredible! lol I am far more of a Mrs Weasley.)

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CalmItKermit · 05/06/2015 08:35

Spilly, so good to hear your story, thank you.

Peace, you should name change to that...I can "hear" you GrinSmile through your last two posts.

spillyobeans · 05/06/2015 08:42

I think the main part in my own recovery was a 'light bulb ' moment where i saw myself as i really was - as in realising it for myself rather than something someone had said to me. Obviously you get people around you saying eat, get better etc and although you do know there right...you push the facts to the back as that all that matters is the way you look and the way people perceive you. I think when you start to truly realise that people (i.e:friends and strangers not family) probably dont think wow she looks great, and really do probably think shes too thin thats a shame, then thats a positive starting point. That and being so tired of denying yourself stuff