Please Help me to help

[Solasum]

A female relative is anorexic. She has been for years, but is now the worst I have ever seen her. She knows she looks awful, and said to my mum that she liked living where she does as no one there judges her for it.

But. I really think she needs professional help now. I know she has to want to help herself. I don't want to antagonise or patronise her. I just want to tell her that I love her, and that if there is anything I can do to help, be that go to an appointment with her, look into therapists, listen to her, whatever, I am happy to do it. I just don't know where to start. Can I really just start (by email) 'you are anorexic. I want to help you'? She is so snappy at everyone these days, I do not want to mKe things worse for her

Is it worth being blunt then? She was talking to my mum about getting a new job and meeting someone to start a family. I know her current employer has tried to ask her if everything is ok and she brushed them off, but it seems to me that nowhere new in their right mind would ever employ her, and that even if she could get pregnant at all, which I very strongly doubt, her body would surely actually break under the strain. :(

Yes I agree with direct, you're clearly well intentioned and brave. She knows, deep down, but having someone call her on it should help get her to do something, hopefully.

So you think it is worth spelling out about her future and future babies being in jeopardy? Is that likely to be enough to precipitate her going to a doctor? I feel that whatever I do I cannot win,

I certainly do - it is definitely possible she'll react badly, I used to feel people that were trying to make me eat were sabotaging me but a shock approach of telling her that she not only doesn't look good she looks ill is worth a try. dont take it personally if she isn't nice, it's a tough illness and she's not herself right now. You should say you're doing it because you care, you don't want her to get hurt by being turned down for jobs etc.

Ok, thank you. I will think hard about how to word my message.

If you feel able to talk about it, and Out of curiosity, what is the process and timescale for treatment? If she went to a GP and said she was having issues, I am assuming even from that point nothing happens quickly? And what would happen first?