Refusing the only donor offer we got.

[Weeseyannabox]

Hi everyone.Anyone have advice;myhusband&I are with a clinic in Portugal.Maybe that was the wrong decision,because we're both pale&blue-eyed,&obviously theywouldn't have many donors like that.We got 1 offer - right physical characteristics,but otherwise wrong,I felt - so I asked them to look again.Has anyone else been through this?My husband doesn't want many more delays.Is it a case of,"You can't have everything/takewhat you can get?"

I don’t have any personal experience with this, @Weeseyannabox, but my immediate reaction is that this is such a personal thing, and such a major life decision, that you need to be absolutely happy and confident with it. If you are not comfortable, then not accepting this donor sounds like the right decision to me.

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thank you. I'm pretty bad at following my instinct,&have been all my life,but this feels too important to ignore.

We have used donors and found that we did get a strong sense of ‘no way’ about some for what was really no particular reason. However I do also think it’s really easy to become too fixated on minor details when you have that level of control. So I guess it depends on your reasoning as to whether I’d think you’re being too picky, but also your reasoning is your reasoning and you have to be comfortable with the decision. As PP said, it’s very personal.

@Btowngirl Very well-said. Thanks. Decision was made 2 weeks ago! Were offered another (but older) donor that we loved. Think you're right though - choice&control isn't always a good thing. Did your donors work out?

Oh, sorry I hadn’t noticed the date on the post! That’s brilliant news though, glad it’s worked out for you and you aren’t stuck on that horrible feeling of wondering if it was a mistake or not to decline the last one.

They did, we are a same sex couple so have used sperm donors (one each of our eggs) and we have 2 daughters who are a lot like both of us. It’s quite canny really.

I hope you have as uncomplicated journey to success as you can from here 💐

@Btowngirl that's mad how that worked out for ye. Congratulations;) That's lovely. The 2nd donor's age(33) made me hesitate but went with her in the end. Fingers crossed