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Donor conception

For anyone with experience of sperm or egg donation to share support and advice. Please remember this board isn’t for debate about donor conception.

Original poster

Am I too old

69 replies

Latetothe · 15/05/2025 14:59

Recently miscarried our last embryo.

i am 48 this yeah and due to infertility still trying.

we have one who was born the year I turned 44. Is it immoral for me to keep trying for a second at this age.

the second is likely to have a different egg donor now.
original donor would be late 30/early 40s now

OP posts:
uhOhOP · 15/05/2025 15:02

If you ask if it is immoral, there must be a little part of you that knows having a baby at 48 years old would not be great for the child.

Original poster
Latetothe · 15/05/2025 15:09

Well I know plenty of dads having kids over the age of 50. I’m very fit for and have a heart rate in 50s and no medical issues. Life expectancy has risen significantly and I’m in a bucket that’s likely to live till 90 and with good quality of life

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetothe · 15/05/2025 15:10

I am genuinely interested in other opinions but I think I would also like to represent some of the thoughts I’ve had.

OP posts:
justkeepswimingswiming · 15/05/2025 15:11

Sorry but of course your to old. It’s not fair on the potential child.

Btowngirl · 15/05/2025 15:41

If you are going to be a great mum I’m not sure your age is relevant if you are in good health. As you have said, plenty of men are having children in their late 40’s/50’s and beyond. Whilst I appreciate they don’t carry babies, I think the question of morality is more based on your potential child growing up with an older mum. I see plenty of younger people being subpar parents, unhealthy and unfit with poor life expectancy etc. So ultimately for me it comes down to whether you are fit, healthy, financially & emotionally secure and are going to be a good mum.

FWIW I’m not a particularly older mum either. Had DD1 at 30 and DD2 at 33

uhOhOP · 15/05/2025 15:42

Latetothe · 15/05/2025 15:09

Well I know plenty of dads having kids over the age of 50. I’m very fit for and have a heart rate in 50s and no medical issues. Life expectancy has risen significantly and I’m in a bucket that’s likely to live till 90 and with good quality of life

Besides other things, having a child is not all about the parent. Would you want your 5-year-old to be asked by their peers why their granny picks them up from school, for example?

Original poster
Latetothe · 16/05/2025 06:42

uhOhOP · 15/05/2025 15:42

Besides other things, having a child is not all about the parent. Would you want your 5-year-old to be asked by their peers why their granny picks them up from school, for example?

Show quote history

i look like I’m in my 30s. I was still being asked for ID at 35. Looking so young is why I haven’t been that fast to move on with my life. It’s actually been a large hinderance

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetothe · 16/05/2025 06:53

I do wonder why people who don’t have much experience of infertility are on a donor egg space.

There will be many mums in their 40s within this bracket.

For context I have had 5 miscarriages and I have suffered from infertility for a long period and this is why I only managed my first at 44. We have been trying for the second since then. I needed to inject all the way through my pregnancy and no not because of my age but because of fertility issues which are a identified earlier would have meant I had kids earlier.

we spent a lot of time and money on this and it has def impacted my mental health.

very much regretting posting to be shot down by people who at worst have had one miscarriage.

unfortunately it can’t remove the post and not loving the comments from people who shouldn’t really be on the donor conception forum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetothe · 16/05/2025 06:55

Both me and Dad are very financially secure. I feel like that’s a good thing not bad, but sure I’ll get shot down for that too

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetothe · 16/05/2025 06:58

If I could delete this post I would as realising I don’t really care what some people think. I wouldn’t ask a random on the street so not sure why I asked here.

Guess I thought it would be a more specific subset if people who had experience of donor conception

OP posts:
BackwiththeBang · 16/05/2025 07:46

Latetothe · 16/05/2025 06:53

I do wonder why people who don’t have much experience of infertility are on a donor egg space.

There will be many mums in their 40s within this bracket.

For context I have had 5 miscarriages and I have suffered from infertility for a long period and this is why I only managed my first at 44. We have been trying for the second since then. I needed to inject all the way through my pregnancy and no not because of my age but because of fertility issues which are a identified earlier would have meant I had kids earlier.

we spent a lot of time and money on this and it has def impacted my mental health.

very much regretting posting to be shot down by people who at worst have had one miscarriage.

unfortunately it can’t remove the post and not loving the comments from people who shouldn’t really be on the donor conception forum.

I’m so sorry for your losses.
I’d say go for it. You know what being an older mum entails (and it does get more knackering 4 years on!), you know what donor conception involves. You have the financial security, you have your health. I’d suggest a younger donor to increase your chances of success.
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you decide. ☀️

CanelliniBeans · 16/05/2025 07:58

There are young parents who can’t cope and neglect or worse actually abuse their child. There are 30 year olds who smoke and are overweight and are disabled by 50. There are young parents who get terrible illnesses.
as long as you are healthy and do everything to u can to stay healthy and can love and care for a child id say go for it.

Fluffyholeysocks · 16/05/2025 08:00

I think only you know where you are able to go through it again at your age. I'm sure it takes a toll on you emotionally and physically.
One thing I would point out is that you will be going through the menopause with young children if successful. The menopause can affect people differently - I was really tired.
Your 'retirement' will look very different to conventional retirements - you will have teenagers navigating their way through university possibly, you may also have them still living with you in your 70s as they start their careers.

Original poster
Latetothe · 16/05/2025 08:16

BackwiththeBang · 16/05/2025 07:46

I’m so sorry for your losses.
I’d say go for it. You know what being an older mum entails (and it does get more knackering 4 years on!), you know what donor conception involves. You have the financial security, you have your health. I’d suggest a younger donor to increase your chances of success.
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever you decide. ☀️

Show quote history

Thank you. I should have known this to start with and not posted to start with. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetothe · 16/05/2025 08:19

Fluffyholeysocks · 16/05/2025 08:00

I think only you know where you are able to go through it again at your age. I'm sure it takes a toll on you emotionally and physically.
One thing I would point out is that you will be going through the menopause with young children if successful. The menopause can affect people differently - I was really tired.
Your 'retirement' will look very different to conventional retirements - you will have teenagers navigating their way through university possibly, you may also have them still living with you in your 70s as they start their careers.

Yes that is a big consideration.

To be honest one thing I have learned through this journey is how to be kind to myself as my body and hormones are often out of my control.

But it is an important point thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetothe · 16/05/2025 08:23

CanelliniBeans · 16/05/2025 07:58

There are young parents who can’t cope and neglect or worse actually abuse their child. There are 30 year olds who smoke and are overweight and are disabled by 50. There are young parents who get terrible illnesses.
as long as you are healthy and do everything to u can to stay healthy and can love and care for a child id say go for it.

Thank you

Yes and the research is that kiss with older mums do better in life

OP posts:
iloveteddies · 16/05/2025 18:02

Sorry for your loss, please take care of yourself and keep in mind that everyone has their own unique timeline. I am turning 46 soon and I am going for a DE hopefully in the next coming months. And I have a 15 yo NC child, with the same partner and some people cannot understand why now we want another child. But life comes not always as expected and we want to have another child to love and nurture and we will find a way that will work for our family. Is not going to be easy but the prospect to love and complete our family is more than our fears. Again these are our thoughts, take your time to think what is best for you and your family and be kind to yourself after the loss, is tough.🙂

Whatatodo79 · 16/05/2025 22:49

I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think the moral question is helpful here, too subjective. I had our baby at 45 with the help of the kindness of strangers. He'll be our only child, partly because I do think i'll be too old, partly because any thoughts of early retirement are already out of the water, and partly because my partner has been diagnosed with a serious illness (and yes those are more common even in seemingly fit people with age). If it weren't for the cancer I still think that we were on our last attempts at that age really, not for 'moral' reasons but just because it seems impractical to be having a baby at an age-related peri-menopause and then being retirement age before they've even left school.

MNpenisadvisor · 17/05/2025 00:54

Why ask when you don't want to hear anyone say yes you are too old?

Original poster
Latetothe · 17/05/2025 10:42

As I said I regret asking but can’t delete the thread

OP posts:
PortiaWithNoBreaks · 17/05/2025 11:12

I don’t think it’s too old if you don’t think so. I do think you’d get better support on a donor conception specific site though.

I think you’d maybe also need to ask yourself if you’re likely to regret not having another go.

If you do go ahead, throw everything at it to maximise your chances, youngest donor possible, clinic with highest success rates.

My DD was at school with twin girls who were donor egg conceived when their mum was 49/50. And here’s the thing, no one noticed, no one thought their mum looked older than anyone else as there were lots of mums who’d had their children in late 30s and early 40s. And no one would have ever mistaken their mum for their granny. The only reason we found out was the mum said so on a night out.

Good luck.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/05/2025 13:33

Go for it OP. I’m so sorry for your losses and the fertility journey you’ve had. Only people who haven’t had issues make crass comments about looking like a granny at school pick up. What a ridiculous thing to say. I’ll be in my 60s with a teen and I don’t care. The relationship I have with my DD is amazing. No one knows how old I am. No one cares how old I am! I wish you every success and happiness.

Annascaul · 17/05/2025 13:42

You’d be 60 when the child is entering secondary school, op.
70 when they turn 21.
That ship has sailed.

uhOhOP · 17/05/2025 16:48

Annascaul · 17/05/2025 13:42

You’d be 60 when the child is entering secondary school, op.
70 when they turn 21.
That ship has sailed.

OP and all of the people agreeing she should go for it don't see this as a problem because if you look young and feel young and are fit enough (today), why shouldn't you have a baby at 48/49 years old? No thought to the child who will end up with an old parent by the time they reach their mid-20s. So long as a woman can fulfil her own desires and "complete" her family...

I'm 42 with a 70-year-old mother, and I'm dreading potentially having my life's enjoyment reduced or cut short should she become unable to look after herself and require my help. I can't imagine being 21 years old in the same situation.

WallaceinAnderland · 17/05/2025 17:08

Yes, I think you are too old and it's not fair on the child.